CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

DALIA

The hardest part when new girls come in, I think, is the pelvic exam. They have been through so much already, and we tell them they are safe, only to have a doctor touch them in the last place they want to be touched. With children it's especially difficult because many of them, Sierra included, have never been to a gynecologist. I've been trying to calm her down for the last twenty minutes, because the more tense she is, the more it's going to hurt. The goal is never to retraumatize victims.

Sitting beside her bed, I talk in a low non-threatening tone, "Sierra, look at me."

She raises her gray eyes to mine and I look into hers, that look so much like her brother's, as I swallow past the lump in my throat.

"You're safe, Sierra. This is Dr. Nikki. She needs to make sure you're okay."

Fresh tears well in her eyes as she whispers, "I'm scared."

"I was scared too. It's perfectly normal to feel that way."

A tear trickles down her cheek slowly, "My big brother is never scared. I want to be like that."

I smile at her reassuringly, "That's not true at all. I know when he didn't know where you were, he was terrified. He was willing to do anything he had to in order to find you, but he was scared."

She stares at me and watches my every movement with a cautious gaze, "How about we let the doctor do what she needs to do, while you tell me what things you like to do."

Her eyes dart between the doctor and me several times before she asks, "Can I hold your hand? I'm still scared."

I reach over and offer my hand, allowing her to be the one to make contact, and she squeezes my hand as the doctor says, "I need to insert a finger. I'll be as quick and gentle as possible."

"Look at me, Sierra. Tell me all about you. Do you like music?"

She looks at me like I'm an idiot, "Everybody likes music."

Sierra squeezes her eyes closed tightly, as the doctor pushes a finger inside her, "Sierra, stay with me, honey. Who is your favorite singer?"

Her eyes pop open, "Taylor Swift. I love her."

I know there's no way she's heard her new album, because she was being held captive when it came out.

"I have a treat for you."

Pulling out my phone, I pull up the YouTube app, and search for fortnight by Taylor Swift. I lay my phone on the bed beside her so she can hear it. The tiniest smile crosses her lips while the doctor does her exam. She winces every once in a while, but gets through it.

Nikki finishes up and looks at me, "She needs to be informed."

I nod at her, "I got it."

She walks to the door, "I'll be right back. I need to grab the portable."

This is a different conversation than I have ever had with a victim. They are always raped, I don't think we've ever had one that wasn't violated sexually, however, not one has been pregnant.

"Sierra. When the bad men did things to you-"

She interrupts me, "There was only one. The others hit me but they didn't put it there."

That's very different from my experience, but since she's talking, I decide to try to get the information that Aries will be demanding from her the second he sees her.

"Do you know his name?"

In barely a whisper, she says, "Vinnie Aiello."

If there is a worse possible response to that question I'm not sure what it is, because Aries is going to lose his mind.

"Well, when he did those things to you, he put a baby in your belly."

Sierra stares at me with a strange expression, "I know."

I shake my head as the music continues playing beside her head, "Yeah. That's why he wanted to get rid of me, he said," she taps her lip like she's trying to remember, "Used goods. He said I was used goods, and I couldn't be his pet anymore."

"How did that make you feel?"

Hiding her face in her hands, she begins to cry, "I'm disgusting. I didn't like it when I wasn't his pet anymore."

This is one of the more difficult things to work through. The unrelenting shame.

"Why do you think that is?"

She looks at me through her fingers, almost like she's afraid to put a voice to her feelings, "He wasn't mean. The others hit me, but he was nice. After they said there was a baby, I never saw him again. He found a new pet."

"How do you feel about a baby growing inside you?"

Sierra scrunches up her nose like she's grossed out, "I'm a kid. I can't have a baby."

Taking my hand again, she asks, "What's going to happen?"

"You have options, but we'll figure that out a little later. Doctor Nikki is going to take a look at the baby, so you'll know what your options are, okay?"

She shrugs as the doctor walks in with the portable ultrasound machine.

