Chapter 13

Thirteen

Nikita waits for me as I get out of the car.

"Everything okay?" I ask as I round the hood.

Nikita doesn't look away from Callum's home. "Are you sure it's a good idea for me to come here? I'm sure they blame me for ruining Christmas."

I sigh as I think back on that night. Nikita met Autumn, Callum's wife, and Cleo, Callum's sister, right before the holidays. I don't know what was said that day, but the next thing I knew was that Nikita was spending Christmas with us.

Tensions were already high when it was just going to be the Yakuza and the Westies celebrating together, but throwing in a Russian and it was a shitshow. That night, bullets went flying, fingers were pointed, and accusations and threats were made.

Nikita's life ended up being on the line, bringing us to now. Me marrying her to keep her alive.

I clear my throat, pushing thoughts of that night away. "Callum and Autumn both know that it wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it, though?"

"What do you mean?"

She shrugs. "Sins of a father are still my sins. I might not have been the one to put out the hit, but I'm guilty by association."

Stepping in front of her, I cup her face in my hands. "That's not true. Don't say that." I sigh. "Besides, you are no longer his. You are mine. That makes you family. You're an O'Brien now, so forget that pussy of a father of yours. In time, he will be dead."

Nikita sighs but nods. She steps out of my hands before walking toward the house. Instinctively, I place my hand on her lower back. I feel Nikita slightly pause under my hand, but she doesn't say anything and keeps moving.

Connor, Emily and Autumn's personal guard, opens the front door as we walk up the steps.

He nods toward Nikita before looking at me. "It's been a while since we have had a poker night."

"It has. We'll have to get together soon and catch up."

"Sounds like a plan. Everyone's in the kitchen," he says as we step inside.

"Are you staying here with the girls?" I ask as we walk deeper into the house.

"Nowhere else I would rather be," he tells us.

We walk into the kitchen, Autumn and Callum coming into view.

Callum's holding Autumn, and she looks up at him with hearts in her eyes as they talk softly. At the same time, they look over as we approach.

"Hey, Declan." Autumn smiles before looking over at Nikita. "Hi Nikita, it's been a while."

"It has. I hope me being here is okay," Nikita says softly.

Autumn waves her hand through the air. "Of course it is. You and I can have some girl time while the guys do whatever it is that they do." Autumn winks.

Callum chuckles while he looks at his wife adoringly before turning to Nikita. "You are welcome in our home, so please make yourself comfortable.

I can feel Nikita relax, but otherwise she doesn't give a sign. Her mask firmly in place once again.

"Thank you," she says sincerely to them.

Callum looks over at me. "Are you ready to go? The sooner we leave, the faster I can get back."

"Ready when you are," I tell my boss.

While Callum whispers his goodbyes to Autumn, I turn to Nikita.

"Text me if you need me. You have my number. Connor is here, but there are other guards outside as well."

Nikita looks at me and deadpans, "I'll stay away from windows."

My eyes widen as I choke out a laugh. That's the second joke she's made. At least, I think it's a joke.

"Please do. I'm slightly fond of you." I press a kiss to the top of her head, making her tense up.

"Only slightly? Damn, I'm not annoying you enough then. I'll have to do better." Some of the indifference fades from her tone, taking a more teasing one on.

I growl. "Don't even."

"Watch your back," she whispers before stepping away from me once again.

I kind of hate it.

"I will," I tell her.

Nikita's eyes drop to my mouth, and once again, tension builds between us. My eyes do the same, and I stare at her plump bottom lip. What I would give to be able to bite and then suck on it for teasing me the way it does.

"Ready," Callum says, breaking the moment.

I clear my throat and take a step back. "I'll see you soon."

The whip cracksthrough the air before hitting skin. The man cries out, his head hanging down to his chest.

"Are you going to tell us what we want to know?" Finn asks.

Finn knows how to get a man to talk and loves all kinds of torture. You never know what he's going to come up with next.

"N-Never," the man stutters in a broken accent.

