Chapter 3

3

J ake climbed out of the car and paused, slowly sipping his coffee. His gaze scanned his surroundings and his free hand rested lightly on his gun holster at his hip out of habit rather than any sense of danger.

Mac climbed out of the driver's side and gave a nod to the man approaching.

"Bill." Mac greeted the burly man once he stopped in front of them.

"Mac." Bill inclined his head in return, his heavy-set brow furled into a frown. "Jake."

"What seems to be the trouble, Bill?" Jake continued to sip his coffee nonchalantly.

"Cow's missin'," Bill stated.

"A cow is missing?" Jake replied. "Uh… You sure it hasn't just wandered off?"

"Buttercup wouldn't do that." Bill shook his head. "Besides, she was locked up in her stall in the barn."

"Why don't you take it from the top?" Mac retrieved his little black notebook from his pocket and flipped it open. "Tell us what happened."

"I got up this morning at the ass crack of dawn to do the milking as usual, and when I went into Buttercup's stall, I found these."

They both leaned in close as Bill unhooked a small, plain canvas sack from his belt and opened it. He reached inside and scooped out a handful of multicolored beans that seemed to shimmer and glitter in the light.

Mac and Jake glanced at each other for a long moment before bursting into laughter.

"Oh, Bill." Mac slapped him on the shoulder in amusement. "You had us there for a moment… magic beans in exchange for a cow…" He shook his head. "But I think you've got your holidays mixed up there. It's Halloween, not April Fools'."

"I ain't joking." His eyes were filled with conviction and a gravity completely at odds with the prank he was obviously trying to pull.

"Sure… sure." Jake snorted. "And I'm sure that, if we look around, we'll find a kid called Jack with a sack full of gold he's stolen from a giant."

"I told you, I ain't joking, and I can prove it." The farmer scowled.

"By all means." Jake lifted his hand and indicated for Bill to lead the way to this so-called proof.

Bill threw them both a disgruntled look and stalked around the side of the barn to the field behind. Mac and Jake glanced at each other again, chuckling as they followed him around the building.

But their laughter soon died as they rounded the corner of the barn and stopped dead.

Jake opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He turned to Mac, who blinked for several long minutes.

"Is that a—" Mac began.

"—giant beanstalk?" Jake finished in disbelief.

There in front of them, as large as life, were several dark green vines, each as thick as a tree trunk. They wound round and around each other, forming a spiral that circled up to the sky and disappeared into fluffy, thick white clouds.

"Jesus," Jake muttered as he continued to stare up into the sky.

"I don't think this was his doing," Mac replied.

"It just showed up an hour or so ago." Bill glowered at the plant as if personally affronted.

"Wait a minute." Jake shielded his eyes and squinted up at the giant vine. "Did you see something… move up there?"

"You're right," Mac murmured. "Is that… What is that?"

They watched as a small, darkblur carrying a sack that looked to be bursting at the seams shimmied down the beanstalk.

As the blur got closer to the ground, Jake realized it was a?—

"It's a kid!" Mac exclaimed sharply.

A young boy of perhaps thirteen scrambled down before them. As his feet touched the ground, Jake caught him by the collar before he could bolt and swung him around.

"Let me go!" The kid yanked back hard, struggling to free himself.

The sack fell and its contents spilled out with a merry tinkle and?—

A honk?

Jake looked down at the large golden coins, that almost looked like doubloons, scattered across the ground. In the middle of the coins was a harp strumming a soothing song. There was also… a goose?

Jake blinked as the rather large bird squatted and, with a loud squeal, laid a solid gold egg.

"What the hell?" Mac muttered.

"Hey, kid." Jake's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he turned his attention back to the boy. "What's the rush?"

His eyes wide as saucers, the kid glanced up into the sky.

"Th-th-that," he stammered, and he pointed a finger upward.

They all looked up to see a gigantic pair of hairy feet appear at the top of the beanstalk, just below the cloud cover.

"What in the merry hell?" Mac gasped.

Jake turned back to the boy, whose shirt was still gripped tightly in his fist. "What did you do?" he demanded.

The boy shrugged and sent him an apologetic grin before disappearing in a puff of green glitter.

"The fuck?" Jake whispered as he shook the glitter from his hand.

"FE FI FO FUM," a huge voice bellowed from high above them.

"You've got to be shitting me." Mac blinked. "Is that an actual giant?"

"Fuck!" Jake swore again as he saw a pair of thick legs join the enormous hairy feet.

"Quick, think!" Mac grabbed Jake's arm. "Jack and the Beanstalk, how did Jack defeat the giant?"

"Uh…" Jakeblinkedwildly as he tried to remember.

"Axe," Bill muttered as he watched a massive torso appearfrom the clouds.

"What?" They both turned to the dairy farmer.

"An axe," he replied as an enormous pair of arms followed. "Jack called to his mother to bring the axe, and he chopped the beanstalk down. The giant fell to his death."

Mac withdrew his weapon from his holster and backed up slightly so he could see better, training his gun on the giant. Jack's eyes swept over Mac's shoulder to the barn behind him.

"Please tell me you have an axe in there?"

"Nope," Bill murmured as he continued to watch the slow descent of the impossibly large man above them. "Got a chainsaw though."

"That'll do." Jake flung the coffee he was somehow still holding and bolted for the barn.

"GOT IT!"

Clutching the chainsaw, Jake ran out of the barn and back toward the base of the beanstalk. After firing it up, he set to work hacking through the thick trunk.

