Chapter 31

Béke Day Seven

The spiral staircase descending into the tunnels beneath Ryza Citadel wound my thoughts up with each subsequent step. I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, and after the combination of Queen Immonen's ominous vision and the feeling of eyes burning into my back at the dress shop, I was in a near-panic. I needed Zuriel to lead another session for me, because if I didn't get some relief from this clawing, clamping vice around my chest, I would die.

I burst into the subterranean antechamber, blowing past the Demons and Mages who lounged there and raced straight down the tunnel to Zuriel's door, banging with my fists until my cousin appeared in the doorway.

His white brows dipped in confusion before his gaze swept over me. "Izidora, what's wrong?"

"I need," I gasped out, feeling like I could burst from my skin from anxiety and fear, "I need another session."

Without hesitation, Zuriel swept me into his room and quickly closed the door behind us. The small couch that lined one wall was my destination, and I settled onto it, curling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs as I gently rocked back and forth, trying not to scream in frustration. To his credit, Zuriel remained completely calm, easing the chair away from his desk and settling into it in front of me.

"Is this the rawness you spoke of?" I asked, hoping that I wasn't losing my mind.

"Yes," he said, sympathy lining his tone.

I nodded, closing my eyes for a moment and trying to suck in a breath.

Zuriel's deep, melodic voice filled the air as he asked, "What triggered this?"

"We were at the boutique, and when I was trying on gowns, I felt someone looking at me. I whipped around, trying to see who it was, but there was no one. It was so sinister, and I wasn't paying attention to my mental barriers. The utter filth…" I shook my head, shuddering at the memory of feeling naked, possessed, and scraped by the attention. My stomach clenched, and bile rose in my throat. Zuriel already knew about the mark, so I confessed what else had happened there. "And Queen Immonen had a vision. She said that when Kazimir discovers the mate mark, everything will go dark. What does that even mean? I thought once I made the choice, it would all be over. It would be easy. Everything would be okay. But it's not!"

I was spiraling, down and down and down into a whirlpool of turbulent emotions, and if I didn't escape the pull soon, I might drown in despair.

I was not okay.

The thought shortened my breaths, blanking my mind of any and all sense or reason, and then there was nothing but blinding emotional pain, so acute, so overwhelming, I wanted nothing more than to crawl beneath the covers and never emerge again.

"Release your legs so you can tap your shoulders. And breathe," Zuriel encouraged, his attention never wavering for me.

I eased my legs to the floor, crossing my arms over my chest and closing my eyes as I began the rhythmic tap back and forth. The sensation flared again, and I cried out, shuddering as flashes of memory surfaced from the dark corners of my mind where I had banished them.

"Please, no." The words slipped out before I could stop them, just like one of the worst of my memories. I tried to shove it down, shove it away because it was too painful. I couldn't do it. I couldn"t relive it. I'd nearly died inside the first time, the last dimming spark of light inside me nearly snuffed out from it.

"You're safe, Izidora. No one can hurt you anymore," Zuriel soothed. "Feel it. Rewrite it. You get to change the ending now. You get to finish the story the way you want it to be. Give yourself that power."

Zuriel's words broke through the thick fog of fear, and when I sucked in a ragged breath, I noticed the dampness of my cheeks.

"O-o-okay," I whimpered, forcing myself back into that dark corner. I had to confront it to free myself of it.

He nodded, encouraging me, face twisted in loving sympathy.

The taps increased in speed as I mentally walked into the cave and watched the scene unfold, narrating for Zuriel.

"Get on your knees," the male snarled at a younger version of me.

I bared my teeth at him, planting my feet firmly into the stone ground. "Never for you."

A second male slipped forward, his torch barely lighting his face in the darkness of the cave. "How about for me, love?"

I spat in his direction without a second thought. The third's laugh slithered out of the void. "You're so close to being of age, pretty thing. Maybe we ought to get a taste of you after all."

