Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Oh, my heart is breaking. I shake my head, willing his words away.

“No…”

“I feel the same, darling. I don’t know how I’ll bear it.”

“But… Sick how?”

“He has cancer. He beat it two years ago, but it’s come back with a vengeance. If we’re lucky, we’ll have him another year or two.”

“No,” I repeat, as if that will do any good.

“You must understand, he hates to be seen as weak, even by me. He doesn’t open up with people; not with anyone but me. He doesn’t want to burden anyone. But this is too much for me to carry alone, and far too much for him. And…I believe he might let me carry some of that weight if I’m not doing it alone. But we are not enlisting you as a nursemaid; there’s plenty of money to hire nurses when the time comes. It’s the weight in our hearts that gets to be too much. And you are the first person who makes that a little easier. We’ve talked about it; how you’ve become important to us both. How you ease us with your mere presence. To be honest, I’m not quite sure what it is, and neither is he. Your empathy, maybe. It’s a sense of you we both have. That you might be good for us as we go through this. I know it’s a lot to ask of someone, and slave or not, we must ask you this. This sort of thing isn’t covered in your contract. But Mina, if you’ll have us, we need you. He needs you, more than he’s ready to admit.”

I wipe at my tears with the back of my hand, and it’s only then I realize my Master hasn’t even noticed I’m crying again. He’s too caught in his own sadness.

But if sadness is what brings us together, so be it.

He’s right. I’ve carried my own load alone my whole life. Slavehood offers me some relief, but I’ve never had any idea what will actually heal me. I’ve always assumed nothing would.

But love…

It’s not something I’ve ever considered. Not for me. Yet that seems to be what he’s offering.

I clear my throat. “And so, you’d want me to stay with you?”

He nods. “I can contact Mistress Clara at any time to discuss buying out your contract. Certain things would change. We would likely have you in the bed with us more often. And…when Séverin really gets sick, I can’t tell you exactly how we’ll all change then. But I want you to come into this knowing. It has to be your choice, because this is no simple transfer of a contract.”

My poor Master Séverin! How could I possibly bear watching him fade away? Watch him lose his strength? He’s endured far too much already. Yet, how could I go away from this place, never knowing what happened to him? Knowing I might have been able to help?

“What do we do now?” I ask.

He smiles, although it’s wistful at best. “I will send Séverin out to you to talk. The two of you will make the final decision.”

“Yes, Master. Must I keep the shirt on? It feels…strange.”

“For now, yes. The two of you will talk as we just have—human to human, despite the dynamic. Stay here.”

He gets up and moves into the cabin, and a few minutes later Master Séverin appears, and sits down with me on the bench.

“Erek has related your conversation to me. It’s not one I can bear having. I’m sure he mentioned that. Tell me, what do you think about this new arrangement going forward?”

His eyes are so shadowed, I can’t see into their depths, and I notice again that he’s pale beneath his tan.

“I…I can’t imagine not being able to stay with you. To help you, Master.”

He shakes his head. “It will be Erek you’ll really be helping. I’m a bit afraid of what will happen to him once I’ve left this earth. And before things get bad, I want to celebrate life in the only way I know how. But because I’m ill, it must be with people I trust completely.

“I’ll be honest; I don’t know exactly what it is about you. How we ended up here on our lovely, twisted, fucked-up holiday. I had no idea we would find you. But I feel something from you—some sort of understanding. That, and the way you endure everything so beautifully. You’re strong, Mina. We need that strength. But tell me, how do you feel about all of this? About us?”

I twist my fingers together in my lap, partly because I’m afraid to say the wrong thing, and partly because sitting here clothed and speaking to a Master is so alien to me.

“I feel…terrible for what you’ve gone through, and for what you’re facing. And please don’t take that as pity, because it’s not. It’s just that I feel you. I have since I first saw you.”

“It’s the same for me. I don’t understand it, but sometimes these things have no explanation.”

“Yes, that’s it exactly. But Master,” I say, my eyes filling once more with tears, “I will take whatever time with you I can have. With you both, but…I am so drawn to you. It’s as if I can read you, feel what you’re feeling. I hope you don’t think that’s presumptuous of me.”

“No. I want you to speak your truth. It’s important right now.”

He reaches out and strokes my hair from my cheek, a move so careful, so tender, yet with a little awkwardness to it, from a man I feel certain has never felt awkward in his life. It fills me up, my body full of a strange warmth that’s new to me.

When he leans in to kiss me, I lift my face, and he presses his lips to mine. They’re a bit stern, but very quickly they soften, and he kisses me deeply. A kiss full of desire, but more than that, emotion.

He pulls back and says to me, “I never expected this. With you. With any woman.”

“Do you want to tell me about that?” I ask, emboldened by his kiss.

He drops his gaze to the porch floor for a moment, and when he lifts it to mine once more, the pain is so dark and striking, I can hardly bear to see it.

“I know Erek told you about my sister, Béatrice.”

I nod for him to continue.

“It’s difficult to explain. Our mother was very involved in her own life. Her charity work, travel, the usual pastimes of a wealthy European lady. We had houses in Frankfurt, Paris, London. But mostly my sister and I stayed in Germany while she went about her life. And so Béatrice was truly the only woman in my life. The only one I’ve ever really loved. And losing her was so… Well.” He pauses to clear his throat and stays silent for several long moments. I can almost see his thoughts shifting around in his mind.

