15. Isabella

Chapter 15

Isabella

My alarm beeps, high pitched and annoying - aching against my ears until I reach over and switch it off.

I might have slept an hour or two at most. I can’t tell. What I know is that I’m exhausted. My eyes are dry and puffy, my head is heavy, and my body wants to sink back into the lost, darkness of dreaming instead of facing whatever is going to happen today.

But I will not let anyone else dictate my future.

Nico wants me to stay in the apartment, hide away and remain out of sight. But that’s not what I think is best for this situation.

Fear ate me alive last night. It consumed me to the point where I was practically paralyzed in my skin. I will not live like that. I made a promise to myself when I left Marcus - I promised not to let anyone make me weak ever again - and I intend to keep that promise.

I drag my legs out from beneath the blankets and hang them over the side of the bed. My body is aching from lack of sleep.

Cold tiles touch my feet when I walk into the kitchen. The shock of it pulls me a little further awake.

Soon a rich scent of strong coffee is in the air and slowly but surely I’m feeling a little better.

By the time I’ve had coffee, gotten dressed, and fed Dante - I’m even more focused and determined to not let anyone, even Marcus, hold me back from living my life.

Lisa arrives at her usual time and coos over Dante, swooping him up into her arms and lifting him in the air. He giggles and drools and she looks over at me.

“You look tired. Are you sure you’re well enough to go back to work so soon?”

“Yes, it was just a little overnight bug. It’s gone now. I’ll go to bed early tonight to make up for the lost sleep and then by tomorrow I’ll be recovered.”

“Just take care of yourself. If you feel crappy at work - come home. And take a jacket - it’s chilly outside.”

I grin, she mothers me just as much as she takes care of Dante.

“Yes, mom.” I tease her.

“Sorry - old habits.”

“It’s ok. I like it.” I reach over and hug her, then kiss Dante on the cheek and tell him I will see him later.

“We’ll be here.” Lisa says.

I walk out of the apartment with a mix of apprehension and fear. I hope I’m making the right choice here. Leaving my son alone right now is difficult - but I want to continue a normal routine. I won’t let this fear derail our lives.

Fear has never solved problems. It’s never helped me . I don’t think fear has done anything but cripple people and hold them back.

Just outside my apartment door I take a deep breath and walk away from the door, towards the elevators. My high heels click on the tiled floor.

I’ve got work to do and that should be my focus, just like any other day.

I step through the gallery doors and immediately I can sense Nico is angry to see me. However, there are too many people around for him to say anything. He glares at me and in that glare are a lot of unspoken words, hanging in the air between us.

I bite my lip, then push my shoulders back and turn my eyes away from him.

“Morning, Killian.”

“Hi, Bella. Are you better? You’ve got really dark circles under your eyes.” Typical of Killian - just saying it like it is.

“I could do with a few more hours of sleep, but other than that I’m good, thanks. We have that new artist’s show coming up next week. Can you please send through the photographs of his work? I want to decide on a layout for the show.”

“I’m right on it.” Killian nods, spinning away from me to get that done.

Without look in Nico’s direction again I head straight into my office.

It takes a few hours to design the show layout. We have moveable internal walls which makes for a unique structure allowing us to recreate our gallery space to accommodate any type of artwork. I usually love this part - the design - the creativity - making it look amazing. But today my thoughts are scattered and messy and it’s taking much longer than it should. Killian has brought me two cups of coffee to keep me going and for that I’m grateful.

So far I haven’t had to face Nico. And for that - I’m even more grateful.

When I’m done, I stand up from my desk and stretch.

Now I’ve got to pull the pieces out from the back area and get them unwrapped and onto the walls.

I head into the main gallery area and Nico is there, talking to some men who work in the back rooms, packaging and dealing with the orders. Damn. I wish he was working in his own office today.

I don’t know how to act around him.

Things are so weird between us and it’s even more awkward because of the people around us. We can’t say anything - and it’s uncomfortable to say nothing at all.

