Chapter Twenty-Two

EVA

Trixie. She’s beside me, holding and rocking me. As I look into her kind eyes, I feel like she’s the only friend I have right now. I sniffle and wipe my eyes and nose with my shirt. I must look a mess.

“I have no idea what’s going on, Trix. I don’t even know what’s been real the last however many weeks this ride has been.”

“Eva, there’s one thing I know for certain… the way Nycto feels about you is one-hundred-percent real. He adores you. That’s why all of this happened at the start.”

I sniffle. “I don’t understand?”

“Nycto’s job is to transport packages from the boat to wherever they need to go, right?” I shrug. “Since the moment you left the boat, Eva, he’s wanted you… needed you from the first moment he saw you. Everything he’s done since has been to make you happy and keep you and your sister safe.”

“Right. So keeping me from Ivy when she’s in the same place as me and making me think she’s being forced into prostitution somewhere is keeping me happy?”

Trixie dips her head. “True, his methods aren’t always flawless. He’s a damaged man. Honestly, Eva, all he wanted was to have you to himself for as long as possible. He knew the second you were reunited with Ivy, you’d want to either leave with her, which would put yourselves and the club in danger, or you’d want to spend all your time with her. Neither option was okay with him. All he wanted was you .”

Letting that sink in, I exhale. “While I guess it is kind of sweet, it’s also fucking selfish. He let me continue to think Ivy was out there being hurt. He knew I was struggling. The thought of what was happening to Ivy was killing me constantly.”

“Trust me, Nycto was struggling too. He wanted to tell you time and time again, but the further it went on, the harder it got. He was afraid to lose you. He adores you, Eva.”

“He lied to me. He made Ivy lie to me.”

Trixie sighs. “Ivy thought it was for the best too. Everyone shares equal blame in this.”

When I look into her eyes, I don’t see deceit. I believe her.

“Did everyone at the club know what was going on? That Nycto was hiding me in his room and Ivy downstairs?”

“Yes… we knew because having you both at the clubhouse puts us all in danger. Nycto stole you, Eva, not from your lives but from the people who buy people and have them kidnapped off the street. You’re nothing but flesh to them, and they needed to be compensated for the loss of their goods. If Nycto couldn’t compensate them for you both, then he would most definitely have been in trouble… and that burden weighs heavily on him. He won’t only be in deep shit with all the brothers here, but the rest of the Defiance brothers will come after him for putting his issues back on the club. He’ll be in for a world of hurt, Eva, if this gets found out by the wrong people.” She grimaces. “I honestly don’t think you’re truly gripping the seriousness of the situation.”

A knot forms in my stomach. “Would they k-kill him? For taking us?”

Trixie raises her brow. “Depends on who we’re talking about. The club? Possibly, but they’re more likely to keep their punishments in-house. Your buyers? Definitely. Not only him, but everyone in the clubhouse as well, then take you and Ivy and any women and children just for funsies. God only knows what they’d do to you… to us all.”

“So, Nycto took us both with the understanding this was the possible outcome?”

She licks her lips. “Nycto took you knowing this was the outcome. Then you changed the benchmark by demanding your sister go too. He had no idea what he was doing when he took you, so when your sister was included, there were no plans in place. He winged it every step of the way.”

“I still don’t understand why he kept us apart.”

Trixie sighs. “He may not have gone about it the right way, but Eva, Nycto likes you. This was his way of showing you that.”

Something flows through me. I’m not sure what. Sadness for Nycto that he was raised in such a fucked-up environment that the only way he knows how to show true emotion is so incredibly wrong. Or is it an underlying feeling that I should forgive him because he’s so damaged, and he thought he was doing the right thing?

I shouldn’t roll over, of that, I am sure.

He hurt me, whether he was trying to spend time with me in the only fucked-up way he knew how or not. It doesn’t excuse the fact he hid my sister from me and lied about her to my face.

“I don’t know how to trust him. How can I believe anything he says?”

Trixie shrugs. “Let him show you in his actions. Let him, Eva. In all my time here, I’ve never seen the president behave with anyone the way he does with you. The way his face lights up when he says your name. You’ve woken something inside him that I’m not sure any of us even knew was there. So, thank you… for turning him into someone bearable.”

I let out a small laugh. How do I answer that?

After Nycto opened up to me, told me his story, I can only imagine the sort of hell he went through as a kid. I bet it didn’t even scratch the surface as to what he really went through with those boys in that godforsaken home. All I know is I don’t want to be another reason he falls off the deep end.

