4. Dream

4

DREAM

L ucca and I are left alone after Master Ilyov’s visit, to rest from our ordeals in the ice citadel of Novakitsk. Though we sleep, eat, and sleep again, even have a bath in a beautiful ice tub in our apartment to enjoy some much-needed alone time, our hearts are too heavy to make love.

As we dress the next morning in white and blue silk Winter Fae outfits trimmed with sleek fur, kissing briefly, we don’t do more. Our breakfast is hasty before we head down to meet Master Ilyov for our first training with him at the Moon Dome.

To try to thwart the Gold Eyes’ plan for us—and get Quinn back.

As we enter the beautiful ice dome where Quinn is, however, I feel anxious, wondering what we’re in for with Master Ilyov. Lucca glances at me, feeling my worry as we step inside the lofty sacred space. With his hands laced behind his back like a military general, Ilyov waits for us in his forbidding black leathers as he stares us down from before Quinn’s enclosure.

Severely.

“You are late. ”

Master Ilyov’s rough voice snarls as Lucca and I enter the domed cathedral. I blink, and feel Lucca hold himself back from a severe retort, since that would one hundred percent put us on Ilyov’s bad side today.

If we’re not there already.

“I wasn’t aware a time had been agreed upon from your message last night.” I try for calm as I refer to the quick missive a messenger brought us after dinner last night stating Ilyov would start our training today after breakfast.

“I eat breakfast before sunrise.” Master Ilyov’s response is curt as he stands rigid before us, his strong yet hawkish face severe. “You are here two hours after sunrise. You are late.”

“We’ll get going at sunrise tomorrow, then.” Lucca is glib, though his humor is a sham. His blue eyes pierce Ilyov, irate just like yesterday at Ilyov’s fierce and unforgiving temperament.

“Tomorrow may already be too late to save your beloved,” Master Vasily Ilyov says with genuine fury now as his ice-blue gaze drills into Lucca, reprimanding him. “We start today—and you both are wasting my time.”

“Forgive us, Master Ilyov. We didn’t know you began work at sunrise.” I step in now, remembering the manners I often had to wield with wealthy art patrons when I worked at auctions in the human world. Even when they were pissing me off so badly, all I wanted was to punch them in the face, I had to be civil to keep my job.

It comes in handy now with Master Ilyov, though he makes a despairing grunt.

“We waste time. Come.” Ilyov waves a hand at us. “Take up these items and show me how you can dance Faeanic sigildry. Begin.”

As Master Ilyov produces a sudden wind from his fingertips, it flips open a long blue velvet case on an ornate table of ice beside him. He gestures now to a pair of beautiful, long icicles resting on a blue velvet pad within.

Seeing those enchantingly dangerous objects, my eyebrows rise. If wizard’s wands would be made from ice, then blessed through entirely with sigils of gold, these items are of some of the finest Fae craftsmanship I’ve ever seen.

As even Lucca lifts his eyebrows at the incredible items, Master Ilyov waves us forward to claim them. I take one and Lucca takes the other. I feel the icicles’ magic rush through me with a brisk wintermint flavor. A fresh wind clears my worried thoughts, replacing them with a sweetness like reveling in a new spring day. I feel better than I have since Quinn became a Revenant, as if the item I’m holding pulls only good memories up. It makes me feel joyful deep inside.

Before a deep fear crowds in yet again—darkening me.

“As I thought.” Master Ilyov’s piercing stare evaluates Lucca and me as we hold the magical items. “You both are deeply cut through by the Gold Eyes’ darkness. We will have to purge that before you can seek to wield the Music without his taint. Come. Show me some Faeanic sigils. Paint the following in the air: sweetness, calm, revelry, joy , and Fae. ”

Thankfully, I know all the Faeanic sigils Master Ilyov mentioned from training with my Summer Fae parents when I was a child. As Lucca and I move through a flowing dance now, almost in synch as we write the sigils in the air around us using the magical icicles, Vasily Ilyov watches.

His attention is keen as his pale blue eyes trace our every movement, and what they produce in the air. Our Fae magic shimmers around us as we dance the sigils into being.

