Chapter 1

1

L IZ

Colorado

Saturday

Everybody knows Colorado has many sunny days, and today is one of them.

Fall has never looked more nostalgic, with its gilded aspen trees hugging the sky and leaves rustling in the wind like stacks of antique coins.

The road is almost empty as most people are at the market, shopping for juicy red apples, amber honey, and crusted loaves of homemade bread, or at home, already cooking lunch.

Some people like me are still in bed, trying to cure their hangover after spending the night in one of the hottest clubs in Colorado, or in my case, sipping coffee in a cafe, hoping to look cool.

After Chloe left, I took a break from going out.

She is studying abroad this year, and Thea has a new family, so I have no one to go out with.

"You have to go to her wedding," my mother says, prompting me to glance at my phone.

My cell phone sits on the table next to my laptop and my tall, whipped coffee.

The mix of instant coffee powder, brown sugar, and hot water is adorned with scrumptious whipped cream.

This is one of my favorite cafes in town. The girl at the counter already considers me a regular––I come here almost every Saturday––usually drizzling caramel on top.

I live for this drink.

"I don't have to do anything," I say quietly, sticking a straw into my drink.

I take a sip, and the aroma spreads around my mouth, making my tongue tingle. My mother looks at me, still on speaker, my phone with the volume turned down—not that many people are here.

The coffeehouse is almost empty.

The employee who knows me chats quietly with her coworker while the man in the corner has his arms folded on the table and his brow pressed against them.

His laptop sits on the table, a cup of coffee next to it.

Only moments ago, he worked on his computer before figuring out he could do something better with his time.

And there he is.

He and I are very much alike.

I was struggling to overcome writer's block when I had this brilliant idea to take my mother's call to distract myself.

I didn't know she'd bug me again about Thea's wedding.

"We are her only family," she says, and I roll my eyes before whipping my gaze away.

Her silence makes me reconsider my attitude, so I look back at my phone.

The kitchen wall stretches behind her while the sun filters through the window, filling the background.

Seated at the table, her fingers hovering over a cup of coffee, her hair pulled into a bun, secured with a blue scarf, she scolds me with her eyes.

"I have nothing against Thea," I say, lifting my drink to partly conceal my expression. "I love her, and I'm happy for her," I add before taking a sip and running the tip of my tongue over my lip, collecting a bead of whipped cream. "And the twins."

I stick my dessert spoon into the cup and bring more whipped cream to my mouth.

Her eyes don't wander away from my face. Even without looking at her, I know what she thinks.

"I'm not jealous of her," I say, propping my phone against a book on the table.

Our eyes connect.

"Yes, you are," my mother says.

"No, I'm not," I retort, shaking my head and laughing dismissively. "I don't want her life. And as hot and accomplished as her man is, I'd never hook up with someone like him."

She flicks her hand in disappointment and collects something off the table.

"Good to know you think he's hot."

She brings a cookie to her mouth and sinks her teeth into the crumbling texture.

My mouth waters since I know how good her cookies are.

"Everybody knows Ed Preston is hot," I toss back at her.

"Yeah, sure."

Chewing slowly on her cookie, she locks my eyes.

"Seriously…" she murmurs. "You can't avoid to go to her wedding without revealing how jealous, petty, and frankly, a bit nuts you are."

I laugh as if it's a good joke.

"It's not funny," she says swiftly. "You can't lie to her. You can't say you're not in town since she knows you're here. You don't have a good explanation for not showing up, and she'll feel hurt if you do that."

"I am not jealous of her," I say, punctuating every word with a tilt of my head. "It's just that there's nothing for me to do at her wedding."

"You don't have to do anything at her wedding," she says, irritation woven in her voice. "All you need to do is eat and drink like everybody else. And maybe dance. What's so hard about this? I don't get it. Plus, you know lots of people in her circle. You know Rain, Dahlia, and Eve. Why wouldn't you want to go?"

She ponders for a moment.

"Is it because Chloe is not here?" she asks.

I huff at her ridiculous suggestion.

"No, of course not."

"Then why? I'll be there too," she says.

"You're my mother," I reply, exasperated.

"Whatever."

With a curt gesture, she gives up on arguing with me about Thea's wedding and rises from her seat before moving to the sink, an empty plate in her hand.

The view of the trees outside the window grabs my attention while the water runs in the background.

The leaves move slowly in the wind.

"Is it about the money?"

Her voice tears into the silence as she probably pats her hands dry with a kitchen towel out of my line of sight.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, unable to suppress my irritation.

She blocks my view with her back before turning around and sliding into her seat. She holds an apple, a fruit knife, and a small plate.

Sighing, she looks down and starts peeling the apple.

"I knew it was about the money," she says, and I tense up.

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't care about their money?"

A knowing smile tilts her lips, making me choke on frustration.

She thinks it's about this complicated take on life.

They're rich. I'm poor, and I just figured out I'd never have what they have.

Things are simpler than that.

I'm only a student. A student like her, Thea Porter, my cousin, yes, but still. I'm only a student. And I'm not even twenty–five.

I'm young. I know nothing. And in this case, I feel like I don't belong.

