16. Amanita

SIXTEEN

AMANITA

Morel had led me from the palace into the depths of the mountains surrounding Grisset. We left the grounds, stepping through a thick, black forest of trees, darkness soaking the world around us. The sky had begun to darken as the moon slowly crept high, the wind blowing as snow gently rained down on us. I had been given a thick fur coat, much like Morel's, the black fur tickling my face as we continued deeper into the forest, each holding a single torch.

The familiar sounds of birds and nightlife filled my ears, creating an odd symphony. It was soothing, bringing me glimpses of joy. I gazed at the strange foliage and nature around us as Morel walked ahead of me, my steps following closely behind like a shadow. His home was worthy of a dream.

As the thought drifted into my mind, flashes of my lucid dreams mixed with memories of the forest hit me. I dropped my torch, my hands gripping my head as I fell to my knees in pain.

"Amanita!" Morel called to me, dropping his torch as the fire died upon hitting the cold snow. He rushed to my side, his hand touching mine as I gazed up at him, the moonlight peeking through the dense trees. Tears formed, burning my irises as he gazed down at me with an odd expression.

"I remember this place," I sobbed, my head slowly returning to normal as I glanced around our surroundings. "I lived here, in Grisset." I turned back to him. "This was my home."

"Do you remember anything else?" His hand gently lifted my chin, a tear falling down my scarred face. I shook my head, disappointed in myself.

"Why am I broken?" I breathed, my voice trailing off between soft cries. Morel clenched his jaw, his muscles straining as gripped my face with both his hands, the warmth of his skin burning my cold cheeks as he held me.

" You are not broken ." The words rumbled from his chest. He exhaled, calming his temper. "You have experienced an overwhelming amount of trauma and injuries and are merely recovering, struggling to understand it all. You said you know me. That is true, but I know you as well, and you, my lady, are anything but broken."

"How do you know me? How do I know you?" I asked, tears falling down my face. Morel watched, choking back a reply. "Please," I begged, "tell me who I am!"

"I cannot!"

"But why?" I screamed at him.

"Because you must uncover your past yourself!" His temper flared, something I seemed to cause more often than I realized. "Dr. Altair has made it clear that you must learn who you are on your own time. I cannot risk more harm coming to you by selfishly pushing you. I will not." He released my head and lowered his own. "You must be patient. I know that might be a hard task to ask, but you must try. It is the only way."

"I do not want to wait," I snipped, crossing my arms. Morel chuckled to himself, raising his head.

"I figured you'd say that. Here." He stood, helping me to my feet. "The mushrooms aren't much further. Let's continue." He stopped before gently grabbing my hand, his scar touching my palm. My hand felt as though it was burning, the fire growing through my veins until it reached my heart. I could feel my cheeks flushing, giving my emotions away.

"Is it much further?" I asked. Morel smiled.

"Trust me, you'll know when we're there."

The night had fully settled, the world drenched in a coat of stars as the snow began to fall, frosting our shoulders, our coats glistening like constellations. Despite the lack of torches, I was not cold and could see better in the dark than I could the light. All the people of Grisset possessed such a gift, as we all had strange aversions to the light. The facts and memories of myself and my people flowed, slowly depositing information in my consciousness.

The black bark trees of the forest branched high, curving as the tops met above our heads, white leaves gathering overhead. My eyes followed them as Morel led us further, a faint blue light in the distance catching my attention. I glanced past him, watching as the glow grew with each step, peeking through a wall of ivy. "Is that it?" I asked.

Morel stopped, peering over his shoulder at me as his lips curled upwards. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

I pondered for a moment before hesitantly letting go of his hand and stepping forward. The blue shone across my face as I stopped inches from the thick ivy curtain and glanced back at Morel. He stood tall, watching me with a smile, as if he was proud of me. His amber eyes stood out amongst the cool tones and snow, his hair gently blowing in the cold air, his beauty shining like the moon in the night sky. My feet refused to move, as if knowing some heavy truth or reality waited for me on the other side of the foliage. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face it.

