Chapter Seventeen

I race up the stairs and find a corner where I can pull myself together. I study each person in view, but Caden is nowhere to be seen. I’d be shocked if Paige came here on her own, though. I drop my chin to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut. Where were all the words I carefully prepared for her? Where was the pink sweatshirt thrown in her face and the biting you never deserved me ? But no amount of mental rehearsal could have prepared me for the pain of seeing her face to face. I’d imagined her being taken aback by how badass I looked in my costume—instead, it was one more example of how I’m a tease. And I just stood there and took it before running away like a coward.

Tears threaten to come, and I squeeze my eyes shut and will them away. No crying. It’s over. Instead I need to think about what I’m going to do now. I can’t stay here since Paige is liable to come upstairs any moment and run into me again, and I can’t hide in the bathroom since it’s downstairs, where she is right now. There’s a grilled cheese food truck outside. It’s the perfect excuse to be away from the store.

I find Kashvi and Sloane in the corner looking at mini figures for D&D. “Hey, I’m going to put an order in at the food truck. I’ll find you in a bit.”

I hurry away before they can ask questions, careful to peek outside to make sure I don’t recognize anyone. Once I know the coast is clear, I’m able to breathe properly and order a grilled cheese with tomato and bacon. Unfortunately, there are half a dozen people already waiting, which doesn’t bode well for a quick turnaround. I rub my hands up and down my arms to try to keep warm. At least the cold distracts from everything else in my mind.

A guy dressed as Iron Spider walks over to me, his expression more leering than friendly. He isn’t old, but he’s definitely out of high school. “Nice costume. Who are you supposed to be?”

“Diana the Acrobat,” I mumble.

“I don’t know who that is, but I’d love to know who youare.”

I shiver and step away. This is the last thing I need right now. “No thanks.”

“Sure? You must be cold—we could go inside and wait for our food together.”

Someone else steps next to me and I jump away, thinking it might be one of his friends, before realizing its Logan. “Hey.” His eyebrows are furrowed. “You okay?”

“It’s taking forever. ” I hope he picks up on the desperation in my voice.

The gross dude eyes Logan. “You with this guy?”

Logan glances at me, as if looking for permission, and I immediately lean into him. He steps closer and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me tight to his side. His cloak wraps around my back and it’s like I’m being entirely cocooned by him.

“Yeah, she’s with me. Why does it matter to you?”

The guy’s jaw flexes, but Logan only pulls me tighter to him. I know I don’t need a guy to take care of me, but in this moment I’m so grateful to have him here that I practically melt into him.

“Doesn’t matter to me in the least,” the guy says, and throws me a disgusted look before turning back to his friends.

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting pervy guys at the comic event,” Logan whispers, and takes his arm from my shoulder.

“Believe me, they’re everywhere. Sorry to put you in that position, though.”

“Hell no, don’t apologize. You shouldn’t have to deal with guys like that. I would’ve been happy to send him packing if he didn’t leave on his own. Though he does have a few years on me.”

“You could’ve taken him,” I say with a real smile. Everything that’s happened in the last fifteen minutes feels less devastating now that Logan is here.

“Oh yeah?” He returns the smile. “Does the armor give me a leg up? Because I should probably be honest—this six-pack is molded into the plastic.”

I laugh and rub my hands up and down my arms again. Food trucks aren’t so fun when you have to stand outside in early March for the food.

“You’re shivering, Quinn.”

“I’m aware. I really didn’t think through this costume.”

“Well, we kind of forced you into it. Here…” He messes with something at his throat and then pulls his cloak off. “Wear this. It won’t be great, but it might help block the breeze.” Instead of handing it to me, he wraps it around me himself, fussing with it so it covers my shoulders and securing it around my throat.

Keep it together, I repeat to myself, and practically lunge for my food when they call my name. A moment later they call Logan. There’s a small parking lot at the back of the store, and they’ve set out a few picnic tables next to outdoor heaters. It’s not the nicest place I’ve ever had a meal, especially with a dumpster in sight, but the heater keeps me from freezing and the grilled cheese is the perfect combination of crispy and melty.

