37. Kali

CHAPTER 37

Kali

“That was a fun flight,” Ari says with heavy sarcasm as we step into the transfer van headed to the employee hotel. The driver grabs our bags, offering a quick hello.

Screaming for a doctor.

Screaming at people to stop videoing.

Doing chest compressions, not on a dummy, for the first time.

Yeah. Fun night .

I sigh, collapsing into the seat. “I hope the guy is all right,” I murmur. Dealing with someone going into cardiac arrest mid-flight in our first month on the job is scary. No matter how much training we had in emergency situations, nothing prepares you to deal with it firsthand. At least we’re off tomorrow and can head home whenever.

“I need some hard liquor after that,” she says, letting her head fall back and closing her eyes.

Shots. I need shots to drown out that experience. The van pulls up to the hotel shortly after, and we hand the driver a few bucks on our way out.

“What are we thinking for dinner? I’m starving,” Ari asks.

“How about we just hang out in the hotel bar?” I suggest, my voice tinged with exhaustion. “I need to wind down after tonight.” Bonus, we don’t have to go out in the freezing cold.

“Sounds like a plan,” she says, leading the way through the double sliding doors into the brightly lit lobby. “Hold, please. My plans could change for him. Lord, let him be single,” she murmurs as we stroll toward the front desk.

“Really?” I sigh, wrestling with my suitcase, whose stubborn wheel keeps jamming. They sold me a lemon. It’s only a couple months old, and they’ve fixed it once already. I glance up at her. “Geez, Ari, we haven’t even made it past the lobby.”

“Don’t judge me. I’m a needy woman. And he looks like a man in need.” She chuckles, her eyes never turning away from whomever she has in her sight.

Curious, I follow her gaze. That’s when I see them—familiar brown eyes, watching me from across the lobby. What is he doing here? How…

My hearts freezes, unlike my feet. They keep going. It’s at that precise moment my foot catches on Ari’s suitcase. I stumble—arms and legs flailing in the most ungraceful fall ever.

“Kali.” His voice barely registers through the chaos of me falling to the ground.

A few curse words escape my lips on the way down, and my hands smack the cold tiles, catching most of the fall. My left hip makes contact next, and I roll into a ball of embarrassment. I sit up, shaking out my hands. Everyone’s eyes are on me.

“Ow, that freaking hurt.” I half moan, half laugh, with my cheeks burning.

“You just can’t help falling head over heels for me, huh?” His voice is rich with teasing as I stare up at him, shaking my head. His cocky demeanor hasn’t changed a bit. God, I’ve missed this man . “Here, let me help you up,” Paxton offers, extending his hand.

“Always the hero,” I quip, accepting his help and dusting myself off.

“Sorry, I thought you saw me stop,” Ari says with a grimace while fixing my errant hair. Her eyes widen as she subtly tilts her head toward Paxton. “You know him?” she mouths.

Yep. Know him, love him, and apparently become a damsel in distress when I’m around him.

Paxton’s half-cocked grin finds this all amusing. And damn, he still looks mouthwatering. His dark-blue button-up shirt hugs his shoulders and chest, showcasing his muscular arms underneath.

I tilt my head, taking a moment to process his reaction upon seeing me. It’s almost as if he was expecting me. “Did you know I was going to be here?” A rush of hopefulness surges inside me. “Did they find him?”

He takes two steps closer, standing right in front of me, and leans down. I catch his masculine scent, sending a familiar flutter through my stomach. He smells really good. I swallow.

“No, I’m sorry. I just needed to see you,” he replies.

I lift a brow. He came all this way to see me?

“Have you had dinner yet?”

I hesitate and then shake my head. “I haven’t.”

“The people at the front desk told me about an amazing Italian restaurant down the street.”

I’m very familiar with the place. It’s one of our regular dinner spots when we’re in St. Louis. “Can you give me half an hour to get my room and change?”

“I’ve waited months to see you again, half an hour is nothing.”

His words catch me off guard. I probably look ridiculous standing there, staring up into his eyes, searching for answers.

