9. Isabella

Chapter 9

Isabella

Slamming my car door I rev a little too loudly in my agitation and the tires skid against tar as I pull away.

My heart is aching. But it’s my fault.

I should never have even considered letting myself develop feelings for a man like Nico. Lina told me - more than once. I know what kind of man he is, and I was still stupid enough to fall for him.

And he proved himself to be who Lina told me he was.

A player.

Switching from woman to woman with ease.

She was beautiful. That makes me even more jealous. I wish I hadn’t seen her. But it’s better to know the truth.

I’d rather know - be hurt - and get it over with instead of dragging the lies out.

He was playing me the entire time with his hot and cold bullshit. Pulling me in and pushing me away all the time.

I don’t care if he is the father of my child - nobody has a right to treat me like I am some plaything. One of many women who entertain him.

I clench my teeth together and fight tears.

I don’t want to arrive home crying.

My lungs burn as I hold in a massive breath of air, fighting my emotions. This is my stupid fault. But it will be ok.

By the time I open the door to my apartment my emotions are outwardly under control.

“Hi, Bella.” Lisa says.

Dante’s nanny is the sweetest lady. She’s a lot older than me and has already raised two of her own children. She is so gentle and caring with him and he adores her.

“How was he today?” I ask, forcing a smile onto my face.

“Oh, he’s always an angel. He wasn’t too hungry though. But you know - they go through growth spurts and eat more for a while and get fussy again. It’s nothing to worry about. You look exhausted. Was it a long day?”

I nod, dropping my handbag on the kitchen counter. “It was a long day. I can’t wait to climb into bed.”

Lisa smiles. “Well, let me get out of your hair and let you settle in. I’ll see you again tomorrow morning.”

She picks up her handbag and gathers her things and waves goodbye as she lets herself out.

Usually when I get home so late, the first thing I do is check on Dante, even though he is sound asleep right now. But as soon as the door closes behind Lisa the tears come flooding out of me. I can’t stop them.

I flop down onto the sofa and bury my face in the pillow, trying to stay quiet, but also needing to let the emotion out.

I wish Lina and I were still as close as we used to be.

I desperately need someone to talk to. I need my best friend.

But this is a topic I can’t share with her.

She knows I have a baby - I lied to her about not knowing who the father is too - some random fling after arriving in New York - so she knows I’m a mom. But it would destroy our friendship if she found out I have been lying since the beginning. I’m a terrible person for doing that. I hate myself for it - but imagine if I had to tell her I had her brother’s baby and I’m in love with him.

It would bring the friendship to a definite end.

Since I ran away from my old life, I am alone in my truth. I accepted that ages ago.

It’s something I have to deal with.

I stand up, wiping the back of my hand across my eyes and my cheeks. Pull yourself together, Bella. A man who is messing around with multiple women is not worth your tears.

I take a few deep, slow breaths and make sure I am calm - I walk into Dante’s room.

The moment I am near him my entire body relaxes. He always has that effect on me. He is the sweetest little angel, and my heart is filled with nothing but love and happiness around him.

I stare down into his crib. He is sound asleep. The blankets are wrapped tightly around him like a cocoon. Above us a little night light star is lighting the room enough for me to see him.

He is beautiful.

Smiling, I reach into his crib and touch the soft warmth of his puffy little marshmallow cheeks. My heart aches for a moment.

He deserves to have a father.

I don’t know if I have a right to keep his father from him - not for my sake but for my son’s.

I pull my hand back, not wanting to wake him. Even though I would love nothing more than to see his big brown eyes glittering up at me.

Quietly I walk out of the room and into my kitchen to make a cup of tea. While the kettle boils, I think about Nico - and I worry about Dante.

They are family.

And no matter how angry I am at Nico right now - and no matter how much he hurt me - I don’t have the right to keep him from his own child.

It sucks that my son’s father is a huge jerk.

Why did I have to fall in love with a complete asshole of a man?

The kettle switch flips, and I sigh, picking it up and pouring a stream of boiled water into my mug.

I watch the tea bag swirl and dance around, bleeding amber colors into the water.

I should tell Nico.

No.

I’m too emotional to make decisions right now.

The best thing to do when you are overwhelmed is to sleep on it.

In the morning I will be fresh and clear minded, and I can decide what to do.

Right now I will climb into bed, sip my tea, relax my thoughts and go to sleep.

When I’m ready, settled and calm I turn my bedside light off and roll over into the warmth of my pillow, pulling the blankets up over my shoulders and snuggling down.

Closing my eyes his face fills my mind.

In the darkness and stillness of the night it’s hard to push away what your heart wants. There is nothing to distract me.

There were so many times since we reconnected in New York when I was sure he hinted that our relationship was more than physical.

The things he says to me - the way he acts around me and even the way he looks at me - it is more than physical.

But clearly I read too much into it. I was wrong.

I was too hopeful, and I saw what I wanted to see not what was really going on.

I sigh and toss over to my other side.