CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

MCKINLEY

“Am I going to meet your mom at some point? I want to tell her how wonderful her son is.”

He drops his head with a sigh, and I don’t know what I said to upset him.

“She died a year ago.”

The night he got into my apartment flashes through my mind, as do his words.

“I needed you.”

“You said you needed me. That’s what you meant?”

He nods. “That was the worst time, yes.”

I shake my head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Squeezing my hand, he admits, “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

My heart breaks for him. I should have been there during such a difficult time. This is the hard part about fucking up. You can say you’re sorry, but you can never undo what you did to hurt someone you love.

“Jagger, I’m so sorry. I will never be able to make this up to you, but I’ll try.”

Pulling my hand to his lips, he kisses my knuckles softly. “I understand why everything happened the way it did, which is exactly why I won’t throw it in your face. You’ve been subjected to enough pain.”

“I love you, and I won’t destroy us again,” I whisper.

“Come here.”

He scoots his chair out and pats his lap, and I shake my head.

“We are in a fancy restaurant.”

With a chuckle, he says, “I don’t give a fuck where we are, or who’s here. Get over here.”

I get up reluctantly and walk over to him, and speak low.

“What if someone has a camera?”

He chuckles like he is truly entertained by my question.

“Baby, they have seen pictures of me snorting coke from a woman’s ass crack. I think they can handle me holding my woman in a restaurant. And if they can’t, fuck them.”

I giggle as I sit on his lap. “You’re going to need to explain that to me.”

He grins. “Later.”

Wrapping his arms around me, he whispers into my ear, “I already forgave you. Now you need to forgive yourself. Holding onto this guilt is not good for you. Let it go. I have you now.”

“I’ll try.”

He places his hand on the side of my neck. “McKinley, this is unromantic as fuck. I hope you’ll forgive me for that. Marry me. I will buy you whatever goddamn ring you want. A hundred carats, if that’s what you want. I swear to fuck, I’ll make you happy if it kills me. Be my wife.”

I giggle. “Your language is terrible, Wild. Two fucks and a goddamn in a proposal? Even still, I’ll marry you.”

Jagger stares at me with disbelief. “Wait. Did you say yes?”

“I said yes. The poor groupies will be crushed, but hell yes, I’ll marry you.”

He breaks out into a huge smile, and wraps my hair around his fist. “Now you’ve made up for everything.” He pulls my head closer and kisses me.

The waitress comes over and clears her throat, separating us, while she wears a fake smile. “Ready to order?”

Jagger answers her, “Prime rib for two, with baked potatoes, butter on the side, and a salad for my future wife, with honey mustard dressing on the side.”

I smile as she walks away. This is one of the things I love most about him. He always pays attention to everything, so he knows exactly how to order my food.

“You’re such a pervert,” I say to him in a low voice, as I feel his cock harden under my ass.

“I’m going to my own seat now.”

He smirks at me. “That’s probably a good idea, unless you want me to fuck you in this restaurant.”

I laugh as I get off him and go back to my chair, because I definitely don’t want pictures of us having sex on all the gossip sites.

A group of giggling young women approach the table.

“Oh my God. You’re Jagger Wild. Can I get a picture?”

She is the first of more than I can count. He is pleasant to every last one of them, as I take photos of him with his fans. I’m impressed that he doesn’t get annoyed, or at least that it doesn’t show. Until the last one. Candy.

I remember her sitting on his lap all too well.

He is quick to introduce me, “Candy, this is McKinley, my fiancée.”

Her mouth drops before she quickly recovers, and nods to me. “Hello. It’s nice to meet you. I’m sure you’ve heard about me. Jagger and I have a lot of history.”

Jagger rises from his seat, grabs her shoulders, and turns her around.

“We have nothing. And now this conversation is history. Goodnight.”

She huffs as she walks away, flipping her blonde hair back with attitude.

He sighs loudly. “Have you had enough peopling? Can we take our food to go?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Good,” he says as he motions the waitress over, “I’m grateful for our fans, but I just wanted a night out with my woman.”

“We need our food to go,” he says curtly to the waitress as she approaches.

After he has paid and we have our food, he takes my hand and we walk out of the restaurant together.

“We need to go back to Italy.”

As we slide into the vehicle, I remind him, “There were paparazzi there. Remember?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Like I could forget.”

“How often will you tour next year?”

Resting his hand on my thigh, he says, “Three months in Canada at the beginning of the year. Then the United States in the summer.”

“Maybe we can go somewhere for a few months between the two tours. Somewhere isolated.”

He nods but doesn’t respond. There’s something bothering him, but I don’t pry because I know him well, and when he’s ready to tell me, he will.

After we eat a quiet dinner, we sit on the couch in the living room. The fire burns, because it’s getting chilly already. Still Jagger is quiet. He gets up and lays a blanket in front of the fire. “Come here, baby.”

I get onto the floor beside him and he pulls me into his arms. “You know she was lying, right?”

“Of course I know that. Is that what’s been bothering you?”

He turns his head, and stares at the fire while he speaks.

“Losing you was the worst thing I have been through. The thought of some woman lying, and costing me everything again, is terrifying.”

I snuggle into his arms, feeling the fire warm my skin. “It’s not going to happen, Jagger. I love you. If some woman says something, we’ll talk about it. I’m not going to freak out and leave.”

He places his hands on my lower back. “I want to be honest with you, even if it’s uncomfortable. I fucked her, you already know that, but it was a long time ago. I never touched her while you were gone. And she’s the woman from the coke photo.”

“Do you do that often? Drugs, I mean?”

“No. Not at all anymore. Jett does enough for both of us, and I don’t want to be part of his problem. I used to, at parties, but it’s been a while. And now that I have you, I won’t do it at all.”

“Thank you.”

His smile is dazzling, and it warms me up far more than the fire. “Anything for my filthy girl.”