Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN

A s Julian quickly discovered, Felkington was a most remarkable castle.

So was its chatelaine.

Tucked away in a remote area of Northumberland, or at least a not very well-traveled area, Felkington had been built two hundred years before to protect a convergence of roads. The road leading west ended in Carlisle while the one leading east went into Berwick. The road north led past Northwood Castle and into Scotland while the road leading south went down into the heart of Northumbria.

Once, Felkington had been very important. But as the years passed, bigger roads were built, cities grew, and travel moved away from this remote area. Felkington, however, remained big and strong, as it had been when it was an important outpost. It was built in a square shape, with impenetrable walls on the outside and no windows until the third floor. There wasn't a keep, but simply many rooms built against the walls so the castle was essentially one building with a courtyard in the center. There were passages and guard rooms and stables and an enormous hall on the third floor, with lancet windows overlooking the land below.

The castle, in fact, was perfectly defensible.

Julian was greatly impressed with it. One of the biggest things he was impressed with was the courtyard itself, carved out in the middle of this enormous, square structure. There were several doorways that opened onto the courtyard, including a passageway that was the main castle entrance. There was a gigantic portcullis on the outside, protected by fortified gates, but if one happened to make it through those gates and the portcullis, there was another portcullis and a set of gates on the interior where it opened into the bailey.

Each door leading into the courtyard also had its own portcullis and iron gates, so even if an enemy made it into the courtyard after all of the defenses in the passage, there was no way to make it into one of the doorways. Overhead, looking into the courtyard, were dozens of windows from which an army could fire arrows down into an invading army.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Above the courtyards and gates and portcullises, the castle reached five stories into the sky on all sides, plus the roof as the sixth floor. The grounds outside of the castle were protected by a wall and a moat, but they were just for show. They were weak compared to the structure itself. The wall protected an area of more stables and a garden and even a vineyard, but given how some walls were on contemporary castles– massive and tall– the relatively short walls of Felkington were really just meant to keep out marauders or animals or thieves. An army could easily get over them, but once they ran into the castle itself, the gesture would be futile.

It was little wonder that Felkington hadn't seen a siege in over one hundred years.

Lista had been right about one thing– Felkington lived in its own little world, a bucolic paradise in a remote area of Northumberland. No one really bothered them, so it was quite idyllic. Julian and Addington followed Lista around, listening to her talk about her ancestors who had built the place, of the fortification features, of the bake house and the brew house and a dozen other self-sufficient trades they had. Everything about them was completely self-sufficient and after the tour of the castle itself, which took most of the day, they ended up outside in the vineyard.

Felkington was built on the top of a hill overlooking a green and placid valley. As they emerged from the main entrance and headed out towards the vineyard, they were joined by Ashton. Julian had kept the man purposely busy for most of the day making sure the warhorses had their shoes adjusted because he'd made up an excuse about his beast's odd gait and wanted it checked. That meant checking every shoe of the horse who wasn't particularly cooperative, which took time. Then he forced Ashton to check his own horse's shoes.

In truth, it was simply to keep him away from Addington because Ashton and Anteaus had shown some aggression towards one another back at Berwick. The aggression had been mostly sidelong glances and stiff expressions, but Julian didn't want Ashton overwhelming Addington at the moment. She was here to visit with Lista, so Julian was trying to keep Ashton away from her.

But that hadn't worked for long.

"I thought I saw you coming out here," Ashton said, following them from the gatehouse. "May I join you?"

Lista and Addington came to a halt, turning to the smiling knight as he caught up to them. Julian was already a few paces ahead, trying to think up another excuse to keep Ashton away. But the more he thought about it, the more he was thinking he might have done the wrong thing. If Ashton had Addington's attention, that meant he could have Lista's.

Aye… perhaps he'd been wrong all along.

Sometimes, his consideration for others was at his own expense.

"Lady Lista was going to show us the vineyard," he said as he watched Ashton go straight to Addington like a moth to a flame. "We just had the tour of the castle and I must say that I am quite impressed. This is far more of a fortress than I had imagined."

Hearing the comment, Lista turned to Julian just as Ashton and Addington came together.

"It is a magical place," she said, smiling at him. "We are hiding here from the world."

"And for good reason," Julian said. She was so close that he boldly held out an elbow to her, inviting her to take it and holding his breath while she considered it. "This must have been a wonderful place to grow up."

Lista only considered his silent invitation for a brief second before she slid her hand into the crook of his elbow. Beneath her fingers, through the fabric, she could feel his big muscles and it was enough to make her heart pound against her ribs. Her hand, touching him, seemed the most natural of things.

She could easily become used to it.

