Chapter 11

Chapter

Eleven

KEIR

“You’re not goingto work on your book now, are you?”

I was startled, completely oblivious that Sibley had come into the family room. Reading the research on how to kill oneself and make it look like an accident had me physically shaken.

I slammed the lid on the laptop and offered a nervous grin. “No. I just wanted to check my email. Are you okay?”

I knew nothing about pregnancy. Was she suffering from morning sickness? Was that something all women did, or was it just certain women? Should I be doing something I’m not?

“Oh, you care now? What happened to ‘I’m busy, Sibley’?’ How about ‘You should have talked to me before you got pregnant, Sibley.’ You wanna call me a selfish bitch now, Keirnan? I forgot to refill my prescription for birth control. It wasn’t intentional.”

Shit. How horrible had I been? “I’m sorry for that, Sibley. I’m just going through some stuff, and I took my anxiety out on you. Can you ever forgive me?”

My niece, Rachel, entered the room as Sibley was about to answer. “Uncle Keir, can you talk to Mom and Dad and tell them I’m mature enough to move to California by myself? I had a telephone interview last Friday, and yesterday, they contacted me to invite me to come out for a face-to-face interview, but Dad says I can’t go. He can’t leave right now, and he won’t let me go alone. He said he’d help me get a job at the training center at the aerospace factory outside of town so I can quit working at the daycare in town.”

Rachel was upset, and it was easy to see why. The fact my brother was trying to keep her under his thumb was troubling. Everyone wanted to spread their wings. I had apparently left my parents’ home at some point and ended up in Ames. Did I already know the reason my brother was so protective?

Sibley wrapped an arm around Rachel’s shoulders. “Now, don’t be too hard on Keith. He loves you as if you were his own daughter. Parents love their children unconditionally—well, some do. Keith and Naomi are afraid that something will happen to you if you’re out there by yourself. It’s a natural concern.”

I didn’t miss the look Sibley gave me when she said some parents loved their children unconditionally. I was still trying to get a handle on who the hell I was, much less the idea of being married to a woman and having a baby on the way. In my heart, it didn’t feel right, but then again, nothing about my current situation did.

Rachel hugged her and left Sibley and me alone. “Can I talk to you about something?” I really needed to figure out what was wrong with me before things went any further.

“Sure.”

I took Sibley’s hand and led her upstairs to the bedroom where I’d awakened that morning. We stepped inside, and I closed the door, pointing to the bed while I grabbed a chair from the small desk in the corner and put it near the bed.

I sat down and swallowed the huge lump in my throat. “This will sound absolutely insane, but I don’t know who I am. Who any of these people are. There’s a sense of familiarity, but… Look, I didn’t know I was married, much less to a woman. I don’t think I’m your husband, Sibley.”

Her eyes grew large, and then she scowled. “Oh, temporary insanity? That’s how you’re going to play this?”

“No, no. I’m serious, Sibley. I remember nothing about meeting you, marrying you, or our home. Betty told me you were into astrology and tarot readings. If you have the gift like Betty claims, can you help me figure out who I am? I don’t want to be mean to you, I promise. But I have no memory of anything from this life.”

“You don’t remember where we met? God, Keirnan, you went to kindergarten with my older brother. We grew up together.” She was upset, and I got it. If we’d known each other for years, I should remember that—any of it.

“What’s his name?”

Her face went dark, so obviously, I’d said the wrong thing. “I’m sorry, Sibley, but I’m not bullshitting you. I don’t know anything about these people. Rachel’s not Keith’s daughter, is she? Whose is she?”

“Keir, she’s Naomi’s⁠—”

“That. That right there.” I couldn’t sit any longer, so I began pacing the small room. “The name Keir feels familiar. Do a lot of people call me that?”

“What? Call you what?” She seemed to be getting more upset by the moment, and considering her delicate condition, I was worried.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. It felt like a familiar reaction to being frazzled. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you, but I feel like I don’t belong here.” My frustration level was through the roof, but I tried to control myself. Screaming at her wouldn’t make her hear me any better.

“Dinner!” It was Betty calling up the stairs for us. It broke the tension, thankfully.

