Chapter 21

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

“I can’t believe you have the new Elizabella Baker Blackguard Security.” Mia snatched the book off the sorting table and stared at the cover. “I’ve been waiting for this since you gave me Reclaiming What’s Mine. I’ve been dying for Maddox’s book.”

Letty grabbed the paperback away from Mia and held it to her chest.

“Well, you’re gonna have to wait a few more days. I had to beg Elizabella to send this to me early.”

Obviously I must’ve looked lost because Mia went on to explain, “Okay, so, Elizabella writes kickass romantic suspense. You know, hot, growly alpha guys but with really great plots. In book one there’s this hacker, right?” She paused so I nodded. “The hacker’s name is Maddox. Now this hacker is the bomb, can find anything. He’s there in the background doing his thing. Only communication is done electronically.” I wasn’t sure why Mia put such an emphasis on “he” and “his” but when she paused I nodded again. “Well, get this, it turns out, Maddox isn’t a he she’s a her. Not only that, she’s this badass rocker chick with purple hair and the mouth of a sailor. And in that book Letty’s selfishly keeping to herself is her story. I hope she runs Chance ragged before he calms her ass down.”

I kind of hoped this Maddox gave Chance a run for his money, too.

“Jane reads historicals and fantasy,” Letty announced.

I startled and turned my gaze to Letty.

“I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“Don’t be too impressed. I can’t remember the titles or authors you’ve bought just the genres. You also filled out the questionnaire at the check-out counter when I was polling my customers on genre and trope.”

That was ages ago.

“Well I’m impressed,” I told her and went back to sorting books. “And when you’re done with Elizabella, I want her after Mia. I need some badass, purple-haired hacker in my life.”

“Oh, an RS virgin,” Mia singsonged. “You need to read the Guardian Defenders series.” She stopped to pin me with a stare I didn’t understand. “The real Guardians by the one and only Kris Michaels. Then when you’re done there move to Susan Stoker’s OG SEAL books. After that you move to anything Olivia Michaels, Anna Blakely, Abbie Zanders, Caitlyn O’Leary and if you want hot male-male action, Annabella Stone for the win. If not, Bella Stone, plus she’s hilarious. When you finish those you’ll be ready for Elizabella Baker.”

“I think maybe you should write those down?” I suggested.

“Write what down?” Davis asked.

I glanced to the front door then back to him.

“How’d you get in here? I didn’t hear the door chime.”

He dangled a set of keys from his index fingers.

“From the back. Got the keys to the castle.”

“We were just giving Jane book suggestions.” Mia winked. “You’re welcome.”

“Please tell me you included some Lexi or Willow in there,” he returned.

“Lexi Blake is Cole’s favorite romance author,” Mia explained. “It’s BDSM.”

I swear I felt my cheeks heat.

“Don’t worry,” Letty cut in. “We’ll work you up to bondage, butt plugs, and spanking.”

Butt plugs?

Holy shit.

“Two things,” Letty continued but this time looking at Davis. “The Brittney Sahin you ordered came in. It’s by the register.”

“I forgot to add Brittney to list. Read her, too,” Mia whispered.

“And two, Jane started work today.”

Davis’s eyes cut to mine.

“Say again?”

“Jane’s working at Smutties.”

I watched as a slow, beautiful smile tugged at Davis’s lips.

“Excellent.”

I hadn’t given much thought to what Davis’s reaction would be to me starting a job but his huge smile and saying ‘excellent’ like he was genuinely pleased for me came as a surprise.

“We’ll head over to Wolf Lodge to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?”

“Baby, you started a new job. We’re celebrating at Wolf Lodge unless you don’t like—”

“I love Wolf Lodge.”

“Then steaks it is. Are you done or do you need me to come back and pick you up?”

Oh shit.

Right, I didn’t have a car anymore. I’d sold mine to fund my escape and put extra money in the bank to keep current on my rent.

“I don’t have a car,” I muttered.

“So?”

“So? How am I going to get to work? How did I forget?”

Oh no. I felt another freakout happening.

“Jane—”

“How did I forget, Davis? That’s important. And my stuff. My rent. I have a—”

My rant was cut short when Davis hooked me around the waist and pulled me close. When he had me where he wanted me, his hand went to the side of my neck and he gave me a gentle squeeze.

“Calm down.”

I wasn’t sure I could calm down now that my mind was whirling.

“I can drive you to and from work until we get a car situated for you.”

We?

I didn’t touch that.

“I can’t ask—”

Another squeeze.

“You didn’t. I offered.”

“Patty!” Letty weirdly shouted. “Your place is furnished right?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“She’s twenty, totally responsible, going to NIC, and working here is her second job. Last weekend I heard her bitching about her roommate bringing home guys when she’s trying to study and is looking for a place. Want me to ask her if she’s interested in your place?”