"Everything explained?" She asks me and I nod, "She already knew."

Giving me a sad look, she says, "I thought as far along as she appears to be that she might, but you never know."

She wheels the machine over to the side of the bed, "Sierra, I'm going to put some gel on this wand and rub it over your stomach, so I can see the baby, okay?"

Sierra glances at me and I nod, "This part is easy. I promise."

Of course, I mean the ultrasound itself is easy. As far as deciding what to do at such a young age, that's far from easy. No matter what she chooses, it's going to affect her for the rest of her life.

"Can you pull your shirt up for me? I just need to access your belly."

Nikki runs the wand over her stomach, takes various measurements, but doesn't show Sierra the baby. I'm glad because I feel like that will only make the situation worse.

After she finishes, she hands a towel to Sierra, "You can clean off the gel with this. I need to go speak to your brother, but I'll check on you shortly."

Her face lights up while she cleans herself off, "Aries is here?"

I nod, "He's downstairs."

She smiles the first smile I've seen from her, "Can I see him?"

Glancing at the doctor, I raise a questioning eyebrow, "If you're up to it. After I do your bloodwork and talk to him, I can send him up."

Rising out of my chair, I tell her, "I'll leave you with Taylor Swift. I'm going to talk to your brother for a minute, he's very worried."

I head downstairs and find Aries in the same spot I left him in, "The doctor will be down in a few minutes to talk to you."

He smirks at me, "So you're here why?"

I shrug at him while rolling my eyes, "I thought I'd let you know she's doing okay. Better than I expected."

The handsome smug grin that appears on his face is annoying, "Finding excuses to talk to your husband? You don't need a reason, Wife."

He chuckles when I glare at him, "How is she?"

Sighing in relief that we're talking about her, instead of whatever the hell we were, I respond, "She's okay. When you see her, you should be prepared for the bruises on her face, and her belly. It's a lot bigger than I expected."

He runs a hand through his hair, "I still can't believe this is happening. When I find out which fucker did this, he's dead."

Walking over to the couch, I motion for him to sit and he does. I take a seat beside him, "I need to tell you something. I think it's better you hear it from me than her. Your anger won't frighten me, I can't say the same for her."

He nods, urging me to continue, "It was Vinnie Aiello. He's the only one that had sex with her."

Clenching his fists so tight, I spot the white on his knuckles, he grits out, "I'm going to fucking kill him."

I reach out and grab his hand against better judgment, "I know you are, but when you talk to her please stay calm, and make sure she knows you don't think it's her fault."

Aries closes his eyes, "You really do think I'm an asshole. Dalia, I know she isn't responsible for any of this. If anybody other than those fuckers are, it's me. It's my fault."

"Look at me."

He opens his eyes and all I see is pain, "This is not your fault."

I look at him as he laughs, but there's no humor behind it, "Is it not? This was retaliation, Dalia. She was specifically targeted. Because of me."

Squeezing his hand, I try to make him see the truth, "Taking your sister, kidnapping her, raping her, beating her, getting her pregnant? That isn't retaliation, unless you did that to one of theirs. And I know you didn't, so it's not your fault."

The emotion in his gaze is palpable. I know he's dealing with so much pain, so I try to be sensitive to that and leave the rest out of it, "Nobody deserves what happened to her. And nobody deserves the pain you're experiencing because of it."

He smirks at me, "What do I deserve, Wife?"

He's impossible, and if he keeps making me roll my eyes at him, I'm afraid they may freeze like that, "You deserved what Domenic did to you. Why would you say those things to him? It's like you wanted him to beat the shit out of you, or worse."

"I did," he admits, "Everything with Sierra, and then you, it was too much, it was what I needed, although it wasn't purely intentional."

Aries reaches up and touches my cheek with such tenderness, it burns my chest, "I miss you, baby. Please let me make it up to you."

Luckily the doctor comes down and interrupts us with a clearing of her throat, so I don't have to tell him it's over once again.