CHAPTER THIRTY TABATHA

CHAPTER THIRTY

TABATHA

I sit in a lawn chair as I soak up a beautiful day on the beach. It's been three days since Dash, Blake, and Jake were arrested for going over to Rodger's house, and I still can't believe it.

"I don't know what you expected," Jackie says from beside me as she sits in her lawn chair while she watches the waves wash up on the beach.

"Well, I sure as hell didn't expect him to go and beat up Rodger." I have to say I was shocked at first, but then the shock wore off and I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. I never in a million years thought that he would go and stand up for me.

"Plus…" she adds. "Blake spoke to him this morning, and I guess he's back racing for your father now. You're going to be seeing him all the time." She gives me one of her evil smiles, and she even laughs.

I look straight ahead through my sunglasses as I watch the waves come in, crashing into the shore. I wish they would just carry me out to sea with them. "Maybe I should move," I offer, thinking out loud. New scenery could be nice.

Her head snaps over to look at me. "Move? Because of a man? You're kidding, right?" she asks. "Since when do you let a man get to you like this?"

I shrug. "Because of two men. I could transfer schools." I can't just up and quit school. But I also don't want the possibility of running into Rodger. I have a restraining order against him and shit could get ugly. Hell, his father told me not to worry about him, but that was before Dash broke into his house and got a hold of him.

"You can't run from your problems."

This time my head snaps up. "Why not? People do it every day."

She shakes her head. "You are not going to leave me behind."

Oh, is that what this is about? "You can come with me." I sigh when she ignores that. "I just need a fresh start," I say truthfully. I need to find myself; I feel so lost.

"Then start over fresh. But do it here. With your friends," she says softly.

"You're my only friend," I say with a soft laugh, but I hate how true it is. How much I have managed to fuck up my life in a matter of weeks.

"Not true."

I look over the back of my chair when a man speaks. I smile when I see Blake walking up to us. "I'm your friend," he says with a wink.

"You're the enemy's friend," I say, looking behind him to see if Dash is with him. I hate how disappointed I feel when he is nowhere to be seen.

"Ouch," he says placing a hand over his heart.

"And I could always use a new friend," his brother, Jake, says. "So what about it?" he asks as he plops down in the sand in front of my chair.

"I don't know. I'm pretty sure my friend list is full," I joke, and it feels good to smile.

His mouth drops open dramatically. "You only have two people on it. A second ago it was just one." He points over at Jackie. "And I heard she once left you at a party. That's not a very good friend." Jackie lifts her glasses and glares at him.

"One is all I need," I say truthfully, and it makes them all laugh as if I was joking. "And for leaving me at the party…" I pause as I remember that night with Dash. His hands on my skin. His lips on mine. His body taking over mine. "Some things are worth it."

The four of us spend the day out on the beach. Jake actually turns out to be quite funny. And the guy has a ton of stories. He travels a lot. He said his dream is to travel the world growing old and fat as he samples food from foreign countries. I found myself enthralled in what he was saying. It sounded so tempting. What he was saying was the exact same things I was thinking. I had just told Jackie that I wanted to escape, and here, he was talking about leaving. I thought it would be hard to leave everything behind, but he made it sound so easy. It's not like I couldn't return whenever I wanted to.

I found myself nodding my head, agreeing with everything he said. Like some love-struck teenager, but the truth is, I'm the teenager trying to run away from the love that I have here. Seeing Dash the other night at the police station brought back all kinds of emotions. Love being the biggest one. And pain. A lot of pain. Pain that no amount of makeup could cover up. These bruises on my body will fade, and these stitches on my face will be removed, but my broken heart will remain broken forever.

I'm laying back in my lawn chair laughing at something Blake just said, pretending I'm not a shattered mess, when Jake's phone rings. I try to continue the conversation with Blake and Jackie so I don't look like I'm being nosy. But we all quiet as he starts to say good-bye.

"That was my friend, Joe," he informs us. "He is having some friends over tonight. Who wants to go?"

"I do," Jackie says raising her hand. She's always down to party.

"Sure," Blake says with a shrug.

They all turn to look at me. "What about you, Tabatha?" Jake asks with a smile. "It'll be fun,"

"Yeah," I say already regretting the word. A party? Is that really what I should be doing right now? I just said I wanted to leave town, not stay and party. It's been two days since my attack with Rodger, and I still have my bruises, but I'm sure I could cover them with makeup…?