While mine shine with my dark rainbows, flaring with silver and gold light, Lucca’s are far more stunning with his diamond-fire rainbows as they coalesce in the surrounding air. Even as Lucca’s sigils manifest, his power seethes with a strange darkness, however. I frown as we finish our last sigil, watching that darkness dissipate.

As Master Ilyov watches it, and us, with his hawklike stare.

“You both are well-versed in the sigildric arts. No wonder you could work a few miracles with the Music, before it all crashed and burned.” Master Ilyov’s praise soon turns to derision, as he gestures for us to put the icicle wands back on their blue velvet pads. Once they’re out of our fingers, he laces his hands behind him again, blistering us with his gaze. “But you have the Gold Eyes’ power, seething through your sigildry. Indeed, you cannot stop it from leaking out into the creations you make… because it lives as poison inside you, corrupting the very fabric of your being.”

“That darkness in our magic.” I gesture to where our sigils were, now gone. “That’s why something in our power shimmers dark, like oil over our brighter rainbows.”

“No.” Master Ilyov corrects me. “A Dark Fae has a natural darkness to their power because of our Night magic, and yours are both expressing that. To see what the Gold Eyes’ power has done to your magic, you need to look beneath what you see with your eyes and see what your power is actually doing in the universe.”

“I don’t understand.” Lucca’s brows narrow. “We are seeing what our power does in the universe.”

“No.” Vasily Ilyov’s gaze flicks to Lucca. “You are only seeing the physical manifestation of your power when you create these sigils. You need to go inside; go deep within your finer senses and feel what your power is doing in the non-physical realm to understand it. Now. Touch each other; stand back-to-back. Take up the wands again and close your eyes. Repeat the demonstration with your eyes closed, and feel where your partner is in space. Expand and feel what you are doing as well, and you will see what you truly create in the universe.”

As Master Ilyov speaks, I remember how the Music of the Spheres created sigils a few times now in an otherworld I can see in my mind’s eye. I think that’s what he’s getting at, though I’ve not been able to see those sigils with my physical gaze until they become more strongly manifest. As Lucca experiences my insight through our bond, he frowns but nods. Master Ilyov grunts as he sees we understand.

Then waves us in to take our stance.

Lucca and I come back-to-back with our icicles in hand; we inhale a deep breath, then close our eyes. As we move together yet again, I feel how his body flows behind me, with mine. We dance together now, aware of each other as we lose focus on ourselves.

Our sigils brighten all around, but I can’t see them now, though I feel them flare and take shape. With my eyes closed, my deeper senses are heightened; I see something now, in that otherworld where the Music’s sigils manifest.

A flowing sensation curls out from me, like fingers of creation as I dance my sigils into the air. I feel it curl out from Lucca, too, as we move. But rather than bright like I would have imagined our power, so bright in the physical world, it’s dark. It’s so dark as it manifests in the otherworld , like midnight ghosts.

As it reaches into the universe to create what we create here in the physical realm, something’s not right. Something is so vicious and dark inside us; as I see it, I pull back in horror at what I’m doing.

Even as something else surges forward—something that has its origin in the Gold Eyes.

The rest of me is terrified by the vile, twisted manipulations I’m creating in the universe. I had no idea I could even create such nastiness; those sigils are utterly dark as they twist and seethe all around me in the cosmos. Though the Music of the Spheres has sung so brightly between Quinn, Lucca, and me in the past, what I’m creating daily with my power is horrifying as it twists the very weft and weave of the universe to its subtle, indomitable will.

Because the will behind what it creates belongs to my Maker; the center of my Dark Fae power is coming from and still being wielded by the Gold Eyes, as it taints and twists everything I thought I could make. Lucca sees it, too, as he hisses now behind me. As Master Ilyov gives a satisfied grunt, we cease.

Opening our eyes, as our eyes are opened.

Master Ilyov nods as he watches us get it. As Lucca comes to my side, both of us setting our magical implements back down on their blue velvet pads, Master Ilyov gestures for us to sit around a small coffee table. The table has a plate of fruit; Ilyov helps himself as Lucca and I settle, though neither he nor I have any.

