17. After

SEVENTEEN

AFTER

GENEVIEVE

N o one will tell me where Cross is, and I feel like I’m going to lose my damn mind because of it.

It’s been four days since we’ve been rescued. At first, I was in shock. I won’t deny that, and when Damien came home and met me on the ground floor where I refused to leave until I saw Cross again, he told me that his priority was to make sure I was okay.

Dr. Liz is dead, and good riddance. But we have a new doc that Damien is vetting, and against my will, he brought Dr. Vargas with him to the manor. One check-up later, and I was told that I was exhausted, dehydrated, I’d lost ten pounds I couldn’t afford to lose, my road rash had healed into a series of scars that hopefully be covered up by tights, and I was definitely in shock.

I was told to take a warm shower to chase away the cold from the shock, drink fluids before Damien threatened me with an IV, and get as much sleep as possible to help in recovery. The doc suggested I actually be hospitalized, but Dame shut that down real fast.

So did I. I just wanted Cross.

Why didn’t he come with Damien? The only thing I got out of my brother was that Cross told him it was better if we went our separate ways after spending the last three weeks cramped up in the same cell. I couldn’t believe it, but what else could I do?

Sneaking out was my first plan, to be honest. I gave all the proper lip service to the doctor, promising I would take care of myself, but in my brain, I was halfway to Sinners & Saints to see Cross—and then I went to my bedroom and discovered that that won’t be happening anytime soon.

Damien fucking cut down my tree.

The tree that’s been outside my window since he built this manor for his family? Gone . My escape? Nonexistent.

And when he looked at me without any remorse as he made me promise that I would never sneak out again, I think I hated my brother for the first time ever.

The shock did fade. Sleep did help, even though I find it much harder to sleep in a bed by myself. All I wanted was Cross, though, and I settled for convincing Damien to replace my phone for me if I’d at least come downstairs for breakfast that third morning.

I have a dumbwaiter that leads from the kitchen to my bedroom on the third floor. I thought it was the coolest thing ever when Damien had it constructed just for me, and it comes in handy when I’m in the middle of a marathon training session. I could just nip out of my studio, grab a bite from our cook, and go back to dance some more.

I’d skipped every meal with the family since I returned until I got the phone. But when I dialed the number I memorized and couldn’t get through to Cross, I realized I was blocked. Texts didn’t go through. I even googled the number for Sinners & Saints and The Devil’s Playground, searching for someone to get through to him, and failed miserably.

Damien’s words still echo in my ears when I threw a fit and nearly smashed the new phone: I’m so sorry, sorellina, but I didn’t want to hurt you. He made it very clear, now that you’re out of that place, he needs to move on with you. It’s not your fault, but his. So don’t cry…

I didn’t cry. I threw my brother’s ass out of my room and have refused to speak to him since.

I want to know what he said to Cross when I was too out of it to fight to stay and listen. Oh, he denies it, and Savannah’s careful to change the subject when I ask, and Vin… after nearly losing Damien, then me, my cousin is on a tear, joining one of Devil’s men in their search to exterminate any Winter strongholds in Springfield. But no one will tell me anything about Cross, and I feel like I’m going insane.

I still won’t talk to Damien, and I made it clear that until I get into contact with Cross, I’m not changing my mind.

My brother isn’t the only one I’m avoiding, either. In fact, if it wasn’t for Savannah being Orion’s owner, I’m stubborn enough to lock myself in my room and not to a single soul while I work through my trauma and obsess over what the hell Cross is doing since he’s not with me.

I’ve never been a pet person, but that was because Damien wasn’t. I used to beg when I was a kid for a cat or a dog, but he rightly pointed out that his job keeps him busy, ballet keeps me busy, and it wouldn’t be fair for any animal to be adopted, then neglected.

Orion came with Savannah when she moved her. While she was plotting her way out again—which was as obvious as it was when Savannah fell for Damien and decided to stay—Orion roamed over the entire manor like he owned it. That included my studio and my bedroom, and the first time he scratched at my door after I closed it, I realized that while I could keep the humans out, it wasn’t fair to do that to Orion.

And, with Orion in here, eventually Savannah finds her way to my room, too.

Today she comes in under the pretense to make sure Orion’s doing okay, and once she sees he’s sprawled out on the end of my bed with me, she gives me a knowing look.

