17. Isabella

Chapter 17

Isabella

Over the last few days it seems like all I’ve been doing is pacing. Up and down, up and down, pacing away the anxiety. Trying to run away from my own thoughts as though walking back and forth is going to achieve that.

I sigh, forcing myself to stop and take a breath.

I’m wasting energy on nothing.

What I should do is figure out the best possible future for my son. Our son.

Nico would take my son from me. His son. Dammit. It’s so complicated.

And I would be powerless to stop him. He is a strong man with so much power behind him that there is nothing I could do to get my son back if he took him.

Luckily, I am confident that he would be an amazing father.

In fact, that’s something important to me - it’s something I have no doubt of. I know he would be incredible as a father for our son - and I know I love him - it’s not something I’m questioning, and it’s not the reason for me being so reluctant to accept his offer of seeing where we might lead.

It’s the secrets.

I hate secrets.

They destroy everything.

I kept the secret of our son from him and it almost made him hate me. I have no idea what secrets Nico is keeping - but they would probably be devastating for me to find out.

He’s not the monster of a man I was pushed into an arranged marriage with. He is nothing like Marcus. Nothing .

But Nico isn’t a good man.

He belongs in the mafia world. It’s in his blood and the things he’s done to survive and make a name for himself - do I even want to know what they are?

No.

But can I live with him never asking questions?

But - again - Nico will take my son from me and Dante deserves a mother and a father. He needs both of us. It would break me apart if I couldn’t be in his life.

I could run - if I really wanted to. I’ve escaped one man. I could do it again. I have enough money and I’ve learned a lot about the world in this past year. I could do it.

I reach up and touch my lips, still feeling the effects of the kiss he gave me before he left. My body is another story. My mind can at least try to think rationally, using logic to choose the best possible outcome - but my body is out of my control. I can’t control how I react to him physically or how my heart yearns for him. I can’t stop myself from loving him or being attracted to him.

I didn’t choose it. It just happened that way. It started that night he helped me escape my wedding. And since then it’s always been there in the back of my mind. I was rebuilding my life and doing my best to restart and move on from everything in my past - but Nico was always there, drifting in my thoughts.

I never regretted anything that happened between us - and I don’t see why I would regret anything that might still happen.

I want him. I need him around me. He makes me feel safe and desired and beautiful.

But I’m also scared of him. I fear the parts of him I don’t know.

What if he turns into someone like Marcus?

No.

That’s not possible.

No one is like Marcus. Especially not Nico. That is just my fear speaking in my mind. I can’t ever let fear control me. Never again.

My thoughts continue to swarm in different directions while I try to consider all outcomes. But everything keeps leading back to the simple truth that I love him.

My feet are aching from walking up and down my office, so I kick my high heels off and stand still for a moment, letting my feet rest upon the floor. I have a dull headache growing behind my eyes. It’s from my restless night last night and all the tension today.

Nico is a different dangerous to Marcus.

He wouldn’t kill me. I don’t even think he would hurt me, not physically, but he would take my son.

I walk over to the small sofa in the corner of my office and sit down with my head in my hands.

My entire world is falling apart, ripped out from beneath me since he came back into my life.

Everything is chaos now.

I know how the universe works though and chaos isn’t always a bad thing. Chaos breaks things apart - it shifts things and moves things that aren’t meant to be the way they are.

I can’t just ignore the fact that fate has played some kind of influence here. It’s no mistake Nico was the one who helped me escape. It’s not a mistake that I lost my virginity to him and ended up pregnant with his child. And of course, it’s no mistake that after a year of being so far from him - removed from his world - I ended up working at the gallery that he owns and finding him back in my life.

I love him.

Despite that darker side of him.

The dangerous undercurrent of who he is.

I love him.

And maybe it’s time I trusted the universe and let fate take its course the way it wants to.

I just need to let go, stop fighting this and be with him. No matter the parts of him that scare me or the parts of him I will never know about.

It’s irrelevant when it comes to love.

All I have to do is trust that he will always take care of us and love us the way we deserve.

I’m going to stop fighting this - the path the universe set me on - I am going to give my heart to him and have hope.