Chapter 15

Skadi

Snow drifted past the window,but it wasn"t anywhere near as heavy as it had been. This was the kind of snow that would just melt away and not really add much. Which was a good thing. It had meant that Lofn and her guests had managed to get back down the mountain safely, and all of the power and supplies had been restored.

By all logic, I should be happy about that. Everything was as it was supposed to be and I didn"t have to worry about anything.

And yet something felt like it was missing.

I checked my phone, hoping to find another message from Erik, but finding nothing. I sighed. This was ridiculous. I wasn"t this person, I hadn"t had a relationship since things with Nj?rer had fallen apart, and for good reason. So why was there a part of me that wanted one now?

The doorbell rang and hope welled up inside me. Erik still needed to get his car back, so maybe this was him doing that. It would probably only hurt when he left again, but maybe that would help rid me of the ridiculous notion that there could be something between us.

I got up and headed to the door, pulling it open and trying not to be too disappointed when I realised it was Lofn on the other side.

"Okay, I know you like being alone, but you don"t have to look so upset that I"m here," she said.

"It"s not that." I stepped back and waved her in.

"You were waiting for someone else, weren"t you?"

"Someone left their car here, I was hoping they"d come to pick it up." It wasn"t technically a lie.

The look on Lofn"s face said she wasn"t buying any of it. Love gods really were a pain, especially when they got romance or anything of the sort in their heads.

I cleared my throat and headed to the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please."

I started making two cups while she took a seat at the kitchen island.

"How did your event go in the end?" I asked.

"Oh, fantastic. I think getting snowed in actually helped. There were three potential couples when we parted ways, and I think that at least one of them will last."

"And that"s a good amount?"

"From a casual mixer like this one? Absolutely. I"m sure some of them won"t want to return to a cabin on the mountain, but they"ll be back at a different Jinx event, I"m sure of that."

"Aine must be pleased."

"Oh, who cares about Aine," Lofn responded with a wave of her hand. "I"m pleased."

"Aine is your boss..."

"I know, I know, and she"ll also be pleased. She loves it when anything Jinx works out because it makes her look good. But really this is about how my events look." She sighed and took the coffee I offered her from me. "So I saw you chatting to Erik Nilsen at the party."

"You knew who he was?"

"I knew how all my guests were. Though I"m surprised you didn"t recognise him, you"re always listening to his music."

A blush rose to my cheeks and I looked down.

"Aha, there is something to tell," she said. "Spill it, Adi."

I pulled out the stool and sat down, trying to work out where to begin. "I met Erik at the party, but then we parted ways and I came home."

"Mmhmm, sorry, but not buying it. Do you know how many forbidden marriages I"ve performed?"

"No."

"Well, neither do I, but it"s a lot. And that meant I got really good at spotting when there"s something between people, and I refuse to believe that whatever this is..." She waved her hand over me. "...is just because of one conversation."

I tapped my fingers against my mug and thought about how much I wanted to tell my friend. I trusted her, but there was a part of me that still wanted to keep the whole thing to myself. Maybe because then I wouldn"t have to accept that whatever we"d shared was already gone.

"His car got stuck outside," I said.

Her mouth fell open. "You thought I was him, didn"t you?"

"I hoped you were him, there"s a difference."

"What exactly happened?"

"We spent a lot of time together. We talked, we shared a sauna, we slept together. You know, normal stuff."

She raised an eyebrow. "You say normal stuff like you do this all the time."

"I have sex."

"I know you have sex. But you don"t do all the other stuff. You"re more the pick them up at the ski lodge bar and throw them out in the morning kind," Lofn said.

I wrinkled my nose. "You make me sound awful."

"No, because you"re doing it because that"s all you think you want, that doesn"t make you awful."

"But you think I want more?"

She nodded. "It"s a long time since what happened with Nj?rer, don"t you think it"s time to forgive yourself and move on."

"Forgive myself?" I tried to tell myself that I didn"t know what she was talking about, but that was a lie.

I knew exactly what she meant. And the expression on her face said she knew it.

"Stop punishing yourself for a decision you made in your youth. So things with Nj?rer didn"t work..."

"Because he loved seagulls and hated wolves."

Lofn"s amusement was barely concealed. "He"s a sea god, of course he loves gulls and hates wolves. Just like you"re a goddess of the mountain and a frost giant, of course you"re going to hate the sea but love the wolves. But you didn"t know that when you chose him."

"It"s not Nj?rer I"m mad at."

"I think everyone knows that."

"It"s Loki," I murmured.

Lofn laughed and took a sip of her coffee before setting it back down on the table. "Loki can be a meddlesome imp at the best of times, but it isn"t him you"re angry at either. Not about this. About the fact he"s Loki, sure, I think we"re all a little angry with him about that."

I cracked a smile. "Fair point."

"You need to forgive yourself, Adi. And trust yourself. I"ve never seen you like this about someone, so if Erik is making you feel like this, then it"s probably for a good reason."

"I know," I whispered. "I felt it the whole time."

"I"m not surprised."

I sighed. "But what am I supposed to do about it? He"s not here now."

"Have you talked to him since he left?"

"We"ve messaged a bit," I said. "But not much, he"s busy with recording and doing all of that."

"And he"s still messaging you?"

I nodded.

"Then I think you should trust in fate, it"ll bring you back together at the right time."

I let out a sharp laugh. "I don"t believe in fate."

"Maybe it"s time to start."

I considered her words, trying not to give them much weight, but finding that I wanted to. Logically, I knew there was more to it, but there was something romantic about the idea of fate being the one to intervene in life, and maybe I believed in love more than I thought I did.