“We’re not done talking about this, Keirnan. I’m really worried about you.” Sibley’s voice had a bit of a tremble, so I hugged her, not knowing what else to do. When I pulled away, she had an odd expression on her face.

“What?”

“You never like to hug anyone. What’s going on?”

That was something I wished to know myself.

After dinner,Keith, Naomi—who wasn’t exactly friendly to me—Rachel, and Greg left to go home. Kathy and her prick of a husband, Darryl, were watching the end of the football game while their thirteen-year-old son, Bobby, played Uno with Sibley and me. I remembered how to play the card game, fortunately, but we weren’t talking much. I noticed Bobby kept staring at us, his eyes dancing from one to the other.

“Are you guys getting divorced? Mom and Dad talk about it all the time.”

The boy was whispering, which led me to believe his parents hadn’t paid enough attention to their volume when they were fighting, and he’d heard every word they’d said.

I glanced at Sibley, who was staring at me. I shrugged, not sure what the hell to tell the boy. He was a nice kid and didn’t deserve to be lied to, but we had no idea what we were doing, much less what to tell Bobby.

She mouthed, “Say something,” so I sighed as I picked up two cards because of the plus-two card.

“No. We’re just trying to adjust to the idea of a baby.”

“Uno.” Bobby discarded his red four, leaving one card in his hand and looked at me. “You’re having a baby? When?”

Sibley rolled her eyes. Obviously, everyone didn’t know the news.

“Uh, when?”

I glanced at her because I had no idea how far along in her pregnancy she might be. The actuarial tables I’d seen on the laptop had given away nothing.

“Next April after Easter.” Sibley didn’t take her eyes off me, which was a little unnerving.

I quickly did the math to figure out she was about twenty weeks. That was when the pregnancy was probably out of danger for miscarriage, wasn’t it? For her sake, I hoped so. She seemed excited about having a baby.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Bobby looked at me and then Sibley. Hell, I was just as intrigued as him.

“We don’t know yet. I wanna be surprised, and Keirnan hasn’t decided if he wants to know or not. We still have time to make plans, so we’re not rushing anything.”

I was relieved to hear that. I was coming to believe that somewhere out there, Sibley’s real husband would want to know the gender of his child, and the two of them should be the first to know. It wasn’t my happiness to share.

“Okay, Bobby. Let’s get going. You gotta get ready for school tomorrow. Keirnan, may I have a word with you?” Darryl cocked his eyebrow at me, which I didn’t like at all. What now?

I excused myself while Sibley and Bobby cleared the card game and followed Darryl to the front hallway. He offered a half-assed grin. “My bosses are still waiting for news from you, and they’re not long on patience, I’m afraid. I didn’t tell them you were in Gilbert this weekend, but if I don’t have some word for them before you head back to Ames, I’m afraid I can’t stop a train that’s already left the station.”

WTF?“What are you talking about, exactly?” His comment sounded like a veiled threat. Fuck that noise.

Darryl chuckled. “Don’t play dumb now, Keirnan. A quarter-million-dollar debt isn’t forgiven because you’ve decided to quit your job and write a book. I’ve been able to stop them from visiting you because of Sibley’s pregnancy, but they won’t wait much longer than Thanksgiving for the money. You need to call them and arrange to meet. They want half the money you owe them now and the other half after Christmas. If I don’t have something for them by Thanksgiving, I’ll be forced to tell them to get the money from your mother.”

So much for a veiled threat. “A loan? Why would I take out a loan?” What the fuck was he saying? What had I done?

A raucous laugh came from Darry. “Dude, you bet the farm, and you lost. My friends in Chicago aren’t in the habit of handing out that amount of money to a bad credit risk like they did for your dad. You said you were responsible for it, so you gotta repay the debt plus twenty-five percent interest. Come on. You had to know there would be consequences if you tried to renege. Marcus isn’t known for his generosity.”

Was he insinuating that Sibley’s husband was a gambler? He’d made a bet and lost? Fucking hell! Things were getting more complicated by the minute.

