Chapter Two

Apple

Four Months Later

My ears rang and my chest and shoulder hurt like a motherfucker. Everything seemed like it was coming at me from inside a well. I groaned but it sounded like my ears were plugged full of cotton and all I could hear was myself. Being shot was a motherfucking bitch. Pain meds after being shot? Also a motherfucking bitch, but better than the pain. Except for not having my wits about me.

"Oh, God…"

"Easy, honey." That voice was familiar. God, I needed out of this fog! Under other circumstances, I could see myself enjoying the feeling of floating, but I was hurting and I needed my whole brain engaged if I was going to go toe to toe with the one person I'd hoped never to see again as long as I lived.

"Go away." It was all I could manage.

"Not until I'm sure you're OK."

"I'm fine. Go away."

I didn't hear anything for a long time. I thought maybe he'd done as I told him and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Instead, I felt a big, warm hand on my uninjured shoulder.

"Bullet's on his way with some pain meds. Just hang in there for me."

"No more meds." I shook my head, but it just made everything worse. "No more fruit punch either."

"Let Bullet decide what you need, honey. OK?" He didn't acknowledge the fruit punch and I didn't expound, but I'd found the combination of the pot-laced drink and opioids should never be a thing. It was fine as long as I was content to lie still and just enjoy the buzz, but there was no way I could function. And yeah. I might not have told Bullet I'd had the fruit punch in addition to the codeine he'd given me. My bad.

"As long as you go away."

"Apple…"

"No, Deacon. I said go away. Leave. Now." Even as I said it, my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. I couldn't even see him properly. My vision seemed tunneled and more than a little blurry. I tried to tell myself that was great. The last thing I needed was to see him clearly. The man I was so in love with it hurt.

It was like an affliction. I didn't want to love him. I wanted to hate him. Even knowing I'd never be what he wanted, I still loved him. I was afraid he'd be the only man I'd ever love and that, more than anything, terrified me.

"Pain gettin' bad, Apple?" That was Bullet. I turned my head -- slower this time -- to where I thought he should be. I got a blurry blob that was roughly Bullet's size. I guess.

"Yeah. But don't give me anything else."

Bullet chuckled. "I take it the fruit punch in combination with the strong pills was a little much."

I grimaced. "You'd guess right."

"If you hadn't done both of them, you'd have been better off."

"You knew about that, huh." It wasn't a question. Which, yeah. Bullet knew everything about his patients.

"Yep. Not recommended and I'd never give you the combination on purpose, but considering what you'd been through, I thought it would knock your ass out and you'd sleep." He grinned. "I never mix the fruit punch so strong it would hurt you if you took something else with it."

"If I wasn't in pain it might be kinda fun. Right now, with the fuzzy head, the pain is kind of making me sick. I don't think I could even pick up a glass of water to take a pill right now." My words were slightly slurred and I was sure a little stilted. "Christ," I muttered. "It's like there's a disconnect between my brain and my mouth. I know what I want to say but can't get it out."

"I understand." He put a bottle of water in my hand, his hand around both mine and the bottle. "I'll help you with the water if you can swallow these. Straight Tylenol. Nothing to make you even higher. Promise."

I grunted and opened my mouth. Bullet dropped in two tablets and helped me get the water to my lips. I took over from there until I'd swallowed the pills. When I trembled slightly, Bullet removed the water from my hand and set it on the table beside my bed.

"Thanks." I laid back with a groan. "If this is what it feels like to be shot, I'm not recommending it."

"I'll make sure to pass that on to everyone in the club."

"Good. Where's Lemon?"

"She and Rocket are in the middle of planning someone's death, I think." I could hear the amusement in Bullet's voice. I also knew he was completely serious.

"I hope it's some asshole named Deacon," I snarked. At least, I hope that's the way it came out. My eyes were watering and my nose running so it was possible it looked like I was crying. Na. No way.

"Heard that one was touch and go, but no. Not Deacon."

"Pity. Can you please tell the asshole in question to leave? I'm tired. I want to rest."

Bullet shrugged as he turned to Deacon. "Sorry, man. You heard the lady. And she does need rest, especially since the pot's not agreeing with her."

Deacon looked frustrated but resigned. Yeah, I could see him more clearly than I wanted to because he was just as gorgeous as I remembered. Looked a little more battle-hardened and scary, but it was still my Deacon.

"I'll be back, Apple. When I am, we need to talk."

"I think all that needed to be said was said. If it wasn't, I don't want to hear any more. You hurt me once, Deacon. I'm not game for a second round. You win."

He stared at me hard. I could tell he wanted to say something but wasn't going to. Instead, he shook his head slightly. "I'm glad you're safe, Apple. I'm sorry. For everything." He winced and shook his head again, then left the room.

I was pretty sure a piece of my soul went with him.

Bullet crouched beside the bed, patting my hand awkwardly. "Lemon thought you might want to talk to him."

