8. Stella

Ilift the candy cane mocha with extra whipped cream to my mouth and take a drink. It's filled with pepperminty goodness. Each small sip helps settle my nerves.

I'm tucked into a corner at the Roasted Bean coffee shop on campus. The place is fully decked out for Christmas with a seven-foot-tall tree parked beside the register, twinkling stars that dance in the windows, evergreen garland draped across the top and dangling down the sides of the chalkboard menu, along with glass ornaments filled with coffee beans that hang from the ceiling above the counter. As if that wasn't enough holiday overload, all of the employees are wearing headbands with adorable reindeer antlers.

It's like Christmas threw up all over the place.

And I absolutely love it.

This is one of my favorite times of year.

Hockey season being a close second. That thought only turns my attention back to Riggs.

Ugh.

I don't know what to do.

He's fired off a dozen texts and tried calling an equal number of times.

I feel like the world's biggest coward for sneaking out the way I did this morning.

It's not who I am.

But…

In the harsh light of dawn, everything that happened the night before feels like too much. Like we crossed a line that we'll never be able to come back from. What I'm most scared of is that we've set fire to our relationship.

How is it possible to go back to being just friends after an experience like that?

Maybe we didn't have sex, but it had come damn close. His thick length had rubbed against me in the most intimate way, making me a hot and needy mess. I've never experienced anything like it before.

How am I supposed to pretend it never happened?

Is that even possible?

And it all started because the guy caught me masturbating.

While sleeping next to him.

Heat scalds my cheeks at the memory.

Instead of plowing my way through homework, which had been my intention when I'd set up camp on the couch in the coffee shop, I can't stop dwelling on last night.

A mortified groan works its way up my throat.

What I've come to realize is that as much as I've been trying to keep everything platonic with Riggs, it hasn't been that way for a while. The feelings that reared their ugly head yesterday aren't new.

Although, acknowledging their presence is.

Unable to help myself, I pull out my phone and take another peek at the slew of messages.

He wants to know where I am.

I've yet to respond.

What we both need is a breather before finally sitting down and hashing this out. With any luck, we'll be able to course correct and everything will go back to the way it was.

That's what I want, right?

If my heart clenches at the idea, I quickly brush it aside and ignore it.

My finger hovers over the miniature keyboard before ultimately deciding against opening up the lines of communication. Once I do that, there's no going back. It's carefully that I set the slim device on the coffee table next to my drink.

I'll text him later.

He'll see that I'm doing what's best for both of us.

I pick up my textbook and attempt to focus on what I'm reading. It's only when I reach the bottom of the section that I realize I haven't absorbed a single concept. A huff of annoyance escapes from me as I resign myself to reading the page for what feels like the millionth time. Barely do I make it through the first sentence when someone drops down beside me.

My eyes widen as they land on Riggs.

His hair is all damp and shiny and I realize that he probably just came from practice.

One glance at his expression tells me that he's angry.

I've seen him look at other people like that but never me.

Moisture springs to my palms as a sick knot twists in the pit of my belly.

In all honesty, I can't remember the last time we had a simple disagreement.

Before I can open my mouth or wrap my brain around what I want to say, he snaps, "We need to talk."

I straighten my shoulders and jerk my head into a stiff nod, knowing that I can't put off this conversation any longer.

"We should go out," he says.

"We should take a break," I blurt at the same time.

A second of silence ticks by as we both frown, digesting what the other person said.

"What? You want to take a break?" His eyes widen as his hand flies to his chest. "From me?"

The way his voice escalates with each word leaves me wincing.

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined a convo like this with Riggs. We've been friends for so long that I can barely remember a time in my life when he wasn't filling it. And I certainly can't imagine what it would be like to move forward without him by my side. Sure, I'd still have Juliette, but it wouldn't be the same. Riggs is a massive presence in my life.

Without him…

Even the idea makes my heart throb a painful beat beneath my breast. It's tempting to lift my hand and rub the spot.

I clear my throat and shift on the cushion. "Don't you think it would be best for our friendship if we took a step back? Just for a little bit?"

He draws in a deep breath before forcing it out again, almost as if trying to center himself. The tension filling his muscles loosens as he pries the textbook from my hands and sets it carefully on the coffee table before threading our fingers together.

My gaze drops to them.

"Why should we do that?" he asks calmly.

My eyes lift to his. "Because of what happened last night."

He strains closer before dropping his voice. His gaze never falters from my own. If anything, it only intensifies. It feels as if I've been caught within the crosshairs of it.

"Last night was the single hottest night of my life, and the fact that it was with you makes it even better. I love you, Stella. I've always loved you."

"As a friend," I murmur. "You love me as a friend."

It's slowly that he shakes his head. "I love you as more than that. I have for a while." He jerks his shoulders before admitting, "I just wasn't sure if you could ever feel the same about me."

He's felt this way for a while?

How didn't I realize it?

"But our friendship…I don't want to lose it."

He swallows up the small bit of space between us until I'm able to see all the chocolaty-colored flecks that make up his irises as his warm breath drifts across my lips.

"I promise that will never happen. No matter what, we'll always be friends. But I want more, Stella. I want to be the man in your life. I want to hold you in my arms at night." His voice turns rough, sounding as if it's been scraped raw. "More than that, I want to be your everything, just like you're mine."

Tears prick the backs of my eyes as I reveal what's in my heart. "You already are my everything."

His gaze searches mine, sifting through all my private thoughts. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then let's give this a shot. A real shot. I promise, baby, you won't regret it. I'd move both heaven and hell to make you happy."

My teeth scrape across my lip as I watch the emotion swirl through his eyes. It feels a little bit like I'm leaping off a cliff into the abyss. It's terrifying. I have no idea if I'll land safely or not. But I trust Riggs.

I force out a slow, shaky breath. "Okay."

He tugs me onto his lap before nipping my bottom lip with sharp teeth. And just like yesterday, arousal shoots through me, lighting me up from the inside out.

That's all it takes for his eyes to darken with pent-up desire. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about last night."

Heat pools in my core as I admit, "Me neither."

Barely does my response escape before his lips descend, settling over mine. His tongue sweeps over the seam and without further prodding, I open so they can tangle. Shivers dance down my spine as electricity hums in the charged air.

A whimper of need breaks free from me.

"Hey, get a room," someone yells.

Riggs pulls away just enough to growl as he stares into my eyes, "I think that's an excellent idea."

His hands wrap around my waist, lifting me to my feet as he pops to his. Then he shoves my books into my bag and throws the strap over his shoulder.

"You ready to get out of here?"

A smile lifts the corners of my lips as I nod. "Yeah, I am."

With that, he tugs my fingers, towing me from the coffee shop and into the chilled morning air.