Whoa.

Giving up my place was a big step.

“Might not hurt to ask if she’s interested,” Davis softly murmured.

As mentioned, my mind was whirling, so I blamed my heart sinking at Davis’s noncommittal on the fact that I wasn’t thinking straight.

Did he not want me to give up my place?

Was he planning on me moving back into it soon?

“It’s not like you’ll be using it, but until we can arrange for the rest of your stuff to be brought over…” he trailed off and his eyes roamed my face. “Babe?”

“The rest of my stuff?”

“I thought we talked about this this morning.”

I didn’t need to cast my mind back to this morning to know we absolutely didn’t discuss me moving my furniture.

“No we didn’t.”

“I told you I liked waking up to you.”

I waited for him to say more. When it was apparent he wouldn’t, I asked, “Is that bad-boy code for you’re moving your furniture into my house?”

Davis’s lips twitched and Mia laughed, but it was Letty who spoke.

“Maybe when we were unpacking books this afternoon I should’ve warned you about a few things.”

I turned my head to look at her.

“Such as?”

“Once they move you in they don’t let you leave. Or if they move in with you they don’t leave.”

That would’ve been a helpful conversation.

“And they’re bossy,” Mia put in. “Don’t forget to tell her about that.”

“They’re bossy,” Letty repeated as if I hadn’t heard Mia.

“I figured out the bossy part on my own,” I noted.

Davis’s hand slid up into my hair and he gently brought my attention back to him.

“As amusing as this is, maybe we can get back to what you’re going to do with your place.”

This was not a decision one made on the fly. A decision such as this needed careful thought and consideration. Maybe a glass of wine and pen and paper to make a list of pros and cons. A good amount of thinking had to go into something like this. I didn’t want to be known as the floozy who moved in with a guy after…

I didn’t finish that thought.

My mind was no longer whirling. I was stuck on a singular thought—I didn’t want to be known as…

My whole life I’d weighed my actions. I’d always been careful, never wanting anyone to think I was like my father, then later my brother. I’d kept my thoughts to myself, I’d stayed hidden, I’d washed myself down to the point I had nothing.

All because I cared what other people thought, even though I lied and said I didn’t.

I was cruising in my forties and I’d had two lovers.

Two.

That was insane.

Totally bonkers.

All because I was afraid people would look at me and think, Yep, she turned out to be a biker whore.

As if a woman getting herself some made her a whore, yet when a man did it he was a stud.

That was a whole ‘nother conundrum for a day when I wasn’t freaking out about a variety of traumas that had hit and I wasn’t wrapping my head around the fact I’d screwed up my life. Okay, maybe I hadn’t screwed it up but I’d wasted it.

It was time I started doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted to do it.

Did I like waking up next to Davis? Yes.

Was it too soon to give up my place and take the leap of actually moving in and not just staying there to keep up the fake marriage? Did I give a crap?

“Call Patty and see if she’s interested. I have seven months left on my lease.”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth Davis smiled.

No, that wasn’t right. His face lit and his beautiful eyes got soft. He openly liked my answer and I liked knowing he gave that to me.

Then I went on. “I have money in the bank to cover my rent. If Patty takes over and I don’t have to pay my rent I can use that to buy a car. But in the meantime if you could take me to and from I’d appreciate it.”

“Absolutely.”

“I can pitch in, if the guys get busy,” Mia offered. “I leave the office at six so you’d have to wait a few minutes.”

My new friend would help.

I had a friend.

Actually I had three—Davis, Mia, and Letty. And if I was lucky I’d get to know the others and they’d be my friends, too.

“Thanks, Mia. That’s cool of you to offer.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I love this!” Letty excitedly bounced.

“Damn, woman, stop moving like that before that baby makes an early appearance,” Davis groused.

Letty stopped bouncing. The excitement slid from her face and she gave Davis a dirty look.

“Why is it that men think babies just slide out of our vaginas?” After she asked that she rocked my world. “Maybe that’s why you want fifteen kids. You think all Jane has to do is dance a little jig and they’ll just fall out.”

Hold on just a second…fifteen kids?

Eek.

I was not having fifteen kids.

“Seven,” Davis weirdly said.

“Seven, what?” I inquired even though I was afraid I knew the answer.

“Kids.”

“Seven?”

“Yup.”

“And who do you plan on birthing your seven children?”

Davis smiled, confirming my fears.

But still, my belly warmed he thought I’d be the mother of his children.

“I’m not having seven kids.”

“Three,” he countered, “and I’m firm on that. Though if they’re all girls we’re going for another one in the hopes that it’s a boy.”