What's so hard to understand?

Thea's life has changed since she divorced Nolan.

Despite what Terry says, she is not ‘only' my cousin from California. She no longer needs us. She has kids and a man who makes her happy.

She's busy decorating her house, taking care of the kids, and loving him, Ed Preston.

She's in college like me, yes, and we see each other on campus, but our schedules are different despite both studying archeology.

Our lives are no longer about getting a degree, experimenting, doing stupid things that cost nothing, and looking for someone to settle down.

She's done all that in one fell swoop and hasn't even planned for it. No one can foresee the kind of story that she has.

She wasn't even looking for a new husband after divorcing Nolan. And I'm sure she didn't wish for someone like Ed Preston.

But things happened, and he fell in love with her.

Everyone in town knew who he was. Women lost their breath every time he glanced their way.

Thea and Ed were meant to be together, and no one could be jealous of them.

"I know it makes you think about your life," she says evenly, enjoying her apple.

My eyebrows flick up.

"My life? What's wrong with my life?"

"Nothing," she mumbles around her food. "That's the problem. There's nothing wrong with your life, yet somehow things feel wrong to you."

"I don't understand."

Her eyes stay connected with mine for a long second.

"You lost your people, Liz."

"What people? What are you talking about? I didn't lose anyone."

"Chloe."

"She'll be back."

"And Thea."

"She's getting married soon, and she's a mom. It's normal to have a different life than me."

She studies me for a moment.

"So, how is your life?" she asks.

I freeze before wagging my finger at her.

"Oh… I know what you're doing. You're trying to stir me up. Things are great. I'm looking for a new place to live."

"Uh-huh…."

She keeps munching on her apple.

"I'm writing a book."

"Okay."

Her gaze dips as if something more interesting than myaccomplishments has caught her eye.

"You don't believe in my writing…" I murmur.

She pushes her eyes up and weighs her words for a few seconds.

Terry is a good, supportive mother. She's my rock.

And if she doesn't believe in my writing or she thinks it's a bona fide waste of time, I surely can't blame her for that.

And it has nothing to do with whether my writing is good or bad. With patience, discipline and dedication I can improve my craft.

It's that she thinks it's my coping mechanism, and I'm hiding behind my writing.

Maybe there is a kernel of truth in that.

Maybe despite denying everything my mother said, the changes in my life have left me bereft and grieving.

The thing is… I miss how things were.I miss Thea, Chloe, and myself––the way we all were.

I miss planning to go overseas, living adventurously, and exchanging tips on finding good men.

Thea went overseas and found her man.

Chloe is now in a student exchange program. She is temporarily living in Spain. What do I know? Maybe she'll find her man as well.

In the meantime, I'm stuck here. I can't travel. I'm not even going out.

The last failed attempt at having a meaningful relationship ended badly. Not in tears, but with a distaste for men, or at least the kind of man I used to date and go to classes with.

There's nothing wrong with that, though.

College students, I mean.

Thea's first husband was a college professor and… a dick .

Evan, the man who had a crush on her and would've done everything for her while she was obsessed with Ed, was more than fine.

A college student like us.

He went away, licking his wounds after falling in love with the wrong person.When it rains, it pours, they say, and she surely experienced all of that.

Ed Preston, like Lex Harrington and James Sexton––still the top dog in the county even now as a married man––was never on her radar.

And I, personally, would've never touched someone like him with a ten-foot pool.

Thea did.

It was a risk. Yes, it was. But she didn't have time to think about it. She fell for him, and the universe took care of everything else.

And Rain Sexton?

Oh, don't even get me started on Rain.

James Sexton would do anything for her.

I'm sure she didn't have a plan either when she crossed paths with James many years ago.

Like Thea, she followed her heart and lived to tell the story.

And what a story it is.

The only reason I started to write a book was that Rain had authored several of them. And, frankly, none of them resonated with me, like the one called ‘Owned,' penned under the name L. Carter.

That was the story of James and the man before him.

They both owned her in a sense. One had paid to own her body. The other stole her heart.

So Rain… Yes. What a tale. Every time I read that book, the flames of my creativity ignite, and my imagination goes wild.

Sadly, my own story, the one I'm trying to put down on paper, dwindles. My muse is fickle, lacking real-life inspiration.

Even so, I have no reason to complain.

I live my perfect little life, sipping coffee, basking in the sun, loving fall, and wrestling with my muse.

Everything else will come.

My story will come.

I'm sure of that.

"I do believe in your writing. I believe in everything you put your mind to."

"But…"

"There is no but. I just hope you put your heart into it."

"Don't worry about my heart. I told you nothing's wrong with me."

I sigh, realizing I'm not getting anywhere with her. Besides, my mother is right. I have no reason not to go to Thea's wedding.

Is it going to be stressful? Yes.

Will it drive me up the wall? Probably.

Will I spend a ton of money on a dress I'll wear once to feel like I belong? Sure.

"You can rent a dress for the wedding," she says, anticipating my objections.

"I can borrow one from Chloe."

Her eyes glint with surprise.

"Is she back?"

"No. But she left me the key to her apartment. I can talk to her."