My gaze snapped to Bullet's. "She thought wrong. I don't want to see him again." I made my voice as hard as I could. I wanted this point absolutely clear. Because if Deacon got to me, asked me for forgiveness, I knew I'd be helpless against him. I'd cave like a little bitch and give him whatever the fuck he wanted.

"Not a problem, honey. Cecilia is on her way. She's gonna stay with you while I finish up some clinic stuff. After that, we're both gonna stay with you."

"You don't have to do that. I'll be fine on my own."

"Not tonight, Apple. We'll talk about it tomorrow, but not while you're feeling the THC so strongly."

Yeah. I knew this wasn't a battle I was going to win. Bullet was a doctor. If he said I needed babysitting, someone was calling a fucking sitter. "Fine. But if your back aches tomorrow from sleeping on the couch, find someone who gives a fuck."

"Noted." His tone was even, but I could see his superior smirk. "I'm right in the next room if you need me. Try to get some sleep. Quickest way to get your wits back about you."

If only.

I lay back and stared up at the ceiling. Why the fuck had Lemon sent Deacon to me? Why would she think I'd even want to see the man again? Sure, she didn't know what had happened, but I knew my sister well enough to know she'd been given a version of events that had led me to Grim Road. Not from me, but from someone. My money was on Wylde. Hopefully, Deacon would respect my wishes and leave me the fuck alone. And maybe, I could finally move on.

Maybe.

I waited until I was certain Bullet was out of the room before I carefully turned over on my side so my back was facing the door. I curled up in a ball, mashed my fist against my mouth, and fucking sobbed .

Somehow, I'd managed to doze off. When I woke, it was with the raging need to pee and the worst case of dry mouth known to man. I sat up on the edge of the bed with a groan as my shoulder protested the movement. I attempted to stand, but my knees just weren't getting the message.

"Fuck," I muttered as I moved gingerly. I had to stand there for several seconds to see if my knees were going to hold me. Thank God they did because I was not calling out for help. I was still woozy and the whole right side of my upper body hurt like a motherfucker, but I'd handle it on my own.

Pain made taking care of business difficult, but I managed. I brushed my teeth with the toothbrush Cecilia had left for me still in the pack. I washed my face and put my hair up in a ponytail. My shoulder screamed at me, but I bit back a whimper as I dressed. The pain helped clear the last lingering effects of the THC in my system. I knew I was going to need my wits about me if I was going home before Bullet told me I could go. And that's exactly what I was going to do. I wasn't staying here where I'd last seen Deacon. Christ! It was like I could still smell Deacon in the fucking room!

I glanced out the window. It was full night outside with very little moonlight so it had to be late night or early morning. I was hoping Bullet and Cecilia would be asleep. We were still in Bullet's clinic because he had everything he needed readily available, so they were likely in one of the nearby rooms.

"He had a good reason for what he did, Apple." Lemon sat in the corner of my room, hidden in the shadows since I hadn't turned on anything other than the bathroom light.

"I'm sure he did." I shoved my feet into my shoes which, thank goodness, were slip-ons. I wasn't sure I could tie my own shoes at this point.

"You should talk to him."

"He broke my heart, Lemon." I turned away from my sister, reaching for my phone lying on the nightstand. "He left me. Not the other way around. I choose not to repeat that lesson."

"I've never asked you for anything, Apple. We always work together, each anticipating the other's needs. We always have. I'm asking you to listen to what he has to say."

"Not this time, Lemon. This isn't something you can help me with."

"I can and I am. You and Deacon belong together. Why do you think I pushed you toward him when we were sixteen? He's what you need."

"Yeah? Well, I'm not what he needs." My voice was much louder than I intended. I knew my sister, though. Unless I took a strong stand, she'd shove me in the direction she thought I needed to go whether I wanted to go or not. "I deserve better." No one but Lemon would hear the pain in my voice. My sister knew me, though. She knew how badly Deacon had hurt me even if I hadn't told her exactly what happened from my point of view.

We were both silent for a long while. When Lemon didn't say anything else, I shoved my phone in my back pocket and headed toward the door.

The clinic was dark which meant Bullet had left Lemon and Cecilia in charge of me while he got some sleep. No doubt Lemon had sent Cecilia to bed while I'd been out of it. Just meant there were fewer obstacles to me leaving.

The night air was warm and humid but not unpleasant. I took off at a brisk walk down the wide, dirt path. Rocket had given me a house near his and Lemon's so I was close to my sister, but not so close I could hear the two of them getting freaky.

Took a few minutes, but I finally made it inside my house and locked the door behind me. hurried into my bedroom and practically dove inside the closet. When Deacon had broken things off with me, I'd used this as my safe space. A place I could decompress in private when things got too hard. There were blankets set up in the very back corner. My body screamed in protest, but I lay with my face down against the blankets and raged with all the fury, anger, and pain inside me. The blankets muffled most of the noise, but my throat was raw and aching.

For the second time tonight, I cried myself to sleep. Tomorrow. I'd deal with everything tomorrow.