5. Caroline

CHAPTER 5

CAROLINE

"Miss Steele, what's a clueless asshole?"

I lift my head, nearly choking on my tongue, to find Simon standing just inside my office, another note clutched in his hands. "Simon! Miss Riser did not write that!"

Hell, maybe she did. She said pretty much the same thing about Sawyer this morning when I talked to her.

"Nu-uh. Uncle Jeremy did." He blinks big, inquisitive eyes at me. "What's it mean, Miss Steele?" He glances back down at the note in his hands. "And what's a fucking idiot?"

"What? Give me that!" I practically launch myself across my desk to grab the note before he learns anything else he'll surely be repeating on the playground.

Caroline,

I'm a clueless asshole and a fucking idiot. Please, call me.

-J

I'm going to kill Jeremy for giving this to a seven-year-old! He texted me all freaking day and night last night. I should have known he was up to something when the texts just stopped this morning.

He's been radio silent all day. I know because I've been obsessively looking at my phone, checking for new messages.

"Where did you even get this, Simon?" I ask, pinching the bridge of my nose. I need to talk to Jeremy. I know I do. I'm just terrified he's going to break my heart all over again when I do. What if he's only doing all of this because… because what?

I don't know! I haven't worked that part out yet. My fears are completely irrational, but they have a vise around my heart and refuse to dislodge now.

"Uncle Jeremy gave it to me this morning." Simon stares at me. "Is he in trouble, Miss Steele?"

"Big trouble," I growl. God only knows how many of the kids Simon showed this to. They’ll all be at home tonight, asking their parents what clueless asshole and fucking idiot means. Oh my God. I have to kill Jeremy.

Simon bobs his little head like he suspected as much, reaching into his pocket to pull out yet another note. This one is thicker.

"I told him to write you an apology for whatever he did, Miss Steele." He holds the paper out to me, beaming with pride. "He did it! Now you have to forgive him."

I reluctantly accept the note, trying to hide the way my hands shake. "You should get to your bus, buddy. You don't want to miss it."

"Okay." He slings his backpack over his shoulder, starts for the door, and then pauses, turning to look at me. "You really should forgive him, Miss Steele. He's sad without you."

My heart clenches. The thought of him hurting kills me.

"He didn't do anything wrong," I whisper, my throat raw.

"But you said..."

"I know." I sigh. Giving a curse-filled note to a seven-year-old wasn’t his finest moment, but before that? "It's complicated, adult stuff, buddy. Go on to your bus."

Simon huffs in annoyance, making his opinion of adult stuff crystal clear, before slinking out of my office, leaving me alone with Jeremy's letter. I stare at it for a long time, slightly afraid to open it, before I cross back to my desk, easing myself down into my chair.

Is he really sad without me?

God, I'm miserable not talking to him. I was so sure when I kicked him off my porch that I was doing the right thing. That he was in love with someone else and was just having a stupid moment or something. But it doesn't feel like the right thing anymore. It feels all wrong.

I slowly open the letter.

Dear Caroline,

Two days ago, I received an email from a mystery woman, professing her feelings for me. For a brief moment, I let myself wonder if it could be you finally answering every prayer I've had since the day we met. But I convinced myself it was impossible. An angel in love with a motherfucker like me? Yeah, right.

So, I set aside the fantasy and tried to let her down easy. I couldn't say yes to her. My heart has always belonged to someone else. You.

I was sick when I looked at your phone and saw my response staring back at me. Knowing you left the bar thinking I love someone else is killing me, sweets. So, I'm writing this to tell you what I would have said had I known you were behind that email.

I don't need a date with you to know I want more. I don't need a single second to figure out how I feel about you. I've known for years that I'm crazy about you. Your heart was set on college, and I wasn't going to stand in your way. But my dream was always you in a white dress, standing at the end of an aisle, promising you'd be mine forever.

It's killing me to know I made you cry. And it's breaking my fucking heart that I broke yours. I'm so damn sorry, baby.

Please, talk to me. Let me fix this. You'll never doubt how I feel about you again.

All my tomorrows,

Jeremy

I drop his letter to my desk and cover my face with my hands, choking on a sob.

"You're killing me, sweets," he says suddenly. "You know how much I hate it when you cry."

I glance up to find him leaning against the door frame, pain in his cobalt eyes as he watches me.

I don't think. I just react.

I launch myself out of my chair, flinging myself at him.

"I'm an i-idiot," I sob, hitting him like a meteor.

He catches me, hauling me up against his chest. His strong arms close around me, his face nuzzling into my neck. "You aren't an idiot, sweets. I am. I should have told you a long time ago how I feel about you."

"I sh-shouldn't have used the m-matchmaker." That’s where everything went wrong. She was just trying to help, but I screwed it all up, insisting I had to be anonymous. Why didn’t I just approach him as me?