We take a few bites in companionable silence. It’s nice to sit here with Logan and regroup without feeling like I need to force conversation or keep him entertained. After a bit, he pulls up a schedule for the event on his phone.

“Are you having a good time?” I ask.

“Yeah.” He glares at something behind me. “Though it might be more fun with fewer people around.”

“Why?”

He grumbles something that’s more growl than words. “More guys staring at you. Not that I should be surprised when you look like you just walked out of their dreams.”

My bite of grilled cheese lodges in my throat. I glance over my shoulder and the shock of what I see sends that grilled cheese flying out of my mouth. Caden is as recognizable to me as my mom, even though I only see him in profile. I hack and pound my chest, then shoot to my feet. Another guy I don’t recognize catches my eye and I spin back to face Logan.

“I need to go.”

“What?” Logan stands with me. “Why?”

“I’ve got to go. I can’t be here.” I toss the last of my sandwich in the trash and sprint through the parking lot. I have no thoughts other than escape. I don’t think Caden noticed me yet, but I can’t be sure. I catch sight of a stairwell that leads down to the basement of the comic shop, partially blocked by the dumpster. I race down the few steps until I’m hidden from view.

Logan stands at street level, his eyes wide and worried. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Quinn, what the hell is going on? Are you hiding from someone?”

“Just—” I wave for him to come down. “Don’t stand there calling attention to yourself.”

He looks around in confusion and then comes to stand next to me. It’s tight quarters, the space just wide enough for a doorway. I step back to give him some room and squeeze my eyes shut with embarrassment.

“Why are we standing in a dirty doorway right now?”

I sniffle and drop my head into my hands. Why did Caden and Paige have to come here today? She’s probably already told him about our conversation. They laughed about it and texted the others to tell them, unless Travis and Makayla are somewhere around here too.

Logan takes my elbow. “Okay, I’m not sure what’s happening, but this is weird and we should go.”

I pull away. “I can’t see him right now.”

“See who ?”

“Caden—one of the ex-friends from my old school.”

“He’s here?” Logan moves like he’s going to climb up the stairs to look around.

I jerk him back. “Don’t call attention to us. The last thing I need is to hear his opinions about this costume after already running into Paige.”

“What could he possibly say other than you’re gorgeous?”

Logan’s expression is confused, almost na?ve. I rub my eyes with the backs of my hands.

“He could say a lot, Logan. He already thinks I’m a tease, so seeing me walking around wearing this would definitely bring out more observations about how I encouraged his feelings for me and then laid waste to him and the group.” I rub my hands down my thighs. “I shouldn’t have worn this stupid costume. It’s too tight. It calls attention to me like a bullhorn.”

“No, stop.” Logan steps closer and takes hold of my arms. “Listen to me. I don’t know what this guy’s problem is, but it’s his problem. Not yours. You don’t need to change your clothes or what you say or how you act because of him. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“And would you say the same thing if I kissed you and then told you I wasn’t interested?” My gaze collides with his, defiance and fear swirling through me.

“Yes.” He studies me. “You don’t owe me anything, Quinn. Not now. Not ever.”

I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears away.

“You shouldn’t be the one hiding behind the trash.”

His words make me shake. I’ve been trying so hard to forget everything and start fresh, but I can’t forget it all. And I don’t want to march up to Caden and tell him off either. I don’t want to interact with any of them ever again.

But rather than say all that, I only take a step toward the basement door.

“Okay.” Logan’s voice is just a whisper now. He pulls his cloak tightly around me like it’s a blanket he can wrap me in. “It’s fine. We’ll do whatever you want.”

“I know I look like such a loser, hiding behind a dumpster like this. You don’t have to stay with me.”

His nostrils flare. “I’m not leaving you. The only place I want to be is next to you.”

“Logan…you shouldn’t say things like that.” I shake my head. “What happened to the group rules? And you saying you shouldn’t be around me? I can’t figure out what’s going on with us.”

“I can’t either.”

I look up to the sky and blow out a frustrated breath. “Then that’s even worse.”

“Believe me, I know what I want. But I also know I’m not allowed to have it.” The heat of his expression jolts me.

“This will only lead to trouble,” I whisper.

