Chapter Ten

Deacon

" Scratched an itch ?" This was my penance. To hear her reduce the best sexual experience of my life to nothing more than a romp in the hay. And wasn't it supposed to be the man doing that? Why was everything with Apple and Lemon always backward?

"Yeah. I mean, I had a great time and everything, but I only wanted the one time. To see what it was like." Her eyes widened. "I mean, with you. I wanted to see what it was like with you." She shrugged and play-punched my shoulder. "Not bad, slugger."

I heard a bike headed down the path toward us and wrapped my arm around Apple as it pulled into her drive. Fucking Falcon. The other man shut off his bike and climbed off. I immediately stepped in front of Apple. If Falcon saw her naked, I'd have to pluck out his eyeballs.

"Huh." He looked from me to Apple and back. "We still on, sweetheart?" Apple tried to step around me but that was happening over my dead body. I mirrored her move and kept Apple out of Falcon's direct line of sight as much as possible.

"Yes," she said at the same time I said, "No."

"Right. Deacon, I think maybe you better leave." Falcon was all business, but I saw his lips twitch in amusement.

"And I think you better mind your own damned business. You fuckin' leave."

"Not happening, bro. Not unless Apple says so."

"She says so," I spat out.

Falcon, the fucker, just grinned. "Her mouth ain't movin'. Ain't hearin' her say nothin'."

"Well, she does. Now, get the fuck on. She's taken."

"She's not taken!" Apple tried to shove away from me, but I wasn't having that.

"Nothing comes between us, Apple," I growled, looking back at her. "Nothing. Especially not that little pissant."

Falcon put his hands on his hips as he stood there, scowling at me. "I thought we shared a moment back when you took care of Illivitch, bro. Where's the love?"

"Kiss my ass, Pigeon Nuts."

Falcon immediately stiffened, his arms dropping to his sides and curling into fists. "Lemon. That little bitch. She told you, didn't she." It wasn't a question and I couldn't deny it. "I'm goin' to Rocket over this. He needs to beat her ass but good!" he muttered to himself as he climbed back on his bike. "Pigeon Nuts. Woman's a fuckin' menace."

Once Falcon left, I shut and locked the door before turning back to Apple. She still held the towel to her front and now I was wondering if she was naked or if she had underwear on. Didn't see any straps at her shoulders, but I suppose any bra she had on could be strapless.

I cleared my throat, trying to ignore the way my cock was at full attention now. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

She gave a delicate snort. "I've not been avoiding you. I'm just done with you. You served your purpose. Now I'm moving on."

"Right. So you could see what it was like to fuck me."

She curled a finger over her lips like she was really thinking about my words and nodded. "Yep. Sounds about right." Little brat. So much like her sister. She was trying to protect herself and punish me some more. I knew that. Still hurt, but I didn't deserve anything less.

"Yeah?" I stalked her across the small space separating us. When she didn't back down or retreat even an inch, I wanted to smile, to let her know I was proud of her for not being intimidated by me even though I could see little wisps of her hair quivering. She was trembling. Maybe not in fear in the conventional sense, but she was definitely afraid of me. Probably that I'd break her heart again. "Well, maybe I'm not done with you."

I reached for her slowly. When she didn't try to get free, I pulled her against me, wrapping my arms around her in an embrace. Her towel and my clothes were the only things between us, and it felt damned good.

She didn't resist but didn't return the affection either. Just stiffened in my arms. This close, with my body surrounding hers, I could feel Apple shaking. Fine tremors racked her and she held her breath, letting it out slowly only to quickly suck in another one. I thought she might be fighting off tears. When I pulled back to look down at her, searching her face for any signs of what she was thinking, I saw she hadn't been as successful at holding back the offending drops as she might have liked.

"I really do hate you," she whispered as tears continued to leak from her eyes and drip down her cheeks.

"I know, baby. I deserve it too. But I'm going to make you a promise right here. Right now." I cupped her face with my palms, swiping under her eyes with my thumbs. "I want you to listen to me. Really listen." When she continued to stare up at me with her big blue eyes glistening I nearly groaned in defeat. This woman owned me ! "I'm never leaving you again. Understand?"

"You said that before," she whispered, shaking her head. "How am I supposed to believe you?"

"Faith, baby. Give me your faith and I swear to you, I'll never hurt you again."

She studied me for a long time. So long I was tempted to continue arguing my case. It wouldn't be a good idea, which was the only way I held my tongue and just let her come to her own conclusions. I stroked her cheek with small movements of my thumb. It was a compulsion I couldn't ignore. Any time she was near, I needed to touch her and knew I always would.

Then she did something I didn't expect. Her expression crumbled and she threw herself into my arms, wrapping her arms and legs around me. "You hurt me so bad, Deacon. I was so lost. I tried to find someone else. I asked Falcon to come here because I wanted to hurt you as bad as you hurt me."

"I know, baby. You had every right to lash out. What I did was inexcusable. I don't expect you to forgive me. I just want another chance to prove to you I can be the protector you need."

