16 Ariadne

16

Ariadne

After a long day of shopping and watching my words while a secret part of me relishes the ache between my thighs, I almost don't answer my phone when my brother calls. But that's selfish and shortsighted. Hera promised him safety, but Icarus has to get out from under my father's thumb first. He can't do that if he doesn't know that escape is possible.

"Hello?"

"Ariadne." He exhales shakily. "You're okay. When I didn't hear from you, I started to get worried."

Guilt threatens to swallow me whole. I haven't been thinking about Icarus, for all that I used his safety as a bargaining chip. I've been worried about myself and my future. Selfish. So fucking selfish . "I'm sorry." I swallow down the excuses that spring to my lips. That I'm overwhelmed. That I've been so busy that I lost track of time. That I've been working to keep us safe.

"It's okay. I would like to see you, though. If you think you can get free."

I look around the penthouse, empty once again. I'm not sure where Dionysus went this time, but he made a passing comment about not waiting up. Who knows if he'll even come home tonight? "Why don't you come here? It would be safer than meeting outside, and we can talk freely."

He hesitates long enough that I think he might say no, but finally he sighs. "Sure. I'll be there in twenty. Tell security not to shoot me on sight."

I don't think that's a real risk, but as soon as I hang up with him, I call Dionysus. Just in case. Wherever my fiancé is, there's blaring music that makes it hard to hear him. I manage to get my point across, and he promises to add Icarus to the list of approved guests. I'm a little worried that he'll forget as soon as he hangs up, but twenty-five minutes later, I get a call that my brother is in the lobby. Less than five minutes after that, he's right in front of me.

Icarus looks like shit. He was always thin, but his face has a gaunt look that worries me. And his hair, normally as impeccable as mine, hangs lank and greasy against his forehead. Even his skin has lost its luster. More worrisome, he throws himself into my arms and hugs me tight enough to steal my breath. "You're really okay."

I hug him right back, alarmed to feel his ribs. I've only been gone a couple weeks. How has he deteriorated so quickly? "But you're not. When's the last time you've eaten?"

"I had a shake this morning."

It's nearly 9:00 p.m. Gods, but this is bad. I take his arm and drag him into the kitchen. Dionysus keeps it well stocked, though I haven't seen evidence that he actually cooks. I'm not good at it myself, but even I can throw together a few simple things.

Thankfully, Icarus's favorite is easy enough. Blueberry pancakes. A quick check ensures the kitchen has the necessary ingredients, and then I get to work. My brother watches me with haunted eyes. "You look better. I'm sorry about the choices you had to make, but I'm glad that it's working out."

"It's a little too early to say for sure if anything is working out, but I'm doing better than I was." I put a pan on the stove to heat. "I want you to get your stuff from the apartment and come here. I don't know what our father is doing, but it's obviously hurting you. I'm not exactly free, but I made a deal with Hera. She'll protect you."

Icarus laughs bitterly. "You're always looking out for me. But when you needed help, you didn't even think to turn to me, did you?" He takes hold of my hand before I can formulate an answer. "I'm sorry. I've been worried and I'm indulging in more self-pity than I usually allow myself. Don't think for a second that I begrudge your choices, Ariadne."

"But?"

"But you don't have to ride in to rescue me this time. Between our father and the Olympians, you need to keep your wits about you. I don't want to become the lever that they use to control you. Maybe it's my time to play your knight in shining armor for once."

I can respect that he doesn't want me to give up anything for him, but it doesn't mean I like the direction this conversation is going. "If you have the option of Hera, why would you stay with Father?"

"I'm not going to stay with him." He shrugs. "I'm going to take a page out of your book and bargain my knowledge for safety."

I stop in the middle of pouring blueberries into the pancake mix. "What are you talking about? I already gave them everything."

"I'm not talking about the Olympians, Ariadne. I'm talking about the Aeaeans." He says it with such exhaustion that I want to hug him again, but the brittle set to his shoulders says that he won't accept it this time.

"Our people don't hold any love for us. Father made sure of that." I'm snapping at him for no damn reason, but I can't seem to stop. I worked myself into exhaustion compiling the information that I facilitated Apollo finding. It took weeks. All for the chance to get me and Icarus out. And he's dismissing it as if it means nothing.

My brother shrugs. "People whisper secrets during pillow talk that they would never put on a computer. They don't have to hold love for me to fuck me, and when they fucked me, they inadvertently gave me all the information I need to ensure their…cooperation."

I stare. I know he was free with his charms back on the island, but he kept to our peers, the adult children of the scions. Most of those operated the same way our father did—keeping all their information to themselves. The only secrets Icarus would be able to find are unsubstantiated rumors. "There's no proof that the information you have from your past lovers is true."

His mouth twists. "Ariadne, for every lover I had in public, there were two in private that wanted to keep our…activities…secret. I wasn't just fucking our friends. I was fucking their parents, too."

"Icarus," I whisper.

"Don't do that." He shakes his head sharply. "Don't pity me. Every choice I made, I made willingly. I sought them out, not the other way around. No matter how this conflict ended with Olympus, I wanted us to have a way out. And we do , Ariadne. Some of the secrets I hold will pave our way to freedom, financial and otherwise."

He might have chosen this, but the only reason he was put in a position to do so was because of the trap our father created. We never possessed any freedom of our own, and if Minos had his way, we never would have. I would be married off to further his power. Since he made it clear from a very young age that he didn't intend to pass on his businesses and money to Icarus, he likely would've married off my brother as well.

