Chapter 4

Four

When I was a child, I remember watching my parents together. Their relationship was toxic and volatile. They were always going at each other's throats, and it wasn't abnormal for them to take their anger out on each other or me with their fists. No matter how often they fought though, they stayed together. I thought they were in love until I grew up and realized what it really was.

That was the moment I knew I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to give another person that much control over me. Nor did I ever want to be the type of man my father is.

So I ran off and joined the Irish Westies. It didn't take long to prove myself useful in Ireland, so when I requested a transfer to the States, they were more than happy to let me go. Especially when Shane needed additional men to keep a hold in Chicago.

It's been a long time since then. The world has changed so much. Shane is long gone, and I'm getting married. My family doesn't even know I'm alive, but I know they are. It's the one thing I've kept tabs on back home. I want to know when that man dies.

I rub my chest a little at the thought. Not of Shane being dead, nor my father. Fuck them both, but getting married is giving me heartburn. Why does it feel like a noose is being tightened around my neck?

"It's time to get into position. You ready?" Tristano asks.

No. I'm not. For half a second, I wonder if he really does have that getaway car ready for me. I would never actually take it, but I'm tempted.

"Never been more ready," I murmur.

"I'm going to go sit with Emily and Connor. You'll do great out there. Remember, this might seem like the end of the world, but you're saving that girl's life," Callum tells me before slipping out into the main area of the church.

"Saving her life, huh? You think that earns you some kickass hate sex?" Tris jokes.

I snort. "Girl's an ice princess. Doubt anything about her is hot."

It's a lie of course. Just the thought of bending her ass over and fucking this frustration out of me has my dick stirring to life. Her attractiveness has never been the issue. In fact, when I first met her, I attempted to give her the good ol' Declan charm that most women love.

"Since you'll be living across the hall from me, don't hesitate to knock if you need anything. A cup of sugar, or maybe just some sugar?" I wink at the gorgeous woman in front of me.

She frowns. "Will I not be allowed my own groceries? Will I need to come to you for those items?"

The confused look on her face makes her look cute as fuck. Reaching out, I go to brush the hair from her face, but she flinches, making me pull back.

"It was a joke. Of course you will have freedoms. A guard will be with you at all times, and I suggest you stay away from any Yakuza members for the time being, but you will be allowed to go grocery shopping, or if you want, I could take you to dinner sometime." I give her my best smile.

Her eyes narrowed then. I think she's finally getting it.

I'm waiting for the yes to slip from her mouth. Only it doesn't.

"I would rather carve the eyes out of my head than willingly spend any time with a man like you." It snaps out of her quickly, but then her hand flies to her mouth like she can't believe she said it.

Neither can I. Up to this point, she has been demure. I kind of like the sass.

"Is that so? Am I that bad to look at?" I tease.

Then I see it. The wall erects right in front of my eyes. All emotions leave her as ice wafts from her.

"Your looks have nothing to do with it. I just don't want to willingly spend my time with such a vile man. I might be here without choice, but I will never willingly submit to you. I would rather die first. I don't care what my father promised, I won't go willingly."

She rejected me so hard that I think that was the moment this hateship started. From that moment on, neither of us could be civil with one another.

Not that I would have wanted more than a quick fuck. That's all I have ever allowed in the past. She wasn't having it, so neither was I.

She wanted to sass at me and throw insults my way, I was willing to give them back.

I won't lie, I enjoyed watching her confidence grow with each barb. It became like a game to me. See what I could get her to say next. Sure, she annoys the fuck out of me, but I oddly enjoyed our verbal sparring. I think she does too. Not that either of us would admit it.

Now here I am marrying a woman who hates my guts. My life is coming full circle. The cycle my parents started was doomed to repeat itself.

"Are you sure you don't want to shave?" Tristano questions.

I rub my hand over my jaw as I shake my head. I'm not changing my appearance for anybody, let alone a fake wife.

"Well, I tried. Let's go then, buddy." He walks out with me to the altar.

We decided to keep our wedding party small. Tris as my best man, Autumn as her maid of honor. In the front row on my side is Callum with his daughter Emily. Beside him is Connor, Emily's guard, along with Serena, Tristano's girlfriend.

Surprisingly, Cleo is sitting on Nikita's side with Kenji, Miya, and Kado sitting next to her. Haruaki is nowhere to be found, though.

"Where is Haruaki?" I hiss at Tristano.

That man is up to no good. He is probably back there terrorizing my future wife now.