"It was," she said, hoping she didn't sound as breathless as she felt. "Honestly, I can count the times we've known trouble on one hand."

"Who from?"

She shrugged as they headed down the slope towards the vineyard. "Scots, mostly," she said. "Sometimes they come down to raid our garden and steal our grapes, but we have large dogs that we turn into the garden at night and they are an excellent deterrent."

Julian looked out over the stunning green landscape. "How many men do you have?"

"Around two hundred."

He looked at her in surprise. "For a fortress this large?"

She nodded. "Look at it," she said, gesturing to the obvious. "Once we close the passageway to the courtyard, it is impenetrable. They can get over the walls if they try and damage the garden and the stable yard, but they cannot make it into the castle no matter how hard they try."

Julian looked back over his shoulder at the castle behind him. "That is true," he said. "I do not think I've ever seen such a tall fortress."

"The Scots had a name for it, many years ago."

"What's that?"

" Meuran gu nèamh. "

Julian had lived on the borders his entire life and he was fairly fluent in Gaelic. "Fingers to heaven?"

Lista nodded. "Doesn't it look like the corner towers are stretching to heaven?"

"It does," he agreed. His gaze was still on the structure, looking at the southwest corner in particular. He came to a halt, gesturing to the very top of the corner tower. "Is that smoke I see?"

Lista already knew what he meant before she looked. Therefore, her glance was brief. "Aye," she said. "That room is used exclusively by my mother and aunt."

"Are they burning something up there?"

Lista nodded, her humor completely gone. She released his elbow and began to head towards the vineyard. "They are burning dried hemp leaves," she said.

His brow furrowed, but he started to follow her. "For what purpose?"

Lista sighed heavily and she came to a halt. "Julian, in case you have not yet realized it, my mother and aunt have a… problem," she said. "They drink to excess, they eat or snort or inhale anything they can find that will alter their state of consciousness. In short, they are addicted to anything that makes them feel happy or sad or giddy or mad. My mother has not been sober in two long years, so they go to the tower room and burn hemp leaves because the smoke intoxicates them. Even now, they are inhaling it as deeply as they can because they will soon be out of dried leaves and will want for more. But at least while they are in that room, things at Felkington are quiet and lovely. Look around you and see our paradise. But this paradise hides a troubling secret."

He was looking at her intently, the wind lifting the hair that usually covered up his right eye. "I knew it from the start," he said. "I knew it when your mother came out of the apothecary's stall and plowed into one of my soldiers and then slapped him for being in her way. All things considered, it is not such a terrible secret. I've seen families with worse. But it must be a burden upon you to have to manage your mother and your aunt constantly."

Lista lifted an ironic eyebrow. "Burden, indeed," she said. "She's my mother. She is supposed to be the responsible one, yet she cannot manage it, so the duty must fall to me. All of the duty must fall to me while she behaves like a woman who is trying to force herself into an early grave."

"And this makes you bitter?"

"It makes me frustrated."

He folded his massive arms across his chest, those bulging muscles at Lista's eye level. "Why does she do this?" he asked. "You said it has only been for two years? What happened two years ago that caused her to take this path?"

"A little over two years ago, my father died and my brother was murdered shortly thereafter," she said. "That did something to my mother. What she does, she does to forget. Or mayhap she simply wishes to join them. I really don't know because she will not speak to me of it at all. My mother and I are not close these days because she locks herself away with my aunt and they do all they can to intoxicate themselves. That leaves me to make sure Felkington survives."

He nodded in understanding. "I see," he said. "I'm glad you told me. I know a little something about having great responsibility thrust upon you. It can be… heavy."

Off to their left, Addington let out a yelp as she tripped over something in the vineyard. She and Ashton had strolled down to the neat rows of grapes and had been picking them straight off the vine, at least those that hadn't already been harvested. When Addington tripped, Ashton was there to catch her and they giggled together.

Lista found herself watching the pair.

"She likes him a great deal," she said softly.

Julian was watching, as well. "That has been going on between them for a few years now," he said. "He will not commit and she will not let him catch her, so on it goes. She's rather old to still be a maiden, so I hope she stops running from him soon. It is time for Addie to have a family and grow up."

Lista turned to him, watching his expression as he observed Addington and Ashton in the distance. "Are all of your siblings married?" she asked.

He nodded. "Cole, Allaston, and Effington are," he said. "Addington is not and it is time for her, so I can stop worrying about her. Let her be Ashton's problem from now on."

Lista smiled faintly. "You do not mean that."

"Of course I do," he said, looking at her. "With all of my sisters married, I will not have to worry any longer."

