15. Ell-rom

15

ELL-ROM

E ll-rom walked over to Julian's office and rapped his knuckles on the door. "Do you have a moment?"

"I have more than a moment." The medic waved at the chair in front of his desk. "I have all the time you need and more."

Ell-rom left the walker near the door and took the three steps toward the chair without help.

"Nice," Julian said. "I'm thrilled to see your progress."

"Thank you." Ell-rom sat down. "I wanted to talk to you about the television in Morelle's room." That was certainly an easier topic to start with. "I'm concerned about her being all alone in there for most of the day and having no one talking to her like Jasmine did for me. If you can set it up for her so the teardrop is hung over the speaker, perhaps that could serve as a substitute for someone actually sitting in her room and talking to her."

Julian nodded, but he didn't look excited about the idea. "We could do that, but it's not quite the same as having a loved one talk to her. Research on the effectiveness of auditory stimulation for coma patients has shown mixed results. Those who had a loved one talk to them showed more significant brain responses compared to unfamiliar stimuli, but the truth is that not many studies have been done on the subject."

Ell-rom frowned. "I didn't know Jasmine, so hearing her talk and sing to me could have been the television as far as I was concerned, but it still helped pull me out of the coma."

Julian shrugged. "Something is always better than nothing, and I have no problem implementing your idea, but you need to know that your presence is more meaningful to Morelle. If you want, we can conduct an experiment. We can measure Morelle's brain activity when there are no sounds in her room, when the television is on with no Kra-ell translation, with translation, and lastly, when you talk to her. It would be fascinating to measure the differences."

"Is it difficult to do?"

"Not at all. I can get a more sophisticated piece of equipment to measure the electrical activity in her brain. Think of it as a way to listen to the brain's conversation." He chuckled. "It is fortunate that Morelle is nearly bald because I will need to place small sensors on her scalp, and having no hair will make it much easier. The electrodes are connected to a machine that records the brain's electrical signal."

"Is it painful?" Ell-rom asked.

"Not at all. It is completely painless and noninvasive, meaning it doesn't require any surgery or discomfort."

Sounded easy enough, and Julian seemed excited about conducting the experiment. "How soon can you get that equipment?"

"I have an EEG right here in the clinic, but it's pretty basic. I would like to get something better that can provide more information. Amanda, Kian's younger sister, has much better equipment in her lab, which is called Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging, which measures brain activity by detecting changes in blood flow. It assesses brain function in response to stimuli and is much more accurate, but it's a big machine, and we can't transport it here or have Morelle transported to Amanda's lab." He tilted his head. "Well, it's not that we can't. We just can't do that easily, and Kian will not approve it just for the sake of an experiment."

"Hmm." Ell-rom rubbed a hand over his jaw. "I'm meeting the entire family tomorrow, so I'll mention it to Amanda. Perhaps if she is also interested in the results of this experiment, she will be willing to help us to either get a machine in here or transport Morelle to her laboratory."

"Transporting Morelle is out of the question," Julian said. "But I wouldn't mind getting that lovely piece of equipment in here."

"I'll see what I can do." Ell-rom shifted in the chair, wondering how to broach the other subject he needed Julian's help with.

The medic narrowed his eyes at him. "I know that look. You want to ask me something and are embarrassed to do so. I think we have already established that you can ask me anything, and I will do my best to provide you with as much useful information as I can."

"That's true."

Julian had indeed helped him a lot, explaining intimate subjects in a nonjudgmental, matter-of-fact way.

"It's about overcoming aversions."

"Like your aversion to animal products?"

Ell-rom nodded. "Yes. Let's say I need to eat a piece of meat to hide who I am, and it's very important that I do so, but I can't bring myself to even put it in my mouth."

It was a good example that was close to his real problem and might even be connected to it. Perhaps he couldn't stomach animal products because of his aversion to blood.

Julian leaned back in his chair. "Overcoming aversions is a complex process. It might involve a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, and sometimes medication. The key is to gradually expose yourself to the source of the aversion in a controlled, safe environment while learning coping mechanisms to manage your anxiety or discomfort." He paused, studying Ell-rom's face. "But I have a feeling you're not asking about your aversion to meat. Being a vegetarian or a vegan is perfectly acceptable in human societies, and no one will force you to eat meat if you don't want to."

Ell-rom felt his heart rate quicken. This was the moment of truth. "I have a strong aversion to blood," he admitted. "The sight, the smell, even the thought of it makes me ill. I'm sure you understand why that's a huge problem. I must overcome it, and I don't know how."

Understanding dawned in Julian's eyes. "You can't bite Jasmine."

Ell-rom nodded miserably. "I can't bite anyone. I can't bite to bring my mate pleasure, and I can't use my fangs to protect her either. How can I be what I am and be repulsed by even a drop of blood?"

Julian leaned forward. "Aversions can develop for all sorts of reasons. Regrettably, you don't have your memories, so you don't know what caused it, but it must have been something traumatic."

"It was." Ell-rom winced. "That's one of the few memories that has resurfaced. There was some sort of function in the temple, and I had to pretend to drink blood from a goblet because I was supposed to be Kra-ell. The head priestess had told me and Morelle to only put our lips on the rim and not actually drink it because neither of us could tolerate it, but I accidentally took a small sip and had to run to my room to throw up. I got a serious scolding later because my slip-up endangered Morelle's and my life. Our survival depended on everyone believing we were normal Kra-ell kids or as normal as fraternal twins could be. I think we were the only such twins born in thousands of years."

Julian appeared thoughtful for a long moment. "That sounds like a pretty traumatic event to me, especially since you were still a kid when it happened. I think it might be helpful for you to speak with our clan's psychologist, Vanessa."

Ell-rom felt a surge of panic. "I don't want more people to know about this. It was difficult enough to come to you for advice."

"I understand," Julian said. "But you should know that Vanessa is bound by strict confidentiality. Nothing you discuss with her will ever be shared without your explicit permission. You don't even have to meet her in person. I can arrange a video call. But don't expect a quick fix. Psychological issues take time to resolve, and it would probably take a few sessions with her before you see any improvement."

Ell-rom nodded. "I'll speak with her, but I don't want Jasmine to know. Can you cover for me and invent some kind of testing that you need to perform from time to time?"

Julian regarded him for a long moment. "Honesty is always the best option, especially when it comes to your mate. You can tell Jasmine that you are talking to the therapist, but you don't need to tell her what you are talking about. You can say that you are not ready to share what is troubling you with her yet, and that will be the truth. She might get her feelings hurt a little because you are keeping things from her, but she will be hurt much worse if she discovers that you have deliberately deceived her."

Ell-rom winced. "When you put it like that, it sounds terrible. I'll follow your advice." He rose to his feet. "Thank you. I mean it. You are more than a medic to me. You are a good friend."

Julian smiled. "I'm honored to be your friend, Ell-rom."