"Okay… Do that, then."

A smile tickles my lips.

"Do anything, just don't say no to Thea."

"You can't say no to her. You'll have to lie, and you suck at lying."

"Like mother, like daughter. What are you going to wear?"

"My prom dress," she says, picking up another slice of apple, her eyes tipped down.

"Seriously?" I say incredulously.

She pops the apple slice into her mouth.

The red sequined dress takes us all back.

My mother was a kid the year it was manufactured, and although she's never confessed to me, I'm convinced it belonged to someone in the family, and she inherited it.

"Does it still fit?"

"Of course, it does. Plus, I'll lose a couple of pounds before the wedding."

"More like five."

She laughs.

"You're mean."

"No? It's not five?"

"It will fit. Don't worry about me. I have time to get in shape."

"Sure. Whatever."

My chuckle makes her smile.

Her grin withers away before she sucks in a long breath.

"So… Are you going to talk to Thea?" she says, no longer smiling.

I lean back in my seat and fold my arms over my chest, slightly defeated.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Yay," she says, ignoring my distress and grinning again.

"What's in it for you?" I toss at her. "This still feels like a chore to me. I need to be on my best behavior and have no one to talk to at the wedding other than you."

"You're silly," she says, smiling. "The whole town will be there."

"People we don't know."

"It's a small community. Everybody knows everybody."

"These are the wealthiest people in town."

"Okay. All right…" she concedes. "They may be the wealthy folk, but there are still a lot of people in town. Besides, you and I live fairly well."

That's subjective, but anyway, I stay quiet.

"Finally, you ran out of objections," she says, and I wave her off.

"I hate this," I mutter, flicking my laptop open and waking my computer.

"Listen…" she says in a serious voice this time. "You can't avoid Thea or these people for the rest of your life. You like Rain and adore her place."

"It's not about that," I say, brimming with frustration. "And we're back to square one. I told you it's not about these people and their money."

"You feel like an outsider, even though these people didn't do anything to you. You need some time to adjust, and trust me… This sensation will fade when you find your people. Speaking of people. What happened to that guy?"

"Which one?" I ask, my fingers flying across my keyboard as I answer an email.

I know what guy. And I know she won't like my answer.

"Don't ask me if we're seeing each other. We've never dated."

"But?"

"There is no but. We broke up."

"Oh. So you've never dated, but you broke up."

Her answer is dry, and my fingers freeze while my eyes travel to hers.

"What?"

"That explains your foul mood."

"They're not connected."

"I bet they aren't. What happened to him? Was it Cole or something?"

"Klaus."

"What happened to him? Please don't tell me he hooked up with one of your friends."

For one, I don't have that many friends.

And that ties into the fact that lately, I've become the last stop for men who end up finding the woman they want in my circle of friends.

I've heard about that happening to men but never thought it could happen to me.

So I can't be mad at her for bringing that up.

"No. It wasn't about that."

"What was it then? They never pull away unless they have someone new."

"Who said he'd pulled away from me?"

My cheeks burn.

I avoid her stare as much as I can, but I have to face her scrutiny eventually.

"We weren't a good fit," I say quietly as more people walk into the shop.

They stop at the counter and order coffee and apple pie. Someone wants a slice of cheesecake.

I pay more attention to them than my mother.

She wants more details, but I'm not comfortable with sharing more with her.

"A good fit for what? You just said it… You weren't even dating."

They also order hot chocolate.

"Oh…" she says, and my cheeks are alight. She has an epiphany. "Problems in bed?" she asks.

"Mom?"

She cracks a smile.

"What? They happen."

"It's not about having sex problems. We weren't a good fit. That's all. Okay? No more talking about this. It's embarrassing."

Nothing can stop her, though.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. But I get it, and it's a valid reason. Okay," she says in a different voice. "Take your time, breathe deeply, write your book, or don't write it. Better yet, live it and then write it. And in the meantime, enjoy this beautiful day and think about something nice to wear. You don't need to borrow a dress if you don't want to. I'm sure your boss has stocked her store with plenty of cute dresses. Take a look at them and pick something nice. I'll pay for it."

"You don't have to pay for it. I'll put it on my credit card."

"That's my girl."

She softly rolls her eyes.

"I gotta go," she says. "Talk to you later."

I tap my phone and set it down, my focus wandering away, my mind going back to Klaus.

Nothing was wrong with him, except we weren't great together.

Initially, he wanted to please me so much so that it became a turn-off.

And then, when we got to the sleeping together part, he disconnected from me and pumped me with a vengeance.

Watching porn killed his inspiration.

He couldn't get a feel of me. And frankly, didn't want to.

Anyway, it wasn't only that.

We couldn't connect, and that ruined it for us.

And then Klaus wasn't a unique experience. Things like that happened before sailing through lies, betrayal, and uncertainty killed it for me.

So yes, maybe all that crap also made me cranky about my cousin's wedding. Who knows?

Even if there's truth to that, there's still nothing I can do about it.

Still thinking about my conversation with my mother, I move my attention to my laptop.

If I write a thousand words today, I'll reward myself with a cookie.