Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“You’re going to Helheim over my dead body.” To describe Kane as less than pleased by the recent development was an understatement. I immediately took him off speakerphone and cradled the phone against my ear. The ghosts weren’t in view but that didn’t mean they weren’t within earshot.

“You asked me to help him, so I’m helping.”

“Not like this!”

I tightened my grip on the phone as I stared out the kitchen window. “It isn’t your decision.”

“Alessandro is in my employ, not yours. It should have been my decision. You robbed me of that right.”

“He works as your bartender. I hardly think that gives you dibs on protecting him from an unhinged vala.”

“Perhaps not, but I should certainly have dibs on protecting you .”

My eyebrows shot up. “You think I can’t handle this?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You basically did. All I need to do is waltz into Helheim, invoke a few nightmares, grab Oskar, and get out before anybody catches us. ”

“I have far more experience escaping places with the word ‘hel’ in them.”

“And I’m a goddess of the underworld.”

“How will that help you? You have no memories of that existence.”

“I have a few,” I said. And even more by the day, but now didn’t seem like the ideal time to share my visit with Kane.

“The name of your three-headed monster pet doesn’t count. At least let me come with you.”

I raised my chin a smidge. “Admit it, you don’t think I’m capable of handling this on my own.”

“Far from it.”

“Then why are you being so difficult about this?”

“Why do you think? Because I’m afraid of losing you, dammit!”

“Well, you’ll lose me faster if you act like I’m helpless. I’ve never been a damsel in distress, and I have no intention of starting now.”

Silence followed my declaration.

“Kane, are you there?”

“I’m here.” He didn’t sound happy about it.

“I’m the designated proxy,” I said. “If you come with me and go all demon prince of hell, I’m worried Erika will exploit some loophole that means Alessandro dies anyway because technically I wasn’t the champion.”

“You be the captain. I’ll be second-in-command.”

“People will still defer to you. I can’t risk it.”

“Why would Erika care how it’s accomplished if she gets what she wants?”

“Because she’s two bananas short of a bunch.”

“If she’s that nuts, maybe her boyfriend will want to stay dead.”

“She said he has terrible anxiety. Maybe someone like Erika makes him feel safe. ”

“Not if she’s as unhinged as you think.” He hesitated. “We should have our date.”

“I’ll put it on the calendar for when I get back. It’ll give me something to look forward to.”

“Put our second date on the calendar. Let’s have our first one tonight.”

My heart seemed to gain five pounds. “But it’s such short notice and I need to plan for Helheim.”

“She gave you a three-day grace period to get your affairs in order. Let’s have one of those affairs tonight. I’ll see you here at seven thirty.” He hung up.

I gazed at my reflection in the kitchen window. I looked exactly the way I felt.

Terrified.

I tapped my phone and called my emotional support mage. “Are you busy?”

“I’m at Cam’s. What’s up?”

“A lot.” Too much, in fact. Every time I started to feel a sliver of sunny optimism, the darkness came rolling in.

“Come over,” Gun said. “No need to knock. We’ll be in the living room.”

I exited the house and spotted Max by the moat. I stopped on the bridge to check in with him.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Terrific. Couldn’t be better.” He paused. “Okay, that last part clearly isn’t true, but I’m fine. You have a lovely home. I’ve never seen so many crows.” He gestured to the sky.

“They like to keep tabs on the neighborhood. I’m heading out to see friends. Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?”

“Go on. Have fun. I’ll be here when you get back.” He sighed. “Because where else would I be?”

“You’re not a prisoner, Max. You’re free to leave whenever you like. ”

He glanced beyond the gate. “I feel safer in here.”

“It’s an illusion. There’s no such thing as safe.”

“I know. That’s why I said saf er .”

As much as I wanted to delve into Max’s need for sanctuary, I had my own problems to solve—and not much time to solve them.

“I’ll see you when I get back then.”

I must have changed the radio station ten times as I drove to Alcott Street. Every song seemed too angsty given my current mindset.

I parked the truck behind Gun’s sleek car and trudged up the walkway to the front door.

Camryn’s house was like the inside of an adolescent’s mouth—all metallic and white with the occasional glimpse of pale pink.

