Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

KATE

W ork is officially kicking my ass, and I'm moody. No matter how hard I try, the funk I've been in for these past three days won't shift.

"I need your notes on the Taylor file ASAP, Kate."

Facing my computer screen, I roll my eyes. "I'll get them to you as quickly as I can, Derek."

He huffs out a breath and comes to stand next to me, eyeing my screen. "So they aren't ready yet?"

Closing down the window so he can't spy on private client information, I turn to look at him. "No. If they were, then they would be on your desk, so you aren't standing at mine interrupting me."

Borderline rude, I'll admit. But Derek has been hounding me for days over a non-urgent case.

He looks taken aback. "Easy now, Kate. That time of the month?"

I'm incandescent with rage and ready to crop him at the kneecaps when I stop dead in my tracks…

Everything, even annoying Derek, fades into the background. Today is July fourteenth. I took my last pill three days ago.

Where is it?

I shoot up from my desk, my chair spinning back. "Excuse me, Derek." I rush out.

Grabbing my bag and jacket from the back of the chair, I move toward the exit but stop at reception. "Margo, I need to head out for a couple of hours. Is there any chance you can push the Parker meeting to Monday?"

She winces. "Your calendar is stacked on Monday."

It's Thursday, and I already know tomorrow is packed. "I'll offer them a late-night appointment on Monday."

She folds her hands together on her desk and eyes me cautiously. "Kate, I've worked with you for six years, and in that time, I think we've grown close."

My brows knit together. "Go on."

"You're going to make yourself sick, honey. You never stop. You're the first one to arrive, the last one to leave, and now you're asking me to schedule in an appointment, which will likely take at least two hours after six in the evening."

I don't need this. I know she's trying to be kind, but right now, I'm on the verge of a breakdown for very different reasons. "I'm honestly fine. Book them in and shoot me an email to confirm." I turn to leave but stop. "Margo?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for checking on me." My voice trembles on the last words, but I have no idea if she notices as I race for the elevator.

The descent to the lobby happens in slow motion as I lean against the back railing and mentally calculate the timeline. My period always starts on the twelfth of each month, never a day early or late. Pulling out my phone, I begin scrolling through my period tracking app. Month after month, year after year, and never a delay. Sure, I could forgive a day, but not this long. Why am I even going to the drugstore? I can't be. I take my pill every day without fail. I know I was twelve hours late that morning after Jensen and I?—

"Hey, whoa, watch what you're doing!" A man crashes into me from behind as I come to a sudden halt on the bustling sidewalk.

My trembling hands fly to cover my face.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!

I threw my pill up. And then took the next one half a day late. In between that time, Jensen and I had sex, without a condom, more times than I can count. He barely let me sleep.

I am, aren't I?

Standing in the middle of downtown Seattle, traffic and people rush past me, but I'm rooted to the spot—screw drugstore tests. Scrolling through my contacts, I hit call on the number for my OBGYN.

"Kate, take a seat." Doctor Radwanska waves a hand to the black leather couch situated along the back wall of her consultation room.

Offering me a sweet smile, she waits for me to explain the reason for my panicked call requesting an urgent appointment.

Taking a deep breath, I cut to the chase. "I need you to run a test. I think I might…" I trail off and bite down on my bottom lip, "…be pregnant."

Her eyes flare in surprise, but she quickly resets her professional exterior. Clearing her throat, she flicks through a couple of screens on her computer and then turns back to me, her comforting smile returning. "Okay, we can definitely do that. Do you have any idea of the timeline?"

"Well, my last period was June twelfth."

She nods and makes a note. "When did you last have unprotected sex?"

"Birth control?"

Jensen's clipped question just before he entered me races through my memory as I squeeze my eyes shut. "It was one night on June thirtieth. I'd been sick the night before, and there's a possibility my birth control didn't get a chance to work. Plus, the following morning, I took my next one twelve hours late. I was right in the middle of my cycle. I'm certain that's the only time I could've conceived."

Doctor Radwanska presses her lips together in a thin line. "So this potential pregnancy isn't planned?"

I shake my head and bite down hard, but on the inside of my cheek this time. "No."

She sets her pen down and reaches across into a drawer. Pulling out a urine collection container in a clear sealable bag, she hands it to me. "Okay, let's get the facts before we go any further. If you're able to provide me a sample, I can run the test for you immediately, and then we can go from there."

The tremble in my hands returns tenfold as I take the bag from her and stand.

"It's all going to be okay, Kate."

I wear my most relaxed smile. "Sure."

Silence descends over the room as we wait for the test to run and the results to come through.

"I'm not with the potential father," I blurt out. I've been seeing Doctor Radwanska for years, so she knows all my medical history and that I never planned to have children.

"Whatever the results, Kate, there are many people who co-parent and do it very successfully."

But do they fight like cats and dogs?