I fisted my hands around the chains binding me, hoping I could fling them at one of the males quickly closing the distance between us and incapacitate him. One stalked from my front, while the others closed in on either side, and I felt trapped, helpless, and utterly alone. The other guards wouldn't help me, no matter how much I screamed.

They would not break me, I told myself.

I whipped one long chain to my right, using my dominant hand to its only advantage, and I managed to whack the male in the knee. But he only laughed and stepped on the chain, pinning it in place as he closed the remaining distance between us. I cried out as my own knee banged against the ground, forced down by his rough movement.

His grimy hand grabbed my tangled hair and yanked my head back so I was forced to look at him. "I think I'll take that smart mouth first."

With my free hand, I punched him in the groin, causing him to double over, wheezing and coughing. But my victory was short-lived when his companions were upon me, one taking his place holding my hair while the other delivered a forceful slap across my face. Copper coated the inside of my mouth, and I wasted no time spitting it straight at them.

"One day, you will die. And it will be by my hand," I swore.

The three of them laughed, and by the sinister tone of it, I began to think that this might truly be the end for me – the time when I lost it all, including my life.

The one I'd punched circled behind me, and every muscle in my body tensed, waiting for his disgusting touch on my flesh. With a loud rip, my tunic was torn away, leaving my top half naked and my breasts bared to the two males still pinning me in place.

"Can you believe we'll be the bitch's first?" the one holding my hair said, his other hand stroking my face. His touch made me want to vomit.

"Bet that pussy is tight," the one behind me groaned, and I gritted my teeth, watching, calculating, praying that I could find a way out of the moment.

When the one who held my hair made another pass across my face, I whipped my head to the side, ignoring the sharp sting in my scalp, and sank my teeth into his finger. He roared in anguish, dropping both hands away from me, and I surged to my feet, throwing all my weight backward in hopes of knocking the one behind me off balance and into the hard rock wall. But I missed, tripped over my chains, and cracked my own head, stars bursting in my vision.

I was on my back, chains tangled around me, and completely vulnerable, with three pissed off males looming over me. Tears sprang to my eyes, burning them as I fought to keep my head above water. It pounded furiously, a headache blooming behind my eyes, and as I tried to lift my head off the ground to sit up and defend myself, a wave of dizziness forced me flat again.

"Please," I croaked, unable to do, to say more.

"She's begging for it now," the slapper teased, elbowing his companions in their sides. He crouched over me, hands finding my pants, and he tore those away from my body too. "She's all mine. Beg for my cock again, baby."

"Fuck… you," I managed to say, clinging to my defiance like it was a liferaft.

"That you will, sweetheart," he laughed, unfastening his pants and freeing his cock.

The tears spilled over of their own accord, the pain in my head and my soul nearly too much to bear. My shoulders screamed in pain as the chains pulled them in opposite directions, his companions using them to drag me to my knees.

They'd made enough passing comments and lingered a little too long after feeding me or forcing me to exercise for me to be ignorant of what came next. For years, I'd felt their gazes on me, held my breath as they entered my space, tried to be demure or to be feisty, doing anything to survive. But when they were on duty, I couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, couldn't think, out of fear they'd follow through on those disgusting promises.

And this was the day they decided to do just that.

With two fingers, he pried my jaw open, the other two snickering as I tried to twist my head one way, then the other, to get free. But my arms and my shoulders were locked in place, and the grip on my face tightened to the point of bruising. His cock was hard and pointing at me, and I tried to snap my teeth shut to prevent it from going into my mouth.

"If you don't do this willingly, we'll have to get the whips," he taunted.

My heart dropped to my stomach, and I stopped struggling. The tears dripped and dripped and dripped, racing toward freedom in a way I could not.

He slipped into my mouth, and I immediately gagged, stomach heaving up the contents of my meager meal that morning.

"Oh fuck," I moaned, feeling that same nauseated sensation rising within me.