"Stop worrying so much. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. You're about to marry the love of your life. Enjoy it."

I snort. "It's not love, Tris. This isn't a fairy tale."

"You don't love her yet. Give it time. You will."

I roll my eyes at his optimism. Ever since he found Serena and made her his, he has been on me to find a woman too. He seems to think this fucked-up situation is that moment for me. I can't see myself ever loving any woman, let alone Nikita.

I have a feeling this marriage will be another way for her to get under my skin every chance she can get.

Why am I kind of looking forward to it?

The organ starts to play, indicating the wedding is starting. My hands are sweating. Fuck. I'm actually nervous.

I wish I could say that I was sure Nikita was going to come through those doors, but I'm not positive. She could run at any moment, and could I blame her? Not really. Why would she want to be locked into a marriage with me?

More importantly, why does the thought of her running make my stomach hurt?

Yet a few minutes after Autumn comes floating down the aisle, all smiles, the doors open again.

There she is.

Goddamn, she looks gorgeous. With a skin-tight white dress that looks like the silk sheets that Tristano had sent to my place, she looks like one of those ancient goddesses from Greek mythology.

Her jet-black hair is pulled up, but the curls fall around her face, drawing my attention to those bright red lips begging to be bit.

I have noticed how pretty Nikita is before, but the woman standing before me isn't only pretty. She is a bombshell. My dick agrees. He's now standing to attention, begging to meet my future wife.

It's not until she's standing in front of me, her eyes on mine, that I realize she didn't walk down the aisle alone.

"Who may I ask is giving the bride away?" the old catholic priest asks.

He's a family friend who has come out here to clean up the rest of the congregation here after some priests were accused of some vile crimes. Of course we took care of that, but we had to install our own men here to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

"I do." Haruaki kisses Nikita's hand before placing it in mine.

She's slightly shaking, but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at her. She has her ice palace built up so high that there's no way she will be letting a single emotion through.

"You look beautiful," I whisper to her.

She nods once before looking down at our hands.

Okay then. Guess my bride doesn't care for compliments. How are we going to make this work when she doesn't even want to look at me?

"Shall we begin?" the priest asks me.

I nod.

Might as well get this shitshow over with. Delaying the inevitable will not change the outcome.

So instead, I rub my thumb on Nikita's hand. It calms her shaking slightly, making me smile.

Neither one of us is happy about this, but after today, one thing is true.

We are in this together, and I will never let anything bad happen to my new wife.

Today is my wedding day.It's supposed to be a happy day. The best day of a girl's life. Or so the media would have you believe.

Instead, I'm frightened. Scared out of my mind. Not that I'm letting it show.

Thankfully, Autumn is here. I don't trust her, but she's been kind. Besides, she brought her baby with her. Emily is such a happy little girl. I love being around her. I love even more that Autumn basically lets me hang out with her while she gets me ready.

She's hired someone to do my hair and makeup. She's had the dress she chose fitted and delivered. She picked out the flowers and the color scheme. She even sent out the invites since I had no one I wanted here. Yet even though she picked everything, it is all things I think I would have picked for myself had this been something I actually wanted to do. The dress fits me perfectly. Makes me feel beautiful. The hairstyle she chose is so elegant, it makes me feel a lot classier than I am. Even the makeup feels natural.

I've never had this before. This feeling that I'm actually worth something. It made me hold Emily closer to me, scared it would all be ripped away.

Then the guard came and took the baby away. He said it was almost time for the wedding. I hated letting her go, but I knew I had to. Maybe Declan would allow me to have one of my own one day. Then I would have something to live for like my sister said. It's the one thing I am holding onto through all of this. It might not be a marriage I want, but in some ways, I chose it myself. Maybe that gives me a small amount of power to request something of him. Maybe if I can please him enough he will want to reward me.

I knew the wedding was starting soon. My nerves were on edge. I was sure my side of the chapel would be empty.

Then Haruaki showed up. He sent Autumn down the aisle on her own. He didn't say a word to me. Only held his arm out for me to hold.

So I took it. I took it and I prayed to God he couldn't feel the shaking in my limbs. If he did, he didn't say anything.

Then the doors opened, and I saw him.

Declan.

He was standing there staring at me with this look in his eyes that I've never seen in another man's eyes before. He looked at me as if it were the very first time he'd seen me. I look him over in his tux, and damn, the man cleans up nice. Declan is not an unattractive man. He's got brown eyes, dark hair, and his face is covered in stubble. He's taller than me, and it's evident that he works out by the way he fills out a tux.