“So,” she begins, rocking back on her heels, hands in the back of her jeans pockets, “are you ready to sit down and talk to your brother yet?”

“Depends? Will Damien let me see Cross first?” I toss back.

I try not to pay too much attention to the little voice in the back of my head that says, if Cross wanted to see me , he’d find a way. He doesn’t have an older brother keeping him basically trapped inside. He could be here…

Savannah sighs, settling back on her feet. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I flash her a half-smile. “Agree to disagree then. But until I can hear Cross tell me that he wants to keep his distance himself, I have nothing to say to my brother.”

Usually, Savannah won’t push it. I’m sure Damien is using her as a go-between with Savannah reporting everything I say back to him so that he can give the illusion that he’s respecting my wishes by not imposing on me in my personal space.

But something’s different today. I noticed it when she walked in, a little more hesitant than before, like she has something on her mind.

And then she says softly, “We know what happened between the two of you right before you two got rescued,” and my heart just about stops.

Though I know the answer already, I can’t stop myself from asking, “How?”

“He sent a video.”

Those goddamn cameras. I knew Cross wouldn’t have told my brother about it, but Winter… that fucker would . Hell, he told me that video was made specifically to mess with my brother. I should’ve known, but excuse me if that was part of my trauma I needed desperately to block out.

Can’t now.

Savannah’s expression is so apologetic and reminiscent of Cross’s, I want to scream, but instead I listen as she adds, “Devil’s guy traced it when we got the file, but it came from the facility where you were kept.”

So no help there. At least, if he was gonna send revenge porn of me out to my older brother, he could’ve had the decency to let himself be tracked down by it.

I force another smile to my lips. “Tell Dame we’re even.”

Savannah frowns. “Even? For what?”

I shrug. “I saw more than I ever wanted of you two. Now you guys watched me lose my virginity.”

“We didn’t watch, Gen,” she says softly. “As soon as your brother realized what the video was going to show, he turned it off. He threatened all kinds of unholy things if anyone ever saw it. Tanner traced it, then deleted every single megabyte of that file. It’s like it never existed.”

Damien tried something like that once. I fell during a performance, and as an admittedly dramatic teenager, I declared my life over when I saw the clip circulating online. He tried everything he could to get it erased, but since it’s still up now if you knew where to look, he wasn’t successful.

“The internet is forever.”

“Tanner Maguire says otherwise,” is Savannah’s firm retort. “But now I understand why you refused to let the doctor do a rape kit on you?—”

I fist my hands at my side. “I wasn’t raped, Savannah.”

“I know,” she says, and if she’s just trying to calm me before I start throwing pillows around my room again, that’s fine. Regardless, I’m not going to let anyone think Cross did anything to me that I didn’t want him to. “But I have to ask… was there protection?”

If she’d watched the video, she would’ve known there wasn’t. I shake my head.

She shudders out a breath. “I figured. Okay. So. This is gonna be awkward as fuck, but since it’s better coming from me than your brother… you might want to take a couple of tests, Gen.”

I’d thought the same thing, then shoved it out of my mind. Cross wasn’t a virgin. I knew that. I also believed him when he told me he hasn’t had any one-night stands in the last year for no other reason than he wasn’t interested in having one. I chose to think that meant he was clean, and prayed that he hadn’t lied to me.

He said he would protect me. Keep me safe. Never let me go… and that was a fucking whopper, wasn’t it?

“I think I’m fine.”

“But are you pregnant?”

My heart skips a beat. “What did you say?” Savannah gives me a bewildered look, and I quickly clarify my surprise by adding, “Okay. I just told you I was a virgin when I went into the cell. That doesn’t make me an idiot. I know that unprotected sex can lead to a baby, Savannah, so if you could stop looking at me like that, I’d appreciate it.”

She winces. “I didn’t mean?—”

“I know. And it’s fine. I’ve thought about that. I don’t know if it’s too soon to tell”—God, it’s only been a week —“but if it happened, we’ll call Dr. Vargas back up and he’ll help me get an abortion.”

“If I’m pregnant, I’ll have an abortion.”

I’ve always been pro-choice. A woman’s body belongs to her, and abortion is healthcare in my mind. I don’t regret sleeping with Cross, no matter why I had to, but if he left some of him behind? I’ll take care of it, and I’ll move on.

He sure as hell did.