19. Jessica

BEFORE

It was Saturday afternoon, and Jessica was on the sofa, watching taped episodes of Beverly Hills 90210, while Norah, beside her, read a book. Unusually, Miss Fairchild had left them alone for the afternoon.

"What should we do?" Alicia asked.

"What do you mean?" Jessica said.

"I mean … what shall we do?" Alicia said. "With the afternoon?"

Jessica paused the TV on Brenda and Dylan making out on the couch at the Walsh house and frowned at Alicia. It was just such an odd comment. As if she expected them to suggest a trip to the seaside or an outing to the zoo. Alicia had been at Wild Meadows for six months—long enough to know that when they weren't doing homework or chores or running errands, they read books or watched TV or hung around the house. Which was exactly what they were doing now.

Norah looked equally confused.

"We're not allowed to go anywhere," Jessica said. Miss Fairchild had been very clear on this. She'd said it was for their own safety, but they knew she just didn't want people to know she left her foster kids home alone for hours on end.

"We don't have to go out," Alicia said. "We can stay here and do something."

"Like what?"

Alicia gestured toward the window. It was a beautiful sunny day. Beyond the pool, at the bottom of the field where the paddocks gave way to a wooded area, the horses were having a canter. "How about horse riding?"

Jessica laughed.

"What?" Alicia said.

Jessica stopped. She'd assumed Alicia was joking. "Do you even know how to ride a horse?"

"No," Alicia said. "But Grammy always said it was a crime to waste a beautiful day."

Jessica began to pulse with panic. She was torn. On the one hand, she was terrified to do anything that might make Miss Fairchild angry. On the other, four months had passed since Alicia's grandmother died and Alicia was yet to regain her spark. It was as if the spirit had drained out of her. Jessica could see that she tried her best, moving through the rituals of the day—playing, chatting, even laughing—but it was like an actor performing Alicia rather than the real thing.

And Grammy said it was a crime to waste a beautiful day!

"They're not even Miss Fairchild's horses," Jessica said desperately.

"But there's a man out there," Alicia said. Norah and Jessica followed her gaze to the man by the stables. "See?"

"That's the stable guy," Jessica said. "He looks after the horses."

"Maybe he can teach us to ride?" Alicia said. "I'll go ask."

She took off quickly, going through the kitchen, out the back door and down the porch steps. Jessica and Norah scrambled to follow, but by the time they caught her she was halfway across the lower paddock, striding confidently toward the stables.

"Hello?" Alicia called to the horse man as they approached.

He was bent over examining a horse's hoof when she called. He didn't rush to look over, but when he did it was only for a second—a quick glance before he looked back down again. "What do you want?" he said gruffly.

"I'm Alicia. I live over there at Wild Meadows." She pointed over her shoulder. "It's a beautiful day and…"

Horse guy looked up. He was younger than Jessica had thought. Maybe twenty years old, with orange hair, and freckles all over his face and arms. He wore a red flannel shirt and riding boots.

At the sight of his impatient frown, Alicia's confidence seemed to fade. "I was wondering if we could ride a horse," she finished quickly.

He shook his head, picking up a brush from the grass and putting it in his pocket. "They ain't my horses—I just take care of them."

Jessica exhaled in relief. She'd been agreeable and it hadn't worked out. None of it was her fault.

"Please?"Alicia said, stepping forward. "Come on. We're foster kids. Surely it couldn't hurt to give a few foster kids a bit of joy." She smiled winningly.

He stopped. "You're foster kids?" He appeared to consider this for a moment, then glanced up the hill toward the house. "And your foster mother…?"

"Won't be back for hours." Alicia grinned.

Jessica wondered why them being foster kids had changed his mind. Whatever the reason, after a final glance toward the house, he relented. "Fine. You all want a go?"

Alicia didn't even turn around to check with Norah and Jessica.

"Yes, please," she said. "All of us."

The horse guy's name was Dirk. After his coolness, he became a bit more friendly. He was a pretty good teacher, too, helping them mount the horses and paying close attention as they trotted around the paddock.

Jessica had to admit it was a lot of fun. She felt majestic sitting astride her horse, Almond, making gentle noises and saying things like, "Whoa… Good girl."

"You're a natural," Dirk told her as she trotted past. She beamed with pride.