I snort. This Russian scumbag is the one who shot the arrow. I'm almost sure of it, but he has yet to admit it. I got a couple licks in myself but stepped back. I want to murder the guy for daring to go after my wife, which I was likely to do. Hence, Finn stepping in. I'll still deal the final hit, though. I will take this man's life.

Finn chuckles darkly. "I wouldn't be so sure of that."

Callum shifts next to me as he watches the scene in front of us unfold. When we left his place earlier, we met with the foot soldiers and gave out orders. Go door to door looking for any possible lead in the small Russian community here in Chicago. Someone's bound to know something.

This asshole was dumb enough to be sitting in the old Russian bar which has turned into a biker dive bar and started bragging about the hit. I think he was under the assumption he actually killed my girl.

My fists clench.

Thank God he didn't.

The brand-new Chicago chapter of the Lotus MC is running the bar now. They work with us sometimes, so they made the call.

Not that we didn't reward them generously.

Especially since they held the guy until we could arrange a pickup.

Generous men, those MC guys.

"Finn, I think it's time to switch up tactics," Callum tells him.

A sinister look crosses Finn's face. "There's something I've been wanting to try."

"Fuck, I hate when he says shit like that," I whisper harshly.

The last time Finn said he wanted to try something, he castrated the man. He didn't do it all in one go, though. He peeled it away, one layer of skin at a time. My nuts hurt just watching it.

Callum chuckles softly. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to piss him off."

"Can you help me put him in the box?" Finn asks.

Callum slaps me on the back, pushing me forward. "You're up."

I shoot him a glare over my shoulder but step forward. Thankfully, our old friend here is in so much pain from being whipped on his back and chest that he doesn't put up a fight and goes into the wooden box that looks like a coffin easily.

Callum steps up next to me as Finn walks across the room. "I wonder what he has up his sleeve today."

"I guess we're about to find out," I say, shaking my head.

"Might want to step back," Finn tells us as he carries an unassuming five-gallon bucket.

He picks up the bucket and rests it on the wooden box and peels off the lid. Instantly, thousands of little spiders come falling out in clumps.

Callum and I both hiss as we step away.

Our prisoner instantly wakes up and starts thrashing as the spiders crawl all over him.

Finn laughs manically. "I've always wanted to test this on someone who has a fear of spiders."

I shake my head. "You're a little demented, Finn."

Finn's eyes light up. "Thank you."

The prisoner cries out, "Please, get me out of here! I'll tell you what you want to know. Just get me out of here first!"

Finn pouts. "That was too easy. You were supposed to hold out longer."

At the same time, an alert sounds on all three of our phones. We look at each other as we grab them.

At the same time, Callum and I start running toward the door.

"I'll let you know what he says," Finn yells behind us as we take off.

This man's death was supposed to be mine, but that doesn't matter. I don't even care what the man has to say.

My only concern is Callum's house is under attack.

The same home where my wife is currently at.

Fuck.

"Come on,let's go hang out in the living room," Autumn says as the guys walk away.

"You have a beautiful home," I tell her sincerely.

Autumn smiles wide. "Thank you. It's been fun putting it all together. "

"I can imagine."

"I annoy the hell out of Callum, though. I'm constantly changing it to meet the vibe of the energy that day. Nothing is ever where he thinks it should be." She lets out a small laugh.

I don't know how to explain it, but the place feels like a home. There are shelves with little knick-knacks and artwork on the walls. The thing I love the most, though, are the pops of color all throughout. Most people pick one or two colors, but not Autumn. She's got a little of every color. So much so, I would expect it to seem chaotic and like an art store threw up, but it doesn't feel that way at all.

"I like to play this game with Callum where I buy random things and see if he notices," she says, noticing my attention on the items she has arranged on the shelf.

I chuckle. "Does he?"

Autumn winks as she places Emily on a play mat. "Sometimes. Depends on where I place them. Please, sit down and make yourself at home."

I take a seat on the corner of the couch while she sits on the floor next to her daughter.

"So tell me, Nikita, how have you been?"

Usually when people ask you how you are, you know they are asking just to be polite, but with Autumn, you can tell she genuinely wants to know and cares.

"I've been better."