As promised, I found the mages sprawled on the sectional sofa in the living room. Cam turned off the television when I entered.

“Sit down,” she said. “Tell us all about it.”

“Where do I begin?” I kicked off my shoes and stretched my legs on the ottoman in front of me. “I had a dream last night that I was back in the abandoned church with my parents.”

“Oh, honey, that’s hard. I’m sorry,” Cam said.

“It’s okay. It’s nice to see them again, if only in my dreams.”

“Do you ever dream about kicking the ass of every god in The Corporation?” Gun asked.

I laughed. “I’d need more than one night for that one.”

“It doesn’t have to be a dream, you know.”

I turned and squinted at him. “What do you mean?”

He plucked a stray thread from his trouser leg and flicked it aside. “Have you considered revenge?”

“Why? Are you offering your services? ”

He scoffed. “Against The Corporation? Hell no. That would be a suicide mission. I’m just curious whether vengeance is at the top of your agenda.”

“Staying alive currently occupies the number one spot.”

“What would revenge even look like?” Camryn mused. “It’s one thing to kill an individual, but how do you wipe out an entire organization?”

“An entire organization comprised mainly of gods and goddesses,” Gun added.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I haven’t given it much thought.”

Gun gazed at me in wonder. “You and I are cut from different cloths.”

Cam snorted. “No kidding. You’re leather; she’s lace.”

“She isn’t even lace. More like cotton twill.”

“Okay, I know there’s an insult buried in there, even though I have zero objection to cotton twill.”

“Seriously, though,” Gun said. “How have you not stared at your ceiling in the middle of the night and plotted revenge against the organization that murdered your parents in cold blood?”

“I’m preoccupied with making sure they don’t murder me.”

“Why not attack first?” Cam suggested. “They won’t be expecting you to play offense, only defense.”

“Attack how? I’m one goddess. They’re a whole team of deities. My best move is to shore up my defenses and hope they eventually decide I’m not worth the effort.”

“Because of them, you never knew your parents and your grandparents were forced to lie to you. You ended up in foster care and then spent your adulthood avoiding other people.” Gun clucked his tongue. “The Corporation didn’t just rob your parents of their lives; they robbed you of the life you were meant to live.”

I stared at him. “I’m confused. Do you want me to launch a suicide mission? Why are you so hellbent on having me exact revenge?”

“This is what Cam and I do when we have too much time on our hands. We muse.” He fluffed the cushion behind him and adjusted his head.

“Trust me, if there was a simple way of bringing them down, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but I don’t want to spend my life focused on them while I simmer with rage and resentment. My family wouldn’t want that for me either. They’d want me to find a way to be happy despite everything.” I truly believed Pops lied to me, not only to hide me from The Corporation, but also so that I wouldn’t seek revenge as an adult.

Gunther shook his head. “You’d make a terrible assassin.”

“No kidding.”

Camryn’s voice dropped to a whisper. “While we’re on the topic of revenge, I heard a dozen demons tried to follow Dantalion through the crossroads and he killed them all.”

“Why are you whispering?” Gun mimicked her volume. “We’re the only ones here.”

My brain was still processing her statement. “Sweet Dandelion killed a dozen demons?”

“Let’s not forget sweet Dandelion is a great duke of hell,” Gun pointed out. “He didn’t ascend that high on the demonic pyramid by being nice.”

It was hard to imagine Dan as a killing machine. He was the demon that liked to drink cheap cold beer on the bench outside Monk’s. The demon that pledged his loyalty to Kane and rescued him from eternal damnation.

“If Dan killed all those demons, then how do you explain Canto?” I asked.

Camryn scrunched her nose. “Who’s Canto?”

“The demon that showed up at the Devil’s Playground and begged Kane to launch another revolution. Canto said he followed Dantalion.”

Gunther shrugged. “Guess he missed one.”

I tried to think back to that moment. Kane was surprised to see Canto, but that wasn’t necessarily because he knew all his companions had all been murdered. Kane was actively hiding from Lucifer; he would’ve been surprised to be discovered by anyone from their old stomping grounds.

