8. Ell-rom

8

ELL-ROM

A fter Ell-rom had changed into his swimming shorts and put on his robe, he walked out of the large closet and knocked on the bathroom door. "Ready?"

"In a moment."

He was grateful for Jasmine's offer to change into her swimming suit in a different room.

Jasmine wasn't shy and had no qualms about undressing in front of him. She had done it so he wouldn't feel embarrassed while getting naked in front of her.

They had already seen everything there was of each other, but it was so new, so fresh, that he still felt awkward. Hopefully, that would pass once he filled out a bit and didn't look starved.

When he looked more like Julian.

Now, that was something to strive for.

When Jasmine opened the door, wearing similar attire to his, with her lush hair gathered in a knot on top of her head, she was so beautiful to him that she took his breath away.

"What?" She tucked a stray strand into the knot. "Do I have toothpaste on my nose?"

"You are just so unbelievably beautiful."

She rolled her eyes. "Given that I have seen what immortal females look like, I know that I'm nothing special in comparison. But thank you for the compliment." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "It's always nice to hear."

"It's the truth. Every time I see you, the first moment is like a revelation. My heart feels like it's expanding. Is that what love feels like?"

"Maybe." She took his hand. "Probably."

Jasmine had told him that it was too early for them to fall in love and that they should take their time getting to know each other, but she was calling him her mate, and he was doing the same, and mates were supposed to love each other, so what was the point of waiting?

"What were you thinking when you were practicing with Aru?"

The question took him by surprise. "Why do you ask?"

"If you have a problem with intrusive thoughts, you should address them, or they will keep interfering with your training."

Ell-rom didn't want to tell Jasmine about killing the temple guard with a mere thought, but keeping it inside wasn't doing either of them any favors. Especially him. Perhaps if he shared his fears, they would loosen their grip on him.

"The dream I told you about, the one where the head priestess admonished Morelle and me, I left out something very troubling."

Jasmine didn't look surprised. "You didn't tell me the reason for the summons. What did you two do?"

"What I did, not Morelle. In the dream, I supposedly killed a guard with just a thought. I hope it was just a nightmare and not a memory, because if that's true, I'm a worse monster than everyone feared based on my parentage and the Eternal King's pursuit of me and my sister."

Jasmine shook her head. "Dreams are rarely literal, and even if this power is real, having the ability to do something doesn't mean you will. You are one of the kindest, gentlest souls I've ever met. I don't believe for a second that you would ever intentionally harm anyone."

Her words washed over him like a balm, easing some of the fear that had been gnawing at him. "But I did kill in the dream, so even if it wasn't real, it was something I was thinking about but felt guilty for feeling. That's why, in the dream, I didn't know I had that power. The priestess told the guard to taunt me and Morelle in order to provoke us to do something bad so she could find out what we were capable of. She sacrificed his life for the experiment."

"What did he do?" Jasmine asked.

"He threatened Morelle that he would yank off her veil to see what deformities she was hiding under there. I was scared that our secret would be revealed, so at night, when I was in my bed, I wished him dead, and then he was. I didn't know I could actually kill him with the thought."

"So, you didn't mean it, and you never did that again, right?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I might have killed more people on Anumati and not remember it." He looked into her soft golden eyes. "What if my memory loss is not just the result of prolonged stasis but trauma?

"What if I did so many horrible things my mind decided to just erase them?

"What if I lose control? What if I get angry and accidentally take someone's life?"

Jasmine squeezed his hands. "I know you won't unless it is to defend the lives of people you care about. But so you won't be terrified of accidentally unleashing your power, we will continue working on your control through meditation. You will learn to manage your emotions better."

Having even the shadow of a solution, something he could do to gain control of his ability, was better than nothing, and he let out a breath. "Thank you. It's such a relief to get it off my chest."

She smiled and lifted on her toes to kiss him smack on the lips. "That's what mates do for each other, right? If I ever have a problem I can't deal with alone, you will also help me."

"Always." The words I love you were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't want to say them in passing. He wanted to plan the where and when.

"Now, let's get you to that rehabilitation session." Jasmine tugged on his hand and headed for the door. "Afterward, if you have any energy left, we can practice your shrouding some more. I have a feeling you'll get very good at it very quickly."