“I’ll apologize for this later,” he mutters right before his hand wraps around my waist and he pulls me into his chest. His lips crash onto mine, taking me back in time. The kiss is heated, rushed, and intense. His lips demand every ounce of my attention.

No apologies needed.

Remembering we’re in public and I’m still in uniform, I break the kiss but savor the lingering sensation. One kiss from the man and my legs turn to jelly. I blow out a shaky breath, sweeping a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I’ve missed you,” he says, voice raw and unapologetic, his arm still tight around me. I melt into him.

I’ve missed us. There’s a moment of silence, a pause, uncertainty about what happens next. “Should we skip dinner and go straight to dessert?” I murmur, half joking. The other half of me is on fire, desperate for more of his touch. His lips twitch into a smirk as he bites down on the bottom one, studying me. I wonder why he’s hesitating. Judging by the bulge pushing into my hip, he wants me, too.

“You and your dessert,” he finally says. “And who am I to argue with that suggestion?”

“I’ll go check in.” My cheeks warm as I hold up a finger. “Be right back.”

“I’ll be here.”

Ari waits for me by the desk with a megawatt smile. When I get in line, she rolls her bag over and stands beside me. “What was that?”

“What?” I reply, feigning innocence.

She huffs. “You suck. I need details. Who is Mr. December? And where have you been hiding him?”

December? To me, he’s totally Mr. July. If she saw him without his shirt, she’d agree.

We shuffle forward a few steps, and I glance over my shoulder at him. He’s leaning against a column in the lobby looking at his phone.

“He’s my ex.”

She scoffs. “Is he aware of that? That he’s an ex? Because I’d never kiss my ex like that. In fact, I’d punch him in the nuts if he tried to kiss me.”

I’m new to the relationship thing, but considering we haven’t talked in six months, we bypassed complicated and went straight to ex status. I know asking him to come away with me was selfish, but there was no other option. And he made it very clear if I walked away we were finished. But his kiss….

“I’ve missed you.” His words echo in my head.

I can see why she’s confused. I’m confused .

And now he’s agreed to dessert .

I’ve missed him so much. But am I making our situation worse by hopping in bed with him? Should I just go to dinner and see what he has to say first? But his kiss, my inner minx who’s been neglected for months reminds me. I sigh, not knowing what to do.

“He lives in Austin, and I’ll never live in Texas again. Ever.”

“What did Texas do to you?” she jokes.

It only tried to murder me.

I walk up to Paxton, holding my room key. “Ready?”

His eyes lift from his phone, locking onto mine. My heart skips a beat. “I almost didn’t recognize you earlier. Kalico, you look great. I mean, you’ve always been beautiful. Besides the obvious.” He tugs at the ends of my short, dark hair. “There’s just…something in your eyes that’s different.”

Hearing my nickname tugs at something deep inside—a pang of guilt mixed with longing. But I won’t apologize for finding me. I’m in a good place right now. “I’m living,” I murmur, fiddling with my purse strap, trying to keep my voice steady.

“I’ve learned,” he says, a slight edge in his voice. “When I found out you were a flight attendant, I was shocked, to say the least.”

I narrow my eyes, standing taller at his slight dig. “Did you come to make me feel bad for moving on? You haven’t caught him, Paxton. What was I supposed to do? I wasn’t going back there with him still on the loose. That’s a hard pass for me and you?—”

He grabs my hand, cutting off my rant. “Hey, hey, hey,” he interrupts, exhaling heavily. “I’m fucking this up. I tried to tell myself not to be selfish, but as you can see, I’m a selfish bastard that wishes it was me who put that sparkle in your eyes.”

Thinking back to the person who lived in Blackburn, they’re worlds apart from who I am today. I’m truly happy. There are moments of loneliness that creep in, especially when I see couples enjoying each other’s company or during the holidays, but I push those feelings back. Because having someone to love is not the backbone of being, loving myself is.

Don’t get me wrong, Paxton standing in front of me, looking edible and edgy, stirs up a storm of emotions. Especially in certain…ahem…regions. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Ari and Mac staring at me, whispering as they walk through the lobby. A grin pulls at my lips when Ari flashes me a thumbs-up.

“They going to be okay without you?”

