9. Sirex

9

SIREX

S irex's mind was in a turmoil as he and Phoebe made their way to Kat's suite to be fitted for their costumes. On one hand, he was gratified to be chosen for such an important mission. But on the other hand, it meant he had to treat his student like she was his own personal Sex Slave—which didn't sit right with him.

She's not your student anymore, though—now she's an Elite Espionage Agent, he reminded himself. It's no longer inappropriate to have a relationship that's more than professional.

Not that he was looking for that kind of relationship with Phoebe. Far from it. As far as he was concerned, she was just a junior agent he was supposed to keep under his wing, as the humans said, until she was ready to go on a mission on her own.

Nothing is going to change—I'm not going to treat her any differently than I did when she was my student, he told himself firmly. Just because he had to pretend she was his Sex Slave didn't mean he would actually do anything, well, sexual with her. The two of them were simply going undercover—they were going to dress the part but it wasn't like they were actually going to do anything other than that. Were they?

No—definitely not, Sirex told himself. And he definitely wasn't going to give in to the Scourge side of himself—to his urges. He would never treat a female like that—never force her to submit to him or hurt her intentionally. The very idea was abhorrent to him.

It made him think of the talk his Kindred uncle—the brother of his mother—had had with him when he was much younger—right after his man-hood rites so many years ago…

The two of them had been the last to leave the nearly empty grotto where the ceremony had taken place. As Sirex had been folding away the heavy turquoise pelt of the V'ranna he had killed to prove himself a man, his uncle Gelden had put a hand on his shoulder.

"We need to have a talk," he'd said. "You're old enough now to know how you came about."

"How I came about? What do you mean?" Sirex hadn't reached his full growth yet—he had looked up at the brother of his mother in surprise and confusion.

Gelden had given him a stern look.

"I mean the way you came to be born into a Kindred family on a Kindred world though you're half Scourge."

Sirex had lifted his chin.

"My mother has told me. She met a Scourge warrior on a trip she took to the Mother Ship. They fell in love and had me, but then he was wounded in a battle and had to be sent away to a distant Med Center in another galaxy. So she came back here, to Tranq Prime, to raise me."

Gelden shook his head.

"That's the sanitized version of the story. Have you never asked yourself how a Kindred woman and a Scourge male came to be in the same place at the same time so they even had a chance to ‘fall in love?'"

Sirex had a bad feeling in his stomach but he shook his head.

"No, I never…never thought of that," he said in a low voice.

"Your mother—my sister—didn't just meet a Scourge warrior—he attacked her ship and took her prisoner," Gelden informed him. "Then he impregnated her with you. There was nothing consensual about it."

"You mean he…he…" Sirex couldn't say the words.

"He raped her," his uncle said harshly.

Sirex felt as though someone had stabbed him in the belly with a blade.

"You…you can't be serious!" he exclaimed. "My mother never said anything like that!"

"No, because she wanted you to grow up in peace and love and because she loves you, despite how you came about. We all love you," Gelden said, his voice growing gentler.

"Then why are you telling me this? I don't want to know it!" Sirex wanted to run away—to run far from the ugly story of his birth. But his uncle's hand was still heavy on his shoulder and he felt as though he had been frozen in place—he couldn't move.

"I'm telling you because you're getting older and your bloodlines are going to start to manifest," Gelden told him. "You're half Scourge, boy—that means you're going to have the sexual urges of a Scourge. Those urges are not those of a Kindred—they are dangerous ."

"I…I don't know what you mean." Sirex spoke through numb lips.

"Yes, you do. I've seen you sneaking out of your bedroom to throw your sheets down the sanitation chute in the middle of the night. You've been having pleasure dreams at night, haven't you?"

Sirex felt hot all over, as though his whole body was suddenly on fire with shame.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of—all males have them as they grow older," his uncle assured him. "But now that you're having sexual urges, you need to know which ones are acceptable…and which ones will get you banned from Kindred society and branded as a Broken One."

"A Broken One?" Sirex looked up at him uncertainly.

"A male who derives pleasure from hurting or forcing a female—especially sexually," Uncle Gelden said, frowning. "The Scourge are rough with their women—they tie them down and hurt them—sometimes they beat them. They demand total sexual submission. That is not the Kindred way."

Sirex's shame grew exponentially. Only the night before, he'd had a dream where he tied up Shaylla, a girl in one of his classes at the grotto school. The dream didn't go much further than that—just him wrapping the rope around her wrists and tying her hands behind her back. But the way the new posture caused her breasts to thrust out at him so that Sirex could almost see her nipples through the fabric of her tharp and the way she was moaning softly as he forced her to submit while he bound her had caused a deep feeling of pleasure. Pleasure so intense that Sirex had woken with a sticky mess on his belly and all over his sheets.

