19. Ciaran

19

CIARAN

E ven before we'd entered airport grounds, I'd come to suspect that Matthias was hiding more than one secret, though for the life of me I couldn't understand what it might be. The guy was at the top of the pyramid. Matthias even had Olympic potential. What could he possibly want that he couldn't achieve through wealth, privilege, and high-ranking connections?

Illegal activities?

Meeting up with airport officials?

Collecting duffel bags containing God knows what?

He'd been stealing glances at me all the way back to Malibu.

Was he worried I was going to explode? Call the authorities?

The air in the SUV was tense, stifling, as if the molecules around us had absorbed Matthias's anxiety, disbursing it. Was I breathing in parts of Matthias's worry now? It was an interesting thought.

My own mood didn't alleviate it. I'd been rereading my text string with Drew. We'd never been super explicit, but it was very clear that we were more than friends. Anyone from the outside who'd read our messages would have gotten the same impression.

So Drew's final message was pretty much a slap in the face and him declaring that he wanted some separation between us.

The rational part of my brain knew it was for the best. I should not want to be in a relationship with a twenty-eight year old man.

My heart, however, was violently in disagreement because I knew it was my fault that Drew was no longer interested. If I'd only agreed to do more with him. If only I didn't always stop him from doing more while we were together.

Matthias interrupted my thoughts when he said, "You seem awfully chill about illegal activities, Ciaran."

"Until today, I've lived my whole life in Las Vegas, the gambling capital of the world, where people can win a fortune or lose their entire life savings in hours. Cheating is rampant, but that doesn't bother me because the gambling system is built on corruption. It draws in the hopes and dreams of desperate people."

"Bleak," Matthias said, just as a ding from my phone chimed. "Are you texting your friends?"

I could tell his unspoken question was, Are you texting Drew?

Why would Matthias care who I texted?

"I'm not telling anyone what you did tonight, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried about a group of seventeen-year-old kids from Las Vegas," Matthias said.

"Good, I can tell them to stand down on informing the authorities," I joked. "It was from Joan. She invited me to a party."

"Pirate's Cove?" Matthias asked, just as she texted again. When I gave him an incredulous look, he merely said, "I told you there is always a party." He looked at my sneakers. "Pirate's Cove is surrounded by boulders and can get windy."

"Joan just texted that you're not invited," I said.

"Tell Joan she can kiss my ass."

I typed in the message and Joan replied almost immediately. Her text was filthy enough that I wasn't sure if I should read it to him.

"Well, what did she say?" Matthias asked. He seemed to enjoy putting me on the spot because, as I suspected, he knew she would write back something utterly insane.

We passed signs that indicated Point Dume was two miles ahead, so I knew we were close to the Vaulteneau estate.

I swallowed. "She said, ‘Tell Matty I will kiss his ass if he agrees to lick my slit.'" Heat spread up the back of my neck but I braved a glance at him. Matthias was smiling wildly. "I know you said not to put them in a category, and I've seen some crazy shit, Matthias, living in Vegas. But I can't figure out the three of you."

"It's best if you don't try, Ciaran."

Were they a throuple ? They seemed close. Really close.

Matthias drove past the normal exit. "When we get to the Pirate's Cove, don't drink from a red cup." Matthias sped up on the highway. Mountains rose on either side. "Stick to the clear plastic cups."

"Why?"

"It's call red fire oblivion and it will fuck you up fast. I'm not your mom, so I'm not going to tell you not to drink. If you were like me, you've been drinking alcohol since you were like fourteen or whatever. I'm not going to rain on your parade, but trust me when I say to steer clear of the red cups."

I took it for actual advice. "Got it, thanks."

I'd been to plenty of pool parties at friends' houses or at a Vegas hotel. My friends and I attended the two-day EDC Festival each year when it came to Vegas. Those fests were full of electric, frenetic attendees, and resembled a glow stick orgy.

We were quiet for a few moments before Matthias asked, "Tell me about Drew."