Shocked by what we’ve just seen.

“You’ve seen it. Good.” Ilyov is succinct as he takes a sip of water from a glass of ice.

“What was that, which we saw just now?” I ask Ilyov as he settles, crossing his legs in his chair, though his long, restless fingers drum on the chair’s padded arms.

“That was the manifestation of your Maker’s will in the universe,” Vasily Ilyov says. “For though your trio may have certain aims and goals in this world, which you make manifest with your power, your Maker has aims and goals in all worlds , that he manifests through your works. You see the effects of your magic here in our physical realm. He experiences the magic you create in all worlds . And what you make, no matter how much you think you’re defying him, is what he wishes you to make. I think you’ve both seen what that looks like now.”

“That terrible darkness, which we glimpsed in the otherworld .” Lucca frowns at Ilyov. “But the Gold Eyes has pushed our trio past our breaking point. He was the one who orchestrated everything with the Council, who caused Quinn to go Revenant and make our trio break. Why would he do that if he wants us to wield our magic for his will in the universe?”

“Are you broken?” Master Ilyov says now as he lifts an eyebrow. “Or are you merely paused because of everything that has happened? And are you not doing everything you can to overcome it?”

“The Gold Eyes knows we won’t stop,” I say as I finally understand. “It knows Lucca and I will do everything we can to bring Quinn back—it’s counting on that. On us strengthening our trio… by the trials we go through.”

“Over and over again.” Satisfaction comes into Vasily Ilyov’s eyes as the hint of a smile curls his lips. “For you see, when a Maker wishes to use a trio like yours to their utmost, they must give them trials. The trials must be hard, and they must make you believe all is lost sometimes, if you are to overcome your fears and grow. For doing what we think is hardest, the moment we believe we shall only break and never be put back right, is where we find our true strength.”

“The Gold Eyes is pushing us to this point, over and over, so we get unfathomably strong,” Lucca says as his gaze drills into Ilyov. “So each time we grow, we manifest its own will far more strongly in the universe than ever before. Without knowing it.”

“Believing you are accomplishing your own agenda, yes.” Master Ilyov nods as a kind of approval comes into his gaze for us now. “So I ask you both this, and I ask of your dark Master Quinn, as well: are your goals yours? Are they what you wish for in the world? Or are the things you strive for only things the Gold Eyes wishes for you—and which makes your heart feel hollow?”

I have no answer, as Lucca and I frown, mulling it over. It seems our lesson is over now, however, as Master Ilyov pushes to his feet.

“I will leave these with you.” He gestures at the icicle wands on the table. “They are ancient Winter Fae magical adjuvants, so please be careful with them. I wish for you to practice all the sigils you know today, and work until you can feel the will behind your sigildry every time. Ask yourselves: is this what I want in the world? Or am I doing something someone else wishes for me? Something you thought you were born to do , perhaps, rather than what you would truly wish to be. Think about it. We will resume our practice at dawn tomorrow. Do not be late.”

With that, Master Ilyov nods to us and departs. As he goes, I have a feeling that his single, terse nod is far more acknowledgement than he gives most people. Though he still thinks Lucca and I are fools, and Quinn even more so, he at least knows we can learn.

As he leaves, however, the Revenant that is Quinn whirls up from where it had been roiling all this time near the floor, watching us with its malevolent red eyes. As it rushes up now, hammering its barrier right before Lucca and I, we startle. Lucca pulls me under his arm as we watch the Revenant-imprisoned Quinn.

Wondering what in all the worlds we’re going to do about it.

“Do you think we’re just doing the Gold Eyes’ will with everything we’ve accomplished, ever since we were Made?” Lucca says as he stares at Quinn, swirling in his cage. “I think of my agenda with the Summer Fae, and my plan to take over from my father. Do you think it’s all in vain? Only something the Gold Eyes wishes of me… so he can wield the entire Summer Fae through me, like some kind of diabolical weapon?”

“I don’t know,” I answer, though Lucca’s question has me frowning deeply now as I question all of Quinn’s, Lucca’s, and my aims in the world. “I think we can only assume that with everything we’ve been doing, everything we’ve been striving for so far, we’ve somehow been enslaved to its agenda. An agenda which we have no clue of.”