She pushed back then, not unwrapping her legs from my waist, just leaned back so she could really see me. "I don't need a protector, Deacon. I have all kinds of people here willing to protect me, and they'd do a brilliant job of it. I need a man who loves me. Like Rocket loves Lemon. I want what they have together."

"Well, I ain't lettin' you be an officer in the club so don't even ask."

She gave me an exasperated look. "Do you even have that kind of pull with Iron Tzars? How long have you even been a patched member?"

I had to chuckle. My girl was hurting, still crying, and she was still giving me shit.

"Christ, I love you, Applejack." The words just slipped out, but they felt right. Like I'd been waiting all my life to tell her that again. I had the feeling every single time I told her I loved her it would always feel like that. This woman was my one . No one else would ever do for me. "I have from the first day I met you." I grinned down at her shell-shocked expression. "Shoulda known then I needed to treat you differently than anyone else in my life. You're not a woman to sit by and watch while her man takes care of business. Just like your sister. Only… softer."

I expected her to scowl and tell me she was exactly like her sister and fuck me for saying she wasn't or something similar, but she just gave me a sheepish grin. "Lemon's always been the warrior. I'm the nurturer. I like taking care of people."

"I know, baby. It's part of why I wanted to protect you. Even from myself. If anything had happened to you because of me, I'd never forgive myself. I tried to keep you safe by making sure you were sent away somewhere no one would find you, but you got hurt anyway."

"And you came the second Lemon called you. I've been trying to hold on to my anger because of what you said that day, but the truth is, Lemon would have done the same thing for me. No matter how much it hurt. She might not have taken it as far as you did, but she'd have sent me wherever she thought I'd be the safest. And it kind of hurts to admit everyone in my life thinks I'm not strong enough to fight my own battles or to have their backs when they need it." She turned away as she said that last bit.

"Honey, it's not that we don't think you're strong enough. You're as much a warrior as anyone here. You don't take shit and you're not afraid to give as good as you get. But that's not your nature. Me? Lemon? Everyone who knows you. We want to keep that part of you safe and encourage those tender feelings in you." I smiled at her before leaning in to brush my lips against hers briefly. "The truth is, we need people like you to keep us grounded. To remind us why we do what we do. Otherwise, the killin' we have to do would suck out our souls eventually."

She blinked up at me. "That might be the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

That got a chuckle from me. "Well, it's the truth, baby. You are the heart and soul of everyone around you."

She leaned into my chest again, her tears wetting my shirt, but this time they seemed less bitter. "I just need you to promise me, Deacon. No more secrets, no more trying to shield me by pushing me away. If we're doing this… if we're really doing this, it's got to be together. All in, side by side."

I nodded, pressing my forehead against hers. "No more secrets," I confirmed. "Everything out in the open, even the ugly parts. Even the dangerous bits."

"That's all I ever wanted." Apple's eyes filled with tears again, but this time they sparkled with a different emotion -- hope, maybe even forgiveness. "You're still an asshole, though." She gave me a disgruntled look before pressing her lips to mine in a sweet kiss.

"Yeah, baby. Got that. Lemon made it known too."

She tilted her head. "Yeah? What'd she say?"

"Oh, it wasn't so much what she said as what she did. My balls hurt so bad I'm surprised I can walk straight."

Apple gave me a brilliant smile. "Good. That means I don't have to." Her smile faded then and she took on a serious mien. "I mean it, Deacon. If we do this, if we really try again, it can't be like before. You can't just decide things for me -- no matter how good your intentions are."

I nodded, understanding the weight of her words. "I know. And I swear to you I won't repeat the same mistakes. We'll make decisions together this time." It was a promise I intended to keep, a lesson I had learned the hard way. "I'm not going to lose you because I'm stupid, Apple."

She gave a delicate snort. And, really, it was just too cute for words. Finally, I could see my Apple peeking out from the fort she'd built around her emotions, and I wanted to thump my chest and howl with jubilation. "You're a guy, Deacon. It's an unspoken truth that you're gonna do stupid shit."

That made me bark out an unexpected laugh. "Yeah, baby. I can't deny that. Pesky Y chromosome."

"Exactly. Does something to muddle the mind."

And just like that, the weight of the world lifted just a little from my shoulders. My knees went weak, and I had to back up a couple steps to the sofa so I could collapse, still holding Apple tightly in my arms.

I buried my face in her neck, inhaling her sweet fragrance. "Fuckin' wildflowers and honey," I muttered against her skin.

"What?"

"Your smell. Wildflowers and honey."

She gave me a shy smile. "You like the way I smell?"

"I love every fuckin' thing about you, Apple."

She rested her head on my shoulder, and I felt her relax in a way she hadn't in a long time. Not even after we'd made love. Her body was no longer tense with the burden of unspoken words and pent-up frustrations. Instead, there was a softness, an easing of the sharp edges that had defined our recent encounters. "I love you too, Deacon."

"You never made it a secret. You were all in with me from the very first. I was too. Just had trouble showing it. First because you were fuckin' sixteen. Then because of all the shit I had to do."