“I hope so. I’m the sensible one of the three.”

He chuckles as if he’s not surprised. “You’re walking on the wild side tonight. Dessert before dinner?”

I step into his space, closing the gap between us. “I usually skip dessert,” I murmur. “But I wanted to make sure dinner didn’t fill me up.”

A deep-seated groan comes from the back of his throat. He leans down and whispers, “That’s a great idea because you’re about to be filled with something.”

Yes, please.

Lucky for me, I’m only on the second floor. The moment the room door clicks shut, he’s unzipping my dress as I unbutton his shirt, and we peel off the rest of our clothes in a mad rush to the bed. He pushes me onto my back, the white comforter swallowing me, and lifts one of my legs in the air. The dimmed lights by the bedside offer just enough light to showcase his perfect physique. Slowly, he drags his fingers along my black pantyhose until they hit the lacy top of my thigh highs.

“These are sexy,” he says, kissing my bare inner thigh. I hum as he moves higher. “I think we’ll keep them on.” He inches higher and higher until he hits my panties. “These, on the other hand, need to come off.” He drags them down my legs and tosses them aside. He goes to lean down, and I put my foot on his chest, shaking my head.

“Those need to come off too.” I slide my foot down and outline the bulge in his slacks with my toe.

He grins as he undoes his buckle, slides his zipper down, and lets his pants fall to the ground. I bite my lip, staring up at him when his cock springs out of his underwear, and he strokes it twice.

“Is this what you want?” He takes his other hand, plunging two fingers inside me, stroking both my insides and his cock at the same time. I cry out. “Tell me you haven’t fucked anyone since me.”

“I haven’t,” I breathe. It’s the truth. I haven’t even been able to look at another man. I want to ask him, but I’m afraid to know the answer. I left him, so do I really have that right?

He curses and drops to his knees on the floor, grabbing me under my legs and yanking me to his mouth. He sucks, licks, and thrums across my sensitive clit. And then repeats, adding his fingers to the mix until I can’t take it anymore. I buck against his hot mouth, screaming his name, fisting the comforter below me, as I ride out my orgasm. The delicious heat of ecstasy spreads from my core to my entire body.

His tongue darts out to his wet lips, and he hums. “I’ve missed tasting you.”

And I’ve missed his tongue. No toy could ever come close to the way his tongue moves. I’ve tried.

He kisses my belly button, pushing off his knees so he can drag his lips up my stomach. He takes my boob into his mouth, the other one into his hand, and a guttural groan vibrates from the back of his throat. “I’ve missed your delicious tits. Perfection,” he mumbles as he continues his ascent, nipping along my collarbone up to my neck. I tilt my head to give him better access as I fist his hair and softly mewl.

“I’ve missed you,” I admit out loud. Everything about him. His touch, his hair, his scent, his cockiness—everything. It’s the first time in six months I’ve allowed myself to let go on a sensual level. It’s only because it’s him.

Even if this is a mistake, there are zero regrets.

As long as he doesn’t expect something in return.

He presses a kiss to my lips, and I taste myself, an aphrodisiac in itself. Our tongues tangle in an instant mess of moans, desperate to drown in each other’s touch. His hand snakes down between us and guides his thick shaft inside me, filling me to the hilt. I wrap my legs around his narrow hips and meet his thrusts, needing more. He can’t get deep enough. He growls against my lips and thrusts his hips in and out at a punishing pace. And then he stops, staring down at me, searching my eyes. My breath catches at the depth of his gaze.

He lowers his forehead against mine, hovers over me, and continues a slow, rhythmic pace. I tremble, and my back arches each time he pushes into me. The sensations ripple through me, taking me closer to the edge again, and I moan out loud.

“That’s it, baby,” he murmurs.

Picking up speed again, our moans grow louder as our bodies let loose, thighs slapping, chests heaving—almost animalistic. Heat explodes once again at my center, and I pulse, milking his thickness. He drops his face into my hair, groans and curses, letting go of his release. His hips jerk against me as if there were aftershocks from an earthquake.

Is that what we are now? Two fault lines colliding?

When he pulls out of me, a hollow feeling aches in my heart. As if it knows the only time we can be together is when he’s inside me.