I could do three. Four would be a stretch but I had a feeling Davis wanting seven kids meant he planned on being a very hands-on dad, so I wouldn’t be alone in wrangling our brood.

Was I seriously negotiating how many children we were going to have?

Yep.

And I gave no shits what anyone but him thought about it.

“If the first three are all boys, we’re going for another in hopes of having a girl,” I said.

“Works for me since I want a baby girl.”

Good Lord, I think my womb just contracted.

“Well, I’m glad that’s settled,” Letty announced like she’d orchestrated that whole conversation for her amusement. “I’ll call Patty when I get home tonight and text Davis her answer. Now, get. Go enjoy your celebration.” Letty added an eyebrow wiggle and a smile.

I didn’t have a phone so she’d text Davis.

As strange as it was, I didn’t mind not having a cellphone. Actually, I liked it. No time suck, mindlessly scrolling social media, no notifications. I was present in the moment without the distractions.

And finally I had a life to be present in.

* * *

I was naked,draped across Davis’s chest. His hand was stroking down my back, my belly was full of really great food, I’d had two orgasms, Davis had had one. We were both mellow, lying in bed, coasting off to sleep.

So I don’t know why I brought it up but I needed to get it off my chest.

“I’ll pay you back the fifty thousand.”

Davis went solid underneath me.

“It’ll take a while but I will.”

His hand stopped stroking and I should’ve taken that as a warning but I kept going.

“I only have about ten thousand left in my savings account, maybe a little less. Now that I have a job and if I’m not using it to pay rent I can get myself a car. I get the feeling Letty just needs me to help at the store while she has the baby. When she lets me go I’ll find something else. I’ll need to pay it back in installments. It’s gonna take time, but I’ll pay it all back.”

Davis remained statue-still and tense. The only movement coming from him was the rise and fall of his chest which was now visibly noticeable.

“Davis?”

“Give me a minute.”

Seeing as the tone of his voice was abrasive and rough I’d give him five. I started to roll away.

Davis locked me in place so I made the wise decision not to struggle.

He didn’t take a minute. He also didn’t take a breath before he irately rumbled, “How much do you think your safety’s worth to me?”

Oh boy.

“That’s not the point,” I braved.

“Fifty large? A hundred? A million? The way I see it I got off easy.”

We were cruising into dangerous territory.

Dangerous for my heart.

Dangerous for my peace of mind.

Just plain dangerous.

“Davis,” I whispered.

“I should give you this, but I’m not. But I’m gonna take the time to untwist this so it doesn’t fester. I didn’t buy you. You’re not my property. You’re not indebted to me.”

“Can you see how I might think I am?”

“Yes.”

Okay, this was good. He could see it my way.

Unfortunately he continued, “I can see how you grew up with those two assholes how you’d think that. I can see you growing up and them not showing you how priceless you are, how you’d think that. I can totally see you growing up not feeling the love of your father, your family, how you’d miss it. So here you go, Jane; I didn’t have a father but I had a mother who loved me and showed it. She worked her ass off to give me what she could. Every holiday, every birthday she’d spend her last dollar making sure I knew she’d give me anything in her power.”

That was sweet. I was glad he had that from his mother. I loved knowing that about him, but I didn’t understand why he was sharing it right now.

Suddenly he rolled me to my back. Davis shifted, planted his elbow on the mattress while his other hand came up and he brushed my hair off my face.

“You’re worth it,” he said, his voice no longer a rumble. Softer, full of something huge. Just hearing it made my stomach knot.

“Davis—”

“You’re worth it, baby. Every dollar. Every penny.”

I felt tears gather.

My stomach clenched tighter.

“Davis—”

“Do you honestly think I’m going to find this smart, stubborn, sweet, beautiful woman and not do anything—any-fucking-thing—to keep her safe? It’s money, baby. It comes, it goes, you earn it, spend it, blow it on stupid shit. A couple grand on a TV for no reason other than it’s time to upgrade, a thousand on a phone, ten bucks a day on coffee—meaningless, stupid shit that all adds up. So when you think about it, Jane, fifty thousand so you can breathe easy and be safe is nothing. I had it but even if I didn’t, mark this—I would’ve begged, borrowed, and knocked off a bank if I had to.”

I stared up at Davis’s handsome face. His blue eyes holding mine—open, out there, completely vulnerable.

Pure Davis.

“I don’t know what to do with this,” I whispered.

“Do with what?”

“This. You. Feeling like this. Making friends. Falling for you. Learning what love truly is. Being happy and scared at the same time.”

And that was to only name a few of the whats I didn’t know how to process.

“Just go with it.”

I felt a smile tug at my cheeks, but it never fully formed.

I wasn’t complaining.

It was difficult to smile through one of Davis’s mind-bending kisses.

And I’d take one of those any day of the week.