Chapter 39

About half thetutoring sessions with Dr. Conlon take place in the lab and about half are in his office. Today, we're having an evening session in his office, even though it's Friday night. If I had a social life, I'd be pretty irritated. But luckily, I don't. And neither does Dr. Conlon.

When I arrive, all three chairs in front of Dr. Conlon's desk are empty. I raise my eyebrows at him, and he says, "Victor and Marissa both couldn't make it."

"Oh?"

He nods. "Victor was sick, and Marissa was… uh, I don't remember what excuse she made up."

I smirk at him. "Yeah, Friday night is not ideal for most people."

"Clearly," he acknowledges. He smiles at me. "Thanks for showing up."

"No problem," I say. "I have no life either." Dr. Conlon raises his eyebrows, and I feel suddenly embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say you had no life."

"No," he says. "That's pretty accurate."

I force a smile. "Maybe you should ask out Patrice."

I don't know why I said that. I don't want him to ask out Patrice. I hate Patrice. She doesn't deserve someone like him. I'm relieved when he just shakes his head.

"Can I ask you something?" I say.

"Something about anatomy?" he asks hopefully.

I shake my head.

"Maybe you better not then," he says. He adds, "Not that I can stop you."

He's right.

"I have to know. Were there other students that you've… you know…"

His eyes widen. "No! God, no! I'd never…" He stops midsentence, realizing what he was about to say. "What I mean is… that thing between you and me, that's not… in character for me. I'm not that type of person."

He looks so embarrassed that I have no choice but to believe him.

"Okay," I say. "So why did you do it?"

He drops his face into his hands and rubs his temples.

"I'm only human, Rachel." He sighs. "I meant to turn you away, but then… I just…" He raises his eyes. "When you came into my office, all I could think was that I… I really wanted to be with you. And I knew I could. I'm sure that sounds bad, but…"

His ears are bright red. I want to get up and hug him, but that probably wouldn't be appropriate.

"Maybe we should get started," he says.

Today's lesson is about the circle of Willis, but I'm having a lot of trouble focusing. It's just me and Dr. Conlon in the office, and I pull my chair up alongside him so I don't have to read upside down, so the whole thing just feels so intimate. And he smells nice. Maybe it's his aftershave. I wonder how he gets the stench of formaldehyde off him.

"You're really getting the hang of this," he says.

"Well, it's my only option for passing, isn't it?" I say. I mean it as a joke, but my voice comes out a little choked.

Dr. Conlon offers me a lopsided smile. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to have to put you through that other thing again, huh?"

I squeeze my hands into fists, which are somehow really sweaty. "Well, it wasn't…" I swallow hard. "It wasn't so bad."

Dr. Conlon chuckles darkly. "A rave review."

I look down at my hands.

"Actually," I say. "It was pretty good. Really good."

There. I said it.

When I dare to look up again, Dr. Conlon is just staring at me. He gets my meaning loud and clear.

"I'm not going to change your grade, you know," he says. "I don't do that."

"I know."

We stare at each other for a full minute. Then he slowly leans forward and starts kissing me. It's just as good as I remembered it—his tongue moving gently against mine, his facial stubble grazing my cheek, his fingers sliding along the edge of my jaw, past my ear, into my hair. I don't want him to stop, but he does stop. He wears a troubled expression on his face.

"This isn't a good idea," he says, his eyes intently on mine.

"Probably not," I agree.

And then he kisses me again.