16. A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE

Chapter sixteen

A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE

I will not kill the woman I love.

I bit her wrist, sucking hard.

I will not kill the woman I love.

Her thighs.

I will not kill the woman I love.

Her throat.

In the eerie silence of Kimber's suite, my gums blistered from the poison, my thirst threatening to overtake me. Still, I bit and drained and spit. Over and over. My last five mouthfuls were sweet, clean blood—the bitter notes of oleander undetectable—and yet she lay there motionless. I watched. Waited. Why wasn't it working ? Another bite. Another drain.

"Come on, baby. Fight this! Come back to me."

A flinch in her fingertips caught my eye, and I sat up straight. Thank the Gods. She was alive. She was— Her shadows recoiled suddenly, her chest rising and falling with strained breaths. Then, all at once, she stilled. My stomach tied itself in knots.

No. No!

"Fate, don't you dare take her from me! Do you hear me?"

I pumped her chest between forced breaths into her mouth, but it was too late. I'd already lost her. The room began to spin, a sob ripping up my throat. No. This was not how it ended! She had so much life left in her: a bright future, a kingdom to rule. How the hell was I supposed to do life without her? There had to be another way. Something I hadn't thought of or considered or— Fuck!

I sank my teeth back into her throat, pulling straight from the jugular, but already her blood had cooled. A hollow ring settled in my ears. How? Why? Fate had guided our steps…and for what? To allow Kim to die a painful, cruel death? Gods, this wasn't possible! I stood and raked an arm across the mantle, sending everything atop it crashing to the ground. My home, my heart, my world was gone, and the only one to blame was myself. I fell to my knees—my hands tangled in my hair—and a bloodcurdling scream heaved past my lips.

My everything: fucking gone!

Cadagon appeared from the shadows, panic surging in his burning eyes. "What happened?"

"She's gone," I snarled.

My fist shattered the nearest stained glass window, and blood seeped down my knuckles, intermingling with the already gruesome scene.

"That is…" Death whispered, "that is impossible."

"I'm such an idiot! I never should have gone up against Malachi. I should have known he'd seek revenge on her!" I paused, a thought slipping through the madness. "Wait, you can save her!"

"I…I cannot."

"You are Death incarnate! You saved me. Now save her!"

"It's not that simple!" he burst. "I cannot return a member of my own bloodline to the land of the living. The Old Gods designed it so, to ensure no Reigning Reaper abused their years upon the throne."

"There has to be a way!"

The broken pieces of colored glass flickered in the candlelight. I froze, the passage I'd stumbled on in the Immortal Library coming back to me. Fate's power could alter time: turn back the clock in moments of grave danger where lives were at stake. Anathema's true ruler and the sole chance of restoring balance lay dead at my feet. Fate had to intervene. I snatched a broken piece, slicing my palm wide open, ready to bind my blood and my very life to whatever I must. I would save her; consequences be damned.

"What are you doing, boy?" Death asked.

"Fate, can you hear me?"

Moments passed. Nothing.

"Fate, I summon you!"

What if…what if she couldn't hear me? June had met with Kimber in the astral, in the world between, but I had no access to the Shroud. No way to get there and call out. Could a cry even manage to carry from one realm to the next?

"Juniper, answer me!"

Death grasped my shoulders. "I can summon her for you, but you will pay a great price."

"Do it! I don't care what happens to me. Just save her!"

He nodded once, and his shadows emerged from his sleeves, slithering across the floor to climb up the mirror's edge.

Cadagon raised his hands, a deep sigh on his lips as he looked over Kim's corpse. "By way of night and day reborn, I summon Fate in all her scorn."

A vision rippled in the floor-length mirror, and light shone through the surface.

Juniper appeared. "Who dares draw upon my power?"

"I do," I sobbed.

"Cooper?" She squinted. "What is going on?"

The pressure in my chest grew tighter, and I wondered for a brief second if a heart could truly break. Because, shit, it felt like it.