"Yeah, well, you can't say you weren't warned I was trouble. The signs were there."

I grinned. "Yeah. Trouble with a capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E."

Apple pulled back slightly, the glint of determination returning to her gaze. "Then we start fresh. Tabula rasa ."

I frowned. "What does that mean?"

"It's Latin for ‘blank slate'."

"I like the sound of that."

"Just know that, if you do this again, if you break my heart like you did, Lemon won't have to kill you. I'll do it myself."

"I hear you, baby. Loud and clear."

"Good. Now. I think we should celebrate." She gave me a big, bright smile that had me melting, putty in her hands.

"Whatever you want. Name it and it's yours."

She leaned in to whisper in my ear. "I want to suck your cock. Then, when you can't hold back anymore, I want you to put me on my hands and knees, mount me from behind, and fuck the shit outta me."

And just like that, my cock and balls were feeling much fucking better. There was still an ache there, but it was no match for the raging hard-on her words conjured. I was also acutely aware her towel had slipped precariously, and she didn't seem to give a flying fuck.

"I think I can manage that. Gonna throw eatin' your pussy like a starvin' man in there in the middle, though. Been dreamin' about it."

"Well, if you insist. I'll sacrifice to give you what you want."

I threaded my fingers through her hair, chuckling as I brought her down for a hard kiss. She opened beautifully, letting me taste her. Her delicate tongue whispered over mine, following where I led us.

Our kiss deepened, a whirlwind of need and promise swirling between us, binding us tighter together than any vow spoken aloud could. As our mouths moved in sync, I could feel every past mistake washing away under the current of our renewed dedication and passion to each other.

Apple pulled away slightly, breathless, her eyes sparkling with a cocktail of desire and mischief. "To the bedroom?" she murmured, a playful challenge in her tone as she dropped the towel to the floor.

"Lead the way," I said with a grin. I was pretty sure there was drool at the corner of my mouth, because a naked Apple was too much to resist. If we didn't get to the bedroom soon, I knew I'd take her right there in the living room. I released her only long enough to grab her hand and follow her to our sanctuary.

The bedroom was dimly lit by the afternoon light filtering through gauzy curtains. Apple hadn't filled her bedroom with frilly female things. It was almost stark compared to what I'd seen in our little house at the Iron Tzars compound. Kind of like she didn't expect to be here long. I had to wonder if she wanted to come back to the Tzars. I knew Danica missed her. She also blamed me for Apple leaving and I wasn't sure forgiveness would come as easily to Dani as it had to Apple and Lemon.

At the bed, she turned and tugged off my shirt, so I undid my jeans. The more clothes I shed, the more urgent we both became. Apple's delicate, blonde brows knit together in concentration as she took in my torso. She reached out with one small hand and laid it over my heart before looking up at me.

"I'm yours and you're mine. Right?"

"From now on, baby. Hell, I've been yours since the day we met."

"I have a confession to make, then," she said distractedly as she traced a tattoo swirling over my pec. I wasn't one to man-groom or whatever. I had a hairy chest and made no apology. But I knew the tattoo she traced. I was surprised she hadn't noticed it the first time we'd made love.

"What is it, baby?"

Her brows knit together again as she studied the tatt. Then she smoothed her trembling hand over the mark. "When did you get this?" She didn't look up at me but continued to stare at my tattoo.

I covered her hand with my larger one. "The day you left Indiana." The tattoo was her name in ivy vines woven delicately around an apple blossom. "I had your name inked over my heart because wherever you go, my heart goes with you."

Her chin quivered, then to my surprise, she slapped at my chest, giving me a deep scowl. "When the fuck did you get to be such a romantic? I'm telling everyone at Iron Tzars. Your reputation will be ruined. You'll never get to be an officer." She gave me a pitying look. "Face it. Your life's gonna be ruined now." But tears started to drip from her eyes again, and she batted them away. "That's so sweet it's giving me a migraine and making my teeth rot."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, when we get back to the Tzars, you know you've gotta get your own ink."

She froze. "Wait. Was that why you sent me away? You wouldn't give me a property cut, but you also didn't have me inked. I'd have done it, Deacon. I want to!"

"No, honey. That's not why I wanted you to go away. You know as well as I do, the men left in Iron Tzars would defend any woman in our compound to the death. Inked or not. It's still our way, but you and Lemon grew on everyone. Besides, you're Danica's sisters. That makes you family."

"I want your ink, Deacon." She gave me a fierce look. "And your property cut. That's nonnegotiable."

I grinned at her enthusiastic response. "You will, baby. I have your cut with me, and we'll get you inked the second we can."

"Good." She gave a firm nod. I could still see she was unsure. Probably would be until both those things happened, and I claimed her in front of the club. Well. That would start here. I'd do what I could, give her my cut, and make sure I was loud and proud about her being mine. The men in Grim Road knew I wanted her, but I hadn't had the chance to really stake a good, proper claim. Dragging her up to my room after meeting with Rocket and his officers had been a good start, but not nearly enough.