Chapter 20

20

E LIZABETH

He frees one of my hands and scoops up his drink again. His hands don’t shake, but even so, I feel the tension in his frame.

His smile is gone as he looks at me with a different expression on his face, concerned yet also at peace that we are having this conversation.

“There are things you need to know about me, and although I haven’t planned to have this conversation tonight, I think this time is as good as any.”

He trains his piercing stare on me, and I crumble inside, not knowing what to expect.

“You weren’t the only reason I came back this week. My schedule had been a little crazy, and staying away from you was hard, but there was something else. I had to go visit someone.”

My heart jumps out of my chest and leaps around the room, looking for its way out.

I thought I had secrets, and here I am.

This can’t be good.

It can’t be good.

I must have the expression of someone about to faint as he squeezes my hand and holds it gently.

“It’s a story. Nothing will change what we have,” he says casually, and my heart reluctantly calms down.

“Her name was Anna,” he says, tipping his gaze and staring blankly at my hand. “I’ve indirectly told you about her. The pink dress. The jewelry. The things I bought for her that weren’t for her in the end.” A soft smile pulls at his lips before he continues. “I went to the cemetery today and had a little talk to her.”

I push back a tiny gasp.

“It was her death anniversary. We had some history together… I met her in high school, and soon after, we became friends. Good friends. We were inseparable. The year we graduated, we declared our love for each other.”

He runs his hand over the back of his neck and lets out a long exhale.

“I’ll be straight with you. She’s changed my life in many ways. We were so truthful in how we felt for each other but also ignorant when it came to life, and therefore, we had no idea that feelings were like butterflies. Beautiful and short-lived. We couldn’t imagine living without each other. So…” he says and smiles, saddened. “We wanted to build a life together. The problem was that we had no means to do that. I came from a modest background, and she was just like me. We started to work as soon as we graduated, but we both knew it wouldn’t be enough to lay the foundation for a good life. A friend told me about serving in the military, and I thought it was a good idea. After a few years of sacrifices, we could have the life we wanted.”

He pauses before he goes on.

“She liked my idea, and off I went.”

He sucks in a long breath and sighs.

“The first year was hard. But I came back, and our love seemed stronger than ever. I wanted to propose to her the next time I came back… And then…”

His face turns dark.

“I came back…” he murmurs, looking down, engulfed in memories. “And, um… Things were no longer the same. I figured the distance hadn’t done us any favors. It changed her. And maybe it changed me. She was no longer the girl I used to know, and then I realized… She was no longer mine. Back then, I couldn’t understand how these things could even happen. Frankly, I’m not better at explaining them even now. I guess a storm can grow out of a clear sky. You don’t always see the signs. And sometimes, there are no signs.”

He shrugs.

“No matter how great we were together, once she started to look for something else, I was no longer her perfect match. That’s what she said anyway. She wanted something different. How she defined that was anyone’s guess. It didn’t matter, anyway. I was not what she was looking for.”

He ponders for a second.

“With that, my world came crashing down, and I got caught under the rubble. I was in a daze for days, weeks, and even months. I couldn’t make sense of her story. She wanted stability––someone with money––and I was not it.”

His voice is strained as lingering pain flashes through his eyes.

“When you are ready to give everything to someone else, and through some twist of fate, they decide you aren’t good enough, your entire world shatters. Money…”

He exhales, saddened.

“I never thought money would be the end of us. I believed we were so close to reaching our dream. I was eager to make it happen. But she ran out of patience and unilaterally decided to put an end to it. She put a ton of anger in me and left me to deal with it, regardless of how much it took me to push that fury out. And it took years…” he says, looking at me, his eyes glinting. “My marriage to Samantha was only one of the things I did for money. Everything I did was for money. Anna got engaged and married someone who was financially stable. I did the exact same thing. She didn’t care. It didn’t matter to me in the slightest. I kept going. I started to make my own money. And then I made more money. And then it became a game for me and I became a master at making money. Having that type of existence, I could afford a secret life. Samantha saw through me to a point. She knew I was more than an ambitious tycoon. But she had no idea where I came from. It didn’t make a difference to her either. What mattered to her was that I didn’t obey, so she made my life a living hell. Other than that…? You know the rest of the story. I met Rain. She was a call girl in the making, but we hit it off and became friends. Later, I learned what had brought her to Manhattan and why she was penniless when I met her. Her story resonated with me because I was her at some point in my life. My trajectory didn’t change much after she pulled away from me. My divorce was a no brainer at that stage.”

The silence grows thick in the room.

“You may be asking yourself, why am I saying all of this to you right now?” he adds, his eyes no longer on mine.

My hand warms in his grip when he tips his gaze to me.

“I’m as scared as you are,” he admits. “I don’t want something bad to happen to you. And I don’t want to have phone sex with you either. I want you in my bed. I no longer want to pay you. I want to take care of you.”

“What are you saying?” I ask, my heart racing, my hand about to escape his grip.

He holds me tighter.

“I think you know what I mean…” he murmurs, a faint smile on his face. “My biggest fear, though, is…” he goes on, searching my eyes. “You may not be where I am. And that scares me the most.”

My heart stops before galloping furiously, my brain going blank as the voice inside my head hands in her notice.

“What makes you say that?” I ask, my voice mellow.