"We can stop this at any time," Zuriel murmured, handing me a bag should I need to surrender the contents of my stomach.

"I need to do this," I managed to say, swallowing down the worst of it. "Then I can be free."

Zuriel only nodded, and I filled my lungs with as much air as I could before dropping back into the horrific memory.

He made a noise of disgust, pulling away from me as I retched. The other two laughed and teased him, but their words were a blur as the throbbing in my head increased tenfold. When I finally came up for air again, the three stared down at me with a mixture of disdain and sadistic intent. My chest heaved from the effort and my fear, and I closed my eyes, whispering to anyone, anything that could possibly save me, to do so in that moment.

"Get her up, turn her around," the slapper said to his companions.

"No!" I screeched, fighting them as they lifted me to my feet and pinned me to the wall. The rough stone cut into my face, and I gritted my teeth against the additional pain.

The one on my right whistled, long and low, and although I couldn't see his face, I felt his lewd eyes roaming my naked form. "She sure looks good from behind, doesn't she?"

I pressed my thighs together, shaking from head to toe as I was totally exposed and completely vulnerable. All I wanted to do was curl in on myself, to protect myself, but it was impossible.

I was so focused there that I didn't hear the leather hissing as it unfurled, and the moment the familiar whistle cut the air, I cried out instinctively. A heartbeat later, the whip dug into my back, and the heat that bloomed there told me the skin had split.

"Anywhere but here," I whispered to myself, holding my breath and forcing my mind to fly far away. A story my caretaker had told me when I was a little girl came to mind first, and I clung to it like the lifeline it was as I endured lash after lash.

"I repeated it over and over again as they tore my legs apart and scraped my front against the stone as they raped me. I wasn't even in my own body. I had to be somewhere else. To survive," I sobbed, my face, my nose, my tunic, my arms soaked. But I never stopped tapping, allowing the motion to free me from the confines of these long-hidden memories. "Why couldn't I do more? Why did I let them do that to me?"

"You did everything you could have done, Izidora," Zuriel soothed, affirming me when I needed it most. "What would you do now?"

The answer came to me immediately because I'd already been allowed the opportunity to reclaim my power from them. Flashes of Ruslan driving his sharp blade into the eyes of my former guards crossed my vision, and my ears were filled with the sweet sound of their screams as I ripped their cocks and balls away and watched them bleed out.

Letting that fuel me, I dropped back into the scene, using what had happened a few days before change what had happened to me when the three guards whipped and raped me to the point that I wanted to end my own life. "Ruslan and I storm into the cave ready to kill them all. By the time we reach my younger self, we've slaughtered everyone in our path. I fling my white magic over them, forcing them against the wall for Ruslan to slaughter while I collect little Izidora. I use my healing magic to close up her back, and then wrap her in my cloak. The one with the white rabbit fur that's so warm."

"And what do you say to her?"

"I tell her that her prayers were answered. That I heard her. That I came for her. That I'd always come for her. That she never had to tolerate the attention or the touch of a male she didn't want any longer. That she would learn to be powerful and make them cower at her feet, begging for mercy she wasn't obligated to give. That she would have her vengeance, and I'd stop at nothing to ensure she received every drop of blood she wanted for what happened to her."

The fire that had dulled to embers roared to life inside me again, filling me with energy and power and confidence and everything I needed to rise above what happened to me then, to rise above what happened to me now, until I was brimming with an inferno that needed no further fuel.

My eyes flew open and my breath fled in a rush, as I was filled with that familiar sensation of the heaviness being stripped away. It was as if a layer of skin had been shed, leaving me lighter and freer to move within myself.

My hands flew from my shoulders to clasp over my mouth as a sob threatened to escape. Yet this sob wasn't one of pain; it was one of joy.

"Holy shit, Zuriel," I choked out, and another wave of hot tears tracked down my cheeks. Tremors no longer wracked my body and fear no longer froze me from the inside out. Somehow, the slaughter of my abusers and the tapping had made me whole and settled in a way that was antithetical to the restlessness I'd arrived with.

