13. Eva

13

EVA

“You kicked Kavanaugh off the team?” I shouted as I stormed into Cash’s office.

He didn’t even have the decency to look up as I shouted at him. His head was down as he read through some file, the whole time pretending like I wasn’t even there.

“Cash!”

Sighing, he flipped the folder shut and leaned back in his chair, staring at me like I was a giant annoyance. “Yes?”

I narrowed my eyes at my husband. This wasn’t him. Nothing about the man in front of me was anything like the Cash I knew and loved. If I didn’t know better, I would say it was Rafe sitting in front of me.

For just a moment, I really studied my husband and wondered if maybe there was some mixup. Could this really be him or…No. It wasn’t possible. Cash was with me before Rafe was taken to the island. To pull a switch like that...

“Impossible,” I whispered, pressing my hand to my stomach.

His eyes narrowed in on the movement, but he made no other gesture to signify that he noticed my terror or that he cared.

“What’s impossible?” he finally asked.

“You’re—”

“I’m what?”

I couldn’t rely on his word. Rafe had tricked me before. But if this man in front of me really wasn’t my husband, that meant…I closed my eyes, reliving the words I had heard from others. Burned at the stake. No, that couldn’t have been Cash. There was no way Rafe would allow that to happen to his brother. He fought so hard to get Cash back when he was taken in his place.

But this man was most definitely not my husband. I studied his face, looking for any sign that it was Rafe, but it was so freaking hard to tell. They were identical in every way. Even that damn bullet graze that took out part of Cash’s ear matched the same one Rafe had.

“Are we done here?” he snapped. “Or are you going to continue staring at me for another hour?”

My feet moved against my will. I was standing in front of him, staring at the man I needed to be my husband. Without a second thought, I bent over and pressed my lips to his.

Cold.

Unfeeling.

Not an ounce of the love we once shared.

But underneath all that, lingering in the background, was the love we once shared. I had no doubt that if I kissed him long enough, it would rise to the surface. But before I had the chance to explore that option, his hands were on my shoulders, shoving me away. He wiped his mouth with his hand like I disgusted him, then turned back to his desk.

“If that’s all, I have work to do.”

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered.

“Doing what?”

“This!” I shouted. “Pushing me away!”

He rolled his eyes like I was a pest he needed to get rid of. “I’m not pushing you away. I’m focusing on the job.”

“And what job is that?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, refusing to be pushed out of his life. “Is that the one where you use your friends to get revenge? Or the one where you fire them and take away the security they have in their lives? Or how about when you threaten to destroy their lives and unleash hell on their girlfriends all so you can go on your crusade?”

His chair flew back into the wall, denting it from the force of the blow. “My crusade? Are you fucking kidding me right now? My brother is dead!”

“And he won’t come back to life by you ruining all your relationships!” I shouted. “Come back to me. Remember who you are and be the man I fell in love with.”

He scoffed, walking away from me to a bar that was newly installed. “And what would that get me? Will love save me?” he asked mockingly. “Will it bring my brother back if I fall into your arms and cry about what happened?”

“I’m not saying I can make this better, but?—”

“What? You think because you were too weak to stand on your own that I am too?”

“I am not weak,” I said forcefully.

“Not now. No, that was me who built you up. You were nothing when I met you. Running all over the place. Save me. Please save me !” he mocked me. “You were pathetic, and it was only because I took you in and made you who you are that you’re still standing here today.”

I stepped back with the hit of his words. I knew he didn’t mean them. Somewhere inside the body in front of me was the man I fell in love with, who cared for me when I was weak—as he said—and made me stronger. It was his family at OPS that turned me into the woman I was today.

“Cash, you’re destroying everything in your life, and if you’re not careful, you’re going to lose everything.”

“Do you really think I have anything else to give? It’s all gone.”

“I’m still here. Your kids are still here,” I pleaded.

He shook his head. “It’s not enough.”

“Yes, it is!” I urged him. “You’re devastated, and I get that, but?—”

“But nothing!” he shouted at me. “You don’t get it! You will never understand what it’s like to pull the trigger and murder your own brother!”

I sucked in a breath at his words. He pulled the trigger…But he hadn’t mentioned a word about it. Why hadn’t he told me?

“Cash—”

“No, you don’t get to feel sorry for me. I made a choice and I stand by that, but now, I get my revenge, and I will not stop until it’s over.”

“I know you’re hurting?—”

“Would you stop with the bullshit?” he shouted. “Get the fuck off your high horse. You can’t fix this. If anything, all of this, the fallout of everything is your fucking fault!”

I shook my head. Even with the anger and hurt flowing through his veins, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he was trying so desperately to push me away. “You don’t mean that.”

He laughed sarcastically, tossing his head back as he pressed his heels to his eyes. “Do you know that he fucking told me he was doing this for you?”

“What?”

“Because he knew I loved you and we had a family, he was choosing to go it alone.” He scoffed out a laugh, his hands resting tiredly against his hips. He was crashing hard, and I had no way to save him. “He sacrificed his life because he didn’t want to make me lose what I had in you. My brother, my fucking twin!” he said, slamming his fist against his chest, “He pushed me away when he needed me most so that you wouldn’t have to lose me.”

Words escaped me. I blinked back the tears filling my eyes, but wasn’t fast enough. They escaped like tiny rivers streaming down my face. I brushed them away and stepped closer, pressing my hand to his arm. He spun away from me like I had burned him.

“Don’t,” he hissed. “If it weren’t for you?—”

He choked back what sounded like a sob, but that couldn’t be right. Cash hadn’t allowed me to see a single bit of the hurt he was feeling. He tucked it away and refused to let me help. But when he turned to me, I could see the devastation and anger swirling in their depths.

And I could swear that he truly hated me.

“Rafe wasn’t perfect, and you might not have liked him, but he was my brother—the other fucking half of me. And because of you, he chose to leave me. I can’t ever forgive you for that.”

“Cash—”

“I’m done.”

“What?”

He stiffened and all the emotions in his eyes fled. With the snap of his fingers, my husband disappeared and the lookalike Rafe had returned. “I have work to do.”

I stared at him, mouth gaping and unsure where to go from here. It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest and was being put through a meat grinder. “What about the kids?” I choked out.

He sighed heavily. “Just…take care of them.”

That was it.

Take care of them. He didn’t even address them by their names. He was giving up, done with any connections to his life. All that existed for him was the mission, and until it was over or he was dead, there was nothing else.

I turned on my heel and walked out, wondering how it had all come to this. All the years we struggled to find our way to each other and hang on through the hard times, and now it was over just like that?

Not on my watch. He might have given up on us, but there was no way in hell I was giving up on him.