The next earthquake.

“We might need two helpings of desert tonight,” he says, returning to the room from the bathroom after cleaning us.

I agree. The bed dips, and I feel the warmth from his kisses trailing up my spine, sending shivers down my arms.

“I didn’t think you could get more beautiful, but damn, woman, this new you is gorgeous.”

I turn over and he hovers over me, my fingers threading through the thick, dark hair I’ve missed so much. He groans, lowering his mouth over my right breast, gently sucking and twirling his tongue around my nipple. I gasp, my back arching into his touch, my fingers tightening around his hair.

When he drops beside me, a bite of cold air hits my wet nipple, making me shiver. He pulls up the white down comforter over us, nestling his face into the crook of my neck.

“Are you still hungry?” he asks, his lips brushing against my shoulder. I shake my head, afraid if I move, he’ll disappear. He still hasn’t told me why he’s here. One thing is for certain—our sexual chemistry hasn’t faded.

“It’s too cold outside.” My blood still bleeds Texas—thin and easily freezes.

I feel his smile. “That’s my southern girl.”

His girl.

His possessiveness shouldn’t be this attractive. But damn, I like it.

“Oh. I have some news that you’ll find interesting.” He leans over and grabs his phone. He messes with it for a moment before handing it to me.

I gasp reading the title of the article. Small town Texas mayor gets arrested for child pornography possession. Resigns after he’s arrested . “No freaking way,” I mutter to myself while reading it.

“Thanks to you, that asshole is going away for a long time.”

“Wow,” I say stunned, handing his phone back to him. “And y’all are sure he didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me?”

He sighs. “I can promise you, we’ve tried to find a link. It would make sense if he was afraid of you causing problems for him. They found a lot of sick stuff, just not anything linking to your case.”

We lay quietly as I take in what I just read. I shouldn’t be surprised to find out he was a wolf in a sheep’s skin. I knew it. It might be because of me that he was caught but was it me that started this sick aversion. Did witnessing me having sex with another kid make him want more? Or was he always wired wrong? I swallow the sour taste in the back of my throat, forcing myself to not focus on him. He’s not stealing this time I have with Paxton. He’s where he belongs and that’s the end of that.

I smile at Paxton. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Hmm,” he says, thinking. “Is being a flight attendant everything you ever dreamed of?”

I stare up to the ceiling and nod, finding it hard to concentrate with his thumb tracing small circles on my stomach. I grab his hand and link our fingers, then roll to my side to face him. “It is. Well…minus the guy going into cardiac arrest or the unruly passengers, people who decide getting drunk on a plane sounds like a good idea. But the places I’ve seen already makes it all worth it.”

He props himself on an elbow, resting his head in his hand. “You have enough money that you can visit all those places without having to deal with all that bullshit, right?”

His words linger in the air, a mix of concern and a desire to protect me. It’s sweet, but ironic, coming from a police officer. They deal with more bullshit than a cow farmer, and he still does it—because he loves it. “I’ve been working since I was fourteen. I don’t know how to not work. The month I stayed at the house in Arizona, doing nothing, drove me insane. I became this peeping tom, a borderline stalker. For the entire neighborhood. I need to do something with my time. That money will be there when I need it. It’s more of a safety blanket for me, a promise that I’ll never live like I was in Blackburn—working only to live another day.”

He nods in understanding. “Tell me about some of the places you’ve been.”

I light up, thrilled to share with him. “Oh my gosh. I’ve only been flying for a month, but Ari and I are taking full advantage of the flight benefits. I’ve seen Alcatraz in California and the Statue of Liberty in New York. I went to a Packers football game and wore a cheesehead.” I laugh, recalling the memory when one coach on our flight overheard me say I’d never been to an NFL game and secretly handed me two tickets to the game.

Paxton grows still next to mine. When I look over at him, his expression shifts to an unsettling ease. I sit up, clutching the sheet up around my chest with me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

It’s something.

There’s an awkward moment of silence.

“Don’t lie,” I press, cutting into it.