My cousin tipped the legs of the chair back as he reached for a glass of water on the desk and handed it to me. I sipped from it, drying my eyes and nose on the cloth he offered as well.

"How do you feel?" he asked gently.

"That was the biggest release yet," I rasped, my voice hoarse from crying. Words could not adequately express the difference within me, for I felt both empty and whole, mended on the inside in a way that was only visible when I knit skin together on an open wound.

"That must have been a deep memory," he mused, studying me for a moment. "Now say your affirmations."

"I am safe. I am an insidious bloom. I am strong. I am powerful. I am brave. I am bold. Nothing will hurt me again," I repeated, focusing on feeling each and every statement and fusing them into the fabric of my being.

The Angel lifted the glass from my hand, then instructed me to cross my arms and say them again.

"I am safe."

Tap, tap, tap.

"I am an insidious bloom."

My shoulders began dropping away from my ears.

"I am strong."

My spine straightened, holding me steady.

"I am powerful."

My chest swelled with pride.

"Nothing will hurt me again."

The tapping never ceased, and with each subsequent pass through the affirmations, I felt them grow within me, as if I were truly planting an insidious bloom in my soul, the blossom crowding out the horrors and the thorns threatening any thoughts of helplessness to stick around and see what happened.

Once I was full to bursting, I stopped the movements, a wide smile breaking across my face as I realized that I was free of the memory. I pulled it to the front of my mind again, but the panic, the terror, the inability to even face it was gone. It was as if I were watching it happen to someone else, or reading about it in a book. It was no longer mine in the sense that it lived inside me, but rather, it was a piece of my past that no longer held any sway over my present.

"Are you sure this isn't magic?" I asked Zuriel.

"I am certain, cousin. You are the one who has done all of the work to make these feelings happen," he promised.

"Guess I am pretty powerful, huh?" I said, arms dropping to my lap and resting there.

"That you are." Zuriel braced his hands on his thighs and pushed off the chair. "I'm assuming with the way you burst in here that you haven't spoken with your mate, and with the intensity of the release you had, he's probably losing his mind. Let's go find him and assure him you're alright."

I nodded, feeling slightly guilty that I had ignored his calls down our bond as I'd raced back to the citadel. He had gone into the mines to flaunt the Iron Realm's achievements, and I couldn't let my issues prevent us from succeeding in uniting the realms.

"Are you still in the mines?" I asked down our bond.

"We arrived in the citadel a few minutes ago. Where are you? I felt your terror, Izidora, are you okay?"

"I'm fine now. I was working with Zuriel. We're in the tunnels."

"Understood. My office?"

"We're on our way."

Returning to Zuriel's bedroom, I found him leaning against the desk, arms crossed and waiting for me. "Ruslan says to meet in his office."

"Then that is where we shall head."

The sentriesoutside the door snapped to attention as Zuriel and I entered the long hall that led to Ruslan. Most of the doors along the way were closed, no doubt because the advisors and nobles were off galavanting or celebrating. Only Ruslan seemed to continue to work while Béke wore on, though I suspected it was because he couldn't let go of control, not when those we did not trust wandered the realm. And with his newfound status, there was much he needed to acquaint himself with.

Was it really only a week before that we had killed King Azim?

The heavy wood door swung open, revealing Ruslan seated across from Drazen. Their conversation died when Ruslan's gaze collided with mine. We remained locked, even as he rounded the desk and swept me into his arms, squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe.

"Fuck, sprite, I'm so glad you're safe. It took everything in my power not to race home to you."

"I know, but you needed to show off for the other kings."

"You know you are far more important than they are. Nothing in this world is more important than you."

The sincerity of his words wrapped around my heart, warming it as his professions of love always did. "I love you."

"Love you more."

