Chapter 6

Nolan

I am a glutton for punishment.

Clearly, there was no other explanation. I wasn't sure what had gotten into me earlier, except for the fact that Dawson just seemed to be able to draw out parts of me I didn't even know existed.

Flirting with him over the phone was one thing. It was easier to pretend, to channel the person I wished I could be when I didn't have to physically look at the man.

I told myself I was going to erase that morning's phone call from my brain completely, and I had every intention of doing so; starting with focusing on work—on the job Dawson was up my ass about—and then he had to show up fresh from a fire, his sandy blond hair all disheveled, his skin flushed and sweaty still, with smudges of ash and soot on his face, with that cocky grin...

Like some hunk out of a romance novel or something.

And then when he grabbed me, to apologize... it was like something had shifted in him too, and even though I knew I should have been pissed and I should have told him to back off, and get as far away from me as possible, I found myself falling further into his gravitational pull.

His dark eyes implored mine as his voice cracked just in the slightest, showing off what I gathered was probably the man beneath all the equipment and fireproof armor.

Someone not a lot of people saw, and I couldn't look away. Like a moth, I was drawn to his endearing flame, his change of character, and I couldn't stop myself from falling like a star in his orbit.

His hair was still wet, and he smelled like cedar and spice. I looked up at him through my glasses, my gaze falling over his lips as I wondered for a moment if he would taste as good as he smelled, if his kiss would be as ravaging as the fires he chased, or if it would be a slow burn, like a fine whiskey making its way down your throat.

It had taken nearly all my concentration to fight the desire to take his lips and kiss away the worry that was so evident in his voice and on his face.

But I knew kissing Dawson was both unprofessional and unwarranted.

After all, how could someone like him ever want someone like me?

Even I knew the world wasn't some romance novel. Guys like Dawson could have any man they desired, and guys like me were just the wallflowers in the background, the muted colors of a painting put there only to make brighter ones stand out.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I told him, despite my better judgment, despite the overwhelming desire to kiss him in the yard of his brother's house, that everything was going to be okay, even though I wasn't certain I believed it myself.

At least, where my job was concerned, I meant that promise.

But a part of me was also trying to convince myself everything would be okay. That I would walk away and forget that moment, that I'd forget shirtless Dawson standing inches away from me and his spicy scent, his fiery copper eyes, and his sculpted frame, or the way his eyelashes stood out against his tanned skin.

Fucking hell, why do I always do this?

Why do I always fall for beautiful creatures I can never have?

And then it was over, and Dawson walked away, and I let him go like an idiot because I couldn't string my words together and remember how to fucking human.

"Way to go, Nolan," I chastised myself as I started the car. The digital clock blinked to tell me I was perilously close to a late arrival, so I threw my car into gear and sped off for the office, just as my phone rang.

"Harding," I answered the car's bluetooth handsfree, willing my breath to return to normal. I needed to get Dawson Richards out of my head and focus on things that were actually tangible. Like my job, and the promotion that I'd been working toward.

"Oh, Nolan, I'm so glad I got you! I know you're still out on lunch and all, and I was hoping to catch you before you came back..."

I tensed immediately upon hearing my boss Karla's voice. "What's up?" I asked as I steered the car onto Jasper Springs's main street.

I'd always thought the main street here looked like something out of a travel blog or a Hallmark movie. The trees are always the perfect shade of green, the fences always perfectly painted off-white, and the sun lights everything up like Heaven, giving the town an ethereal glow that is somehow both cozy and inspirational.

"Verizon finally showed up to work on the lines, which means we're out of Internet for the next day or so, so you don't need to come back this afternoon," Karla said, trying to hide the excitement in her voice.

Wait...what?

"You mean I—"

"Take the day off, Nolan. I'll call you tomorrow to let you know an update on when it'll be back and when you can come back to the office."

My blood chilled as her words fell on me like heavy stones.

I hadn't taken a day off from work since...

Well, since I moved here pretty much.

Not that I didn't think about it, but what would I do?

It wasn't like I had a group of friends to gallivant around with, not to mention the town itself was pretty sparse in regard to entertainment...

I guess I could go home and maybe go for my daily run a little earlier?

Put a little extra time in?

"Seriously. Go home. Watch some Netflix or something. Take a break for once. I mean it," she said before hanging up, leaving me stunned in silence.

Well, shit.

I casually steered away from the office, slowing my speed now that I knew I didn't have to rush back to work, passing the fire station. When I'd leased my apartment, I'd thought it was a great selling point. Being close to local first responders meant I was in safe hands if something went wrong, but now it was just another reminder that my job was my life.

Instinctually, I looked for Dawson among the crew washing the fire trucks, but he wasn't there. Probably still chatting up his brother about everything.