He inhales and then blows it out. “I’m trying not to be an ass.” He shakes his head and then rolls over, pushing off the bed. He finds his underwear and pulls them up. I go over in my head what I said to set him off. Finally, he says, “Nope. There’s no way around it.” He leans against the dresser, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve spent six months going over every inch of your case, hoping I could find something we missed. Hoping I could help catch the bastard so you could come home. I guess…I convinced myself you were hiding away, scared to live. Clearly, I was wrong.”

I sit stunned, taking in his confession. The room turns colder. Or maybe it’s just the space he put in between us. I didn’t expect him to pour his heart and soul into my case and put his life on hold. Now I feel like an asshole. I’m the selfish one here. That’s what I’ve had to do my entire life. Selfishness was a means to survive, one that I had to adapt to. But seeing the man I love stare at me through disappointed eyes, it stings. I never expected him to pause his life for me.

“Did you even miss me?” he asks and then drops his head, cursing under his breath about being a pussy.

“Every day.” He looks up. “I can’t see a dog or a cop or pie without thinking about you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, and distance didn’t change that. It might have healed my scars, but it hasn’t let me forget about you. It could never.” I chew on my inner cheek, wondering if there is anything I could say to fix this. Even though I don’t know what this is, we can’t leave it like this. Sorry doesn’t erase the hurt I seemed to have caused him. “Why did you wait for me?”

His expression softens. “Is it that hard for you to accept that someone is on your side?”

“Yes,” I say without having to even think about it. “Paxton, leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I would never have intentionally done anything to make you this upset with me. I…” I pause, blinking back tears. “I thought you would’ve been happy that you didn’t have to worry about me anymore.”

He pushes off the dresser and sits back down on the bed, his voice losing its edge. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”

“I can’t go back,” I whisper, wishing things could be different for us. He nods with a defeated expression. “I want you to stop looking for him.” It’s time for him to move on with his life. He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him. “If you love me, you’ll let me go.”

He lets out a bitter laugh. “I’m trying. For fuck’s sake, I came here for closure.”

I tilt my head, surprised. That was not the vibe I got when he pulled me in for a passionate kiss. “Hmm. We probably should’ve skipped dessert, then.”

He points between us. “I did not plan this. But then you walked into the lobby with this air of confidence, wearing a hot flight attendant uniform. Look at you.” He throws his hands up, and I snicker. My uniform isn’t that attractive. “I couldn’t stop myself.”

I didn’t stop him either.

“If you couldn’t tell from earlier, I’m very happy to see you,” I say, scooting closer to him, letting the sheet fall to my knees. He reaches for my hand and guides me until I’m straddling him. “Let’s have tonight. Tomorrow we’ll say goodbye,” I say, cupping his neck.

His hands slide up my back, one of them slinking through my hair. He grips it tight, and I moan at the delicious tug. “I hate that I can’t have you forever.” He nips my chin with his teeth, dragging them along my jawbone. “You’re supposed to be mine.”

I swallow, the heat from his words igniting a frenzy of desire again.

I am his.

I just can’t be his in Texas.

My hand slides between us, dipping under his briefs and pulling out his hard cock. He groans as I wrap my fingers around the shaft and pump it once. His eyes darken with need. I position myself over him and slide down, letting him fill me. We fit perfectly. Unlike earlier, where the sex was fast and furious, this one is slow, passionate, controlled. Our bodies move in a perfect harmony of thrusts, moans, delicate kisses, and a slow burn.

We both realize what this is, and neither of us wants it to end.

But we’re at an impasse.

A dead end.

Closure.

Early the next morning, I feel his movement as he rolls out of bed and gets dressed. There’s enough light coming from the sliver in the curtains to see him. I stretch my arm to his still warm spot, swallowing back the regret. I want to say I’ll come back to Austin. That I’ll do it for him, but something stops me—the thought that I’ll wake the sleeping bear.

Instead, I keep quiet and watch him.

He stops in the small hallway and looks over his shoulder. “Maybe I’ll show up at another stop.”

“I hope you do.”

He pauses and then says, “I love you, Kalico.”

I inhale his words—the warmth and the loss—all at once. “I love you too, Pax.”

I’m pretty sure I just lost one of my lives.