“Speaking of sneaking into places,” I began. “I need to find a way into Helheim without being detected, like a back door that doesn’t involve Gnipahellir.”

The mages exchanged baffled looks. “Doesn’t involve what now?” Gun asked.

“Gnipahellir. The cave that serves as the entrance to Helheim. You haven’t heard of it?”

Gun rolled his eyes. “We didn’t all have grandfathers obsessed with our education.”

“Sure you did. It’s just that your education involved the mastery of tarot cards, and mine involved myths and legends.”

Gun sat up. “Back up your dilapidated pickup truck. Why do you need to sneak into a land of the dead?”

I told them about my deal with Erika.

Gun stared at me. “Why do you have a death wish?”

“I don’t. Why do you think I’m here? I need help with strategy. You two are assassins. You sneak in and out of places undetected for a living.”

“I’m more of a prancer,” Gun said.

“What about your boyfriend?” Cam asked. “He must’ve had a few ideas.”

“Demon candy,” Gun interrupted.

I frowned at him. “Excuse me?”

“Instead of boyfriend or lover. That can be your title for Kane.” His smile was all teeth. “Trust me, he’ll eat it up. ”

“Demon candy makes it sound like I should be eating him.” I paused. “Let’s scratch that comment from the record. I am not referring to Kane Sullivan as demon candy.”

Gun snorted with laughter. “I’m telling you, it’s a missed opportunity.”

I lowered my gaze to the floor. “My demon candy is a tad unhappy with me at the moment.”

“Because you decided his bartender’s life was worth more than your own?” Gun asked.

“Is that so different from what you do?” I shot back. “Decide which lives are worth more than others and which aren’t?”

“She’s got you there,” Cam said.

Gun shrugged. “At least we get paid.”

Cam’s gaze swung to me. “He’s got you there. For what it’s worth, though, a cave doesn’t sound too hard to bypass.”

“Except the issue isn’t just the cave. It’s also the creature that guards it.” Helheim had its very own Cerberus. Garm was a monstrous hound, minus the two additional heads. Advantage: Greek underworld.

Gun examined his fingernails. “So you want to avoid the official entrance entirely.”

“Exactly.”

“What if you portal in?” he proposed.

“Is that even possible?”

“Not sure, but I can find out.”

Cam made a noise of disapproval. “You can’t.”

Gun’s teeth gleamed. “Sure I can. That’s what the cards are for.” He rose to his feet and motioned for me to join him.

“Where are we going?”

“To see a buddy of mine.”

“He isn’t your buddy,” Cam said. “He hates you.”

“Only because he’s a sore loser.” Gun looked at me. “ Tristan likes to talk during poker. The more he talks, the more he loses.”

“He won’t agree to help you,” Cam said.

“Then I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” Gun winked at me.

“Has it ever occurred to you that La Fortuna is like a magical mafia?” I asked. “Big Italian families passing their wealth and power through generations and exerting control over others.”

“Technically, Florence was its own city-state. It wasn’t part of Italy then.” He gave me a smug smile. “Hey, will you look at that? Something your grandfather didn’t teach you.”

“Are you coming, Cam?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t want to upset Tristan. His sister cuts my hair.”

“Very sensible.”

“We can take my car,” Gun offered.

I smiled. “You just don’t want to ride in my truck.”

“It’s old and dirty. I like a clean ride.”

“Gary is clean. He’s just old.”

We took Gun’s car—mainly because it was faster, but also because his backside was too pampered for Gary’s well-worn seats.

Tristan lived across Fairhaven in a Colonial-style townhouse on Ripley Road. The buildings on this street were trying very hard to resemble an eighteenth-century neighborhood. I half expected to see a horse-drawn carriage rumble past us. Black gaslit lampposts. Thick ebony shutters. Cobblestone walkways. Each and every door was painted candy apple red.

Gun parked near the mailbox marked with number seventy-seven. “We’re in luck. That’s his car in the driveway.”

“Promise me you won’t hurt him on my account. ”

“If I hurt him, I promise it will be for my own amusement.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” I exited the car and glanced at the townhouse in time to see the curtain shift. “We’ve been made. Any chance he has a ward?”

“Only a sensor. Not everyone has a multinational evil organization to worry about.”

