Chapter 15

Fifteen

"After you," I say to Nikita as I hold my apartment door open for her.

Only Nikita doesn't move. Her gaze is stuck on her place.

"Hey."

She turns toward me with a dazed look in her eyes. "Did you say something?"

"Let's go inside and order dinner."

Nikita has been quiet since we found the tracking chip. They were smart, I'll give them that. They did take her appendix out and then inserted the chip just under the skin next to the scar. You could feel it, but unless you knew what to look for, you would have thought it was a bit of scar tissue.

Nikita had no clue. Her father had a way of tracking her at all times, and she had no idea. Even had she tried to escape him, he would have found her. Without her knowing about it, she would have never been able to stop him.

Not anymore. We took care of that.

Still, it makes me angry thinking about it.

She points over her shoulder. "Are you sure I can't go to my place?"

I start shaking my head before she can even finish asking the question. "It's not safe. You are staying with me."

Nikita sighs, her shoulders dropping as she brushes past me, heading into my apartment.

I hate how dejected she looks. I'm used to her ice princess routine, but all day today she has been pretty open. She's let her emotions flow freely, making me wonder if she feels broken. I don't want her to put her walls back up, but I also don't want her hurting.

"What sounds good for dinner?" I ask as I lock the door behind her.

I turn, finding her looking at my newly-cleaned apartment. I had one of the guards, Liam, come clean it up while we were out.

"I'm open for anything." She's frowning now.

I bite back my frustration, reminding myself it's not every day that someone not only has to be locked in a room, under attack, but also have to have a full physical examination, only to find that someone implanted a tracking device into you without your consent.

"We can order Mexican, Italian, ramen, Chinese, or pizza. Do any of those sound good to you?"

Nikita rubs her arms. "Ramen, but if it doesn't sound good to you, order whatever you want and I can adjust."

"Ramen it is. Do you have any preferences?" I tell her as I pull out my phone.

"I'm fine as long as it's not too spicy. Oh, and if you could order an extra side of the toppings for me, that would be great."

"Got it."

"Would you mind if I changed? I'm so cold." She's rubbing her arms still.

It's not really cold in my apartment. I have the heat on, considering it's January in Chicago, which only makes me worry more. Is she coming down with something, or is it a comfort thing?

Fuck, I'm out of my depth here. I don't know how to handle a wife. I'm tempted to call Callum, but I don't.

"Go ahead," I say as I sit down on the couch.

While she's in the bedroom, I place an order for the two most popular ramens from the local restaurant and the extra toppings, along with some sides.

"It will be here in thirty minutes," I say when I feel her step back into the room.

"Okay."

I turn to ask her something, but my mind goes blank when I see her.

"I hope it's okay. I didn't have anything long-sleeved, and I'm freezing," she says as she plays with the hem of the shirt.

She's wearing one of my old hoodies that is worn and frayed. The faded maroon looks amazing against her skin tone and dark hair. It does something to me seeing her in my clothes, and I don't know how to explain it. Then my eyes trail down to her legs. They are covered in the same stretchy material as before. The kind that accentuates her ass perfectly.

Fuck, she looks like a wet dream.

I clear my throat. "It's fine. Make yourself at home. What's mine is yours."

Nikita nods and sits down on the other end of the couch. I'm unable to look away as she grabs the blanket off the back of the couch that Tristano placed there and places it over her legs.

"Are you sure it's okay?" she asks after a moment.

I'm still stuck in the fantasy in my head. The one that wants to devour her.

I shake my head. "Huh?"

Nikita tilts her head and studies me. "Are you okay?"

"I should be the one asking you that. You're the one whose father has tried to kill her not once but twice in less than twenty-four hours."

At least, we think that might have been the motivation. I'm still not sold on it, though. Why only send three guys? I think he was trying to gauge our system. See if there are any weaknesses.