I extended my slit palm to her. "Make a pact with me! Turn back time! Kim…I—I couldn't save her. Please!"

June's sights drifted to the gory scene behind me, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, tears pooling in her eyes. "How did this happen?"

"It doesn't matter now. What matters is you turning back time and giving me another chance."

"I can't just turn back time. There are limits to what I am able to do. Rules I must abide by—"

"Then break them! Anathema will die without her!" My lip quivered. " I will die without her."

June's brow pinched. "In order to turn back time, I have to draw on raw energy."

"Anything! Name it!" I leaned closer.

"But—"

"Tell me what to do, damn it!"

"To turn back time, you would have to let me draw on your soul energy. For every minute passed since her…" She swallowed the word down. "For every minute, I require a year of your life."

Her words hit like a sledgehammer. How many minutes had passed? How many years would be cut off my life if I— Fuck, it didn't matter. I would save Kim. "Do it."

"Are you sure—"

"Stop wasting time and do it!" I wept.

"As you wish." Milky white seeped across her golden irises. "Repeat after me: ‘Fate, restore the time that is lost. I offer my lifeblood to pay the cost.'"

"Fate, restore the time that is lost. I offer my lifeblood to pay the cost."

"Death, send me my libation," she ordered.

Cadagon took my hand, and a tendril of his magic bowed over the pooled blood in my palm, drinking it in. A shiver ran up my spine as the shadow wound down my leg and disappeared through the mirror, leaving a glassy ripple in its wake.

Please, let this work.

Juniper dipped down to collect it before swallowing the shadow whole. Strands of golden string appeared in her hands—their edges frayed—and piece by piece, she knit them back together. With each new stitch, my limbs grew heavier, the onset of severe brain fog clouding my vision. Slowly, I found myself slipping towards the floor. I pressed my forehead against the cool wooden boards as sleep summoned me, but I didn't dare close my eyes. It was working. The spell was actually working! A final pluck of her ethereal string, and my stomach dropped.

"It is done," Juniper said.

Body heavy, I dragged myself to Kimber's side just in time to see her heave in rhythmic breaths once again. I laid my ear against her chest, savoring her steady heartbeat; and relief coiled around me.

I turned towards the mirror, my cheeks hot. "Thank you."

"You did the correct thing in summoning me." Juniper forced a smile. "But you should know, the amount of time I had to drain from you—"

"It doesn't matter."

I ran my hand through Kim's bloody hair. She was alive. Anything else paled in comparison to that.

"Savor the time you have, Cooper. It will be precious. And please…remind her how much I love her?"

I gave June a sure nod. "Of course."

She choked back tears, and her reflection disappeared.

Cadagon settled on his knees at my side. "What you did was admirable, boy. She is lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one."

To my shock, Death wrapped his arms around me, tucking me to his chest.

"Thank you. I do not know what I would do if I lost her. My faith in you to protect her was not misplaced."

I relaxed into his embrace. No words. No explanation. Just acceptance. This man was no monster, though Anathema deemed him one. He didn't seek gratitude or recognition; his pride in protecting Kimber served him well enough, despite her hatred for him. In fact, part of me believed he'd planned for her to loathe him. Bred it purposefully. Because the further she was from him, the safer she'd be from the secrets that bound him. A tinge of jealousy wrapped around my mind.

What I would give to have had my own father love me in such a way.

I waded through the darkness in Death's wing of the castle. With Kim settled and resting for the night, the reality of my situation weighed on me. I'm not entirely sure where I aimed to go, but the pelting raindrops against the windows had lulled me into mindless wandering. There would be no running from my fate. Malachi would find me. And he would kill me.

A cynical laugh slipped past my lips, echoing around the quaint study I'd stumbled into. Even if I managed to find a way to evade the demon Lord and Odin, my deal with Juniper would come knocking long before I was ready to answer. I ran a finger along the bookshelf, suede bindings rough against my fingertip. How many minutes had Kim truly been dead? How many years had I sacrificed to bring her back? By the time I'd knelt at her side after her breath returned, her skin had brushed cold against my palms. Did I really want to know how much time I had left before Fate's bargain came due for collection?