Maybe I need to go back in, talk this out with them.

Maybe I need to stop wallowing in their selfishness and try to hold onto whatever good they were trying to accomplish.

“Thanks for coming to find me, Trix. I was falling apart before you arrived.”

She pulls me to her for a long hug. “Nycto and Ivy were so busy arguing over who should follow you that I stormed out, saying neither of them should. It would only make the situation worse. They both adore you, Eva. They only want what’s right for you, even if they both show it in a roundabout way.”

I pull back from her embrace, understanding where she’s coming from. I don’t have to like it, but I understand. “Okay… let’s go back in and face the music.”

Trixie stands and holds out her small hand to me, and I take it. She hoists me from the ground, wrapping her arm around my shoulder supportively as we start the trek around the bunker to head back inside. As we make our way down the concrete ramp, my stomach rolls with nerves.

Taking in a deep breath, I steady my shoulders before walking through the clubhouse doors. Everyone’s going about their usual business. I’m not sure why, but I was expecting them to all be waiting for me.

I’m not that important. I need to get a handle on myself.

A few eyes glance up as we walk in. They give Trixie a head bob. Obviously, she’s done her job well. My eyes focus on Ivy, Nycto, and Void, who are sitting at the bar, drowning their sorrows in liquor. I’m the reason they’re drinking. While I feel bad, they’re the reason I am so damn angry.

We all have a part to play in this.

“Pres,” Trixie calls out.

Nycto swivels on his stool, along with Ivy and Void. They face me, and I cross my arms over my chest defiantly. I might be coming in here to clear things up, but I’m not coming in with my tail between my legs and rolling over.

Nycto throws what’s left of his drink down the hatch, then stands and walks toward me. “You’ve been crying?” He steps right up in front of me, his leather and sandalwood scent hitting right in my senses, causing me to waver slightly.

“What did you expect? You all played me like a damn idiot.”

Nycto’s eyes fall as he reaches out for my hand. I let him take it. That fucking spark I always have when he touches me ignites, slamming straight into my chest.

He curls up his lip like he’s inwardly berating himself before he speaks, “You have no idea what it was like hiding Ivy from you, Eva. Knowing I should tell you she was here. To stop the charade and unite you both.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you? You must understand why I don’t get it. You knew the pain I was in.”

His eyes meet mine, a pleading behind their gaze. “I’m fucking shit at how to do this, Eva. I’ve never, ever had a woman take my interest. So, when you came along, all I wanted was to make you happy. I knew Ivy was the key, and as soon as you guys were reunited, I wouldn’t even be a blip on your radar.”

“You don’t know that. How could you possibly know what I would have done? You didn’t even give me a chance. I would have been so grateful to you for taking her as well as me…” I pause and close my eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. “Don’t you see, Nycto? Yes, I would have wanted to spend my time with Ivy, but I would have been thankful to you also. We would have owed you so much. Now, I don’t know what to think.”

“I’m still the same guy, Eva. I took your sister to keep you together. You have to understand what I did. Keeping you from her, I did it for us .”

I roll my shoulders. “Nycto, I’m stuck in this clubhouse with you for probably the rest of my life and am unsure if I’ll ever be able to leave again, and right now, I can’t stand the sight of you. So, it’s best if we agree you did the wrong thing. You didn’t believe in me… now I can’t believe in you.”

Nycto tightens his grip on my hand. “Eva—”

“I’ll get my things from your room and move into another. I’m staying. Not for you… for the club.” I let go of his hand, then, with a parting nod to Trix, turn and walk off toward his bedroom.

My heart is heavy. I’ve been in Nycto’s room since I arrived. I don’t even know what it will be like not sleeping with him, not to mention I still have to deal with Ivy.

I have so much I need to do, but right now, I put one foot in front of the other. I have a long time in isolation here, so I have to take this at my own pace.

As I walk into Nycto’s room, the red light causes a hesitant smile to cross my lips.

I’ll miss the amazing sex.

I’ll miss waking up in his arms.

I’ll miss being in his presence.

But I need space.

And this is the only way I can get that.

I walk in, then stop. I don’t have a hell of a lot of things. A few sets of clothes in his closet that Freya and Pepper bought me. I have no identity. I’m just a package—a package meant to be sold. That’s all I am in this clubhouse. Stolen goods.

Maybe I would have been better off going wherever I was meant to.