“I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember, so it’s never been a question of could I be with a woman. But also, after I lost my sister, I was determined never to love a woman. It was far too painful.” He lifts his hand to my face once more and strokes my cheek, making me tremble. “But now somehow I find I have love in my heart for you. So unexpectedly. And I will be honest and say that I don’t know what to do with it. It was Erek who made me face this, who insisted I stick it out, figure out what it’s about for me. And to be honest, I can’t face the idea of losing you.”

I reach out to him then, feeling that he needs my touch. Some reassurance. Comfort. I lay my hand on his sharply cut jaw. “I don’t ever want to leave you, Master.”

He turns and places a kiss on my palm, holding my hand in his. “But you know I will be leaving you soon? Erek explained that to you?”

“Yes.”

The tears fall, slipping down my cheeks.

“Then let us enjoy each other while we can. The three of us. And when my time is up, I hope you’ll stay with him. He’ll need you, Mina.”

“I will stay with him, as long as he’ll have me.”

“Ah, you can say that now, but the truth is, you hardly know us. Love often comes before the big conversations, which, due to the dynamic, have mostly not been had.”

“Yes. But love often happens far more quickly for those of us who experience these intense things together, is that not so?”

“It is, yes. Absolutely. It’s more of…a vibe, as the kids say these days. God, I sound like I’m a thousand years old!” he says with a small, sharp chuckle.

He is all sharp edges, this Master, and yet I love that about him. His sharpness feeds me. And it means that much more when I’m able to penetrate the shield he surrounds himself with. I can easily see how Master Erek fell in love with him.

“‘Vibe’ may be a silly, vague word,” I tell him, “but I believe that’s exactly what it is. More a feeling than something I can put my finger on. It’s nothing so substantial… It’s like a warm breeze blowing through an open window. You don’t see, but you feel it.”

He nods. “Yes. That’s it exactly. It’s a sensation more than an entity. It simply is.” He locks his gaze with mine, that dark, dark gaze full of shadows, but which is also full of light at this moment. “And it’s undeniable.”

“Yes,” I reply, the word a mere whisper, but it makes him smile in a way I’ve never seen him smile.

It fades all too quickly.

“But still, my Girl, we will have a hard road ahead.”

“I understand that. But I can do it; I know I can. If I didn’t feel the way I do for you two, for you , Master…it might be impossible. But I love you. I do. Please don’t try to talk me out of it. My decision has been made.”

He shakes his head. “It’s too soon, lovely Girl. We’ll give you some more time to be with us before you come to a final conclusion. No, don’t try to argue. I am still your Master, and this is what’s left of my future. I must handle it all as I see fit. Even Erek won’t argue this with me. Now, let’s go inside and get ready to travel. We’re taking you to our house in Lake Tahoe. I miss my lake and my mountains. Erek will help you get ready.”

I watch his face, the shadows that always play in his eyes lightening a bit, but still there. I think they always will be, and it makes my heart hurt. Before I can stop myself, I climb into his lap and lay my head on his chest. I can feel the rhythm of his heartbeat against my cheek. We sit like that for a while, with him stroking my hair. And I feel even more deeply the love that’s blossoming between us.

Finally he says, “Alright. Time to get ready. Come.”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but a private helicopter takes us to Lake Tahoe, where a car picks us up and whisks us to their house in the mountains overlooking the sparkling blue lake. The mountains are so beautiful, the setting sun turning the crisp blue sky to pink and gray as we pull up in front of the house.

It’s all sleek, modern lines with enormous windows, three stories tall, perched on the side of the mountain, and the property is studded with pine trees. It’s one of the most gorgeous places I’ve ever seen.

The driver, who has not said a single word on the long trip, pulls into the garage, where a Porsche and two motorcycles are parked. Master Erek hands me from the back seat, still dressed in nothing but his shirt.

“Welcome home,” he says with a smile.

I follow them up a short flight of stairs that let out into a butler’s pantry, then into the gorgeous kitchen, all gray and white marble, and to the left is a dining room with floor-to-ceiling windows.

A housekeeper—or so I gauge from her crisp, white apron— with a kind face greets us. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a bun, and her blue eyes twinkle. She’s the sort of person you just want to hug you. Which is not something I’ve ever really thought before about anyone.

“Welcome home, Master Séverin, Master Erek. I trust your trip went well?”

“Better than expected,” Master Séverin answers. “This is Mina. She’ll be staying with us for some time.” He turns to me. “Mina, this is Corinne. If you need anything, you may ask her.”

She nods at me, and I nod back, unsure how to behave in this situation. Then she waves at me. “Follow me to your quarters, Mina.”

We go up a staircase made of polished floating wood risers to the second floor, and she leads me to the first room on the right.

“This room is yours. You’ll find an en suite attached. I suggest you bathe. There’s a white silk robe on the back of the door; change into that when you’re ready and come back downstairs to wait on the Masters. And by the way, you may speak to me any time.”

“You’re—you’re certain it’s alright?”

“Yes, dear,” she answers with a smile. “They called ahead and gave me full instructions. Now off you go. We’ll have dinner downstairs in an hour.”

As she leaves I search the room a bit frantically for a clock, but there is none, of course. But there is a big bed with a white down comforter, a tall dresser in a light-toned wood. And a spanking bench. Some normality for me after all. But what else is to happen in this place, I have no idea. And that uncertainty makes my chest pull tight. Still, I want to be here with them. To serve. To help. To heal, perhaps.

I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.