He tips my head back, studying me. "You wanted me to see you, but I've always seen you, Caroline. I've never seen anything but you. I didn't want you to feel like you had to choose between me and school." He grimaces. "And I didn't want to piss off your brother. But the reasons don't matter. I should have told you that I’d deal with Asa. I should have told you that I’d be right here, waiting for you to get back from college. I should have told you that I’d wait forever if that’s what it took.” He exhales a breath, his eyes locked on my face. “I should have told you that I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you."

For years, I've dreamed of this moment. I imagined what it would sound like to hear those words from his lips. I thought about where we'd be, what I'd be wearing… how I'd respond. I had it all planned out in my head. But as soon as he says them, everything just fades away. I forget everything I want to say. I forget where we are. I forget myself.

The only thing I can do is crush my mouth to his, desperate for him to kiss me now that I know I'm the one he loves. I'm not wrecking anything. We're building it. Together.

He growls low in his throat, dragging me closer. His tongue touches my bottom lip, setting me on fire, and then slips into my mouth to tangle with mine.

"Goddamn," he groans, one hand sliding down my body, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. He grips my ass, yanking me closer. “I can’t fucking wait to get my hands on you, Caroline. I’ve spent every damn day since I met you fantasizing about you in my bed.”

“M-me too.” I grip his shoulders, pressing myself as close to him as I can get. “I don’t want to wait any longer, Jeremy. I need you.”

“Fuck. You need me, sweets?”

“Yes. So bad.”

He nips my bottom lip before pulling away. Before I can even miss him, he shoves the door to my office closed and flips the lock. His wild eyes meet mine, his pupils blown wide with desire, his cheeks flushed. “I hope like hell there aren’t cameras in this office, baby,” he practically purrs, gently pressing me back against the wall. “Or you’re going to be in the principal’s office come morning.”

“There aren’t any cameras.” I gasp, shivering as he slips his hand down my belly, his eyes locked on mine.

“Good. Because I’ve made you wait long enough. I’m going to give you what you need right here, right now, and then I’m taking you home with me to finish what I start.” His lips kick up in a grin, his fingers teasing at the waistband of my skirt. “Don’t make a sound, Caroline. I already have to explain too much shit to Simon. I am not explaining anything about this to any of the kids who may still be in this building.”

“There shouldn’t be any kids left in the building,” I say, but he’s right. We do need to be careful because this is not the time or place for this. But I can’t wait. I need him to touch me. I need to know this is real. I just need him. I’ve always needed him.

He slips his hand beneath the waistband of my skirt, his gaze tangled with mine. My breath hitches, catching in my throat.

“I love you,” he whispers. “Like goddamn crazy, sweets.”

“I love you, Jeremy.”

His fingers slide down the silk of my panties.

I bite my tongue, fighting back a sob of anticipation.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that? Every damn time I see you, my fucking cock aches.” He touches the seam of my panties, his nostrils flaring. “Christ, Caroline,” he rasps. “You’re drenched.”

“I… I know,” I whimper, clinging to him like a lifeline. If I let go, I may crumble at his feet, too turned on to hold myself upright. “I’m like this every time I look at you.”

“Jesus.” He wraps his hand around my throat, tipping my head back. “I fucking love knowing that.”

“I…” Whatever I was going to say gets lost as he grinds his thumb against the seam of my panties, sending a jolt of intense pleasure through me. I bite my tongue, stifling a cry of ecstasy.

“Fuck.” His mouth comes down on mine, his kiss searing. “I can’t wait to get you home so you can be as loud as you want.” He flicks my panties aside, parting my slit with his thumb.

I whimper into his mouth, my knees trembling.

They give out entirely when he rubs a circle around my clit, sending shards of pleasure dancing through my system.

“Jeremy,” I whisper, panicked, as an intense orgasm immediately begins clawing its way through me, more massive than anything I’ve ever given myself. “I can’t!”

“Yeah, you can.” He nips my bottom lip, slowly pressing a finger inside me. “Give it to me, Caroline. We both know how much you want to give it to me.”

He’s right. Damn him, he’s right. I’ve been his since the very beginning. I sob against his lips, melting against him, melting into him… giving him everything as he kisses me as if he never intends to stop. His thumb runs in relentless circles around my clit, his finger slowly thrusting in and out of my body.

The pressure builds to a fever pitch, tipping me right over the edge into oblivion. I cling to him as ecstasy crashes through my veins like lightning, sending flows of electricity through my entire system. I writhe in sweet torment, gasping his name.

“Perfect,” he breathes, working me through it with his lips against mine and my body cradled to his chest. “You’re so fucking perfect, sweets.”

No, I’m not. I’m just a woman, wildly in love with her brother’s best friend. But this moment with him? This is perfect.