Chapter 12

Dmitry

V ictoria has spent the last few days mostly sleeping. When she's not sleeping, she's zoned out, staring into space. Harriet advised me this is likely due to her new medication, but I hate seeing her so out of it. She isn't the same woman who came barrelling into my life, and a part of me feels like I'm losing her.

Nik knocks at my office and waits in the doorway for me to acknowledge him. I glance up over my laptop, giving him a nod.

"Boss . . ." He doesn't take a seat, his large frame hovering instead, irritating me. "The cameras seem to be out in the master bedroom." I pull them up on the laptop, flicking through the different cameras, and sure enough, the one in the master suite is out.

"Get someone out as soon as possible to make repairs." With Victoria spending most her time there, I need to be able to make sure she's okay.

I stand up from my desk, realising I haven't yet checked on her and it's gone midday. She hasn't even made an appearance for breakfast. "Have you checked on her yet?" I ask, and Nik shakes his head.

"Well, let's hope she hasn't sabotaged the cameras herself," I mutter, heading out with him hot on my heels.

I make my way upstairs, and when I open the door, I'm surprised to see her standing up. She's wearing an oversized T-shirt, and I notice her skin has lost its glow.

She's by the desk, holding a piece of paper and a pen. Startling as we enter, she drops the pen and paper, and a frown crosses her face. I give a gentle smile, wondering why the hell she looks so worried.

Reaching down, I pick up the paper and glance at the scrawled handwriting. "What is this, Victoria?" I ask, and she recoils. Written on the paper is another note, ‘Dmitry will let you rot, just like how you left Marcus '.

I glance across at Nik, handing the note to him. She doesn't say a word. Her eyes dart around the room as if she's looking for an escape.

"Victoria, I asked you a fucking question," I bark. She stumbles back, and her breathing becomes rapid. She straightens her shoulders, a sure sign she's about to take me on. There's my krasota .

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?" she screams defensively, placing her hands on her hips. "I woke up and it was already in my room. Someone was in our room!"

I frown. "It just miraculously appeared in our master suite," I snap, taking a step towards her and grabbing her chin between my thumb and fingers. "So, you didn't just write this to create more fucking problems?" I keep a grip on her face, her steely eyes staring back at me. Long gone is the scared woman who stood before me mere moments ago.

"Why would I write it?" she hisses.

"I don't know, why would you?" I can't believe she's denying it when we've literally just walked in on her with the note and pen in her hands.

"Maybe you should look closer to home." Her eyes glance behind me to Nik. "Yeah," she drawls, "because your men are so fucking loyal." She rolls her eyes, and what she's implying pisses me off. These men have been by my side for years, and many of them would lay down their lives for me and have done so.

I laugh out loud. "Really, Victoria? You're going to suggest it's my men who wrote this and not you, even though we walked in on you?"

She leans into my face, pulling free from my grip. "Fuck you, Dmitry." She turns on her heel and pulls out a bag from under the bed.

"What the fuck are you doing now?" I take a few steps towards her, grabbing hold of her wrist.

"What does it look like I'm doing, Dmitry?" Her eyes glisten with unshed tears. "I'm leaving. If you don't believe me and we don't have trust," she takes a deep breath, composing herself, "then what's the fucking point?"

She pulls free again, opening the bedside drawers and emptying their contents into the little rucksack.

I clench my fists. My temper is bubbling just below the surface, but the thought of her walking out of here scares me. "And where will you go?" I know my next words will cut deep, but they're out before I can stop myself. "You have nobody. Marcus is dead, your parents couldn't give a shit about you, and you've chased your best friend away with your crazy behaviour."

She whips her head around to look at me and there's a fire burning in her eyes. Her lips press into a firm line. "How fucking dare you?" She takes two steps towards me, rearing her hand back to slap me around the face, but I catch it before it connects. I sense Nik stepping farther into the room, and I glance over, shaking my head. I can't have any of my men touch her.

"I was okay before I met you," she continues, her voice sounding unsure. "My life came crashing down around the same time you gave me your stupid proposition." Her tears balance on her lashes as a sob escapes her lips. As she closes her eyes, a small tear slips down her cheek, dropping onto the floor. "Just get out, Dmitry. Leave me alone."

I drop her arm, running my thumb along her cheek to trace the path of her fallen tear, but she shrugs away from my touch.

She slowly lowers to the floor and hugs her knees to her chest, resting her forehead on them. I hate to see her like this, and my cruel words weigh heavily in my mind.

