Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

SERPENTS SINGLES GROUP CHAT

Lawson: HAYESY. Why'd you run away after praccy today? I had questions!

Keller: Probably because he's tired of looking at your ugly mug.

Lawson: My mug is NOT ugly. Rory thinks I'm hot.

Keller: Your mom thinks I'm hot.

Locke: Oh god.

Fox: Here we go.

Lawson: Actually, just this morning, my mom told me she's looking forward to this season but maintains that you, Kells, should have been traded over the summer.

Keller: Weird. Because she told me this morning that she wished she had swallowed.

Locke: OH FUCK.

Fox: Damn. He WENT there.

Hayes: Shit, I think even I might have to dip out of this one.

Hutch: Dude.

Keller: Holy shit. I think I might have actually gotten Lawson to shut the fuck up.

Lawson: Oh, don't worry. I'm still here. Just trying to figure out which of your legs I should break. Which one are you more partial to, left or right?

Keller: Please. Like you could ever get close enough to hurt me. I'm too fast for you.

Lawson: Yeah, right. We all know I'm the fastest one.

Keller: Bullshit.

Lawson: Want to bet? Race tomorrow?

Fox: I feel like I'm back in elementary school right now, two idiots seeing who is the fastest on the playground.

Hutch: You definitely have the idiots part right.

Locke: I'm betting Keller wins.

Lawson: WHITLOCKE! HOW DARE YOU!

Lawson: And to think I looked up to you.

Locke: You did not.

Locke: Did you?

Lawson: Well, now you'll never know.

Lawson: We're racing tomorrow, Kells, and I'm going to wipe the ice with you.

Keller: Fucking bet.

Lawson: Hayes? You still there?

Lawson: Hayesy?

Lawson: Here, Hayesy Hayesy! Here, boy!

Hayes: I'm not one of your dogs.

Hayes: What do you want?

Lawson: Um, did you not scroll up? I had a question and you bolted after praccy.

Hayes: Because I was tired of looking at your ugly mug.

Lawson: So you did scroll up, then. Good.

Lawson: How's it going with the new nanny? Has she ripped into you again? Because, man, that was a HOOT.

Hayes: Shut up.

Fox: It really was funny…

Hayes: Shut. Up.

Lawson: Well, is she working out?

Locke: I'm curious too.

Hutch: I'm curious AND pissed that I missed the kid getting his ass chewed.

Lawson: It was glorious. Next time, I'll take a video, and I'm positive there will be a next time.

Keller: I know someone else who deserves having their ass chewed.

Lawson: Can we not talk about your weird butt-biting kink right now? We're focusing on Hayesy.

Lawson: So…?

Hayes: She's working out. Flora loves her.

Lawson: And you?

Hayes: Do I love her?

Lawson: No, you shit-for-brains. How do YOU feel about her?

Hayes: I don't know. She's fine, I guess. Been busy with hockey. Haven't been paying her much attention.

Hutch: Hmm.

Hayes: What's that supposed to mean?

Hutch: Nothing.

Hayes: That didn't seem like nothing, so come on. Just say whatever you want to say.

Hutch: It really was nothing.

Hayes: Whatever.

Lawson: Someone's testy.

Keller: Probably needs to get laid.

Lawson: Is that why you're always grumpy, Kells? Because you need to get laid?

Keller: I got laid this morning. When your mom was at my house.

Fox: Damn, Lawsy. You walked right into that one.

Locke: Even I don't feel bad for you on that.

Lawson: You know, one of these days, you're going to meet my mother and you're going to feel terrible for ever saying such awful things about her. She's a lovely lady.

Hayes: Brave of you to let him meet her after everything he's said about her.

Keller: Aw, it's so sweet you're a momma's boy, Lawsy. Warms my fucking heart.

Lawson: Proud of it, too.

Fox: I also love my mother.

Hutch: Mine's the best.

Locke: My mom just sent me a box of homemade oatmeal cookies, so I'm pretty sure MY mom is the best.

Lawson: See, Kells? It's cool to love moms.

Keller: I love moms plenty. I just loved yours last night.

Lawson: That's it. I'm leaving the group chat.

Keller: FINALLY!

Lawson: Who am I kidding? I love you fuckers too much.

Lawson: Group hug?

Hutch: Fuck no.

Locke: Not happening.

Hayes: No fucking way.

Fox: I'll hug you, Lawsy.

Lawson: Knew I could count on you, Foxy.

Lawson: What? No comment, Kells?

Keller: Was just trying to find the most eloquent way to say I'd rather drink acid than ever touch you, but I think that about covers it.

Lawson: You love me. Just admit it already.

Keller: Absolutely not.

Hutch: I don't know. I saw you laugh at one of his jokes at praccy earlier.

Keller: Correction: You saw me laugh at HIM, not his joke. Big difference.

Hayes: That is a big difference.

Lawson: You're taking HIS side, Hayes? WTF?

Hayes: No.

Hayes: Well, sort of.

Lawson: And to think I loved you the most.

Hayes: You did not.

Lawson: You're right. I didn't. I love Fox the most.

Fox: Aw, thanks, man! I love you too!

Hutch: Now I'm curious. Who do you love second most?

Lawson: It goes: Foxy, Hayesy, then Lockey and Hutchy are tied.

Locke: We're tied? Why?

Hutch: How am I not higher? We're dating twins, for fuck's sake!

Lawson: *shrugs* Is what it is.

Fox: You left off Keller.

Lawson: But did I?

Keller: Don't worry. The feeling is mutual.

Hayes: Can't believe I'm second to Fox. That's bullshit.

Fox: I'm still so honored.

Locke: I'm a little offended I haven't beaten Hutch out in some way. There's no way we're tied.

Lawson: Too bad. You are.

Locke: I demand a recount!

Hayes: Me too!

Fox: I'm personally good with our ranking.

Locke: Shut up, Foxy.

Fox: Aw, come on. Let's all play nice now.

Keller: When do we ever play nice?

Lawson: IDK but we should start because you're awfully mean to me, Kells.

Hutch: He's just mean because he loves you.

Keller: TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!

Locke: Aw, that's cute, Kells. You love Lawson.

Keller: Do fucking not.

Hayes: You do too. Just admit it.

Keller: Never.

Fox: I don't know. I think you might.

Keller: I hate you all.

Lawson: I don't. I'm actually enjoying this quite a lot. It's nice not being the one who gets picked on for a change.

Hutch: Can it, Lawson.

Locke: Yeah, shut up.

Hayes: Fuck off, Lawsy.

Fox: Pipe down!

Lawson: Aw, man. You too, Fox?

Fox: You're right. I'm sorry.

Keller: Fox, you wimp!

Fox: Sorry!

Lawson: Keller, stop being mean or we're kicking you out of the group.

Keller: FINALLY!

Lawson: I'm just kidding. We love you too much.

Hayes: We love you, Kells.

Hutch: Love you, man.

Locke: Love you.

Fox: Love ya, bud.

Keller: Son of a bitch. Look what you started, Lawsy!

Lawson: I LOVE YOU, TOO, KELLER!