But that doesn't make it any easier to hear. I would have saved Icarus from such desperate measures if I knew he was considering them in the first place. "But my deal with Hera—"

"Is just another cage." He stands and crosses to me, taking my hands in a desperate grip. "Just stay alive long enough for that damned barrier to come down and we can escape. I don't need to bargain secrets with the Olympians. I have enough blackmail secured to fund us for the rest of our lives. We can go anywhere, do anything. You've always wanted to travel. You can do it, Ariadne. Just trust me."

I don't know if I'm feeling hope or despair. The barrier coming down means my father and Circe have furthered their goals enough to take the next step in assaulting Olympus directly. It means people will die—more people. They might not be my people, but that doesn't mean I'm immune to the potential loss of life. If I was, I never would've betrayed my father to begin with. I never would have agreed to Hera's plan. I never would have done…a lot of things.

I squeeze my brother's hands and gently disentangle myself. "Icarus—"

"No, don't say anything now. I know I've shocked you. Let's just eat and spend some time together. Just…think about what I said. Please. I don't know what I'll do if something happens to you."

He's all but guaranteed that I won't think of anything else. I knew my brother was reckless and occasionally self-destructive, but this is a whole different level even for him. I don't even know how to process it.

But I can do as he asked. I can give him a safe space, at least for the moment. I feed him blueberry pancakes and then we turn on some reality television that almost— almost —allows me to escape the new weight pressing down on my shoulders.

At least until Icarus leaves and I'm left on my own.

Then the thoughts come too fast, too frantic. I pace around the living room, but the movement isn't enough to distract from the panic fluttering in my chest. I knew things were bad. Of course I did. I've been aware of my father's distaste for us long as I can remember. He's made no secret of the fact that neither I nor Icarus is good enough to be his child. But for all that, my brother got the brunt of our father's anger. He's the son, after all. He should be like our father: strong and brutal and ruthless to a fault. Minos never would have slept his way to secrets and used them for blackmail. If he knew what Icarus was doing, he would be incandescent with rage.

I don't consciously make the decision to pull out my phone. I don't think about the fact that I'm dialing a number I most certainly shouldn't. It's instinct driving me, the overwhelming feeling that will suck me under and drown me if I'm left sitting with it a moment longer. When I felt like this in the past, there was only one person I gravitated toward. Old habits die hard, I guess.

When Asterion answers, it isn't with threats or a reminder of the danger he is to me. There's actual concern in his voice. "What happened?"

A sob lodges itself in my chest. I've been running from feeling things for weeks now, and all it took was a single conversation with my brother to have it all come crashing down around me. I can't stay here. Not right now. Not alone. "Where are you?" My voice breaks in the middle of the question.

"Give me ten minutes and I'll be outside. Meet me at the side door that you left from last time." He hangs up before I can decide whether I want to argue.

What a joke. I was never going to argue. There's only one reason I called him, and it's because when the world becomes too overwhelming and I don't think I can fight another second, I've always found Asterion. He's created a safe harbor for me to weather the rain. At least until dawn. Until we have to go back to pretending.

I don't give myself a chance to second-guess this decision. It's child's play to hack into the security system and put the cameras on a loop. I barely pause to grab my key and then I'm rushing down to street level, retracing my steps from the other night.

Only this time, Asterion's waiting for me on the curb.

He doesn't give me a chance to speak, not that I'm able to currently. Instead, he wraps an arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his jacket. Then we walk. I know our destination even before we turn the corner and stop in front of the door to his apartment. There's no point in pretending we would end up anywhere else.

But what I didn't expect is for him to have clothing waiting for me. He barely pauses to lock the door before he strips me out of my sweats and T-shirt in simple, efficient movements. And then he dresses me in a different pair of sweats and a different T-shirt. His clothing. It's clean, but it still carries the scent of him.

I stare up at him, my heart in my throat. "Why?"

"It makes you feel better. Safe."

He's not wrong, but…I didn't think he noticed. He's never said anything about it before now. I used to pretend his shirts and sweatshirts ended up in my laundry by accident, that it was coincidence they never made their way back to him. I should've known better. Asterion notices everything.

He nudges me down onto the couch and sits next to me, draping one arm behind my back. An invitation, not a demand. I am seven different kinds of fool, because I don't hesitate to crawl in his lap and let him wrap his arms around me. This is new. This is something we've never done. Before, when the walls started closing in on me and I would seek him out late at night, he wouldn't say much at all. I'd sit on his bed while he played a handheld video game and I clutched my laptop, reading fanfic. Until the steady cadence of his breathing calmed mine and I could actually concentrate on the words I was attempting to read.

But he never touched me.

I bury my face in his throat and shudder out a breath that's almost a sob. "This has all gone so wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know." He strokes a gentle hand over my hair.

"I don't know how to feel about what keeps happening between us. About marrying Dionysus. About being a key part of the plot to kill a person, even if it will save other lives." I cling to him harder and he responds by tightening his arms around me. It's more difficult to speak the next bit. "I don't know how to feel about the pregnancy or the fact that it's gone. In another life, I would've been happy to have your child. But I couldn't do it, Asterion. Not when my first thought was panic, and the fear only grew with each hour that passed."

He presses a featherlight kiss to my forehead. "I know. You did what you had to do."

"That's the excuse we keep using. That we did what we had to do. That you kill people because you had to do it. That I lied and betrayed my family and country because it was something I had to do. That my brother"—again, my voice breaks—"had sex with people he never would've chosen with the intent to blackmail them so we can be free."

It's too much. I can't stop the tears from coming or the sobs from following until I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe. And through it all, Asterion just holds me, the mountain that I can crash myself against and never have to worry about breaking.

Tomorrow, I'll go back to fearing him.

Tomorrow, I'll take away all these messy emotions and put one foot in front of the other just like I always have.

Tomorrow.