Nik is still standing in the doorway, watching our latest clash unfold, and I regret not sending him out earlier. "Leave," I bark, and he exits, closing the door behind him.

I sit on the floor beside Victoria, but she doesn't move or look up. For a few minutes, I listen to light whimpers escape her and watch as her shoulders shake. Maybe she needs to let it all out.

"Look at me, Tori." She ignores me, and I can't say that I blame her. "Tori, please." She turns her head to the side, and I note her eyes are already puffy. "You aren't well right now, but it will get easier." I place a stray hair that's stuck to her tear- stained face behind her ear. "You just need to stay here until you're more stable. I'm getting you the best care possible. If you still want to leave when this is all over, I'll let you walk away." My heart stammers in my chest at the words. I can never let her leave. Not now .

She gives a slight nod and closes her eyes. I stand, offering my hand out to her, and when she grabs it, I help her rise from the floor. I take the bag off the bed, kicking it underneath, then I pull the duvet aside for her to get into bed. "Get some rest. I'll come check on you again soon." I give her a gentle kiss on her head. "I love you, my krasota ." She doesn't bother to reply.

Harriet answers on the second ring. I need to make sure this is all normal behaviour and if there is anything more I can do to make this easier on Victoria. The discovery of yet another note enrages me but also points out that she's been suffering a lot longer than I'd realised. It also concerns me that she would go to such lengths to get my attention. It makes me question everything. Why doesn't she realise I'm here to stay and these mind games aren't needed.

"Mr. Volkov, is everything okay?" Harriet sounds concerned.

"I need to run something by you."

"Of course, how can I help?"

"We found Victoria with another note, although this time, it appears she may have written it herself." I almost feel like a prick for implying she's responsible for them, but I can't deny what we walked in on. "I suppose what I'm asking is, could this be a side effect of her illness?"

She takes a breath, and I can almost imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose like she does when she's looking for the right words.

"Mr. Volkov, emotionally unstable personality disorders are very complex. It certainly isn't a case of one behaviour fits all when it comes to those who are battling it. But what we have to remember is that Victoria has experienced a number of traumatic events, both in her childhood and her adult life.

"What she lacks is stability. She will behave and act out in certain ways as a form of self-sabotage. She doesn't feel worthy of being loved or even liked very much. In the past, she's only ever been noticed for poor behaviour patterns. So, yes, she is extremely likely to act impulsively and invent ways to gain more attention. This type of behaviour is very normal for her, and with the current PTSD from her brother's situation, she may not even realise she's partaking in these reckless and damaging patterns."

I sigh. I was hoping she would tell me this wasn't likely, even though deep down, I knew the truth. "So, where do we go from here?" I ask, almost dreading the answer.

"Well, firstly, it's important to realise her medication will eventually get into her system and stabilise her erratic behaviour. Then we can start working on psychotherapy."

I run my hands through my hair. This battle with Victoria is exhausting, and it's going to be a long road. Longer than I'd anticipated. "Okay, thank you, Harriet. I'll be in touch soon." I cancel the call just as Nik knocks at my office door.

"What now, Nik?" I ask, sounding irritated.

He places his hands up in apology. "Just reminding you that you have the charity ball with your father this evening."

I scrub my hands over my tired face. I completely forgot about it, and now, I need to wake Victoria, who's clearly spiralling still. "I need to wake, Victoria," I murmur, more to myself than Nik.

"Boss, I don't mean to speak out of place." He waits a beat to see if I'll interrupt him.

"Carry on," I say as I drop into my office chair.

"I think it would be best if you leave Victoria here. You saw her. It would be like feeding her to the wolves and expecting her not to react." I frown. He's never shown any compassion for her before. Maybe he's beginning to feel sorry for her.

"You're right," I agree, and I can't help feeling slightly relieved. "You'll stay here with her. Marshall is on a job, but he'll be back later. I'll take myself." He groans out loud. "Problem, Nik?"

"No, Boss," he mutters as he leaves my office.

It makes sense, I know it does. What hope would Victoria have in this fragile state being faced with Vivian and my father? And if she's here with Nik, I know she's in the safest place.

Tori

I stretch out. The room's in complete darkness, which means I've slept the day away again. My mouth feels as dry as if I'd spent a night on the town drinking shots. My body aches, and I still feel tired, yet all I've done since I started the medication is sleep.

This afternoon's memories come back to haunt me, and I sigh out loud. Yet another argument with Dmitry, and it breaks my heart. I love him more than life itself.