No. Because given the chance, I'd have done it all again.

A clap of thunder and a flash of lightning filled the unlit space, and I noticed a winding staircase I hadn't previously. Curious and hungry for a distraction, I ascended the narrow hall. Bursting through the top door, I found myself on a landing overlooking Anathema in its entirety: a vast display made blurry by the heavy rainfall. As I squinted to make out my childhood home, a thought began to form. A dark, sickening thought. I looked to the ground, the downpour drenching my clothes. I still had a chance to make my death my own.

I could jump.

All this pain, all this guilt: it could simply…go away. My stomach twisted as I stepped up onto the stone ledge. A gust of wind would send me crashing to the castle steps below. Nobody could survive that. Sure, there was no guarantee I'd die on impact, but what Malachi had planned for me would surely be far more painful. I closed my eyes against the storm and extended my arms outward. Whatever would happen, would happen.

"Suicide is never the answer," Death's voice rang out.

I turned to find him ten feet down the wall, his feet dangling over the edge and shoulders hunched—a strange departure from the king's usual poised demeanor. Something told me he'd come to the rooftop to ponder his end just as I had. He tapped the empty space at his side, his face soaked and dripping. I glanced downward. He was right. Taking my own life would never solve the problems I faced or the ones I'd created; and while jumping might spare me torture, it would ensure Kimber's in the end. Heartache born of such grief never truly healed. I heaved a breath. I'd be wrong to bring more suffering to her door.

I stepped back off the ledge, the rain around me calming in time. Now only a light drizzle, I took my spot at Cadagon's side, and the true expanse of Anathema's beauty overcame me. I studied the way the kingdom defied gravity: the four courts suspended above a vast void of darkness. Waterfalls poured over the edges, their waters dissipating into mist and intermixing with the stars. I wondered if the story of the original Death's tears having created them was true. If he still wept for his lost love.

My sights swept farther to the paths leading to each court rounding along the borders of the realm. While their closest edges attached to nothing, I knew they came to rest at the castle courtyard somehow. A marvelous sight: one not many would get to see in their lifetimes. No matter how long or short.

"Amazing," I whispered.

"Truly," Death agreed, his gaze on the horizon. "You know, I used to come here often as a boy to clear my mind."

"Clear your mind of what?"

"My father's wrath mostly. I have a sense you are familiar with the sentiment?"

I hadn't let myself go to that dark place for years. I'd buried those memories behind an internal wall I had no intention of ever breaking down; but Death's words brought them all back, like a landslide careening down a mountain. My father had been a cruel man who'd spewed his wrath on many undeserving people, even his own wife. He'd demanded perfection. Strength. Emotion, to him, was simply a waste of time and energy.

I cleared my throat. "I don't think he cared much for my ‘bleeding heart' as he called it."

"Mmm, that does sound like something Mathis would say."

"You knew him?"

"Of course. Quite well, in fact. I have always made it a habit to keep a keen eye on the Lords and Ladies of my land." He continued, "Your mother: she was quite a woman. I sincerely regret her having married your father. He was an arrogant man, full of vitriol; and though he carried himself like a man of honor—proud to uphold the Talonborn name—it did not take long to see through his fa?ade. When you have suffered abuse at the hands of the one who is meant to protect you, it becomes second nature to pick up on such things in others, I suppose."

"I can see that."

"Indeed. You know, once I'd been so bold as to fight back. I believed maybe my father's rage was some sort of test of which I was unaware. A way to snuff out my weakness. ‘A gentle hand is a weak hand,' he'd tell me. And ‘a weak king is a dead king.'" Death smiled despite himself. "But there had been no test. Simply an angry man who never wished to be a father."

The night I'd lost my mother came back to me, but this time with the edges filled in. A part of me understood why she'd gone back for him. Love consumes. But in choosing him, she'd abandoned me. Him: the man who'd taken his anger out on his own son. Him: the one who had taken her with him in the end like he'd always said he would. I pinched my eyes shut, and quickly wiped away a stray tear. The bastard.