He had been ashamed of the mess that he'd made, but not the contents of the dream. Now he realized what the brother of his mother was trying to tell him. These urges inside him weren't normal. The wish to tie up and sexually dominate a female wasn't right. It made him sick—a deviant.

A Broken One.

"You must fight your Scourge side—you'll probably be fighting it all your life," Uncle Gelden told him. "You must never give in to it under any circumstances." He had gripped Sirex's shoulder harder and looked down into his eyes. "I'm telling you this because I care about you—because I'm the only father you're ever going to have."

"I don't understand. My mother told me that my father?—"

"Went away to heal in a distant Med Center, I know." Gelden shook his head. "That's another lie—a kind one to make you hope that you might yet meet him someday, no doubt. The truth is I killed him when I came to rescue your mother. She was already too far gone with you to do anything about it, but I killed the son-of-a-bitch who hurt her—who took her against her will."

Sirex felt sick to his stomach. It seemed like his whole life up until now had been a lie. His father wasn't the loving rogue his mother had described—he was a monster and a rapist. Even worse, Sirex now knew he had part of that monster inside him—he had the same violent urges his father had given in to and he would have to fight them all his life.

"Remember this, boy," his mother's brother had told him. "You will continue to grow and mature and you're going to be huge—I can tell by your height and how fast you're growing. You're going to be immensely strong—the question is, what will you do with that strength? You can either be a protector of women…or a predator of them. You must be sure you fall on the right side of that line. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Sirex had nodded. He wished he could go somewhere and let out the feelings that were crowding up inside him like bile. All the shame and sorrow and hatred for the father he had never known. He didn't know if he wanted to weep or punch the rock wall of the grotto until his knuckles were bloody. He only knew he felt like he was going to explode!

"I'm sorry I had to tell you all this." To his surprise, Uncle Gelden had pulled him into a rough hug. "I want you to grow up to be a good male—the kind your mother and I can be proud of," he told Sirex. "I'm trying to help you avoid a dangerous trap—a trap in your own DNA. You must never, ever give in to the Scourge side of yourself, boy. Never!"

"Never," Sirex murmured to himself now.

"What?" Phoebe looked up at him, a frown on her lovely face. "Did you say something, Sir?"

"No, nothing." He shook his head, trying to push the scene with his uncle away, but it still felt as though someone had clenched his heart in an iron fist and was squeezing tighter and tighter. It was surprising how much the old memory still bothered him.

He'd spent a lifetime refusing to give in to his Scourge half—which meant that he could never Claim a bride because he didn't trust himself. The Kindred half of him wanted to be gentle and caring—to find a woman he could love, one who would let him spend hours between her thighs tasting her and pleasuring her with his tongue. But the Scourge part wanted to tie her up and punish her—to dominate her and make her obey.

He'd been stepping too close to that line already with Phoebe, he acknowledged to himself. She had asked him, during that last part of her training, to teach her what to do if she was in a hostile situation and her captor tied her up. Sirex had agreed to teach her how to get free of her bonds, but he had enjoyed tying her to the chair much too much.

She seemed to enjoy it too—if her scent and the way the blood rushed to the sensitive areas of her body was any indication, whispered a little voice in his head.

An image flashed in his mind—the memory of Phoebe with her hands tied behind her back and her ankles tied to the legs of a chair. The position she was in pushed her breasts out, making the tight points of her nipples pressing against the red fabric of her uniform shirt clearly visible.

"Oh, Sir!" she was panting—nearly moaning actually as she struggled with the rope. "Oh, I can't…can't get loose!"

The warm feminine scent of her desire had been rising to tickle his nose and her erogenous zones had been hot with all the blood rushing to them…

No—stop thinking of that!

Sirex pushed the memory away. He was not going down that road with Phoebe. She was ten years younger than him and far too innocent to understand his depraved desires.

There was no way she could have enjoyed being tied that way—he was fooling himself. He had to be vigilant against the half of himself that wanted to tie her up again…and do more to her this time. The part of him that wanted to dominate her completely.

This mission had better not take too long then, whispered a little voice in his head. You need to get to Salacious Prime, buy or steal The Goddess's Finger, and get out as soon as possible. Don't give yourself time to get used to the role you'll be playing…or it may cease to be fiction and become reality instead.

That was what Sirex feared the most—that acting like a sexual dominant would make him some kind of predator. He must not let that happen, he thought, casting a sidelong glance at his protégé. He must remember his Uncle Gelden's advice and keep the Scourge side of himself that he'd been suppressing all his life at bay.

No matter how desperately he longed to give in to it.