Lista frowned. "Why is it your worry?" she said. "What does your mother say? She should be the one to worry."

He turned for the vineyard, reaching out to take her hand as he went. "After my father's death, I have more or less assumed his mantle," he said. "My mother is strong, but it is my duty to help her any way I can."

Lista was starting to feel giddy again as he held her hand. "What about your brother?" she said. "He is the eldest, is he not?"

"He is," Julian said. "But Cole has Berwick and his own family to worry about. He has five small children, a wife, and a very strategic castle. He manages Berwick and I manage Pelinom, our family home."

"Is that what you meant by understanding great responsibility thrust upon you?"

He glanced at her. "You were listening, were you?"

She grinned as they came to a halt because they were at the vineyard now, which was tiered because of the slope of the hill. Julian let go of her hand and reached out, grasping her around the waist and lifting her down to the next tier. Once he set her on her feet, he didn't let her go. Lista found herself gazing up at him, feeling warmth and interest radiating from his eyes.

There was no mistake.

"I have listened to every word you have spoken since we first met," she said sincerely. "Even when I was angry with you, I still listened to you because I think you are a man with a good deal to say, Julian. I would always like to listen to you if you will let me, so in answer to your question, I heard you. You spoke those words as if there were something more behind them, but I will not ask. If you want me to know, you will tell me."

He looked at her, a smile playing on his lips, digesting every word. "You are much different from any woman I have ever known," he finally said. "At least, any young women. You seem much wiser than your years."

Lista cocked an eyebrow. "Is that a bad thing?"

He shook his head. "Not at all," he said. "In fact, I rather like it. May I be perfectly honest with you?"

"Of course. As my friend, I would expect you to be."

His smile broke through. "I admire you a great deal," he said. "You have shouldered a difficult situation with your mother and aunt but you've not let it crush you. That is something to be applauded."

"Thank you."

"May I say something else?"

"You may."

"You need to learn to laugh."

She looked at him, surprised. "Why do you say that?"

"Because I've not seen you truly laugh out loud since I've known you."

That was probably true. Lista paused to think about his statement. "I suppose I am so focused on what needs to be done to keep Felkington running smoothly and my mother placated that I've not found the time to laugh," she said. "Unrestrained laughter is for people who do not have too much on their minds."

Julian fought off a grin as they both heard Addington squealing with laughter when Ashton stole something from her and she ran after him.

"Addie will teach you how to laugh freely and often," he said. "Spend time with her. Learn from her. She may not have your responsibilities, but she's not as foolish as she seems."

Lista cocked her head. "You will not teach me to laugh?"

He chuckled softly. "I am in need of lessons myself."

"Can we not learn together?"

He looked at her, his dual-colored eyes glimmering. "I would like nothing better."

Lista grinned at him. Then she reached up and pushed the hair away from his eyes again. "I think we can learn to do it," she said quietly. "Because over the past day, you have learned to look me in the eyes. When I first met you, you would not do it. Therefore, if you have learned to look me in the eyes, I know you can learn to laugh, too."

He was still smiling, but it was difficult. The mention of his eyes had him faltering. In fact, he immediately lowered his gaze but she grasped him by the chin and forced his head up.

"Look at me," she said softly but firmly. He did, but it was guarded, and she smiled openly. "That's better. You have the most beautiful eyes, Julian. I know you do not think so, but I do. The colors are magnificent."

He sighed, a long and drawn-out sound. "You should know that it is not something I speak of," he said. "No one does."

"Why not?"

He searched for an answer. "Because we do not," he said simply. " I do not. All of my siblings have unusual eye color, just like my father did. We do not speak of the obvious."

Lista leaned forward, getting closer to his face and looking at him dead-on in the eyes. "If you expect me to learn to laugh, then I expect you to learn to look me in the eyes, always," she said. "If you do not wish to speak of it, then I will not, but know my expectations. And know I think your eyes are as beautiful as the rest of you, so you do not have to hide them from me. I will be disappointed if you do."

With that, she dropped her hand and turned away, heading off into the vineyard and leaving Julian standing there with his heart in his throat. Thump, thump… thump, thump. He could hardly breathe because of her words.

Didn't she realize how freakish he looked?

Didn't she realize how odd he was?

Clearly, she didn't care but he couldn't figure out why a woman as magnificent as she was didn't care. He was trying to think of an underlying motive, but he couldn't. That only led him to the next conclusion.

That she was being truthful.

After all of these years, and the disappointments he had suffered, he could hardly believe it. With a smile on his lips, he followed her into the vineyard where Addington and Ashton had ended up throwing grapes at one another and having a marvelous time.

But Julian only had eyes for Lista.