Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

RYAN

M ariah Carey, in all her Christmas soundtrack glory, drifted out into the courtyard behind my mother's house, lights and boughs of holly dotting every conceivable surface.

For almost three days, Mikayla and I acted like a real couple. Even sneaking off to have a quickie twice in between decorating or running last-minute errands. And I loved every damn second.

The only problem was, I wasn't sure I was faking it.

Five days. Five days since that fateful plane ride, and I was gone.

Mother fucking Christmas Miracle.

But last night, before she crawled into bed with me, I overheard Mikayla in the bathroom, talking to herself.

"No men, just the holidays, and family, Mikayla Jayne. This is all temporary."

I slunk back under the covers and waited for her to slide in next to me. My heart sank to the depths of my damn stomach.

The object of my infatuation walked in the door, and I was done for. Had been since she came up behind me on the plane. The only question was, did she feel the same?

If her words last were any sign, no.

I plastered on a smile I didn't as she neared me, gorgeous in a silver and midnight blue dress that showed off miles of her colorful skin. The tattoos I'd traced along her shoulders, the one on her upper thigh. The back of her neck. Fuck, I knew her body better than I knew my own.

After only a few days.

"There's my Deck My Halls, Daddy," she said as she wrapped her arm around my waist.

"Sh, don't give away my secret identity."

"I think the reindeer's out of Santa's bag on that one." Scratching a glass of champagne from a waiter, Mikayla pointed her glass to where my mother and her parents stood, beaming at us. Guilt at lying to my mom filled me, and suddenly the room was too hot.

I needed air and needed it now. Mikayla's younger stepbrother Oliver showed up right then, so I murmured an excuse while she talked to him and headed to the kitchen and the nearest door to the outside.

Once the cool night air hit my face, my breathing slowed, and I paced back and forth, pushing my glasses up my nose. I wasn't sure of much right this second. Of my feelings, of Mikayla's, or hell, if I even had ever loved Alex like I thought I had.

Then realization dawned on me.

I hadn't loved Alex. Because if I did, I couldn't have walked away without a piece of me being torn from my chest.

Like it was now when I thought about leaving Mikayla behind in a few days.

"Fuck," I growled, and spun around and found myself face to face with my mother.

"Ryan, what on earth are you doing out here?" Her eyes searched my face, and that guilt overwhelmed me again. "Go inside. Find Mikayla. It's Christmas, sweetheart. No one should be alone on Christmas."

I couldn't lie to her anymore. "I can't, Mom."

"What do you mean, you can't? She's right inside, looking so lost without you. Get your ass inside and be the man I raised you to be. You don't leave the woman you love alone at a party, let alone when she needs you."

I let out a huff of air and came clean. "We've been lying to you, mom. I'm sorry, but neither of us-'

"Oh, I know."

"Wait, what?"

Her eyes softened as she patted me on the arm. "Ryan, you are so much like your father. Too blind to see what is right in front of you. Mikayla's mom and I knew you were lying about seeing each other. Well, mostly." She glared at me. "Spending the night, we'll talk about later. But we saw how you two looked at each other. And we knew. You just needed a shove."

"But, she doesn't want anything."

She scoffed. "Exactly. She doesn't want anything ." Her hands patted my cheeks like she had whenever the other kids and I at the track got caught pulling harmless and not so harmless pranks. "Ryan, she wants you , just as much as you want her. Now, go grab that girl and kiss her in the foyer. I put your father's mistletoe from our first Christmas in the doorway. I think you need a Christmas Miracle. Don't think I've forgotten about that tattoo, either." She shoved me in the direction of the house. "Now."

I hugged her and raced inside. My eyes searched for her everywhere, from the kitchen to the dining room, to the open living area with wall to ceiling windows.

Nothing. Fuck. She left. I lost my one chance. I made my way to the foyer, where the boozy cupcakes sat on tiered trays like a confection tree of sweetness and sin. Appropriately so.

"Hey, I know we haven't had a chance to talk, but Mikayla's not as tough as she looks. Her ex fucked her over, and I would suck as a brother if I didn't say this. Hurt her, and I'll lay you out." Oliver stood a foot away, and though he was younger, he played pro hockey and was taller than me by a few inches.

I swallowed and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Never. I'd rather hurt myself than ever do anything to hurt Mikayla. She's the most special person I have met, and fuck, if she was still here, I'd tell her."

"Um, she's right behind you." Oliver pointed, and I spun around.

There she was. My Starshine. "Mikayla-"

"Did you mean that?"

I nodded. Each step I took brought me closer to the naughtiest, most wonderful Christmas Miracle I could ever hope for. "Fuck yes."

"Oh, CK, I love hearing dirty words come out of that mouth."

"Your brother is standing right here," Oliver exclaimed.

Mikayla stepped in closer, the heat of her body a flame I couldn't resist. "And you can leave for a few minutes because the rest of this conversation is going to be worse, Ollie."

Oliver muttered as he hurried away, obviously knowing that Mikayla was telling the truth.

Even so…

"I know you said you didn't want anything, but-"

"CK, I don't want anything . I want you. But I can't be her."

Her eyes widened as I took her face in my hands. "I don't want anyone but you. There's no one else, Starshine. I fucking tattooed you on my heart. I'm done."

"Even if-"

"Even if you're on the Naughty List. Right where I want you to be, Mikayla Jayne."

Someone cleared their throats behind us, and we turned to see my mom, Mikayla's mom and stepdad, and Oliver alongside her Nana and the rest of Love Canyon. "Mistletoe, Ryan. Kiss your girl already." She pointed over our heads at the bough my dad gave my mom for their first Christmas together.

And I kissed the ever-loving spirit of the season out of my girl.

"Deck my Halls, indeed, Daddy," she whispered against my lips as everyone clapped behind us, and the clock chimed midnight. "Merry Christmas, CK."

"Merry Christmas, Starshine. What do you say we sneak away and-"

"Check off more items on the Naughty List? I seem to remember something about spitting?"

My cock went full on evergreen-Christmas-lit-up-as-fuck-tree. "Such a Naughty Good Girl."