21. Dean

21

DEAN

D eirdre had left her lilies behind.

Dean didn't notice until she and Juan were long gone, he'd let Bingo out twice, and played knock-over-the-blocks with Aaron about three hundred times.

It probably wasn't personal, Dean decided, moving the vase aside on the table to set it for two. It was a long trip to Madison for a vase in a car already crowded with boxes. It had been a pretty stupid gift.

"We're having hot dish!" Dean told Aaron, as cheerfully as he could manage. "With tater tots on top!"

He composed the casserole in the dish that Deirdre had finally washed on the day she hadn't wanted to tell him that she'd met her mate, layering frozen vegetables and chunks of chicken in the creamy base and then covering it all with carefully arranged potato nuggets. Deirdre had always dumped them chaotically on top and sorted them as little as possible. Dean put them in perfect, evenly spaced rows. Aaron wanted to help, and they ended up with something in-between.

After they'd eaten, Dean put the leftovers in a dozen Tupperware containers, froze half of them, and promptly washed The Dish. He gave Aaron a bath and put him in bed.

"Where's Mommy?" Aaron wanted to know, like he'd only just noticed that she wasn't there.

"Mommy's with Juan in Madison," Dean reminded him. "We're going to take turns tucking you in from now on."

Aaron had no problem with that. He did have a problem with going to sleep.

"THIRSTY!" was his first try. Dean brought him a glass of water.

"More book!" was his second attempt. Dean read him Chicka Chicka Boom Boom for the seven hundredth time and he fell asleep halfway through.

Dean shut the door and waited in the hallway until he was sure Aaron wasn't going to wake up again.

Bingo met him at the bottom of the stairs and Dean sank down on the second-to-the last step to pet him. The dog's tail wagged furiously and he whined in joy as Dean scratched his ears and stroked the places where his fur had grown back in different directions.

Other than the dog's happy groans, the house was quiet and felt all wrong without Deirdre.

How could he do it? How could he let her go? How would he ever be happy without her?

Dean stood up and paced the house, staring at the blank places on the walls where her favorite art had been. The Afghan from the couch was gone. Her side of the mudroom closet was gapingly empty. She'd left the coffee pot, and the fish-shaped serving tray they'd gotten as a wedding present. The fancy trivets were gone. Dean had hated those trivets…and missed them now.

Bingo followed him around from room to room, pressing close to his knees and looking up at Dean with big, vacant, adoring eyes.

Every so often, Dean would reach down and pet him, and Bingo's tail would go mad.

Deirdre had been the glue that held him together, he feared. Now that he didn't have her beside him, what did he have? Dean went to the fridge and stared at the beer. There wasn't enough there to dull the pain in his chest, and he wanted to stay alert in case Aaron called for him, anyway. He gave Bingo a cheese curd and closed the fridge. There was a photo of their wedding in a magnetic frame that he found himself staring at.

Deirdre.

She was his Deer-deer. He was her Dean-bear. He loved her so much at that moment that his heart cracked in his chest.

Without realizing it, Dean was sitting on the floor facing the fridge and Bingo was eagerly washing his face, whining and clambering into his lap. It was hard to feel sorry for himself with the pathetic dog wriggling happily in his arms, and Dean hushed him and hugged him so he wouldn't wake up Aaron.

After a while, he could get up again.

He left Deirdre's lilies on the table for days, until they were dead and shedding petals, and finally threw them away.

Author's note: to follow the timeline and read Dean's happy ever after, read Bearly Together next! You can also get a free bonus short story that occurs between the end of Bearly Together and the epilogue. Grab Jump Scare here !