47. Alicia

NOW

Meera's skin was baby-soft. She smelled of oranges. It was madness, how good it felt to kiss her. Better than anything Alicia had ever felt.

"I can't believe you came here," she said between kisses. "How did you know I needed you? I didn't even know I needed you."

Meera's smiled. "Who said I knew? Maybe I needed you."

She started to undo the buttons on Alicia's shirt. "Is the door locked?" she asked.

Alicia nodded, then grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on. "To block out the noise."

Meera laughed. "Your poor sisters."

She climbed onto Alicia, kissing her playfully. Then Meera lifted her hips, and Alicia pulled off her jeans.

"Alicia," Meera said when they were naked, their bare legs intertwined. "You are so fucking gorgeous."

Alicia's kisses slowed. "No I'm not."

Meera pulled her closer. "You are. You know that, don't you?"

Alicia shook her head.

"There are so many great things about you," Meera said, her mouth traveling around Alicia's body. "You're funny… you always do what you say you will… you enjoy feedback, even if it's not positive… you speak up, when no one else is prepared to… you care about vulnerable people…" Her mouth was on Alicia's breast now. "You have amazing breasts… particularly this one. To be honest, it's my favorite breast."

Meera rose up to kiss Alicia's lips, then stopped short.

"Al," she said. "Why are you crying?"

"Shit." Alicia wiped at her face. "Shit, sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Meera said. "Just tell me what's going on."

But Alicia was already sitting up, retrieving her shirt from the floor. "Nothing. I just… I can't do this."

As she pulled on her clothes, Alicia hated herself. She should have known this would happen. She couldn't have a normal relationship. She was an idiot to get swept up—and, worse, to allow Meera to think something could happen between them.

Meera pulled her own clothes on and sat silently on the bed beside Alicia.

"I can't talk about it," Alicia said, preempting Meera's questions.

Before Meera could respond, there was a knock at the door.

"Alicia?" It was Norah.

"Not now, Norah," Alicia called.

"I'm sorry if you're having kinky lesbian sex, but it's an emergency."

"Norah," Alicia replied. "For God's sake—"

The door opened. Guess it wasn't locked after all.

"I said it was an emergency," Norah told her. "I need you to come out here. Now."