Norah, on the other hand, was not a natural. Despite Dirk's encouragement she managed only about fifteen minutes astride Bangles before declaring that she preferred dogs to horses. Alicia did only slightly better, sitting on Bertha, who was barely taller than a pony, for only half an hour before calling it a day. But Jessica rode Almond for nearly an hour. She couldn't believe the way time had flown. She was so reluctant to stop that, in the end, Dirk had to take the reins and help her off.

"Thanks," she said, as she dismounted. "That was awesome."

"I don't see you guys around much."

"We're inside people," Jessica said. "Speaking of which, it's probably better that we don't mention this to our foster mother. She might be mad at us for bothering you."

"Your secret's safe with me." He grinned. "My boss wouldn't like it either."

"The perfect crime," Alicia said.

As they made their way up the hill, Jessica felt practically jubilant. It was a good idea, listening to Alicia, she realized. Alicia knew how to have fun, and that was one thing they all needed. Jessica was about to tell Alicia this as they crested the top of the hill and Wild Meadows came into view. Miss Fairchild was standing on the porch watching them.

"Where have you been?" she demanded, as they climbed the steps. She was unusually flustered—her hair a little windswept, her blouse untucked at the back. Her eyes glistened with rage.

None of them replied.

"Well?" Her tone was icy.

"We went horse riding," Alicia said, her voice barely audible.

"You went horse riding!" Her eyes were wide, nostrils flaring. "On other people's horses. After I told you to stay home. Can you imagine my embarrassment when I bumped into Sara Mitchell, who'd just driven past Wild Meadows and seen you girls riding her horses?"

This explained why she looked so disheveled. She must have run all the way from town when she'd heard.

"You didn't have permission to ride them. Not from me, not from the owners of the horses. Sara could move her horses elsewhere and I'd lose that income. Then who would feed you? Who would keep the farm running?" Her face was crimson with rage. Jessica couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her foster mother this angry. "Whose idea was it then? To go horse riding."

She looked at them each in turn. Jessica flinched under her gaze.

"Mine," Alicia said, before Jessica could even open her mouth.

Miss Fairchild raised her eyebrows. "I see."

"Actually," Norah said, "it was mine."

"They're both lying," Jessica broke in, standing taller. "It was my idea."

"Is that right?" Miss Fairchild pursed her lips. Her gaze slid away, as if contemplating something. "All right, since I'm feeling generous, I'll only punish one of you. I'll even let you choose. Who is it going to be?"

She crossed her arms and waited. The savagery of it was breathtaking. Jessica could hardly believe she'd once called this woman "Mummy." She was no longer capable of even a millisecond of kindness.

"Very well," she said, when none of the girls responded. "I'll pick. Eenie, meenie, miney, mo." She was pointing at Norah. "You!"

Jessica was going to interject—volunteer herself for punishment—but Miss Fairchild moved too quickly. She grabbed Norah by the ear, turned on her heel and headed inside and down the hall. Norah, caught unaware, tripped twice in her desperation to keep up. Alicia and Jessica ran after them, all the way to the door under the stairs that led to the basement.

The pitch-black basement.

The moment that Norah realized what was coming would be burned into Jessica's mind forever. Her body went limp. Her eyes became wild. Jessica began screaming. Alicia pleaded. That, of course, was the point.

Miss Fairchild wrenched open the door.

Suddenly Jessica realized how stupid she'd been. She couldn't rebel. She couldn't go horse riding. It wasn't just about her anymore. Alicia and Norah didn't just represent fun, or support, or someone to take risks with. They represented two more ways for Miss Fairchild to hurt her. She should have pushed back against Alicia's idea and kept her sisters safe inside the house.

Miss Fairchild shoved Norah into the pitch darkness, latching the door closed behind her.

The commotion started immediately—Norah kicking the door and hammering it with her hand so hard that the wood around the latch splintered. The worst part, though, was the wail. The wail of a mother who had lost her child or an animal caught in a trap. It was bottomless and aching. After several minutes of it, Miss Fairchild couldn't take any more and walked away. But Jessica and Alicia stayed. They sat on the floor by the door and whispered to Norah. They sang songs and read stories. They stayed for hours, until finally Miss Fairchild permitted them to let her out.