I can’t think like that. Just because I’m upset with Nycto doesn’t mean he didn’t save me. He did. He just went about it all wrong. Now I need to try and find my place in this club.

The bedroom door flies open as I pull some of my dresses from the closet. My eyes snap up as Nycto storms inside in a gruff. He shuts the door softly behind him, not matching the anger in his features.

Turning, I face him. “Look, I get you don’t want me to go—”

“No, I don’t. I fucked up. I own that. But Eva, you’re being stubborn as hell. I put my life, my club… hell, every-fucking-thing on the line for you. Did I do this the wrong way? Sure. But you know who I am. Don’t try to disguise your hurt by saying you don’t know me or believe in me. That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re scared because there’s something here, and you don’t want to seem like less of a person for accepting you still care about me, even with my faults.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You think I care about looking like less of a person? All those people out there see I’ve been played the fool this entire time. There’s nothing I can do about that. You think I’m angry because of how I look to everyone, Nycto? No. I’m angry because you lied to me time and time again, even when you knew I was struggling so badly. Do I want to be with you after that? It doesn’t matter because I can’t see a way how.”

His stern stance softens as he exhales. “I hurt you. I knew this was going to hurt you. I got in too deep. Chiquita, I just wanted you to stay. I didn’t want you to run and be caught up in that sex ring all over again. All of this was so you wouldn’t leave… me .”

Sinking in on myself at his brutal honesty, I step forward. “How do we get past this, Nycto?”

He takes my hands in his, pulling me to him. I want to pull away, but instead, I fall into his arms, needing his touch. “Let me help you.”

“How?”

Nycto runs his hand along the side of my cheek, and I lean into him. I hadn’t fathomed how much I needed him to touch me until right now. “I shouldn’t do this. It goes against every fucking cell in my body and every thought in my head, but I know you need it.”

I look at him in curiosity. “I don’t know what you’re saying?”

He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m going to take you for a ride on my bike. It won’t be long or far, and you’ll have to wear a full helmet any time we can be seen. But maybe some fresh air will help clear your mind a little.”

Excitement bubbles up inside me as I bounce on my toes. I’m leaving the clubhouse.

“Shit, are you serious?”

“I’m being fucking stupid, reckless, and idiotic, but yes.”

The urge to kiss him is strong, but the memory of him betraying me still rages full force in my mind. So instead, I lean in for an embrace. “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

His grip on me tightens like he knows exactly what it means. He nuzzles his nose into my hair as we hold each other. “I only ever wanted to make you happy, chiquita . I hope doing this will help a little.”

Nycto pulls back, and as his eyes meet mine, tension coils in my stomach. My heart skips a beat as I take in all his features, right down to the flecks in his dark-brown eyes. He really is gorgeous. I could fast be swept up in his wake again, but I need to remind myself of the hurt he’s caused.

He deceived me. Lied to me. That’s not okay.

Slowly, I pull back, taking in a deep breath. “Where are you going to take me?”

Regret forms in his eyes, but he lets me go anyway.

I head over to the bed to pull on some more appropriate footwear. I’m already wearing leggings, so I simply need to put on a jacket.

Nycto follows my every move. “Somewhere nice, but we need to go before I change my mind.”

Smiling, I yank on my boots and stand, then walk to the closet to pull out the leather jacket the club girls bought for me. I haven’t worn it yet, but I’ve been dreaming of the day I’d get to wear it on the back of Nycto’s bike. Seems like today is that day.

“You been on the back of a bike before?” he asks. I shake my head, to which he smiles. “Good. I’m gonna show you how great it can be.”

Nycto holds out his hand for me to take. I hesitate but then thread my fingers with his. What will it hurt to hold his hand? He leads us back out into the main clubroom, where Void eyes us suspiciously.

“Where the fuck are you going?” he asks.

“Taking Eva for a ride. Shouldn’t be long. If we’re gone more than three hours, send a search party.”

My eyes widen as Void’s jaw clenches. “Pres, I don’t think—”

“Not up for discussion, VP.” Nycto pulls me through the room.

My eyes meet with Ivy’s. She smiles, giving me the thumbs up, and it fills me with warmth. I’m glad she isn’t annoyed I’m heading out without her. So, I turn and keep pace with Nycto, excited I’m finally getting to ride on his bike.

I’ve dreamed of this.

I’ve wanted this so badly.

Maybe, just maybe, it will calm the raging storm in my soul.