His eyes darken and he steps closer. “Sometimes trouble can be good. I’ll take whatever trouble you want to give me.”

Fire dances up my spine and through every nerve in my body.

He raises a hand to my face and brushes his fingers through my hair. “You wouldn’t believe how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

I can’t help it. I lean into his hand. His touch feels so good—comforting and relaxing and right—but my heart is thundering with anticipation and fear of what this means.

“I know I was a jerk to you when you were debating joining the game and I’m sorry,” he continues. “I thought maybe if I was rude enough, then you’d decide the game wasn’t worth it. Which, I admit, was a really selfish plan. And once it was clear that wouldn’t work, I tried ignoring you. I tried staying away. But it turns out ignoring you is almost impossible.”

His fingers skim down my cheek to my neck. “You’re addicting, Quinn. I talk to you for a minute, and it makes me want to talk for an hour. I touch you for a second…” He brings his other hand up so I’m perfectly positioned to kiss him. “And I’m going to want more.”

I’m putty in his hands. I’m seconds from lifting onto my toes to kiss him and ending the misery building inside me. But a tiny voice of self-preservation shouts at me from the back of my mind. The worst experience of my life happened because I got involved with someone in my game. I lost my best friend. I lost my entire circle of friends. It wasn’t my fault, and it shouldn’t have happened that way, but that doesn’t change the fact that it did happen. And maybe, if I’d never gone on that date with Caden, everything would be different now. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

“Logan…” I pull away and rub my hands over my eyes like I can rub some common sense into my brain. “I don’t know.”

He pulls his hands from me. “That’s fine. I meant what I said—you don’t owe me anything. But I promise, I would never treat you the way he did. You deserve so much better than that.”

“It’s not just that. Things like this can ruin friend groups. And D&D groups. You said it yourself when I first joined—there’s a rule against dating party members for a reason. It makes everything messy. You love being part of this group and so do I. I love hanging out with everyone—they’re all so tight-knit and I’m grateful they’ve included me. I can’t lie to them.”

“Right, yes. I did say that. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the group either.” He might be agreeing with me, but his eyes are still on my lips.

“Friends don’t look at each other like this.” I swallow. “And they don’t touch each other.”

“I’m well aware.” He takes a step away and puts his hands behind his back. “You have no idea how much self-control I’ve had to build up since meeting you.”

“I might have some idea. And you seem determined to tear down the thin layer of self-control I have left.”

“Thin?” he says hopefully.

“Thinner than the flimsy pages in the comics you just bought.”

He leans toward me again and then pulls away. We probably both look drunk, swaying into each other like this.

“But we’ve decided?” I whisper.

“It’s decided. Totally platonic. Nothing more.”

I nod. “And just out of morbid curiosity, if that self-control of yours had dropped a moment ago?”

“Then I’d have pressed you against that door and kissed you until the sun went down and I was your only source ofheat.”

“Oh.” I try to swallow. “That’s, um, good to know.”

“Logan?” Kashvi’s voice calls from far away. “Quinn?”

I jolt back to reality. Holy hell, I’d forgotten anyone else was around. From the dazed look in Logan’s eyes, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

Guilt swirls in me as we climb the steps. That was so close. What if Kashvi had found us hidden away like that? Or doing something more than talking?

“Quinn, are— Oh! Hey!” Kashvi hurries over. She looks between us and the small doorway we just came from. Her eyebrows lower and I know her mind is whirling, trying to understand what we possibly could have been doing down there together.

“Hey!” I wave too enthusiastically. “I missed you.”

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you. What were…”

I glance around, but Caden is nowhere to be seen, thank god. “People from my old group showed up here—the ones I told you about. I didn’t want to talk to them so, well, I ran off and hid.” Another wave of embarrassment washes over me. “Not my proudest moment, but Logan was nice enough to hide with me.”

Any confusion or worry drops from her face. “Are you freaking kidding me? They’re here ?” She whips her head around. “Point me in the right direction so I can tell them off!”

“My thoughts exactly,” Logan mutters.

“They’re gone now—don’t worry about it. I’ve already gotten the best revenge, which is you all.”

Kashvi, Logan, the whole group—they’re all so good. I can’t lose them. Even if it means I can never have him.