Her eyes fill with sympathy. "I can only imagine."

I shrug, trying to push down my discomfort. "It is what it is."

"I'm so sorry to hear about what happened last night. Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

"Not particularly." I swallow hard, moving to sit on the floor with her and Emily.

Emily crawls toward me, making me smile as I pick her up to hold her. It hurts like a bitch, but the baby snuggles are worth it.

"And Declan? How are things with you two?"

I tense. I'm not used to people asking such personal questions. Do I answer her honestly? Can I trust her?

"Fine." I manage to breathe out.

Autumn laughs, shaking her head. "I hope they are more than fine. This is the honeymoon period. You should barely be able to keep your hands off one another."

"Our relationship isn't like yours and Callum's," I admit softly, not sure why I do.

Didn't Declan tell me that in front of others he wanted to act like we were happy?

I'm just so tired of always acting. Always keeping the walls up and stuffing the emotions down. After last night, I don't want to do it anymore.

What harm would it cause to be honest with this woman? She's a great mother. I can tell by the way Emily crawls between us, wanting love from us both.

My heart aches at the thought. Love. I never knew what it was, but looking into this child's eyes, I see it. I want a love like this. Unconditional.

"No one's relationship is like Callum's and mine," she says with a dreamy look in her eyes. "Every relationship is different. It's up to the people in it to make it what it is. If you aren't happy with the way things are, then maybe you need to tell Declan. He's a good man."

She's said this before. I didn't believe it then, but thinking back to last night and this morning, I'm starting to see it. Could he really be different from the men I was raised around? Better than the one my sister was sold to?

Clearing my throat, I change the subject.

"How have you been?"

I can't help but track the way Autumn rests a hand on her stomach. "Nauseous, but fantastic. I have zero complaints."

"Are you sick?" I ask even though I suspect she isn't.

She shakes her head slowly. "Just pregnant."

A pang hits my chest.

I want that.

"Congratulations. I assume you are happy about it?" I offer a small smile.

It's weak. I haven't smiled much in my life. Still, I'm trying.

"Unbelievably so." She sighs. "And Callum is over the moon. Hell, I think if I let the man, he would keep me constantly pregnant."

"Sounds like a man." I deadpan, making her laugh. "Do you like being pregnant?"

I'm curious. I've never had anyone to talk to about these things. Never been around anyone who was pregnant. Even when my father's second wife was pregnant with my brother, I was kept away. I was only three, but I was kept with a nanny. The new wife didn't like reminders of the past.

Autumn runs a hand over Emily's hair as she plays with her blocks between us before looking back at me. "Yes and no. I love knowing that my body is providing a safe space for my baby to grow, but sometimes it's straight-up misery. You don't really think about all the ways your body changes or what it's like when the baby is beating the absolute life out of you from the inside until you're doing it. Add in nausea, food aversions, and everything else, it can be a wild ride."

"You're making me second-guess if I want children," I tell her, but it's a lie.

Even with all that, I still want it. I want all of it.

Autumn laughs. "I'm sorry, but I promise you, as soon as your baby is placed in your arms, you forget all about the bad things."

"I'll take your word for it." I don't meet her eyes, instead focusing on the baby girl in front of me.

"So you want kids, huh?"

I drum my fingers on my leg and contemplate my answer. I want to trust her. This is the first time I've truly wanted to open up to another person. Living here outside of my father's hold has made me lax. I've become complacent. It scares me.

"I do, but I don't know if it's in the cards for me," I admit softly.

"Why not? Do you not think you can or are you worried about Declan? I can assure you, he's fantastic with Emily. I know the business they are in can be unsavory, but he would never let anything happen to you or your child."

My heart aches at her words. If you had asked me a month ago, I wouldn't have believed her, but I have seen how Declan is with Emily. How he cared for me in the last twenty-four hours. I think he really would take care of his child.

Problem is, he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. Why else would he avoid his own home for a month? I'm not stupid enough to think last night changed anything. That his words mean anything more than face value.

"We haven't talked about it." I hesitate.

Fuck it.