"There's nothing to tell."

"He's not your boyfriend?"

My heart pinched. I didn't know what Drew was. His interactions with me were always shrouded in secrecy. I wasn't allowed to like him, not really, so talking about him, even to someone who didn't know him, felt like I was betraying Drew's trust.

"No, he's not my boyfriend."

Matthias, who looked relieved, which surprised me, offered me a genuine smile.

"Then forget about him." He pulled down Birdview Avenue. "You're in a new city. Have fun."

I rolled down the windows. The salty hair wafted in my hair and I could hear the ocean. The road ran parallel to the shore and he parked at the very end.

A cropping of boulders rose up in front of me. The echo of music throbbed in my ears, so the cove must be on the other side.

I'd texted Joan that we were on our way, and she was there to greet us. She pulled me into a big hug. She smelled like cigarettes, coconut perfume, and sangria. She wore shorts but had on a thick sweatshirt and a beanie.

"Hello again, handsome," Joan said as she pulled me down and pecked me on the lips. It was the kind of kiss a grandmother might give. She gave side-eye to Matthias as he brought up the rear. Frowning, she asked me, "Did you tell him he wasn't invited or did he agree to the lick challenge?"

I laughed, rubbing the back of my neck. I snuck a glance at Matthias, who didn't look embarrassed at all. "Matthias doesn't like being told what to do."

"You are as astute as you are handsome. Why hasn't a girl snatched you up yet." She paused at my reaction, a reassessing gleam in her eye. "Or maybe a guy?"

"I guess I just haven't met the right person yet," was all I was willing to say.

Filipe sauntered into view. He was dressed much like me and Matthias. He slapped me on the back but made his way directly to Matthias. "I'll be there in a minute," Joan called after them as Matthias and Filipe walked back to the SUV.

"Be careful on the boulders," Joan said, lacing her fingers with mine. "Use the light from your phone."

I gave nothing away that I knew a tiny bit about what had happened tonight. I figured it wouldn't go over well unless Matthias was the one to tell them. So I wordlessly allowed her to drag me over to the other side.

Navigating the boulders wasn't that difficult sober but I imagined it might be tough when inebriated. I noticed the black rope strung along the footpath and figured it was there to hold onto if in the event you were unsure of your footing.

On the other side, a large bonfire illuminated all the attendees. I guessed a good thirty or forty people were in the cove, with more arriving, given the steady beam of headlights shotgunning down the access road.

Some partiers were dancing, others were standing around the fire, singing, talking, strumming guitars.

Music came from a portable speaker attached to someone's phone. Coolers full of wine, beer, sodas, and water were behind the bonfire. Someone was mixing drinks and sure enough, I noticed red cups and clear cups. Joan handed me a clear cup.

I sniffed it and it singed my nostrils. I took a tiny sip.

The liquid burned as it slid down my throat.

"Good God." I coughed. "What is this?" I yelled to Joan over the music.

"It's a Cove secret, my friend." Joan drank from one of the red cups, and started dancing, moving with the music. "It offers a slower passage to oblivion."

"Is that a place?" I asked.

Joan's nose crinkled adorably. "No, my friend. It's a state of being."

Wind blew in from the ocean. I could feel the incoming storm. It was probably hours away, but it hung heavy in the air, coating my skin and clothes. I felt damp after a few minutes.

"Before I go see Filipe and Matthias, let me introduce you to the crew," Joan said, dragging me around. I met people named Boogieboard Bob, Lacy Macy, and someone who answered to "guitar gal" because no one knew her actual name.

After a few minutes, Joan was no longer at my side. Looking up, I saw her silhouette traversing the boulders. But everyone she'd introduced me to were talkative and I never once felt uncomfortable. Not with a few alcoholic sips in me.

The ages varied from my age all the way to forty or fifty. Through the bonfire light, I observed expressions to see who watched who. Social butterflies went from group to group. The loners hung out by the booze coolers. Those who danced joined in as desired, and then jumped out when ready.