Ruslan finally released me, but he tugged me along behind him and settled me in his chair before rounding and bracing his forearms on the back of it. We faced Drazen and Zuriel, the latter having settled himself in a high-backed chair beside the former.

"Someone was watching me while I was trying on dresses," I blurted out, needing to get all the information out of me before someone else had a chance to direct the conversation elsewhere.

Behind me, Ruslan tensed, and I sensed his rising anger.

"But when I turned around, I couldn't see anyone. I just had this awful feeling like I was being watched. No one else saw anything either. The dressmakers even went outside to check. That's when I ran to Zuriel." I cleared my throat, prepared to confess more knowledge. Craning my head, I tried to show my mate the depth of my worry. "Kazimir cornered me yesterday at the horseback riding event and told me that you were manipulating me by teaching me to read. Except, I've never read in front of him, and you've certainly never helped me in front of him."

A muscle ticked in Ruslan's jaw, and he tilted his head to one side, then the other, cracking his neck along the way. "If he's been watching you, I will fucking kill him."

Good thing I hadn't told him what Immonen said after her vision.

Drazen slapped his palm on the wood in front of him, jolting both me and Ruslan. Some of that bloodthirstiness drained from him, and he sucked in a long breath before blowing it out. "You can't kill him now, Ruslan. Not while he's a guest here. It would go against our other goals."

"I don't give a fuck. Like I told Izidora before, she matters more to me than uniting the realms, freeing the Félvér, or welcoming others to our shores," Ruslan snapped.

Definitely a good thing.

"We can't even be certain he is the one following her. What if it's one of the other Night Fae? They can all fly," Drazen pointed out.

"But none of them can turn invisible or fully cloak themselves in shadow or light," Zuriel argued. "Both feats used to be possible, but in the last few centuries, that power has weakened."

"And that's why the Félvér are superior," Drazen muttered under his breath. None in the room disagreed, not when three of us had mixed blood and Zuriel was an Angel. He blew out a long breath, dragging his hand over his long hair and fidgeting with the pile of it atop his head. "I'll check out the dress shop and see if I can find anything there. A place someone could have been hiding across the street, perhaps."

"Thanks, Drazen," Ruslan said, his body still tense against my back. The half-Dragon pushed off from the arms of his chair and made to leave. Zuriel, with one last glance at me, followed, offering to help Drazen in his search.

As the two departed, I spun to my knees and faced my mate. "How were the mines?"

"King Airre was very impressed with what we were mining, and King Consort Geza was very impressed with how we were mining. I didn't reveal the extent of the tunnels in and under the mountains though. That's a secret best kept among those in the Iron Realm." His gray eyes still pinched with worry at the corners. "Are you sure you're okay? Why don't I take you to Roc to soak in the hot springs?"

That sounded incredible.

"Please do," I grinned, threading my fingers through the hair at the base of his neck and scratching lightly. He released a low groan, head tipping back to rest against the back of his chair. Without rising, he chanted the words to the spell that would move us, and within moments, we stood in the steam in the grotto beneath our home, my legs wrapped firmly around Ruslan's waist.

I slid to the ground, the safety offered by the springs and the session with Zuriel putting me at more ease than I had been in days. There were no windows, only one way in or out, and Ruslan was with me. Kazimir couldn't reach me here. No one could reach me here. Ruslan seemed to sense that I wasn't in the mood for sex, and when I stripped out of my clothes, he watched with the adoration I'd come to expect from him when he wanted to show me just how much he loved me.

Leading me into the rolling water, he guided me along until we were in the deepest parts, and then he cradled me, whispering sweet affirmations in my ear and stroking soothing swirls along my back. With each passing breath my body unwound, and the water seeped into my bones, chasing away the last of the chill that lingered there. Floating in the healing water, I felt lighter, freer, than I ever had before, and with Ruslan attending to my every need, I let go, allowing the grip around my emotions to fall away and trusting that one of us would catch me should I need it.