"Honestly, we don't talk unless we have to. We don't have a traditional marriage. I don't know if he would want me to be the mother of his children."

Autumn hums and looks at me thoughtfully.

"I think if you talked to Declan, he would surprise you."

I snort. "He would have to be around for me to be able to speak to him. Last night is the first time I have spent any substantial time with my husband since our wedding night. He is often gone, and when he is home, he avoids me like the plague."

She frowns. "No. That can't be right. You have this aura between you two. I think you are meant to be. It's this feeling I get when you are together. Not only that, but he is different with you."

"How so?"

"The man isn't impulsive at all. Or he wasn't until you. I don't know how your marriage works, and I won't ask, but I think if you both stopped long enough and let each other in, it could be beautiful. It could be what you both need."

"I don't know…" I trail off.

Could she be right? I don't know Declan well enough, but he never struck me as the type who would marry a random woman. Then he did. He married me, and it hasn't been at all like my sister said.

I don't like it. I'm on unfamiliar ground. I have no idea what I'm doing.

Autumn must see the panic on my face because she reaches out to grab my knee.

"Can I tell you what I would do?" she asks.

"Sure," I manage to whisper.

"I would sit that man down and tell him what I want. Tell him he's either in or out, and if he chooses out, then he has to sit by and watch you do it all with someone else. It's not fair for you to be stuck married to him and not get the things you want out of life. A marriage is supposed to be a two-way street. You support him in his passions, and he should support you in yours. If that means he gives you a child, then so be it. If he doesn't want one, then he shouldn't have married you. Not without knowing that you both were on the same page."

"Give him an ultimatum?" I ask, surprised.

Surely she doesn't think that's the way it should happen. What could I really even do to him? He has already made it clear that if I attempt to take a lover, they will lose their life. What other options do I have?

Autumn nods adamantly. "Absolutely. Men like Declan don't act unless you push them into a corner. He is stubborn as fuck, but he cares about you. I can tell. I have no idea what made you board up all your windows so no one can see inside you, but you are safe now. With Declan. Let a little light shine through and see what happens. I think Declan is what you need. You need to be brave enough to give him the chance to prove it to you."

Hearing her pep talk makes me want to be brave. Over the past month, my worries about his retaliation have faded. I have purposely attempted to slip his guards poorly. I have brought men into my home knowing it would look bad on him. I have even destroyed his apartment. Still, he has been patient with me. He's comforted me instead of punishing me. He hasn't raised a single hand toward me, and I have stabbed the man not once but twice.

It all makes me want to do as she says. Could it be as simple as asking for what I want?

"I'll think about it," I tell her, still lost in my thoughts.

"Good." A wicked smile covers her face. "If you confront him soon, maybe we can be pregnant at the same time. Wouldn't that be cool? Our babies could be besties."

I laugh. Hard.

Talk about jumping the gun. The man hasn't even kissed me outside our obligations. She thinks I can get him to turn things around that quick?

I go to say something, only to stop when I see Connor rushing into the room.

"What's wrong?" Autumn asks as she grabs Emily, and we both stand.

"Someone just breached the gate. I need to get you both to safety," he tells her.

Autumn rushes toward him, and I follow behind. We rush through the house and go down into the basement. Connor swings a painting and reveals a security pad. Next thing I know is he's putting the painting back in place as a hidden door slides open. He ushers Autumn, Emily, and I in before he steps inside with us.

The room is bigger than the one we were in at Haruaki's house, but still cramped.

"Sit, we'll be here a while," Autumn says.

I follow suit, my eyes never straying from Connor's back while he pulls up the security cameras.

"I'm sorry," I rasp.

Autumn sighs. "This isn't your fault, Nikita. This isn't the first time I've been ushered in here, and I'm sure it won't be the last."

"She's right. It's just part of this life. I bet that by the time your husbands get back, the threat will be neutralized and everything will be back to normal," Connor says over his shoulder.

I bite my lip as I think about what he said. Logically, I know it's part of the life. I've had to hide before, but at the same time, I can't help but feel like this is all my fault.

How many tries will it take before they succeed in getting what they want?

I can't help but wonder if what they want is me.