Maybe I am losing it. I don't recall writing any of the letters, but I also know I haven't been myself.

I roll over and bury my head into the pillow before screaming. I can't think straight. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I lean over to the bedside table and grab my mobile to check the time. I notice a message from Dmitry.

Distraction: I have a business meeting this evening. I've left Nik to watch over you. I'll be home soon, my krasota. Sleep well. D x

I frown as I stare at the message. Great, he's left his goon to babysit me. He could have at least left Marshall. Nik can't stand me, which he makes clear on a regular basis just by the way he rolls his eyes or glares at me whenever I'm near.

My stomach growls in hunger. I don't remember the last proper meal I had, but Harriet said the medication would curb my appetite. I sit and my head screams in protest, so I squeeze my eyes shut. I need some painkillers to get rid of this throbbing in my head.

I stand and grab my dressing gown from the walk-in wardrobe, wrapping it around myself as I pad down the stairs. I hear Nik's voice coming from the kitchen, so I slow down, stopping just outside the door to listen.

"He's got me babysitting his fucking whore," he complains, and when I don't hear a reply, I realise he's on his phone. "Nah, man, the woman's a fucking fruit loop. She's been writing the letters to herself. Why he couldn't just settle for Vivian, I'll never know." It goes silent for a few moments and then his reply comes. "He's at a charity ball with Vivian."

The hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. Dmitry left me again to be with that bitch. "Yeah, a masquerade ball."

I tiptoe away from the kitchen so as not to alert him to my presence, and I enter Dmitry's office and close the door quietly.

I go over to the desk and pull open a drawer, riffling through it in the hopes of finding an invitation. A plan begins to form in my head, and I smile to myself. It's a masquerade ball, so I can turn up and no one will even know I'm there. Because I have to know once and for all if things between him and Vivian are truly done.

He might have been right earlier when he said I don't have anywhere to go or no one to turn to, but I won't live a lie or stick around while he makes a fool out of me.

I take one last look in the floor-length mirror before sliding the black mask in place. The intricate design is perfect for keeping my identity hidden.

I smooth my hands over the fabric of the dress and take a deep breath. I've opted for a black mermaid gown. It has an elaborate lace overlay that sparkles in the light and a small train that pools around my feet. It really is beautiful, but more importantly, it's not something I would usually opt for and something Dmitry certainly wouldn't recognise me in.

"You can do this, Tori," I say to my reflection, trying to psych myself up.

I snatch my heels from the floor and keep them in my hand so they don't make a noise on my way out the manor.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I peer into the lounge to find Nik engrossed in football, his feet on the table, and I smirk to myself. I certainly wouldn't mind if Dmitry gave this bastard a beating for letting me out of his sight.

I open the front door, leaving it slightly ajar so it doesn't make a noise as I close it. I hurry down the long driveway, pulling my jacket around myself. The fresh evening air hits me and a shiver runs down my spine as I book an Uber to collect me at the end of the driveway.

There's no backing out now .

Twenty minutes later, I grab my purse from the back of the taxi, looking up at the huge building dominating the skyline. I've always loved the Hilton, but it certainly isn't my usual stomping ground.

I take some steadying breaths, squaring my shoulders and adjusting my mask. On your best behaviour, Tori. No dramatics , I warn myself, imagining Phoebe was here to keep me out of trouble. I grin to myself. I must be bloody losing it. Isn't talking to yourself the first sign of madness?

I smile sweetly at the concierge holding the door open for my arrival and nod in thanks as I pass. Here goes nothing. I head for the hall where I see people gathered. Chandeliers hang from the ceilings and the lights sparkle. If I wasn't so pissed that he's here with Vivian, I would be blown away by how magical it looks.

Making my way to the bar, I scan the room looking for my man and his whore. My heart pounds in my chest as I approach the bar and spot them together. Vivian leans into Dmitry, lovingly staring up at him, as his father throws his head back laughing at something.

My jaw clenches as I will myself not to react. That's what they all want, right ?

I stand at the opposite end of the bar, giving a small wave to grab the barman's attention. "Gin and tonic, please?"

I can't take my eyes off them as they chat animatedly. Dmitry even smiles at something Vivian says. I haven't seen him smile at me like that in so long, and that breaks my heart a little more. A lump forms in my throat as the barman brings over my drink. I present my card and thank him, my voice merely a whisper. My hands shake as I bring the glass to my lips, then I knock it back in one and allow the familiar buzz to comfort my aching heart.