“Fuck. I thought you might say something like that.” Lucca sighs as he scrubs a hand through his hair. Pulling me to his front, he wraps his arms around me, his hands resting on my abdomen as we both watch Quinn now, swirling malevolently in his enclosure.

“What about Quinn’s agenda for his Vampires?” Lucca asks. “If the Gold Eyes is pushing that… then why does he want a greater unity and renaissance for Vampire kind? And the same thing for my Summer Fae?”

“And the Dark Fae,” I add, as Quinn’s darkness whirls, his seething red gaze pinned to us. “Because we all are striving for equality for our people, and for old systems to be thrown down. What does the Gold Eyes want from all of that? Will it keep pushing us until we overcome all odds to make our goals manifest?”

“And get it what it wants, whatever that is,” Lucca says with a dark scowl now. “I think we have to assume everything we’ve been doing is how the Gold Eyes wants things to go, Ariana. But the next question is: who are we if we abandon our ideals of a new age for our people? Could we live with ourselves if we said goodbye to all that and just walked away? I know I couldn’t. I love my people and I will fight for them until my very last breath. I can’t change that—even before I became Dark Fae, it was inside me. Always pushing me to do what’s right.”

“Maybe that part of you is yours, Lucca,” I say now as I think it through. “What I suppose we have to question is the way we think we have to go about doing what we believe is right. When did you feel you had to step in and become the Summer Fae King, for instance? When did that ideal replace whatever plan you had for your life? What was your plan before it? Do you remember?”

“I wanted to be a farmer.” Lucca chuckles then, as I feel something sad and beautiful fill him. “When Quinn and I were young, when we were first in love, I wanted to run away with him and forget our royal duties. I wanted to just live on a farm somewhere; a humble life, as we grew food for the Summer Fae and made delicious love by our Livingtree’s fire at night. That was my dream. But then Quinn and I got trapped in that catacomb and he became a Vampire—or we both became Dark Fae. Ever since, I felt I had to step into Quinn’s shoes. I felt I had to remove my father from power because I knew he wasn’t fit to lead the Summer Fae, just like Quinn’s father never was, either. I’ve been plotting against my King ever since.”

“But your first dream was to live in a way that supported your people, all while giving you what you wanted: Quinn, and a life with true love in it. It only lacked the way you thought you had to do it after the Gold Eyes made you Dark Fae,” I say now as I twist his arms, gazing up at him. Something in my power sings now, as I feel I’ve spoken the truth.

Something that is entirely mine, as it blazes all through me.

“My gods. You’re right.” Lucca stares at Quinn’s Revenant a long moment, before he blinks in astonishment. “But Ariana, how can I help my people if I don’t become the Summer Fae King?”

“I think you have to ask yourself that question.” I reach up, cupping his face in my palm. “The agenda you and Quinn must both question is whatever agenda arose in you after you were turned Dark Fae. Before that… whatever you wanted for your lives was yours. ”

“What about you?” Lucca watches me now. “You were turned Dark Fae as a one-day-old infant. What agenda could you have wanted for your life before the Gold Eyes got hold of you?”

“I don’t know.” The singing sensation of my true power leaves me at Lucca’s question. Because it’s a question I’m asking myself now that we’ve spoken with Master Ilyov; my void-like inner darkness whirls now, as I have a sudden fundamental doubt.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to separate my own desires from whatever the Gold Eyes wishes for me. As that void-like darkness whirls deep inside, I know then that he’s watching me. The Gold Eyes is not with us, not inside the citadel, but he can somehow watch his progeny through his power.

Embedded inside each of us.

As I feel him sensing me now, feeling the emotional crisis I’m going through, I hate it. A vicious wrath seethes up inside me and I hammer my power against that vast void I feel inside, watching me.

It doesn’t go. It can’t go, because it’s part of me. I hear the Gold Eyes laugh, then, as I feel cold to my very marrow. With a flash of its golden orbs in my mind, it leaves.

But it’s never gone, as I feel that black emptiness inside my very soul.

Originated by its power.