Death squeezed my shoulder. "For what it is worth, I do not see your tears as weakness. Not as our fathers did. Feeling one's pain is an exceptional strength. It purges out the old, enlightens us to the things that fuel our souls. A life void of suffering is impossible; but when you accept those dark, bleeding parts of yourself, it guides you to the things worth suffering for. Like your unwavering love for my daughter."

"Loving her came easy. She's the only one who ever cared." I tilted my head back towards the sky, the raindrops kissing my cheeks. "I never had a place, never belonged, until she made me part of her world."

"You belong right here. This kingdom, these people, need you just as much as they need Kimberly. Balance, dear one: that is what this realm was built upon. Her rage and your heart. Together, you will bring change to Anathema. Why else do you think I've watched over you all these years?"

His admission gave me pause. "Watched over me ?"

"Yes, you . Or do you truly believe our first meeting was happenstance?" He smirked. "I heard your impending death call to me across realms. And so, I came."

"I…I had no idea."

"As I intended. While you may feel that you have never had a family to watch over you, and though I may not fit that role in your mind, I hope you know I have always cared greatly for you, Cooper."

The notion shook me. My past flashed before my eyes of when I'd fallen into the quarry, splitting my skull open. But even before then…the summer I'd gone to the river alone for solace but had waded too far in, and somehow washed up on shore amid the white-water rapids. Or the time I'd been so recklessly drunk that I'd tried to take on four men in an alley who'd cornered a woman. The beating I'd taken that night had been brutal , but I'd walked away. The nurses had called it a miracle. I'd never considered myself as someone with a death wish. But looking back, I'd pushed the boundaries over and over, believing I was simply lucky.

I cleared my throat. "All those times I should have died…that was you?"

"Indeed. I will say, you kept me quite busy. As did she."

A knot formed in my throat. He'd watched over me. For most of my life, I'd believed I mattered to no one. Believed I'd been forgotten by my people, abandoned by my family, had failed my father; and yet, Death himself had kept a watchful eye on my life. Words escaped me. So I let my feelings guide me and wrapped my arms around Cadagon. He didn't hesitate to fold his arms around me in return, a light chuckle rattling my jaw atop his shoulder.

His hold on me tightened. "My dear boy, you have always had a home."

"I—I don't know what to say."

"Then say nothing." He pulled back and smiled. "But you must know, everything I have done is for you two."

"But you let her hate you…"

"Her hatred I can live with. But her demise? That I would not suffer. Bear in mind, I've never had grandiose beliefs of reconciling with her or earning a place in her life, despite the desire. If I could do it over again, I would."

The living flame in his irises pulsed. I knew that pain: how loving someone, committing yourself to their success, was both lonely and fulfilling in one breath. A beautiful heartache.

As if reading my mind, he said, "My debts will come due as they do for all who dabble in dark dealings. I saved you because I knew the time would come when I could no longer protect her. Even in your youth, you were not afraid to make the difficult choices. You are willing to sacrifice for what you hold dear, and that is precisely why I chose you. Why she chose you."

"Chose me…" I chuckled. "If only she'd chosen me."

"You truly believe that?" His shoulders squared. "After watching her search for ways to free you from that coffin, after all those years of shared laughter and tears, you still believe she does not want you?"

"Not the way I want her."

"Secrets, even those concealed with the best intentions, deter a woman like Kimber. The time will come when you will be free to share your heart completely. And on that day?" He grinned. "On that day, I have no doubt the feelings she has for you will shine through."

I hopped back to my feet, my hands fisted at my sides. "And say you're right. Say she does want me. Then what? I tell her how our life together will end in me, once again, repaying a debt? How am I supposed to look her in the eyes and tell her I bartered years of my life away, Cadagon?"

"Perhaps you focus on what time you are allotted, not how much you have lost."

