Chapter 15

15

Jai sought the refuge of his quarters. He stumbled out of the shadows to the door and barred it. The memories bombarded him, pulling him back to that dismal, gloomy place where pain and fear took turns hammering him until he broke.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he leaned his forehead against the wood, willing the memories back behind the steel door and into the locked box in the chest, tucked into a dark corner to be forgotten.

He could feel himself being sucked back into the agony again, the unending terror. It had taken him so long to shut them away the first time. He never should have let them out.

He shouldn’t have let Arya push him.

Long -healed wounds burned and scars throbbed. The laughter of those who had tortured him with fists and magic filled his quarters. He slammed a hand against the door, grabbed his head, and bit back a roar. Until memory by memory, he had them locked away again.

He was breathing hard, mentally and physically spent. But there would be no rest for him. Jai pushed away from the door and stalked to his chair. He sat and rested his hands atop the desk. Only when he was breathing normally once more did he reach for the logbook. He opened it and detailed the events of the past few days. Each one took him straight to Arya .

He stopped writing mid-word and thought about how he had pressed her against the wall. Alone in his room, he could admit he had almost kissed her. That the desire—the hunger—to have her in his arms had nearly brought him to his knees.

Sighing , he set aside his pen and leaned back in the chair. Anger might have caused him to crowd her, but lust had kept him there. A need that pulsed hungrily when he got near her. One he’d believed he was free from. But she was in too deep. There was no getting her out of his system.

Jai stared at the logbook but didn’t see the pages. He saw her eyes. Deep and luminous gray with small flecks of brilliant silver. They had a way of drawing him in so he felt he was sinking into an abyss of everything that was her. He used to go willingly, readily.

He closed his eyes and was transported back into her prison as they had stood toe-to-toe, their bodies brushing, fury and denial hanging thickly in the air. And yet, all he’d wanted to do was kiss her. The image of her mouth filled his mind. She hadn’t turned her head, hadn’t pushed him away. She hadn’t touched him, either. It was a good thing because he wasn’t sure he would’ve been strong enough to turn away.

“ Fuck ,” he muttered as he opened his eyes and rose to walk around his desk.

Why did his body have to react to her still? What about her kept her in his thoughts, even after such an unspeakable betrayal? He hated her. There was no denying that. But he also desired her. It was an ache deep within him that couldn’t be hidden or ignored. Or forgotten. It reared its head anytime he bedded another woman.

It wasn’t their face he saw. It was Arya’s .

Always Arya .

“ I warned you. I broke every rule so you wouldn’t get caught up with the raid.”

Her words rang in his ears. She hadn’t wavered from her stance, but he knew there hadn’t been a letter. He had looked, uncaring if anyone saw him. Two of his notes had gone unanswered, but they were missing. That meant she’d taken them.

Took them and left. He shook his head, anger churning. How dare she claim to have given him a warning of the raid? How dare she claim to have waited for him at The Crossing ?

But he had lied. Someone had known about their letters and the book they used. He had told Priya . Not at first. He had wanted it to be something between him and Arya only, but as their relationship progressed and his feelings deepened, he had wanted to share it. He had never kept anything like that from Priya before, and it had felt wrong.

Priya had known about their exchange for weeks. She liked Arya —approved of her, even. She had no reason to take any of their notes. Priya was his closest friend, the sister he’d never had. She would never betray him.

And yet… Arya had put a kernel of doubt in his mind.

Priya would do anything to protect him. If she thought he was in danger, she would steal letters. She would even kill. He had seen her do it.

If Arya’s note had warned of the authorities coming, that was the opposite of danger. Had he found the letter, he and Priya could’ve gotten away before the raid.

He scrubbed a hand down his face and leaned his hips against the desk. Priya wouldn’t have put them in a position to be captured. She never would’ve done anything to force them to serve others.

Jai thought about her knocking out Arya and the human as they entered the channel. It wasn’t like her to go behind his back for something. She had always respected his decisions. Yet she had ignored his orders. It made him wonder if she had done it before.

Footsteps neared his quarters, and his gaze slid to the door. The handle turned, but the lock kept the door shut. He tensed, ready to rise should anyone attempt to circumvent his lock. Even Priya knew not to disturb him when he barred himself inside. Several moments passed before whoever it was slowly released the handle, and the footsteps retreated.

He relaxed marginally. Could his oldest and closest friend have intervened in a relationship that meant everything to him? Had Priya taken Arya’s note and put them in a position to be captured? He couldn’t reconcile any of it. Priya had an array of lovers everywhere they went. Even before their capture, she could’ve left at any time. He wouldn’t have stopped her. He certainly didn’t believe she would prevent him from doing the same.

And yet, doubt rose.

It would be easy to place the blame on Arya and say she’d lied about the letter. Though he couldn’t deny the conviction in her words or expression. Her undercover work proved her a skilled manipulator. If she thought she could convince him to release her, she was in for a rude awakening. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. Nothing would change her fate now. She could have admitted to setting him and the others up. She didn’t.

That brought him back to Priya .