"Hey!" Bill frowned, shouting above the noise of the chainsaw. "Cutting there will?—"

Jake nodded at Bill but continued cutting.A few moments later, there was a loud lowing as dozens of cows scampered out of the wide-open doors, led by Bill.

Jesus , Jake thought to himself as he glanced up quickly. It was like watching Wreck-it-Ralph shimmy down a drainpipe. The huge guy was surprisingly agile.

"JAKE!" Mac shouted and held his gun on the giant as he continued his climb. "Hurry up!"

"DDDDDDDDOOOOO YYYYOOOUU WWWWANNNT TOOOO DOOO THHHHIIISSSS????" Jake replied as thechainsaw sent vibrations up his arms and across his body.

Mac stepped back a littlefurther and began firing, but the bullets did nothing but bounce off the guy and cause him to roar in anger.

"DDDDDON'T MMMMMAKKKE HHHHIIM MMMADDD…" Jake shouted.

There was a loud crack, followed by the alarming sound of something splintering. Suddenly, the beanstalk began to tilt and sway.

Jake dropped the chainsaw.

"RUN!" he shouted to Mac.

They leapt out of the way, diving to the ground. There was a loud shout from the giant as the beanstalk crashed down and filled the air with dust and debris.

"Jake?" Mac coughed. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jake groaned as he pushed himself up.

The dust slowly cleared and they were treated to the sight of the mooing cows milling around the devastation.

"BILL!" Mac called out. "Bill, are you okay?"

"Yeah," came a gravelly voice through the dusty air, "but my barn isn't, thanks to you jackasses."

Jake looked up and saw that the roof of the barn had completely caved in. The walls on either side had splintered and collapsed, and a pair of spread-eagled legs and two thick arms stuck out of either side.

"Ouch." Jake winced.

"Why the hell didn't you cut the other side so it came down in the field?" Bill grumbled.

"Sorry." Jake frowned. "Thought you were cheering me on. First time cutting down a colossal magical beanstalk with a giant attached to it. Didn't exactly have time to think it through."

Jake stood slowly, dusting the straw and chunks of beanstalk from his uniform. He pushed the cows out of the way and headed toward Mac, who stood next to Bill and stared at one arm sticking out of the side of the demolished barn.

"Is it dead?" Jake asked cautiously.

A loud snore filled the air.

"Nope." Mac sighed. "Just knocked out."

Jake scowled. "Damn it. I thought the story said it was supposed to kill him?"

Mac shrugged. "I don't think this is an exact science, Jake."

"You know what we need, don't you?"

"Olivia," they said in unison.

Mac pulled his phone from his pocket and lifted it up. "No signal."

"Typical." Jake shook his head. "We're going to have to head back into town to find her." Jake glanced down at his watch. "Theo said they were going trick-or-treating with the twins since it's their first Halloween, so she could be anywhere."

"Come on." Mac started around the wreck of the barn toward where they'd parked the police cruiser. "We'll just…" He stopped and stared at the flattened pancake that had once been their car but now had a gigantic fist pressing intoits roof.

"Ah." Mac frowned. "Guess not."

"Dammit," Jake replied. "We don't have time to walk back. We don't know how long Gigantor here is gonna be out cold."

"I can help with that." Bill fished in his pocket and tossed them a set of keys. "My truck's parked by the shed on the other side of the trees there. You can take it."

"Thanks, Bill." Mac fisted the keys. "We'll be back as soon as possible."

"Just don't break the truck," he told them as he glanced back at the barn.

Nodding, they headed over to where Bill had gestured and climbed the fence, but as soon as they crossed the tree line, they knew something was… off.

The inside of the wood was much darker than it should have been. They looked behind them and could no longer see the field or the wreckage of the barn.

The trees felt malevolent somehow, twisted and gnarled. Eyes glowed in the dark and the squawks and shrieks of predatory birds echoed through the branches.

"Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore," Jake remarked dryly.

"Be grateful we weren't in Kansas to start with," Mac muttered, "or something tells me we might have had to dodge a tornado and a house falling on our heads." Max pulled his flashlight from his belt, flicked it on, and looked around.

"What the hell is going on?" Jake shook his head. "This is weird, even by Mercy standards."

"You're telling me," Mac muttered. The flashlight suddenly highlighted a winding path at their feet that seemed to lead through the threatening woods. Mac shrugged. "I guess we follow the path."

They began walking, and after a few moments, a tantalizing smell wafted in their direction.

"What's that?" Jake sniffed loudly as his stomach growled.

They hurried forward and the darkness receded, revealing a sweet little cottage in the middle of the path.

"Is that… a gingerbread house?" Mac asked in disbelief.

The air was filled with the mouth-watering scents of cinnamon, sugar, and warm cookie dough. The cottage in front of them had crumbly gingerbread walls and candy cane corner posts. The window frames dripped with smooth, sweet icing, the roof was thatched with thick sugar-spun clouds of cotton candy, and the pathway leading to the licorice door was paved with scattered candies.

Jake's stomach growled once again as he caught sight of a steaming?—

" Pie ," Jake breathed out reverently, his feet carrying him closer to the open window.

"Jake!" Mac hissed in warning.

But Jake wasn't listening. He'd reached the window and leaned down to inhale the freshly baked pies.

"Hey, Mac," Jake called to his friend as he turned. Then there was a loud clang, a sharp pain to the back of his head, and darkness.