I walk through the gallery, noting the current set up and what needs to be done to adjust it.

The place is busy. There are plenty of employees here to help me get this done by the end of the day.

When I look up to find the team leader of my work force, I see Nico. He walks towards me and my shoulders go tense. I take in a sharp breath.

Surely, he can’t want to talk to me now.

But he simply hands me a clipboard, with a list of the new artist's canvas titles on it. “I think you need this.”

“Thanks.” I mutter.

Him being this close to me stirs too many things in my body.

His eyes pierce into me and I can see his thoughts. What are you doing here? Why did you disobey me? Why did you hide the fact that I had a son?

My stomach lurches and I turn away from him and hurry into another section of the gallery.

The anxiety has stayed constant since I left my apartment. Being around him makes it worse. All I need to do today is work - focus on that - get through the day - get things done and go home to my little baby.

Nothing else matters but Dante.

Nico can do whatever he wants to do.

“Miss Bella, I got your email with the new floor layout. Can we move the internal walls now?” ne of our workers asks me.

“Yes, please go ahead with that. Once the walls are in place I’ll come through to the back to unpack the artwork.”

“Yes, mam.” He nods, then walks away.

For the moment I have nothing to do.

I would go on lunch now, or for a short walk outside. But, even though I was confident enough to come to the gallery to work today - I am not confident enough to walk around the streets of New York alone.

Marcus is out there.

The gallery is a familiar place to me - so it’s safe. Outside is no longer safe.

I sigh, I guess I can just sit in my office for a while and try switch off my thoughts.

But that doesn’t work.

The office door is closed and I’m alone with my anxiety.

I’m worried about Dante, fearful that something has happened to him.

I can at least ease that thought.

I dial Lisa’s number.

She picks up the phone with a cheerful hello.

“How are you guys doing there at home?”

“We’re good. We’re playing with the stuffed toys and he just got out of a warm bubble bath. I know he doesn’t bath till evening, but he seems extra fidgety today and the water always calms him down.”

“Oh, I’m sure he loved it. Thank you for that. I think he’s fidgety because I was fidgety and he picked up on it.”

“Well, like you said - you’ll be all better by tomorrow and be back to your normal happy self.” I can hear the smile in Lisa’s voice.

I’m lucky I found someone as amazing as her to take care of my son. Without her I would be worried about him and unable to work, even on a normal day. I trust her. She’s amazing.

“Thanks, Lisa. I’ll see you guys later then. I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Oh, don’t worry about dinner. I’m making you something so you can rest when you get home.”

“Thanks again. I really appreciate everything you do.”

When I hang up the phone there is an enormous weight off my shoulders. Dante is fine. And so am I. Nothing has come crashing down on me and Marcus hasn’t come flying in here to steal me away.

Everything really is ok.

The knock at my office door makes me jump.

Nico pushes the door open and steps inside.

I stand up, wanting to leave, wanting to avoid him, but we’re in my office and he’s standing in the only doorway that leads in and out of here.

He closes the door behind himself and looks at me with a stern expression.

“We need to talk, Bella. We can’t dance around each other all day ignoring the tension and pretending like nothing is going on.”

He’s right. I know we need to talk. I’m just so overwhelmed right now it’s too much. Everything is too much.

I’m still standing behind my desk, quietly watching him. Nodding I sigh and say, “we need to talk. Do you want to sit down?”

I gesture towards the chair opposite my desk.

“Uh. Not yet.” He mumbles. I guess he has as much agitation running through him as I do. It’s hard to sit or relax or control your body when you’re flooded with frustration.

The silence in my office gets heavier and thicker as each second ticks by. I’m waiting for him to start the conversation because I’ve already had my chance to share my thoughts last night. I told him about how I felt, I told him about Marcus - and I told him about our son.

The ball is in his court now and he needs to speak.

He needs to tell me what’s on his mind.

Slowly, I lower myself into my office chair.

All I need right now is to be patient and to listen.