Chapter 10

10

The frigid arctic air slapped Fenn in the face the instant he stepped out of the dimly-lit hotel lobby. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, hunching his shoulders against the relentless wind that seemed to have a personal grudge against him. The streets of Endurance were deserted, the few buildings that dotted the landscape huddling together like they were seeking solace in each other's company.

His mind reeled from his earlier conversation with Kate. She'd been distant, so much so that it was like she was a completely different person.

She was hiding something. Something serious. It stung like a fresh cut, the realization that even after all they'd been through together, she still didn't trust him enough to confide in him.

But he pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the task at hand. The tavern was closed until four, according to the crooked sign that looked like it had been through a bar fight or two. But the store next door across the frozen excuse for a road was open, the glow of the lights inside beckoning to him like a lighthouse in the darkness.

He bounded up the steps and headed inside, the warmth of the store enveloping him like a familiar embrace. The smell of fresh produce and spices filled the air, and he couldn't help but think of Mason, their team's resident culinary wizard. The man could work miracles with even the most basic of ingredients, turning a simple can of beans into a gourmet meal.

"Can I help you?" a voice called out, and Fenn turned to see a small, wiry woman with a long gray braid that looked like it could double as a whip. She was unpacking a sparse delivery of produce, her weathered hands moving with the speed and precision of a ninja.

He flashed his most charming smile. "Just looking around. Those fennel bulbs look nice. I have a friend who's quite the cook. He'd do backflips to score those. Especially out here."

Fenn leaned against the counter, his posture relaxed but alert, showing interest, but nothing too intense. No need to scare the woman.

The woman continued working. "Lots of the special forces types I know are into cooking. Or music, or art. Hobbies that help them forget the stress, you know?" She stopped, her gaze sharp and assessing, like she could see right through him. "There's no mistaking the toll that kind of work takes on a person. Or the way it shapes them."

Unease flickered through him, but he kept his expression neutral, like a poker player with a winning hand. "Huh. Interesting. Makes sense."

She set the last of the produce on the shelf and shook her head, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "You've got the aura. Anyone who's been around those types can see it."

Fenn shifted, feeling exposed in a way he hadn't in a long time. This woman, with her keen eyes and no-nonsense demeanor, had seen right through him. And as much as he hated to admit it, she was right. The work he did, the things he'd seen and done, had shaped him in ways he couldn't even begin to understand.

But he couldn't dwell on that now. "I'm actually looking for some people," he said, changing the subject with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. "Lester Crowley and the Barnsdale brothers. You know them?"

The woman's expression darkened, her lips pressing together in a thin line that could cut glass. "Unfortunately, yes. The brothers are Wade and Billy. They're pieces of work, those three. Angry and stupid. A bad combination."

Fenn nodded, his suspicions confirmed. "I've got to talk to them. Any chance you know if they ride snowmobiles?"

The woman laughed. "In Endurance, everyone rides a snowmobile. It's the only way to get around. What did they do?"

Fenn hesitated, not wanting to reveal too much. "Nothing serious. I just need to straighten them out."

"Lester and Billy work at the local sewer plant. They'll be on duty for another couple of hours if you want to catch them there. Wade Barnsdale is the senior maintenance guy at the community center. Keeps the lights on and the heat going. The three of them share a place across the street from me."

Fenn thanked her, his mind already racing ahead. If the first two were at work, he could check out their snowmobiles at their house, see if the missing pieces fit.

As he turned to leave, the woman's voice cut through the air, soft but insistent. "Is Kate okay?"

Shields up, Fenn turned back to the woman, his expression carefully blank. They hadn't reported the incident. He'd figured the only witness was Kate's attacker. "She's fine. Why?"

"I know the troublemakers in this town. And I know that Kate is a beautiful woman. And you, you're a handsome man. That's another dangerous combination, my friend."

Fenn swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry and constricted, like he'd been sucking on sand. "It's not like that between us."

"It should be," she said, her voice gentle and comforting, like a warm, soothing balm. "Your hearts are meant to be together, like two halves of a whole."

Fenn's mind spun. He wanted to believe the woman's words, to cling to them like a lifeline, but he knew better.

Kate would never take him seriously, never respect him the way she respected the other men on the team. He'd made a career out of being the affable, easy-going guy, the one who could smooth over any situation with a quick joke or a disarming smile. It was his armor, his shield against the world, like a suit of chainmail made of laughter and light.

But beneath that armor, he knew he was different from the other men on the team. He wasn't a former SEAL or a trained assassin. His skills were softer, more subtle, like a silk scarf wrapped around a steel blade. He was a master of persuasion, of reading people's emotions and desires and using them to his advantage.

And yet, despite all of that, he loved Kate. He loved her strength and her vulnerability, her fierce determination and her quick, biting wit. He loved the way her eyes sparkled when she was excited, and the way her face softened when she was tired. He loved her with a fierce, burning intensity that threatened to consume him.

But he knew, deep down in his bones, that she would never be his. Kate was a fortress, her walls high and strong, her defenses impenetrable. And he, for all his skills and cunning, was just a man, with all the weaknesses and flaws that entailed.

"It's a nice thought," he admitted. "But Kate and I … we're complicated. It's not that simple."

The woman studied him for a long moment, her eyes searching his face like she was trying to read the secrets written there. "Few things in life are simple, my friend. But that doesn't mean they're not worth fighting for."

Fenn shook his head, a rueful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You're a wise woman. But trust me, Kate and I … we're better off as friends."

"If you say so," she said, but there was a knowing glint in her eye, like she could see right through his carefully constructed fa?ade. "Just remember, life is short. And the things we regret most are the chances we didn't take."

The weight of her words settled on his shoulders like a heavy cloak. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for the help. And the advice."

He turned to leave, but paused at the door, his hand resting on the handle. "Take care of yourself out here. It's a tough place."

"Don't worry about me. I've survived worse than Endurance. And I'll be here long after the likes of Lester and the Barnsdales are gone."

With a final nod, Fenn stepped out into the cold, the door swinging shut behind him with a soft, final click. He had some snowmobiles to examine. But the woman's words echoed in his mind, a quiet, persistent reminder of the things that truly mattered.

He trudged through the snow and the darkness, skittering around the beams of light at the corners of the buildings. He would help Kate, of course. He would do anything for her, even if it meant risking his own life. But it would never be enough.

He would always be the jester, the clown, the man who could make her laugh but never make her love him.