What if someone else found Arya’s note? Jai had certainly gone to the front room often enough those last couple of days. It could have drawn attention. Yet , if it had been there, then whoever read it would’ve known about the raid and alerted someone. No one had disappeared before the authorities arrived. Which , in his mind, meant that wasn’t a feasible possibility.

Again , his thoughts returned to Priya .

He didn’t want to believe it was her. Both of them had made plenty of mistakes through the years, but they had always owned up to them with each other. Always . How easy would it be if he was the one responsible for their captivity? He blew out a breath. It would be near fucking impossible, but he would do it. So would Priya .

Would she?

He straightened as he heard Arya in his head, voicing his concerns. Jai felt as if the walls were closing in on him. He left his quarters and made his way to the bow of the ship. With his hands on the railing, he looked toward their destination—an end point that would grant his freedom and enslave Arya .

Jai had been so consumed with his hatred and need to find her that he hadn’t learned why the Masters were hunting her. She wasn’t the only one they were after, either. They wanted three others. And they had told everyone in their organization. No stone would go unturned. It was only a matter of time before all four were in custody. Even if he had misplaced his anger all these years, Arya would’ve eventually been caught.

Jai didn’t like where his thoughts were taking him. He wanted to retreat and shove aside all doubt. But Arya had planted it, and it wouldn’t be ignored. So , he forced himself to look to the past with new eyes—and different questions.

He didn’t like what he found.

The ship cut elegantly through the water. Whoever captained The Viper next would be a lucky elf. But why had he been chosen? Why not Priya ? He’d thought it fortuitous that they were allowed to stay together, but now he questioned why that was.

The crew seemed to know that he wanted privacy. No one came near him. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of Priya’s boots on the deck. He didn’t look her way when she came to stand beside him.

“ You’ve been up here for some time,” she said.

“ Aye .”

He felt her gaze on him, but he kept his eyes forward. Jai knew he would eventually have to talk to her, but now wasn’t the time. He was too angry, too…raw. Besides , he was still sorting through things. If she pushed—like he knew she would—things would go badly.

Priya crossed her forearms, one over the other, as she leaned on the side of the ship. “ I told you it would’ve been better to keep her unconscious. I admit, the idea of knowing she’s sitting below wallowing in fear does make me feel good, but I don’t like what it’s doing to you.”

Jai didn’t trust himself to reply.

“ I’ll do it,” Priya said. “ I’ll subdue her and bring her below with the rest of the cargo. You won’t ever have to look at her again.”

“ Why did you hit her?”

There was a beat of silence before she said, “ I lost my temper. After what she did to us, I would’ve thought you’d understand. Did she complain to you?”

“ She never said a word. Partly because she was sick.”

“ Oh , come on,” Priya bit out as she turned to face him. “ You’re really going to stand there and tell me you care that she was a little ill?”

“ She was more than a little .” The words came out louder than intended. The crew glanced their way before going about their business.

Priya blew out a breath and looked away as she shook her head. “ Unbelievable . You’re upset because I let her suffer a little. Really ? How much have we borne?”

And that was the rub, wasn’t it? Because they had suffered unspeakable agony. He’d been made to watch as they beat Priya until she was no longer moving. She’d told him not to give in, but he had. He hadn’t been able to see her hurt in any capacity.

He went through that memory a few times, wondering if he had missed something. It was possible. Two elves had held him up since he couldn’t stand on his own. One eye had been swollen shut, the other was so puffy he saw everything in threes. The pain had been so intense that it had been difficult to think clearly. But his focus had sharpened when a huge Dark dragged Priya out, a thick manacle around her neck, the chains heavy as they dragged on the floor.

The elf had yanked on the chain, causing Priya to pitch forward. The sound of her face hitting the floor caused the others around him to laugh in delight. Priya had held onto the chains and ignored the blood running from her nose as she climbed to her feet defiantly. None of that had looked fake. Neither had the punches that’d soon landed on her.

Now that he looked back, the flash of anger he felt after she fell was filled with rage, not fear, despite the situation or the chains. And for all the hits she took, there had been little blood or bruising. Jai’s gut clenched. He had never wanted to be wrong more than he did in that moment.

“ Why aren’t you captaining the ship?” Jai asked.

“ What ?”

He heard the surprise in her voice at the change of topic. Finally , he swiveled his head to look at her. “ Why me and not you?”

“ How am I supposed to know that?”

“ Why did they allow us to stay together?”

She threw up her hands in frustration. “ What has gotten into you?”

“ Answer the question, Pri .”

“ I don’t know,” she stated flatly.

He studied her. The elf who had saved his life as a kid and stood by him ever since. Someone he believed had his back. That he could trust with his life. “ The Masters don’t do anything without a reason.”

“ Then you’ll have to ask them because I don’t know.”

“ Why did you do it?”

She rolled her eyes. “ Do what?”

“ Why did you steal Arya’s note warning me to get out?”

She clearly hadn’t been expecting that question. That was the only reason he saw the surprise that slackened her face before she hid it. She stared at him for a long time, then he saw the moment she decided to come clean.

Priya’s entire demeanor changed. Gone was the unwavering, nothing-will-hold-me-back elf. In her place was someone malicious and abhorrent. Someone Jai didn’t recognize.

“ Someone had to save you from doing something stupid.”