"Awesome," Jake says excitedly, and I can't help but feel better about my decision. I really do wanna spend time with Jackie. The last two nights, I wanted to be alone, and I found out that it's not all what it's cracked up to be. Being alone sucks. All you have is your thoughts. I sat in my bedroom in silence, yet my mind screamed at me. And right now, I don't wanna think about anything. I don't wanna argue with myself about what I should and shouldn't feel. I just want to have fun and hang out with my friend.

Jackie jumps up from her lounge chair quickly and starts to pick up her bag. "What are you doing?" I ask, sitting up as well.

"We gotta go. We have to get ready for this party."

I look down at my hands sitting in my lap and twiddle my thumbs. I wonder if Dash will be there. Would they ask him to go when they know I'm going? And if they do, will he ask if I'll be there? See what I mean? Thoughts like these keep me up all night. "You okay?" she asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I look up and give her a smile. "Yes." I stand and start to dust the sand off my bag. "I'm ready."

I stand there awkwardly as I watch Blake give Jackie an intense kiss. I look away when his hand travels down and cups her ass over her white bathing suit bottom. "I'll pick you girls up," he says as he pulls away from her. "That way you ladies don't have to drive."

"I can drive us," I offer, and they turn to look at me as if I just spoke in a different language. "I don't plan on drinking," I add.

"Nonsense," Jake says as he throws an arm over my shoulder. "What's a party if you don't drink?" He chuckles to himself.

***

I sit on Jackie's bed fully dressed and ready to go. I decided on a pair of jeans tonight. After what happened last time I wore a dress, I think I'll avoid them for a while. I chose a pair of white jeans that have extra flare. You know the kind that are from back in the sixties. They're so long that they cover my entire heels. I chose a light blue razorback tank top. I did my makeup light and left my hair down to cover the part of my face that still has bruises.

I open my purse and pull out my little mirror to redo my lip-gloss while I wait for Jackie to finish. The more time that passes, the more nervous I become. She hasn't mentioned Dash at all, which I find odd. I mean, that's what girls do; they talk shit about your ex to make you feel better. She hasn't even asked me if I've spoken to him.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

I jump when she speaks as she exits her bathroom.

I sigh. "Why haven't you asked me about Dash?" I just come out with it. What are friends for if not to help you?

She frowns. "What do you want me to ask you?"

I rub my sweaty hands on my jeans. "Is he gonna be at the party?"

"No," she says without hesitation.

I release a long breath. "Why didn't you tell me that? I've been a nervous wreck thinking that I'm gonna see him." I can't see him. I can't allow him to corner me and tell me that he's sorry. Sorry will just suck me back in. Or worse, but if he's not sorry for the things he said? And if I see him, I may fall to my knees and tell him I'm sorry. Either way would not be good.

She sits down next to me and her soft blue eyes look at me nervously. "What is it?" I ask quickly. "Is something wrong with him?"

"I just didn't think you wanted me to talk about him. I spoke to Blake earlier and he said that Dash had been invited to the party, but he said he wasn't going. I guess he had gone out last night. So, he had plans to stay in tonight."

I don't know what hurts more. The fact that I thought I was gonna have to see him tonight or the fact that I won't see him tonight. I have avoided all social media pages the last few days ever since I saw what the news was saying about Rodger and me. I don't know how many times I've started to snoop on Dash's pages but made myself put my phone down. It's just not healthy. I'm going crazy!

"He and Blake went out last night?" She had called me at one point in time and said she was with Blake.

She shakes her head slowly. "Blake wasn't out with him." I hate the pain that I have in my chest. Sometimes, I think it would be better to be physically stabbed because that pain would eventually go away. But this pain I just can't seem to shake. The kind that takes your breath away. "He was with her, wasn't he?" He had to have been with Valerie. Why wouldn't he? She practically throws herself at him. And he once loved her.

"He didn't say," she says softly as she reaches over and grabs my hand. "But let's not worry about him. Okay?" she tries to give me a reassuring smile. "You've been through so much in the last few days. Let's just go to this party and relax."

"I'm not really in the mood to party," I say truthfully.

"I spoke to Blake a while ago, He said it's gonna be a small party, and it's gonna be real relaxed. Nothing crazy or anything. And I promise I won't let you get drunk and sleep with some random guy." She laughs, but her words sting. Because that night Dash was just some random guy, but that morning after he became something more important. That seems like forever ago.

"Promise you won't leave me?" I ask, laughing at myself. I sound like a child.

"Never again." She reaches up and pulls me in for a hug. She holds on to me tightly as her hand runs up and down my back. "I love you, Tabatha. And I promise to help you get through this." She pulls back and gives me a smile. The same smile that I see her give Blake all the time. It makes her eyes light up and her dimples show. It's hard not to smile back at her.

I nod. "Let's party."