"How many years?" I asked under my breath, unable to meet his gaze. "I know you know. How many years do I have left?"

"Do you truly wish to know?"

I weighed his question. Considered what might come of knowing. On one hand, if I knew, I could better plan out my days. But on the other, I'd always have a gray cloud looming overhead, reminding me my happiness was finite.

"I…I don't know."

"Consider this," he said gently. "If I had given up—knowing my days were numbered as they are—Anathema would have fallen to ruin alongside me. Everything I have sacrificed would have been in vain."

My jaw clenched. "How did you do it? Go on when you knew death would come for you?"

"Death comes for us all. He cannot be bought or deceived or convinced. But I found peace in knowing that when my time comes, I made those choices of my own volition, and the consequences are worthwhile. In the end, my death will be on my own terms." His pained smile creased the corners of his eyes. "At the hands of a friend."

My body clenched. A friend…me.

When I'd made him that promise, things had been different. I'd believed his heart was twisted and depraved. That he'd forced others into unbreakable pacts. Hell, I'd blamed him for my people's destruction, pinning every awful thing in Anathema's recent history on him. Because why wouldn't I? He'd allowed me to believe it. Coaxed me. I'd thought him selfish, callused, and cruel. But now…

"You can't seriously expect me to kill you? After everything you've shared, I can't possibly—"

"You must. You made a promise. Are you not a man of your word?"

"I am, but this is different. You know that!" Weight spread across my chest. "How can you ask this of me? Tell me all these things and then expect me to end your life when I've barely gotten a chance to know you?"

"Because it is how it must be. One cycle ends for another to begin. Such is life."

The clouds overhead parted, and the moon shone down across his weathered face. For the first time, he looked upon me completely unguarded. Dark circles encased his eyes. He was so tired and worn and…afraid. But he didn't hide it away as he normally did. Instead, he let the character he'd been forced to play fade away. This was no longer Death. This was a father. A protector. A man.

"No," I muttered. "I won't do it."

"Do not mourn for me. I have lived. It is time for you two to do the same." He reached into his robe and returned with two wax-sealed envelopes, extending them to me. "For my children. When the time comes, and the dust of my reign has settled, you may open them, but not a second before. I will place them here for safekeeping."

For my children. I'd finally found my home, my family…maybe even a father. And now I held his life in my hands? What a cruel twist of fate. Cadagon made his way to the wall nearest the door, removed a loose brick, and stuffed the letters inside.

"Return for these when the deed is done. Feel your feelings, and then move on to the bright future laid out before you."

My vision blurred. "I can't. I won't—"

"I know you will uphold your promise, because you are aware of the hard truth we face in our realm."

"I don't understand how this is the only choice we have. There has to be another way."

A heavy sigh drifted through him. "In time, you will come to learn that the right choice is rarely the easiest one."

Like killing a man who doesn't deserve it…

"When one is bound, options have a tendency to evaporate. Vehement choices become reality, which is what makes this next part so difficult." he whispered.

"Next part?"

"Remember who you are. Fight. Win. I know you can."

He opened the door. With a final glance, Death disappeared down the shadowed stairwell. Nasheesh materialized in his wake.

"You. What are you doing here?" I hissed.

His fingers laced together before him, and he stepped out onto the roof. "Tying up some loose ends years in the making."

Loose ends? What did that mean? Wait a damn second...

The blood pact Cadagon was trapped in…the secrets and his inability to act…had his own advisor bound him to a life of silent agony? Why? What did Nasheesh stand to gain from it? Honestly, I didn't care to know. Whatever his reasons, they were the words of a traitor, and a lying tongue can't be used for blackmail once it's cut out. I was done with deception. Done with him .

"You really think you're a match for me, old man?" I laughed.

"Physically? I would never dream of it, impostor . But mentally? You are no match for me."

"Pompous as ever. Don't worry, Nassie, I'll make your death swift."

He shifted to the side with a laugh.

Odin emerged, chains in hand. "I am afraid you will have to get through me first."