The timer goes off, and I hold my breath in anticipation. The doctor takes a look at the results and then makes a quick note before turning to me, crossing her legs over, and folding her hands in her lap. "It's positive, and the timeline matches your prediction, giving you an estimated due date of March twenty-third. Your first-trimester ultrasound will be around the eight-week mark, and it will provide a more accurate date, but I'll schedule that and be in touch."

I've stopped breathing.

"Kate?"

Words die on my tongue as I open my mouth, but nothing materializes.

"Kate? Do you want a glass of water?" Doctor Radwanska comes to sit on the chair beside me, placing her hand on my knee.

Overwhelmed. That's the best way to describe this moment. Panic—that's also apt right now. I've spent my entire adulthood meticulously planning my life to the last detail, and here we are, at thirty-five years old, and an atomic bomb drops right in the center of everything.

"He's going to run," I say. My head is spinning out. I reach to steady myself on the arm of the chair.

"Okay, you're okay." The doctor gently presses her hand against my chest, asking me to sit back in my seat. "Take a few deep breaths for me, Kate."

"My parents will disown me." Panic gnaws away at my insides. "I'll need to move to a new apartment. Mine's not big enough for me and the baby." My breathing turns erratic.

"In through the nose, out through your mouth."

"Slap me."

"I'm sorry, what?"

I turn to my doctor. "Slap me and wake me up from this."

She chuckles softly. "We can put together a plan for all your prenatal appointments. Right now, though, I just want you to go home and relax, talk to and tell whoever you need. It's still very early days, but you will need support. How are you feeling physically?"

"Fine," I say blankly, staring out into space. I think back to the moment in the office with Jensen. "I've had a couple of sharp pains but no bleeding."

"When was that?"

"A few days ago," I confirm.

"Okay. Sounds to me like implantation. Sometimes women feel it but don't always know what it is."

I was implanting while telling him to shove his Italian lunch up his ass.

Ideal Kate, ideal.

"Okay, I'm going to put together a prescription for the recommended prenatal vitamins and get the nurse to grab you a glass of water. Can I get you anything else?"

Breaking my gaze from the cream-colored wall, I look at the doctor. "A glass of wine?"

She wears an amused look. "In nine months, no problem."

Still in deep shock, I walk back into my apartment, having totally forgotten to return to work, collect my car, or tell anyone I wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

I need a minute to process. But I need to do it alone.

I'm going to be a mom. To Jensen Jones' baby.

There's absolutely no way it can be Tom's since the timelines don't align, and we hadn't slept together in a while.

He's going to freak the fuck out when I tell him.

I head into the kitchen and search through my cupboards. I'm sure Felicity left some chamomile tea here once. She tells me it's calming.

Lifting the lid on the box, I open two paper pouches, stick them in my cup, and fill it with boiling water. It looks like actual piss. "What is wrong with her?"

Taking a sip, I hold the dreadful taste in my mouth before spitting it into the sink. "Blah!"

Wait, can I even have that shit when pregnant? Snatching up my phone, I begin frantically scouring the internet. "Shit." Chamomile is not recommended. Once again, I begin to panic, tears pricking in my eyes. I have no idea what I'm doing here.

I hit dial on my doctor's office number.

"Good afternoon," the receptionist greets me in a breezy tone.

"Hi, um, it's Kate Monroe here. I came in to see Dr. Radwanska earlier."

"Yes, I remember. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, no, well, I don't know." I panic. "I need to ask her a question, and I'm wondering if she's available?"

"She's very busy today, but let me pass on a message to her. Is it urgent?"

"I don't know," I squeak out. "Maybe."

"Okay, Ms. Monroe. I'll get right on it and pass the message along."

Ending the call, I pace my kitchen and then living space, all the while tapping my phone against my hip.

It must be ten minutes when my phone buzzes in my hand, the call from an unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hello Kate, it's Doctor Radwanska. I'm returning your call."

Relief floods me. "Thank you for getting back to me, and I'm sorry to bother you."

"It's fine, Kate. Don't worry. Is anything wrong?"

I run a worried palm across my forehead. "I drank some chamomile tea. Well, more spat it out. Then I checked online, and it says it could be dangerous for the baby, and I don't know what to do."

I've always known what to do. Always had a plan for everything. Not this time, and my stomach knots with anxiety.

"Well it sounds like you didn't drink any, but please do not be concerned. Everything is fine. I was just in the middle of emailing you over some information and recommended reading to help you through your pregnancy."

Pregnancy. I'm pregnant.

"Okay, t-that's great, thanks."

Hold it together, Kate. Always. Hold. It. Together.

No one wants to deal with unhappy, crying people. Just like my parents have always told me.

"I promise you it's all going to be okay," Doctor Radwanska reassures me a final time.

"Yeah, I've got this." But reality couldn't be any further from that.