“Lucky everyone else.”

Gunther skirted in front of me on the walkway and pounded on the door.

The door opened half an inch. “What are you doing here, Gun? Poker isn’t until next week.”

“My friend is in need of your assistance.”

Tristan’s nose was the only thing visible through the small gap. “What kind of assistance?”

“I’ll tell you more inside,” Gun replied. “It’s of a delicate nature.”

Tristan snorted. “Since when is anything delicate in your eyes?”

I was beginning to understand Camryn’s concern.

“Open the door, and I promise not to use the Seven of Swords I currently have in my pocket.”

I heard the bolt slide as Tristan unlocked the door.

“You have five minutes,” our host said.

“Why do all the houses on your street have red doors?” I asked.

“Well spotted,” Tristan said. “Historically, it indicated your house was mortgage-free.”

“And here I thought it was to protect the occupants from death,” Gun remarked.

Tristan cast him a wary glance. “That too.”

“I didn’t notice a single brick on the entire street,” I said. “I always associate red bricks with the Colonial style.”

“You’re wasting your five minutes,” Gun pointed out .

“It’s never a waste to talk about history,” Tristan said. “Ignoring it means you’re more likely to repeat it.” He shifted his gaze to me. “Red bricks meant you were poor. Even if your house was made with bricks, the builders would cover them with stucco or another layer to hide them.”

“It’s like wearing pleather,” Gun added.

“Except I think some people wear pleather on principle,” Tristan countered. “Nobody’s avoiding bricks on principle.”

Gun gave him a look of dismay. “You have to turn everything into an argument, don’t you?”

Tristan’s nostrils flared. “How can I help your friend?”

“I’m planning a trip and Gun seems to think you can help get me there without attracting any unwanted attention.”

Tristan folded his arms. “I see. And where is your destination?”

“Helheim.”

He started to choke, prompting Gun to slap him between the shoulder blades with a look of fiendish delight. “Helheim, as in the land of the dead?”

I nodded. “Yes, that’s the one.”

Tristan’s gaze slid to Gunther. “And you told her I can accomplish this?”

“I know you can.”

Tristan averted his gaze. “I don’t know why you’d think that.”

“You’re a lousy liar, Tris. That’s what makes you such a shitty poker player.”

His eyes glinted with malice. “I’m not authorized to divulge the information you’re requesting.”

“You might want to reconsider.” Gun held up the Death card, sparking a laugh from Tristan.

“Ooh, you’re about to tell me change is coming. I’m so afraid.”

“You should be, especially when it’s your breathing habits that are about to change.” Gun flicked the card at his opponent.

Tristan’s eyes widened in shock as he clutched his neck.

“Can’t say I didn’t warn you.” Gun examined the shiny polish of his fingernails. “Now, are you going to play nice or are you going to insult me again?”

“Nice,” he choked.

“Thought you might say that.” Gun swept his card off the floor with a flourish and tucked it in his pocket behind the rainbow-striped handkerchief.

Tristan sucked in all the air in front of him, as though worried he might never draw breath again. Poor bastard.

“I’ll ask you again, Mr. Stubborn Pants,” Gun said. “How can my friend bypass the official Helheim entrance?”

Brows drawing together, Tristan rubbed his neckline. “There’s a portal.”

“Like a crossroads?” I asked.

“Like a portal.” His look of scathing judgment was worse than anything Gun had ever inflicted on me.

“And where can she access this secret portal?” Gun asked.

“Yggdrasil, but it isn’t like One Oak. You can’t just find the hidden entrance and tell them the password.”

“Does everybody in town know about One Oak?” I complained. I’d only recently discovered the existence of the secret underground speakeasy from Gun.

“That’s where we met,” Tristan replied, gesturing to Gunther. “In the gambling room. A group of us started hosting poker nights on our own.”

One Oak catered to a variety of vices that seemed to correspond to the seven deadly sins. It was run by Madame Thea, a formidable troll the size of a small petite child.

“Wouldn’t Yggdrasil lead me to the main entrance?” I asked .

“Not if you make an offering to Odin when you get there.”

“Why Odin? He doesn’t have anything to do with the land of the dead.”

