11. Isabella

Chapter 11

Isabella

In the morning, the moment I open my eyes, I know I can’t work today.

My mind is still ravaged with conflicting emotions about Nico and this whole crazy situation.

I can’t face him - not until I’ve decided how I want to handle it and that requires me to take some time to myself and clear my thoughts.

Dante is cooing in my arms as I walk around my apartment, cradling him against my chest.

“Shall we go for a stroll today?” I ask him, smiling and melting into the warmth of my love for him.

He kicks his little chubby legs out and squeals.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I grin.

My phone chimes and it causes my stomach to knot. It’s probably work. I’ve already told Killian I won’t be in today, but I’m expecting to get some type of lecture from Nico.

Dante wiggles as I prop him up in his soft baby seat with toys all around him. He grabs at the leg of a teddy bear and drags it to his mouth. Everything goes straight into his mouth. I have to pay attention all the time and makes sure he doesn’t chew on something dangerous.

A heavy sigh of relief rushes from my lungs when I see it is Lina messaging me.

Lina: Heya girl, how’s life? Been missing you so much. What’s new?

I put a bit a thought into this last night and figured out that I can tell her about my guy-troubles as long as I don’t mention names.

Sitting in the sofa next to Dante I dial her number. It will be so good to hear her voice.

She answers with excitement.

“Bella, oh my goodness. I never seem to catch you at the right time.”

“Hey, Lina. I miss you too.” I complain, laughing as well.

After some normal catch up chats I sigh and say. “I’ve got some guy problems that maybe you can give me advice on.”

“Oh my word - I’ve been waiting for the day when you meet someone new. Spit it out - I want to know everything.”

I giggle. “I’ll start by telling - it’s my boss.”

She packs up laughing. “Oh dear. A work place romance. Ok - what else?”

“I don’t really know - I mean - he’s amazing. But I can’t figure out if he wants something serious with me or if I’m a bit of fun on the side. It’s confusing, and it’s bothering me.” I sigh.

Lina is silent for a moment then she asks, “Have you spoken to him about this - telling how you feel and asking him how he feels?”

“Sort of. Not officially. I tried to last night, but we ended up arguing. I got emotional.”

“Babe, you’ve been through so much pain in your last relationship I’m not surprised you would get nervous or emotional to start a new one. It’s going to be scary - no matter how good it is you will focus on the bad because your brain is telling you relationships aren’t safe.”

I sigh because what she’s saying makes sense. After Marcus how can I not be scared to let someone close to me.

“So, what am I supposed to do?”

She laughs. “We both know you are an amazing mom, and you’ve been working super hard, so - honestly you need to let go. Trust a little. Have some faith. You are allowed to fall in love. It doesn’t mean you’re being selfish. You deserve to have someone special in your life.”

“But what if it all goes wrong, and I get hurt?”

“Not everyone is like Marcus, Bella. You left that life behind you. You gave up a lot to escape it. Now give yourself a chance to start your new life.”

I grin, wiping a single tear away from my face. I miss her so badly. “When did you get so smart?” I laugh into the phone.

“Well, you were always the brains, and you left - so I had to adapt.” She giggles. “Talk to this guy, Bella. Take a chance and tell him how you really feel. Then you can stop worrying. Either way - whether he is interested or not - at least you’ll know.”

“You’re right. Thank you.”

We chat for a little while longer. Her voice is like home to me. I wish she could meet my baby boy. She’s actually his aunt, and she doesn’t even know it.

The ache in my heart about that lie is still a difficult thing to deal with.

Finally, we say goodbye because she needs to head out for the day and Dante is getting fidgety again.

After the phone call I feel a hundred times better. Sometimes all you need is someone to reflect your worry back at you and filter through what’s real and what’s fear.

I do have a lot of fear about letting myself be loved - or fall in love.

I’ve never known what a proper relationship is like. All I’ve ever known is Marcus, and he was a demon of a man. A cruel, nasty, monster of a human being.

When Dante’s tummy is full of breakfast, he is looking a lot happier. I pack up his pram and strap him safely into it so that we can head downstairs and take a nice long walk outside. Fresh air will be good for both of us.

The weather is a little overcast but fresh and lovely.

We walk a long way down the main street, enjoying the energy and the people. On the way back I stop at the coffee shop near my house to get a takeaway cappuccino. When we get home, Dante will sleep, and I can relax.

This walk has cleared my head a lot. The talk with Lina was probably responsible for most of my clarity - but now, as I head home I’ve decided.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk to Nico.

I’m going to be very clear and open about how I feel - and if it feels right - I will tell him about his son.

Whatever happens after that - I have no control of it and I will accept it for what it is.

“How many sugars?” the young barista asks me.

“One please.” I answer, and lean against the counter, looking out of the window.

The street is busy today, New York is always busy though, so it’s no surprise.

The moment my eyes catch sight of him I freeze.

Completely unable to move.

Marcus.

He’s here.

He’s in New York.

Nausea bubbles inside me, threatening to take over.

Panic surges and a dizzy wave of anxiety slams into me.

“Miss?”

I turn in a daze towards her.

“Miss, your coffee - are you ok?”

Leaving the coffee where it is I grab the handle of Dante’s stroller and practically run out of the coffee shop. I hear her shouting behind “Your coffee?” But I can’t. I can’t do or think about anything other than that I need to get my son to safety without Marcus seeing me.

Luckily my apartment is in the other direction to where I spotted him. I keep my head low, moving fast, but not fast enough to draw attention.

Blood is pumping through my body at such a speed that I’m faint.

As soon as I walk into my apartment, I double lock the door, leaning against it for a moment and listening for footsteps following me. But I hear nothing.

Rushing to the window I look up and down the street outside my building. No one was chasing me. No one was following me that I can see.

The monster I have such intense fear for - he might not even be here for me. He’s probably here on business and I spotted him.

My hand is pressed right over my heart, trying to ease the heavy beat. I take slow breaths in. Out. In. Out.

When the dizziness has faded, I lift Dante from his pram and settle him into his crib. He needs to sleep, and I need a moment alone.

But I can’t relax.

In the living room I can’t sit, and I can’t stand. I have no idea what to do with myself. An hour goes by and nothing happens but I’m still terrified.

When there is a knock on my door my legs collapse beneath me. I don’t get visitors here. I keep my address very private.

There is no reason for someone to be here today.

The lump in my throat is tight and painful as I walk towards the door as though I’m dreaming.

I move, too afraid to let them know I’m home. Hoping that if I ignore it - they will leave.

“Bella?”

Nico’s voice drifts through the door. Confusion and relief floods me.

It’s not Marcus. It’s not one of his goons.

But that doesn’t mean I was ready to face Nico either.

I stand with my hand resting on the handle, but not replying. Maybe he will go away.

“Bella, come on. I know you’re in there. Open the door. I’m not leaving.”

Fuck.

I guess I have no choice.

Especially with Marcus in New York - Nico needs to know he’s here - and I have to tell him the truth before anything happens.

I unlatch each of the bolts and turn the key. Pulling the door open I struggle to look up and into Nico’s eyes.

“Come in.” I say, looking at the floor, tension in my body.

“Thanks.” He mutters, stepping inside. “These are for you.”

He hands me a bunch of flowers and a gift box. “Oh.” Is all I can say because my throat is still too tight to speak.