His only downfall is that he's a man, and I've learned you can't trust them. So even though he looks good enough to eat, I won't forget who I am marrying. He doesn't love me, nor do I love him. He could turn into a vicious, violent man. I'm going to have to have sex with him tonight. For the first time, I am going to have sex.

The shaking intensifies as Haruaki kisses my hand before handing me off to Declan.

I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Sex isn't for pleasure in my world. I have never even touched myself, too scared to accidentally take my own virginity. What is he going to think of me?

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I made the choice to marry him. That's how I ended up here. Standing in front of a crowd of people with Declan. Surprisingly, there are people on my side of the church. Haruaki and his wife are there, along with Miya, Kenji, and Kado. Behind them are several other people I've never met, but it gives the illusion that I'm not alone. That I'm not unwanted.

Declan whispers something to me, but my ears have grown fuzzy. I nod to him, keeping my eyes down. I can't hear a thing the priest says.

Then Autumn nudges me. I look back, then up to the priest.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat?" I ask.

"Of course, child. Do you take Declan to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love and cherish him, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him, for so long as you both shall live?"

I swallow hard. "I do."

"Do you have the rings, Declan?" the priest asks.

He must have already asked Declan to say I do, and I missed it. Declan turns to the man beside him. Tristano. I remember meeting him once before at Declan's place. He was funny. Not that I let him know that.

I never let any emotions show. Emotions equal pain.

Declan holds out a black band for me to take. Then he takes my hand and slides on the wedding band set he chose for me. It's white gold with a red gem in the center and black gems around the sides. It's beautiful. I expected something big and flashy. This is understated. Something I actually like. It makes my heart do this funny pitter-patter thing I've never felt before.

He says something, but I'm too busy sliding his ring on his finger, making everyone laugh. I don't know what I did wrong, but Declan just keeps stroking my hand with his thumb. That thumb that hasn't stopped since he grabbed my hand. It's centered me. Kept me anchored to the moment even if I can't hear through the blood pumping in my veins. Taking another deep breath, I focus on the man in front of me.

He gives me a small smile.

It's eerie to see him smile at me like this. We have been enemies since I moved in. Since I let my lips move before my brain could catch up.

I expected to be beat that day, but instead, he took it as a personal challenge to prod me every chance he got. He never got physical with me, but his verbal jabs were ruthless.

I give him a small smile back, thinking about it.

I have never spoken back to anyone before, but doing it to him gives me a small thrill. It's like I'm pushing him to see him react and expecting him to hurt me, but he never does. He only dishes it back to me.

That reminder has my nerves finally settling. I can do this. I can marry this man.

My ears clear as the priest keeps talking.

Then I hear the words I've been dreading.

"You may kiss your wife."

Declan pulls me gently toward him. More gently than I anticipated, which actually makes me fall into him. He chuckles a little before cupping my face.

"I'm sorry this had to be our first kiss," he whispers right before his lips meet mine.

He doesn't kiss me deeply like I've seen in the movies. His hands don't even wander like my sister said they might.

Instead, it's a quick, chaste kiss that lasts half a second. Then he's pulling back, his arm going around my shoulders as he leads me down the aisle out of the church.

I know people are cheering around us as they throw rose petals at us, but I can't focus on that. My mind is filled with him.

One chaste kiss, but it lit me on fire. I've never been kissed before. Not once. Not even a peck on my cheek from my sister or father. Father had always required everyone to be hands-off. No one was allowed to touch me but him, and that was only when he was causing me pain.

I've never felt the tingly feeling that I feel now before.

If I had known it would make me feel like that, I would have done it a lot sooner.

"Are you ready to go to the reception? They will want to take photos too," Declan whispers to me as we stop next to a black town car.

I look up at him, realizing my hands are still on my lips. I don't even know how they got there.

I pull them away quickly and nod.

I let him help me into the car as my mind races. I wasn't supposed to have feelings for him, but one kiss from him, and I feel like my carefully constructed walls are shaking. The emotions I try so hard to keep at bay are bubbling over.

I can't trust this man. He is going to turn into the monster I've always feared. My sister wouldn't have lied to me. Especially with the proof tattooed on her skin in the form of bruises and scars.

It takes me a few minutes, but eventually my heart calms down. My thoughts start to settle, and those emotions go back into their boxes.

Still, my lips are tingling.

What the hell is happening to me?