Must be a slow day.

A part of my brain just couldn't let sleeping dogs lie though, as I tried to picture him among Gina and Sharky, and some of the newer rookies, like Frank. My mind couldn't help but remember a freshly showered and shirtless Dawson looming over me, and of course that was why my brain decided to go spiraling into thoughts of watching him get all wet and soapy, stretching those back muscles as he cleaned the truck, loose suspenders caressing the shape of his ass...

Fuck, now I'm hard.

I groaned in defeat as the light turned green, shifting in my seat to try and quell my burgeoning erection.

The high-pitched tones of Foreigner singing Hot Blooded filled the speakers, making me groan all the more. I huffed out a sigh as I pulled into my parking space at Jasper Springs Towers, the apartment complex I'd called home for the last two years. I shifted myself around once more as I exited the car, feeling rather on the spot.

It was pretty early still, and thankfully, that meant there wasn't a lot of traffic, and kids weren't home from school yet, so the complex itself was pretty quiet. Something I appreciated at the time.

I made my way into my apartment, relishing in the privacy of my own home as I attempted to do just what Karla instructed, and take a break.

Which consisted of me trying to get comfortable on my couch as I slipped out of my white shirt and pants down to my boxers while I doomscrolled my tv for something, anything to get my mind off Dawson, that weird phone conversation, or the last twenty four hours, really.

I settled on some older episodes of Rescue Me, trying to do exactly as Karla as said and relax. But neither my mind nor my dick seemed to get the memo.

I huffed out a sigh of frustration, rolling my eyes as I leaned back into my couch cushions, knowing there was truly only one way to quiet my thoughts and get on with my day.

I closed my eyes, slid my hand in my boxers and let my mind wander, to Dawson and his dark, sexy voice over the phone, the memory of his hot, shirtless self standing above me, remembering that spicy cedar scent and those perfect, kissable lips.

Fuck.

I'd barely gotten into my fantasy before I was pulsing with need, aching to be touched. I just wished someone else other than myself could touch me.

My mind wandered to the memory of Dawson's hands on my skin, when he'd grabbed me, filling in the spaces of fantasy as I let my thoughts spiral, imagining those same warm, rough hands wrapped around my cock, squeezing, sliding...

I grunted out a frustrated sound as I came, much too soon for my own liking as ropes of warm, sticky cum coated my shaft and fingers, making me feel a mix of shame, guilt, and relief.

Well at least that's taken care of, now perhaps I can get back to being a functional human being.

If I even was functional, because I sure as hell didn't feel it at the moment.

I tugged on my cock, pumping out the last bits of my guilty spend, deciding that staying around the house wasn't as solid an idea as I had hoped it would be. So I got up, ambled to the bathroom and cleaned myself up, then decided now would probably be as good a time as ever to head out for that run, work off some of those feelings, put everything out of my mind, including the devil himself and his stupid, hot face, and then I could launch into my daily workout afterward, shower, make some dinner, and watch the latest episode of 911 Lone Star I'd missed because I worked late last week, and call it a fucking night.

Wow, I really am boring as hell.

I changed quickly, tying on my runners, slid my keys in my shorts pocket, and took off for the walking trail. Jasper Springs Towers wasn't the biggest apartment complex in town by any means. It was nestled near the woods, which gave the place a kind of quaint, cozy atmosphere, and every day I could hear the birds out of my window tweeting away as I woke up. Mixed with the ever-present light of the sun there, it was everything I thought I could have ever wanted in a place to live. I just wished I had someone to share it with. Someone to wake up to, curled in the sheets together, while we listened to the birds sing away outside. Allie tells me it was because I'm a romantic, but I thought that sort of thing was what everyone wanted.

Wasn't it?

When I got to the trail on the side of the complex, I immediately launched into my stretches. I leaned forward, lunging to stretch my calves and legs, to limber myself up for the run. There was no one around, which made me feel a little better. Not that I minded running on the trail with other people, but there was just something about being the only one amidst the trees and plants that lined both sides of the trail. It was easier to focus, to shed whatever I needed to in my thoughts and just... be.

I stretched my arms over my head from side to side, twisting my body, pulling on my elbows as well to stretch the muscles there. I learned pretty early on, if I didn't stretch before a run, I'd be paying for it later and choking down Advil with my meals for days.

In my mindless routine, a voice cut through, breaking my concentration.

"What the hell are you doing here, Harding?"

I turned as I finished my twist, my eyes widening immediately at the sight of Dawson, dressed in nothing but silver athletic shorts and white Nikes. His tanned, muscled chest sparkled with sweat in the sunlight, his sandy hair wet. As he pulled his earbuds out, I thought I must've done some serious shit in a former life for karma to fuck me like this.