Noting my concern, he nodded, assuring me that it was safe to keep going. His approval gave me the push I needed, turning to face the ivy. I inhaled deeply, brushing it aside as blue filled my eyes, casting me into a wave of fluorescence. I gasped out loud, my jaw dropping at the phenomenal sight before me. The light called me forward, moving my feet as I slowly stepped further into the color, bewitched by its magical beauty. Thousands of death cap mushrooms glowed in the night, reaching as far as the eye could see. The entirety of the world appeared as if I were looking through blue tinted glass, shades of blues, cyans, and hints of lavender painting every inch. Neon green fireflies danced in the air, floating across the death caps, adding a new layer of enchantment to the overflowing garden. My hands covered my mouth, my breath completely taken away at the cosmic picture, tears falling down my cheeks. I was overwhelmed with joy, my heart racing as it flowed from my eyes. Nothing compared to this heavenly beauty, even Dryade's golden gardens.

"Welcome to my garden of shadows," Morel whispered from behind, close enough that I could hear his heart beating.

"This," I turned, Morel noticing my tears, "this is heaven." I laughed, crying at the same time, whipping back around. "How is this even possible?" I bent down, reaching to touch the blue caps of the beautifully poisoned mushrooms.

Morel quickly grabbed my hand, preventing me from doing so. "Careful." I looked up at him. "As I said before, death caps are extremely poisonous. You can touch them, but if they rupture and the poison, which provides their alluring glow, were to touch your skin, it would burn, something I have learned the hard way myself." He gently released my hand.

I pulled my arm back, admiring the tiny little beauties. "How can something so absolutely beautiful consist of the deadliest poison?"

I could feel Morel's gaze heavy upon my shoulders. "I used to ask myself that every day." I turned, seeing tears in his eyes. I quickly stood, realizing the pain he must be experiencing, seeing me here, in his wife's garden. It hurt me to see him in pain, knowing I was the cause of his suffering.

"You shouldn't have brought me here." I lowered my head and brushed past him, leaving. "This was a mistake." My head began to spin, my breathing out of control as I stumbled past the ivy curtain and quickened my pace.

"Amanita!" He called after me, shadowing me. I began to panic as words and images flooded my brain. I stumbled through the snow, the light of the death caps fading with his voice.

What is happening? My head screamed the further I moved from him, as if wanting me to head back. Flashes of kisses, mushrooms, and the night sky flew past my mind's eye leaving me helpless and unable to see. I tripped, falling towards the ground, when he caught me.

"My lady," he called as I gripped my head trying to silence the memories. His voice was distant, trying to pierce the loud playing sounds. "Amanita!" His scream sounded like a whisper. I could feel him shaking me, trying to bring me back to reality, but it was no use.

"Who am I?!" I cried, screaming across the loud sounds. "Make it stop, please. Make it stop!" I slammed my eyes shut, curling into myself, drowning in the overload.

"Wolfsbane!" My eyes shot open, the world dropping into silence as everything stopped. My head halted, calming immediately at the name. I stared up at Morel, his eyes red with tears as he frantically remained still, watching me.

"What did you call me?" My question was soft and quiet. "What did you call me?" I demanded again, desperately waiting for him to respond.

His amber eyes glistened, snow kissing his dark hair as he held me close. "Forgive me, but I cannot watch you suffer in such a way." I watched him, the pieces slowly falling into place, the same look in his eyes as the day I fell. "Please, tell me you remember. Do you remember?" I stared at him, unable to answer. "Do you remember us, Hesper ?" Everything clicked suddenly, the pieces falling perfectly into place at the sound of my name falling from his lips.

"I am your wolfsbane." His eyes watched me, stunned by my statement. "Your little shadow." I choked on my tears as the great king of darkness crumbled before me.

" My love ." He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me as we cried into one another, as if this was our first time to do so. "I shall never leave you again."

I inhaled his scent, the musk aroma comforting me as I whispered into his chest. "Until the heavens fall onto the earth, I shall remain your shadow. Always."

Moral held my head in his hands, smiling with tears in his eyes. "You remember." I nodded, the two of us laughing through our tears. "I remember everything, my love." I touched his cheek, holding his face in my own hands as we sat in the snow, the night sky glistening above us.

I was home.