A brave few frolicked in the water.

Logs and boulders were interspersed across the beach. In the areas where the bonfire light didn't reach, couples huddled together. I wasn't interested in invading anyone's space, so I stayed within the firelight's reach. Not that I was worried, but I wasn't interested in someone mistaking me for someone else.

I was on my second cup of the clear cup liquor when my inhibitions were starting to slip. I wasn't exactly a natural dancer, but I took after my mom in that music and rhythm moved in my soul, so when someone grabbed my hand and pulled me into a dancing throng, I didn't object.

The music was loud in my head as warm bodies writhed around me, against me. Hands pressed against my back, my chest.

Someone cupped my ass. When someone groped the front of me, a pleasurable throb spread outward from my groin. It wasn't exactly sexual, but the flare of eroticism spread through my blood, like I was experiencing a new plane of existence.

The fire itself felt like a goddess bestowing her gifts upon me.

Everything felt good, hedonistic. Worry fled into another dimension. Anxiety was pushed through a time warp, becoming a thing of the past.

Someone grabbed my hand and licked my inner wrist, and holy fuck, tingles rippled up my arm and down my body.

"Do that again," I yelled, not even knowing who did it, but they moved on to someone else.

I don't know how much time elapsed, but I spotted Matthias in my peripheral vision. He stood away from the dancing group, glaring at me for some reason.

Didn't he tell me to have fun? Someone should tell him that he'd be sexier if he didn't glare so much.

He drank from a clear cup while Filipe spoke into his ear. Matthias's arm was around Filipe's shoulders, leaning into him. Joan flitted around the group. One second she was dancing with me, the next she was making out with someone.

Was that okay? Was she allowed to make out with someone who wasn't Filipe?

Oh right, Filipe and Joan—and maybe Matthias?—defied definition. They did their own thing, carefree and joyously. And where was Matthias's girlfriend?

Why was I focusing on Matthias or trying to define his friends' relationship? Everyone around me was carefree and joyous.

I wanted to feel that. Someone handed me another cup and I gulped it down. It went down like fire, like ice, like I'd split myself in two.

One part of me knew I needed to stop drinking. To sit down. To ponder my actions.

The other part of me wanted to stare up at the inky sky, to lift my hand and trace the stars with my finger, to tell the universe my secrets, my worries, my fears. In this state of being, I knew the universe would answer back.

A sizzling figure came up behind me, their arms wrapped around my chest, feeling me up and down.

I ground my ass back into them, and when I detected a bulge, a groan escaped my lips. Fingers skimmed beneath my shirt, circling my nipples, pinching them.

My cock responded immediately and his right hand slid lower and lower until he was skimming beneath my jeans.

I swirled. I had to see the face of my admirer. He was near my age, maybe a few years older. I didn't recognize him. He was tall and his dark hair and bright green eyes reminded me of Drew.

"I'm Ciaran."

"Jason," he said with a hungry voice.

My gaze flicked to his mouth, which looked appetizing.

"I have to taste you," I said.

Grabbing the side of his head, my mouth crashed into his and his tongue slid past my lips. I heard the growl in the back of his throat and I pulled him even closer. His hands wound around my lower back, pulling me hard.

Pressed together as we were, it didn't feel close enough. His spicy cologne mingled with the sweet sangria taste on his lips. I ground my groin into him and I felt him press back.

I felt the most intense desire to consume him.

Then, almost as suddenly as it had begun, his warmth was gone.

Someone was wrenching Jason away.

"Hey…" I protested.

"Fuck off, Jason," a familiar voice ordered.

Matthias . It was Matthias's voice.

"Dude," Filipe said, his hand in Matthias's chest. "Calm the fuck down. You're causing a scene. Let the kid enjoy himself."

"What's your problem, asshole?" I asked.

I didn't wait for Matthias to answer. I reared back and swung my fist.