Nikita shrugs. "Okay is all relative in the grand scheme of things. As for my father, nothing he does surprises me anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Nikita chooses her words carefully. "My father is a man who does things only if they benefit him. When you think you have him figured out, just know he is ten steps ahead of that. Like with my mother, for example. He made grand promises to her to convince her to leave Greece, but it was all a lie. He had no interest in marrying her, but he led her along until she was no longer useful to him. She gave him her youth and two children, but it wasn't good enough for him."

"Why not?"

"He wanted an heir, and she gave him daughters."

"Technically, both your sister and you are his heirs."

Nikita rolls her eyes. "He wanted sons."

"Where is your mother now?" I ask as I'm hit with a sense of dread.

"He killed her when she tried to leave him."

"You were so close to escaping him." I sigh, thinking about where she would be had she made it out.

"Why do you say that?"

"Surely she tried taking you and your sister when she left."

Nikita shakes her head. "She did not, actually. She had tucked us into bed and promised she would see us in the morning. My sister and I were woken by two guards in the middle of the night and dragged out of our beds to his office. She was beaten with blood streaming down the side of her forehead, and he made her confess that she was leaving us behind. She told us she loved us but that she loved herself more. After we heard what he wanted us to hear, he put a bullet in her head."

"In front of you?" I ask, completely horrified.

"Yes."

I run my hand over my mouth, completely unsure of how to respond. "Nikita, you know that's not normal, right?"

"I didn't, but I do now. At least, that's not how it works here with you. I don't see Callum ever doing that to Autumn or Emily."

"Never. We protect our family. That means you too, Nikita. You are our family. My family."

She nods solemnly. "That's one of the reasons why I want children now. I always wanted them, but I was scared to consider it before. Now I want them. I want to give them a life I never had."

Wait, what? How did the conversation turn from death to babies?

"You want kids?" I sputter out.

"I do. Desperately, and I hope you're willing to give me one." She looks me dead in the eye.

She's serious. She wants to have children with me? What happened to this not being real?

Like you haven't been treating her like your real wife.

The thought is unbidden, but even when I tried to stay away, I still checked on her like Callum checks on Autumn. I still watched her. She just didn't know about it.

This is insanity, though. Children?

"Me?" I ask, touching my chest, my mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"We are married…" she says slowly.

She's unsure if that means she can ask this of me.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out.

Speechless.

She's left me absolutely speechless.

Do I want kids? I didn't even want a wife. Kids had never even factored into any of this. I'm still trying to wrap my head around having a wife, and now said wife wants children?

This is too much. Yet, the idea isn't a turn-off. If anything, the idea of her pregnant with my child has my dick hard in my pants. He wants Nikita. Hell, I want Nikita.

Not like this, though.

Honestly, I don't like how it makes me feel knowing she just wants to fuck me for my sperm. That's what she's proposing right now. She wants me to have sex with her so we can have a child.

It makes me feel dirty. Used.

I didn't want to like my wife, but I'm starting to. I was hoping she was starting to like me too. Especially after how open she has been today.

Now, I have no idea how to feel.

I'm saved from answering when there's a knock on the door. I jump up from the couch like my ass is on fire and answer the door.

"Thanks, man," the delivery driver says as I slip him a twenty and take the bags.

"You're welcome. Have a good night." I shut the door and lock it before turning back to Nikita.

"How about we stick a pin in this conversation for now and just eat our dinner? Okay?"

A dejected look crosses Nikita's face. "Of course."

Damn if that look isn't a punch to the gut.

Why do I want to do whatever it takes to make her smile?

This isn't me.

It could be, though.

My wife wants a child?

I'm not as opposed to it as I thought, but I won't bring a child into a loveless marriage. If she wants to have children, then she has only one choice.

My wife needs to fall in love with me.

How to seduce a man.

I scan the article and sigh. It says what the other ten articles I've read said. Be confident, touch them often, tell them what you want, make eye contact, and more.

I don't know why, but I thought once I told Declan what I wanted that things would change between us, especially with us living together.