“I’ll call this Marcus after Thanksgiving. What’s the number again?” I reached into the pocket of the jeans, which fit as though they were made for me, but there was no phone, and I suddenly felt naked. “I don’t have my phone.”

Darryl reached into his wallet and pulled out a business card, handing it to me. “I wouldn’t wait if I were you. Marcus is expecting your call.”

With that, Darryl grabbed his coat and hurried out the front door. I returned to the family room, where everyone was saying goodbye.

I hugged Kathy. “Darryl’s warming the car.”

“Did Darryl pass along the message? I don’t want Mom and Dad to get involved, Keirnan. They nearly lost everything when they had to cover your gambling debts while you were in college. What the hell have you gotten them involved in this time? You know what they’ll do to Mom and Dad if you don’t take care of this.”

I was in Iowa in someone else’s life, that much I believed. Somewhere out there, I hoped I had people who were missing me—the real me. I didn’t know who they were, but I really missed them and would do my best to get back to them.

I followedSibley upstairs and into the bedroom, where we both sat on the bed before she put her hand on my cheek and directed me to look into her eyes. She was obviously upset. “What were you and Kathy whispering about? What did Darryl want?”

I could guess she’d been watching me closely because she probably thought I’d had a breakdown of some sort. Did that mean she saw things about me that didn’t seem normal? Had I suffered a breakdown?

“What have I told you about our finances?”

I went to the laptop I’d brought upstairs when everyone arrived. I opened it and scrolled through the recent documents to find the financial spreadsheets again. Maybe Sibley had some insight?

“Uh, we can’t charter a private plane and fly around the world, but we pay our bills on time. Why? What did you do, Keirnan?”

I glanced at her and swallowed. “Do I have a gambling addiction—or did I back in college?”

Sibley’s face fell. “Oh, Keirnan. Tell me you’re not betting again. I thought when we separated last year and you went to a therapist, that was all behind us." Clearly, that was a yes.

“I think…I think I might have. Darryl just threatened me, and Kathy bitched at me, too, about a debt I owe that she thinks puts Mom and Dad in danger. There’s someone after me for money. His name is Marcus.”

Sibley plopped down on the bed, tears filling her eyes. “Dad says Marcus Shannon’s part of the Irish mob based in Chicago. How much did you lose this time?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember any of it. What happened when we separated?”

“You bet on football and lost a lot of money last year. My parents gave us a hundred-thousand dollars to pay off your debt to Marcus Shannon, and you went into counseling for your gambling addiction. That’s the only reason we got back together.”

Sports betting? Hell, I couldn’t care less about sports. “What happened in college when my parents nearly lost everything, as Kathy told me?”

Sibley stared at me, obviously not sold on the idea that I didn’t remember anything. Finally, her hand touched my shoulder. “Back in college, Betty and Ronnie nearly lost the farm because of your gambling debts. They took out a loan to pay them off so a bookie wouldn’t break your legs.” Damn. That was harsh.

“Darryl says I owe two hundred thousand dollars plus interest.” Her gasp confirmed it wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities that I’d fucked up that badly.

“God, how could you? You promised me after the last time you wouldn’t bet anymore.”

“Yeah, well, maybe that’s why I snapped and can’t remember anything. Look, Sibley, I’m afraid the news only gets worse. I found this document on my laptop. It’s an actuarial table of how long the money would hold out for you if I died.” I pulled up the spreadsheet and put the laptop on the bed next to her.

Sibley stared at the screen, her tears still trailing down her cheeks. When she glanced at me, I went to the links at the bottom and clicked the one with the research for killing yourself and making it look like an accident.

“Were you…? Is this what you’re planning? You told me you wanted to get away, but I had no idea you meant permanently.”

I stood and paced, something I was finding I was damn good at doing. “This is another reason I don’t think I’m Keirnan. The Keir part feels right, but I have no memories of this farm. I don’t know anything about cattle. I don’t recall living or leaving here. I don’t remember going to college. When did we decide to date? Where did we get married? I don’t remember any of it.”

My voice was a little louder than it needed to be, but I was spinning with confusion. Was I losing my mind? Something surely had to give.