CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LUCY

It's all my fault, isn't it? Everything was fine before I insisted on this damn trip home, and was there really any point in it at all? All it did was prove that my parents will never approve of anything I do with my life.

Living in the United States with Stella, Mav, Gage, and Sebastian is the happiest I've ever been, so why did I let my parents get in my head like that?

After I threw myself at Mav, he nodded once at me and led me to the others and made his declaration, and I don't know why he did that, because it's not necessarily what I want at all. I don't want to marry just one person, when I'm living so happily with four of them. Now I feel like I've sent us up a path we can't turn and go back down to where we were happy and settled.

After Stella runs out, and Mav follows her, I nervously watch Gage and Sebastian as they watch me. None of us speak, because none of us really know what to say right now, or maybe there's nothing left to say at all, because I destroyed everything, didn't I?

"I'm sorry," I whisper, not comfortable meeting their eyes any longer, because I can see the hurt in them, and I caused it. I did that to them, and I hate myself for it.

"Why, Lucy?" Sebastian speaks just as quietly, and although I know Gage probably wants to take over and yell, he doesn't. He lets us talk, and that's scarier than his normal behaviour, because does that mean he's giving up on us?

"I freaked out. We were doing that stuff, and it was new stuff, different stuff, and… and suddenly all I could hear was my parents telling me I'm a whore, and I couldn't exactly convince myself they were wrong, while I was literally doing things they wouldn't approve of."

Gage curses under his breath, but Sebastian ignores him, choosing to focus on my words instead.

"Why though, Lucy?" I just told him! What does he even mean?

"I… I don't understand."

"Why does it matter if you're not fitting into their idea of who you should be? Why would you risk losing all of this, us , just to please them? Have they ever pleased you? Have they ever put you first? Given you what you really want or need? Have they ever listened when you're scared or upset? Ever dropped everything to come to your aid?" Well, talk about a whole load of ouch, because he knows the answers already, hence his words. I shake my head, and he nods sagely, like he knows exactly what to say in this moment, and I'm glad, because for a writer, I really suck at the words stuff.

"We are always here for you, Lucy. We give you everything you could want or need, don't we? Are we failing you in some way? Is there more you need from us? Is a fucking ring on your finger the dealbreaker here? How does anyone get married without it destroying all of us? Don't you see that?"

Gage practically growls as he gets up from the sofa, and I flinch, because if he's going into one of his rages, I think I'm definitely the target of it.

"Gage?" Sebastian stands too, glancing at me warily before he moves in his direction.

"I can't lose everything again, I can't be alone again," he says softly, so softly I almost miss it. Gage doing the opposite of what we expect is unnerving. Where's the anger? Where are the threats, and the demands, and the declarations of how it's going to be?

"Baby, you won't. You still have me, I promise," Sebastian says, grasping his shoulder and rubbing it. Dammit!

"You still have all of us, Gage! This isn't what I wanted or what I even meant. I was freaking out. I was scared. For the first time since I've been with you all, I felt ashamed, and I hated it, because I found everything, I've ever wanted with you guys, and I don't want to lose it."

"So why the bullshit about marriage?" Gage roars, shoving past Sebastian and approaching me so rapidly that I take a step back, and freeze when his hands grab my upper arms, his grip savage and bruising.

"I-"

"You say you don't want to fuck this all up, but that's exactly what you did! How can any of us go back to the way we were now?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper miserably, "this isn't what I meant to happen. I just needed to talk it out, but I think I gave Mav the impression that marriage is my ultimate goal. It's not. I just… I think I confused things, and that's my fault, I know. I don't want to be away from any of you, and I don't need marriage to be happy. Please don't make me leave."

MAV

I swear to god, whatever happens, I'm never coming to England again. I feel like it fucking cursed us, and destroyed us, because we were happy til we came here. It broke Lucy, and now I've hurt Stella, while I try to fix everything.

Stella's letting me kiss her, and she's even kissing me back, but it's going to take more than this to make up to her for the hurt I caused. The only thing I absolutely know in this moment, is that offering to marry her is the wrong thing to say. I mean, it literally set this all off, and I already promised myself to Lucy, so how the fuck can I marry both of them? I wish I fucking could, but then I can see how Gage and Pretty Boy would be hurt by that. Fucking marriage laws. Love is love, dammit.

"Maverick?"

I rest my forehead against Stella's, using my thumbs to brush tears away from her cheeks. Tears I caused, and not in a good way. Who doesn't love seeing tears while your cock is buried deep in a woman's throat? This isn't that kind. If only.

"Talk to me, baby. Don't tell me to leave though, because I can't. I'm not walking away until I figure out how to unfuck our family."

She giggles softly, pulling back so she can look in my eyes, her hazel ones wide and brimming with something, but let's be honest, I clearly can't read women, or I wouldn't have simultaneously fucked things up with both of them in the same damn hour.

"Stella?"

She sighs, resting a hand on my chest. "Maybe I overreacted a teeny tiny bit, but I really thought I was in a situation where I didn't need to fear rejection anymore, and it hurt more because it was so unexpected. I know Lucy's suffering right now, because of her damn parents, but they can't be the reason this all falls apart, and you can't make stupid statements about marrying one of us, because that's exactly the kind of shit that'll break us all apart."

She's fucking right too. I nod, offering her a little smile. "I'm not really good at the feelings part of relationships. I mean, I don't do this, I never did this before. It was about fucking holes and getting out before feelings hit, and now… yeah, now I'm kinda in over my head, I guess."

She's not taking pity on me though, oh no, she's going to throw me back to the fucking wolves, isn't she? I run a hand through my hair, taking a deep breath as my mind races.

"Uh, any idea how the fuck I fix this?"

Stella takes my hand and squeezes it. "It starts with making Lucy understand that we all love her, and that we love her exactly the way she is, and then you need to explain that you can't marry her, but that doesn't mean you don't want her forever. Is it really that difficult? "She shakes her head as she starts walking, muttering, "men."

She makes it sound so fucking easy, but it's not going to be, is it? I let her lead me back to the living room, where we left the other three parts of ourselves, and we both stop in our tracks. Did we expect to see this? I thought they'd all be sitting in awkward silence, or even not be in the room together, but instead?

Lucy's in Gage's arms, and he's kissing her. It's not the usual aggressive kind of kissing we're used to seeing from him, ugh… that we've all fucking had from him now. It's sweet. It's like watching two people in love, and it's kinda beautiful. Do I feel that usual twinge of jealousy as I watch them? I mean, I'm still me, so yeah, but Sebastian's also watching them, and all I see on his face is relief. Relief and pride. Don't tell me Gage fucking fixed things for us. When the hell does that ever happen?