Only he has been keeping his distance from me. I thought he would want to have sex with me. It's not like it would happen in one go. We would likely have to do it a lot to get pregnant.

I won't lie, that's the main objective, but a little part of me wants to feel that burst of pleasure that he gave me on our wedding night.

I have tried to recreate it with my hands, but no amount of research has brought me that pleasure.

Still, I think I spooked him. Instead of bringing us closer, it has put a wedge between us. He still watches me when he is around, but he doesn't touch me. Not the way I want at least. He has taken my hand a few times.

I hate it. Not the handholding. The distance.

The worst part is I don't know how to change it. I've never spent much time with a man alone let alone tried to tempt one into fucking me on the wall or over the arm of the couch. I'm a virgin for Christ's sake. At least, I have never had sex with a man. Our wedding night, I don't think counts.

It's been a week since I moved in with him. Since the attack. Since I asked for what I wanted.

A week of this tension between us. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I almost miss the bickering we used to do. I'm too scared to snap at him, though. Scared that he will send me away.

If this is what it is like to live in your feelings, I want to go back. I want to push it all down and lock those boxes back up. Only it doesn't seem to work anymore. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop feeling.

After day three of distance, I decided to do some research. I read that lingerie can make you feel sexy and boost your confidence. So I bought it. I used the robe I bought with it and arranged for him to see me in both. He looked, but then he made an excuse and left.

I didn't like that, so I didn't try it again. When he's been home, I've tried to be close to him. I don't crowd him, but I give him plenty of opportunity to touch me. That's when the hand touches have happened. I have savored every one of them.

Still, he hasn't made a move.

When he talks, I maintain eye contact, and when we walk past each other, I make sure to reach out and brush my fingers over whatever body part is close. He doesn't respond, so I'm not sure he likes it.

I've taken the time and made dinner every night and gotten up when he does in the morning to make his coffee while he gets ready for the day.

Hell, just last night, I purposely left the laundry basket of clean clothes in the living room and walked out in nothing but a towel. My hair was in a bun that took more time than I'm willing to admit, and my body was slathered in body oil. I bent down right in front of him to grab clothes from the basket, and while his eyes were brimming with what I think was desire, he didn't move a muscle. He didn't grab me around the waist and pull me down into his lap like I secretly wanted him to.

He left again after that.

I'm fucking trying and nothing.

I don't know if it's me that's the problem or him. I'm tempted to call Autumn and ask her, but I'm not sure if I can handle the embarrassment. I like Autumn. She's kind. What if she sees whatever Declan sees and decides I'm not worth it?

Hell, this morning I thought I heard Declan groaning in the shower. He is probably taking care of himself in there, which begs the question. Why would he do it himself when he has a willing woman here to service him? I thought men preferred to have the woman do the work.

It turned me on knowing he was in there naked and likely touching himself. Still, I couldn't get myself off, though.

I don't know what to do, and I have no one to ask. Even Google isn't much help, or if it is, it's getting lost in translation.

Maybe I should set him up. Every day he texts me when he's on his way home to ask if I need anything. When he walks through the door, I could be naked and playing with myself. Surely that would force his hand. The real question is, am I brazen enough to try it?

Knowing my luck, he would turn around and leave once again. I'm tired of him leaving. It's a hit to a girl's ego. Not that I had much confidence before, but his constantly rejecting me is making me wonder what is wrong with me.

I toss myself back onto the bed and groan.

This is ridiculous. It shouldn't be this hard to seduce your husband.

My phone rings, pulling me out of my downward spiral.

"Hello?" I ask, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hey Nikita, it's Autumn. How are you doing?"

"How do you seduce a man?" I blurt out.

"Uh…" Autumn stutters.

"Never mind." I shake my head even though she can't see me. "I am well. How are you?"

"Answer the video call, please."

I pull the phone away from my face and accept the video call.

"You honestly can't think we could just brush by you asking me how to seduce a man," Autumn tells me as soon as the call connects.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I look away from the camera before glancing back.