“Let’s say some events from the past,” he says with a pinch of humor in his voice. “Plus, what you just asked me this evening.”

“That’s not why I––”

He cuts me off, his finger sliding over my lips.

“You are well within your right to ask me that,” he says. “That’s why I wanted to share this story. And just so you know, things weren’t that clear to me either, but something nagged at me this afternoon. The moments I spent in the cemetery made me admit a thing or two about myself and how I lived my life. What happened last night at your place was a wake-up call. As much as running into Samantha in New York has played a role. All these things made me see something I never thought I’d see again. I never thought I’d regard my life through a different lens. I’m regretful for many things right now, and they mostly have to do with you. I don’t want you to feel rushed and pressed into doing something you don’t want.”

The moments drip into an ocean of time.

“All I wanted was to tell you where I was. I want to be open about it since I don’t want to lose you because of some stupid misunderstanding,” he says. “You take your time, draw your own conclusions, and then let me know how you feel about me.”

Honestly, so many emotions are lodged in my throat that I’m afraid to open my mouth to speak and shed some of the burning tears pricking my eyes.

I don’t know where I am––he’s right. But I’m way deeper into this story than I thought I was.

I’m so deep in it that I couldn’t wait for his confession and have gone snooping around, looking for more information.

Is this the time to break it up to him? Probably not.

I want so badly not to tear up, but that might not happen.

Words don’t come to me, and my thoughts are matted, so there’s no point in trying to say something smart or thoughtful.

To hide my emotions, I lean to him and wrap my arm around his neck.

He frees my hand so I can loop the other arm around his neck and pulls me into his chest.

My tears fall onto his shoulder, burning like fire and sincere. I hope he doesn’t feel the little puddles.

How could he not?

So, I let it all go with my forehead pressed into his shoulder, rivers of emotions streaming from my eyes.

Sensing my struggles, he slowly pats my back.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumble against his shoulder. “I didn’t want this to happen,” I add, sniffling and running my fingers under my eyes. “Me crying like this.”

It’s all out in the open now.

I’m crying for all the moments I’ve been tough and tried to win at the big game of life.

All those moments in which I was sassy and creative

And he offers me approving silence and comfort I never thought I’d have in the arms of a man.

When my eyes start to dry, I feel lighter, no longer carrying a burden, and I straighten and try to put a smile on my face.

His eyes meet mine, and I find myself, my words, and my thoughts.

It doesn’t feel awkward to have him witness all of this.

He seems proud of who I am and reacts to me.

Like he’s in love with me.

“So what do we do now?” I ask, my voice different than the one uttering the original question that brought us here.

“Now we drink wine, eat pie, have sex, and sleep for as long as we want. I have nowhere to go tomorrow morning, and I hope you have nowhere to go, too.”

He tenderly strokes my cheek.

“And then?”

“I go to work on Monday, and you show up on Tuesday. Julie, my assistant, will show you around like she’d normally do. We’ll continue to keep this private so we can ease everybody in without facing too many questions. When the time is right, they’ll know we’re together.”

He reads my eyes.

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Good. I wasn’t joking when I said I didn’t want to spend another night without you. Since I don’t have a house where I can live here in Colorado, we can use this cabin, or I can move in,” he says and pauses to gauge my reaction. “If you want to have me around the house,” he jokes, and I crack a smile. “And then, we can take it from there. What say you?”

“Sounds good.”

My smile is a little off, and he notices it.

“What is it, Elizabeth?”

“Nothing.”

He leans forward, picks up our drinks, and hands me mine.

“I’m listening,” he says before taking a sip.

Again, is this the moment to tell him about my findings?

Nah, probably not.

I truly don’t want to ruin this evening.

“What happens to Pam?” I ask, remembering about the beautiful woman keeping him company at events.

“Pam no longer works for me,” he says, and my eyebrows tilt in surprise.

“Seriously?”

He nods.

“What happened?”

He shrugs a shoulder.

“There was no point in trying to keep her in my circle. I had no desire to pretend I was with her. So I decided to let her go.”

“When did it happen?”

“When you came to visit me in New York?”

“A while back?”

“A while back…” he says, amused.

I slap his arm jokingly.

“You should’ve told me.”

He laughs.

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Why, Elizabeth?”

“It was important.”

“You know now.”

My smile fades.

So does his.

“You fell for me,” I murmur.

“So did you,” he says, slowly twirling a strand of my hair around his finger.

His lips are curved into a beautiful smile.

I’m lost for words, so I lean into him and press my lips against his.

“I think we have to take care of this,” I say against his lips. “Our love for each other.”

My words sound clear and timeless.

“I think you’re right,” he says, setting his drink down and removing mine from my hand.

He loops his arms around me, his lips coming to mine with purpose.

We kiss passionately and feel settled before he pushes up with me in his arms.

Still kissing me, he carries me to the bedroom.

He wasn’t joking when he said I’d be impressed by this room.

The entire room is done in a combination of white and amber wood. The sheets, pillows, and covers look like snow while a fireplace lights the room.

He sets me down and removes my clothes before getting out of his.

Naked, he hovers over me.

My back lines the sheets, my lips catching fire from his mouth.

He spreads my legs, grabs the root of his erection, and enters me without another word, coming home for himself and also me.