“No, but he bears a grudge against Loki and his children, including Hel. Seizes any opportunity to stick it to the goddess. Allowing trespassers into Helheim definitely qualifies.”

“Would Odin offer any protection against Hel?” Gun asked.

“No, it’s enter at your own risk. Once you’re in, you’re on your own.”

“How often do you field requests for this information that you know it off the top of your head?” I asked.

“It’s my business to have this stuff on the tip of my tongue.” He motioned to Gun. “Because as you can see, it can sometimes make the difference between losing the tip of my tongue and keeping it.”

Gun tucked his card into his sleeve. “I wouldn’t have actually hurt you.”

Tristan’s eyes bulged. “Are you kidding? You do remember that you choked me, right?”

Gun flicked his nails in a dismissive fashion. “Pshaw. It was barely a squeeze.”

“It felt like I had a boa constrictor around my neck.”

He shrugged. “Some people pay for the privilege.”

Shaking his head, Tristan looked at me. “How did you ever become friends with this one?”

“She has great taste, obviously.”

“And how do I get out of Helheim when I’m ready to leave?”

“Bad news is the portal only works in one direction. If you want to leave, you’re gonna have to find your own escape route. ”

“Why can’t Odin accept another offering to open an exit portal?” Gun asked.

“Because plausible deniability is much easier when somebody wanders in. Not so much when somebody hits an eject button. They might be at odds, but Odin doesn’t want to be at war.” Tristan aimed a finger gun at the mage. “See you at poker next week?”

“Of course. I have my eye on a new pair of Gucci loafers from the spring line. I’d love to spend your money on it.”

Tristan’s eyes narrowed. “You know what? I’m gonna donate my winnings to the Platypus Conservancy.”

Gun sucked in a breath. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Watch me.” Tristan slammed the door behind us.

I observed the look of abject horror on Gun’s face. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing.” Gun’s strides to the car seemed to be powered by silent fury.

“Seriously, what’s wrong with donating to a platypus nonprofit?” I asked, once we were back on the road.

His fingers gripped the steering wheel. “I have an aversion to them.”

Laughter spilled from my lips. “An aversion or an unholy terror?”

His lips puckered. “It leans toward unholy terror.”

“Like you’d wet your pants if one darted in front of the car right now?”

“I’d drive off a cliff to avoid it and kill us both in the process.” His expression remained deadly serious.

“How did Tristan find out? It isn’t like we have them in Pennsylvania.”

“He discovered it by accident after a night of drunken poker at One Oak. Now he holds it over my head as leverage. If word got out, it would destroy my reputation. My enemies would use it against me. ”

“I’m surprised he didn’t lead with that when we asked for his help.”

“He’s saving it for a rainy day.”

“Why a platypus?”

He recoiled from me. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not to me.”

“They’re egg-laying mammals. They have fur, a beaver tail, and a duck bill.” He shuddered. “They’re the Frankenstein’s monster of the animal kingdom.”

I was silent for a moment. Finally, I asked, “Does Cam know?”

“Yes, but she’s family. She’d never use it against me.”

“I won’t either. You can trust me.”

He glanced at me. “I know I can. On that note, if you want extra help in Helheim, I’m willing.”

My chest tightened. “Oh, Gun. That’s so kind of you to offer, but I wouldn’t put you in that position. I’m the one who agreed to help Alessandro.”

“I realize that. It’s one of the things that drives me nuts about you,” he grumbled. “I don’t want to be a better person, but you keep dragging me in that direction.”

I laughed. “I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do, Gun.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Oh, I know. You lead by example. It’s the absolute worst.”

I laughed again. “I’ll try to be … worse in the future.”

He pulled behind my truck and stopped. “Then you wouldn’t be you.” He clicked open my car door. “Now get out before my embarrassment catches up with me.”

“What do you have to be embarrassed about?”

He gave me a deadpan look. “Are you only pretending to forget our conversation from two minutes ago?”

“What conversation?” Smiling, I exited the car. “Thanks for the lift. Hey, fun fact: did you know the platypus has no stomach?”

With a dramatic grimace, he hit the gas, and I laughed over the sound of his screeching tires.