I take my phone out my purse and quickly respond to the text he left on my phone earlier.

Me: Enjoy your evening and remember . . .

I watch for his reaction. He pulls his phone from his pocket and frowns.

Distraction: Remember what? D x

His brows pinch together as he stares at the screen, awaiting my reply.

Me: That I'm your lyubov always.

I watch the way Vivian smiles at him, reaching up on her tiptoes to place a chaste kiss on his cheek. Anyone watching would think they're a couple. He places his phone back in his pocket without replying.

My heart twists painfully and my eyes fill with tears. They begin to flow freely, sliding down behind my mask. Marcus's words race through my mind, the ones he spat right before I ended his miserable life. Dmitry would never really want me while he has her on his arm . He was right. She's the one who shines beside him, and me, I'm just the embarrassment he likes to fuck.

I run out of there, not taking a moment to look back. How could I be so fucking stupid? I rub aimlessly at my chest as if it will somehow heal the pain that's ricocheting through my heart, splitting it into a thousand broken pieces.

I thought this was it. I thought I wouldn't have to fight alone anymore, when in reality, I'm destined to be desolate.

The taxi pulls up outside the manor. I don't remember much of the journey back, and when the driver speaks to me with pleasantries, I can't muster the words to reply. The pain is too much, too overwhelming.

I step out with my mask in my hand. It's raining heavily, as if the weather is in line with my emotions, but I don't bother to walk any faster as I trudge up to the house. Instead, I allow the water to soak through my clothes and I tip my head up to the sky, letting it dance with my tears.

The door is still a jar, and I slide off my heels, leaving them just inside. I peer into the lounge as I pass and notice Nik hasn't moved from the couch, but now, his soft snores fill the air. I sag in relief that he isn't awake because it means he didn't notice my absence and therefore can't gloat at my devastation.

When I enter the master bedroom, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and a sob leaves the back of my throat. I stare at my reflection. The pristine woman who left here a short while ago is no longer present. Instead, staring back at me with hollow eyes is a wreck. A broken wreck.

My beautiful dress is soddened, and my eyes are puffy from my tears. The waterproof mascara I purchased in good faith is streaked down my cheeks in long black smudges. My hair sticks to my face in wet clumps, and if Vivian was to see me now, I'm certain she'd be full of joy at seeing my downfall.

I turn my back to the mirror, sliding down it as I grip my hair at the roots and tug in frustration. I try to hold my cries at bay, but they escape, echoing around the room.

My entire life has been a cascade of lies, broken promises, and people who claim to love me. The only time I've ever felt true love was with Dmitry, and now, it's been replaced with grief. The loss that we will never be is hitting me hard.

I stare at the bed we share and realise I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of chasing life. I'm tired of just being and never feeling enough.

I crawl to the bed and feel around underneath until my hand lands on the cold metal box I stashed there when I first came to stay. I hold it to me, relieved it's still there and Dmitry didn't find it.

Taking off the lid, I stare at the contents. It feels like such a long time ago that I needed it, but right now, it's consuming my thoughts. I need it to calm my racing mind. Just one time and then I'll stop.

Pulling out the blade with a shaky hand, I make the first cut to my upper arm, but it doesn't ease the tightness in my chest. I cry harder, willing the pain to go away as I dig the blade into my skin, taking it deeper this time.

The crimson fluid drips down my wrist, pooling in the lap of my dress, but there's still no relief, not even a little. I dig the blade in farther, dragging it up until the cut is so long, the blood is now spilling out freely. I inhale, closing my eyes as the pain mixes with my heartache. Dizziness begins to set in, and I slowly lower until I'm lying on the carpet, watching the red soak into the cream material. My eyes grow heavy, and my breathing feels laboured, like it's suddenly too hard to do.

I smile to myself as the familiar buzz rings in my ears. I finally feel peace replacing the pain. I close my eyes and let the darkness take over. I'll feel better after a rest.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear the door open and my name is being called. "Tori. Tori." Large hands grab my shoulders as they shake me, still calling my name. They sound so worried, so I force a smile to show I'm fine. The pain isn't so bad anymore. "What the fuck have you done?"

I'm exhausted, and even though they're demanding I open my eyes, it's too hard. I try to lift my hand, to reassure them, but even that's too difficult. There's only one word on my lips. "Dmitry," I whisper. I don't know if I even say it out loud as darkness drags me under again.