A look that looks a lot like pity crosses Autumn's face. "I take it things haven't changed?"

"No…"

"And you told him what you want?"

"I told him I want children."

Autumn's eyebrows wing up. "Please tell me before that, you told him that you want to get to know him and see where this goes. That you find him attractive and would like to explore that part of your relationship more."

I shrug but don't say anything.

"Oh Nikita, you can't just jump from zero to sixty. While he's a red-blooded male with a dick, you can't expect him to just say okay. You have to plant the seed and make him think it's his idea. He probably feels like a piece of meat right now." She sighs.

"All the articles I read said that men like it when the woman makes the first move. I'm making the moves. He is not reciprocating them. I think something is wrong with me. He doesn't want me," I admit, hating the burning sensation in my eyes.

Autumn starts shaking her head before I can even finish the sentence. "That's where you're wrong. There is no doubt in my mind that Declan wants you. You don't see the way he looks at you. Not every guy is the same, though. Not all are going to want you to throw yourself at them. Some need more connection. Especially since you are married. This isn't a one-night stand. What else did this article tell you to do?"

Autumn's attention doesn't waver from me, even when Emily crawls into her lap while I tell her what I've tried.

"I think tonight I'm going to have him walk in on me masturbating. It's drastic, but it's the last thing I can think of," I tell her stoically.

Autumn's mouth drops, and she stares at me wide-eyed.

"Do you think it's a bad idea?" I ask after a few beats of silence.

My nerves are frayed. I have no idea what I'm doing. She is my only friend.

Autumn rapidly blinks. "I mean, it's bold, and if you want to do that, I say go for it…"

"But…"

"I think it might do the opposite of what you want. It might make him feel pressured. Especially since you already let it slip you want a kid. Do you think maybe he could feel like you are using him?"

I hadn't thought about that. I had thought maybe he didn't want children, but even if he didn't, I could raise the baby. He wouldn't have to be involved. Then again, he hasn't let me go back to work, so maybe it's a financial thing? I probably can't support a baby on a waitress's salary.

I groan. "I don't know what to do. Why is this so hard?"

"I have an idea."

"I'll try anything."

Autumn smiles. "Let's have a girls' night. I'll call Cleo and Miya and we can get together. We can help you come up with a game plan. Something better than masturbating in plain view. Could you imagine if he has someone with him? That would be a disaster."

I wince at her words. He does sometimes have one of the guys with him when he comes to the door, though he never invites them inside. That would be embarrassing. I'm pretty sure the guys all think I'm a hussy as it is since I invited Henry and Benny over.

"You would do that for me?" I ask, touched that she would rally the girls for me.

Her offer is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me outside of Declan marrying me to keep me alive.

"Of course. What are friends for? I'll text you later with a time and place."

My heart stutters. Friends. I have always wanted a real friend.

I think Autumn is that for me. The protectiveness I have for her grows tenfold at the admission. I would have already given my life for her and her daughter, but now I would burn the world down for them. They are the only bright spots in my life right now. Well, them and Declan.

"I don't want to put any of you in danger," I admit softly.

Autumn rolls her eyes. "Our lives are dangerous, Nikita, because of the men we are married to. I hope you believe me when I tell you that none of us blame you for what's happened. Nor will we blame you for future shit. It's the life we chose when we married the men we did. It's something you will need to come to terms with."

I nibble on my lip. Autumn is sweet. She likes me. I think Cleo might too, but Miya looked at me with contempt in her eyes during the attack on Christmas. I don't think she cares for me much.

"Besides, Callum told me they destroyed the tracker that was inside of you. Which can I just say that's such a violation of privacy? Like what the hell? Anyway, we will go somewhere that all the guys approve of and have guards with us. It will be fine, okay?"

"If you're sure…"

"I am. Just say thank you, and we're good."

"Thank you. Now tell me, how are you?"

As Autumn rambles, my mind drifts. Maybe, just maybe, they can help me win Declan over.