Chapter 24

24

VIOLET

I chose Holly over Dorian because I'm the reason she's in the hospital and I couldn't bear to consider something or someone injuring her further. This morning, the detectives seemed set on their own investigations before Dorian's involvement. I believed I had time to check Holly myself before my father's presence overwhelmed the entire situation.

On my return to the academy, my main concern was whether Dorian injured Rowan or Leif in any way during his quest to reveal my whereabouts. He didn't harm either guy, but they do have headaches from his ungentle explorations of their minds. When Dorian is desperate for answers, people suffer, deliberately or not. This is why I visited Holly first and kept the news from him.

I don't see Leif, who retreated to his room after Dorian's interrogation and joined the friends he recently spends more time with. Rowan once explained that the group have gamed together for a couple of years, whatever that means, but the one time I visited Leif mid-game, the activity appeared to involve as much shouting as the rugby matches heard on campus occasionally.

Leif's desire to stay away from me stems from his worry about Viktor's spell, despite Eloise's help. The sooner we deal with that, the better, because his distance feels unusual and odd.

Rowan hasn't reacted to my choice as I expected. I was fully prepared for an argument about my stupidity and refusal to tell him my plans. He said little as I explained my reasoning and what occurred, including my disgust and frustration, and how Dorian had better keep Dashiell securely locked up until we question him.

Dorian's words echo: your loyalties are wrong .

But are they?

After that conversation, Rowan asked for time alone, which is always a worrying prospect. Have I upset him more than he's indicated? I detected a dull block around him, rather than the angry energy that triggers sometimes. I would've preferred friction to silence.

Did something happen to him with Dorian?

I also expected an interrogation from Marci regarding Holly's health, but she's avoiding me. Well, avoiding me more than usual. Let's hope the understanding that I say nothing about her magical talismans, and Marci doesn't mention my presence in the woods that night, holds. The detectives will discover the truth once they interview Dashiell, but at least they didn't know from the start. Otherwise, I'd be implicated and locked up without a chance to intervene before Dorian's arrival and interference.

As the evening becomes night, I search campus for Rowan. He visits places away from people when taking out his frustrations with magic, and I watch the sky for any unusual storms over the playing fields. Nothing. I'm about to return to my room when Rowan sends me a message asking to meet him in the place we met Julius that day—an attic in the main academy.

The humans' murmurs around me often fill with vitriol, which has increased since Mrs. Lorcan placed the humans on lockdown, as if I'm somehow to blame. Will they calm down if Mrs. Lorcan lifts the curfew, now we've captured the wolf?

I reach the attic, where the makeshift storage room contains more disturbances in the dust than last time. With the humans on lockdown, do people meet here secretly?

Rowan isn't in the room, but somebody shifted the table barrier that prevents access to the roof space. He's outside on the flattened part of the roof, gazing across at the opposite wing, silhouetted in the cloudy night. The academy in gloomy weather always adds to the gothic atmosphere, which encourages the humans' imaginations.

Hounds. Ghosts.

Why did Dashiell start visiting campus after he or another abducted Holly? Now that nightly event has proven true, is there anything more explainable about the ‘ghosts'? Nighttime activities involving insurgents hidden in the academy halls? I'm partially curious what the human girls' ghost hunting may uncover, but also worried what they may find and the response from the ‘ghost'.

The narrow, flat roof is between two protruding parts of the main roof, and someone placed a couple of wooden academy chairs with rusted wooden legs near the back. Worryingly, there's a large drop to the concrete ground below.

Rowan stands halfway between the door and perilous edge, hands in his academy blazer pockets. There's no magic in the area, storm or shadows, yet he doesn't register my arrival.

"Holly would've been okay, Violet," says Rowan eventually. "You could've caused a lot of trouble for yourself."

I approach and face him, blocking Rowan's view, then touch his hand. I'm tentative, but not because I'd rather avoid physical contact—I'm dreading sensing the shadows on him. His eyes meet mine, and there's a faint smile at my contact.

"I've explained, Rowan. I had to get to Holly before Dorian touched her in case he accidentally caused harm. She's already suffered who knows what." I pause. "But we will know what soon."

Rowan sighs. "Ignoring Dorian today and going to Holly first wasn't sensible, Violet."

"I am as guilty of putting Holly in the hospital as those who harmed her. I needed to discover what happened so I could rectify the situation."

Rowan repeats ‘rectify' and laughs to himself. "You didn't go to Holly through guilt, but because you care about her."

"I care for her welfare, yes."

"Violet…" He shakes his head but doesn't explain his weary tone.

"Once I've spoken to Holly properly about events and reassured myself she's unharmed, I'll keep away from her. I have caused Holly enough trouble."

"Yeah. Sure, you'll stay away," says Rowan, and I scowl at him. "Did you ask Holly what happened?"

"Um." I rub my nose. "Holly wasn't lucid enough."

"Right. Deadly detective Violet put aside her natural inclination to interrogate a human?"

"Dashiell became my focus once he arrived on the scene. Can you believe the ridiculous name Holly gave him? First, she associates with Chase; now she meets Dash . Good grief."

"But you didn't get any information from him either—Grayson told me he dashed off." He smirks.

"Droll, Rowan." I poke him. "No. Dorian arrived after the incident with Grayson and Dashiell and forced me to leave Holly. I honestly should go back and stay with her until?—"

"No." He pulls his stern face. "You've upset Dorian enough. Holly's safe."

"I disagree. I shall return early tomorrow morning," I say. "The doctors told Dorian and the detectives not to question Holly this evening as it's late, and not until her health improves. I shall be there when that occurs."

"And Dashiell? Where's he?"

My jaw clenches at his name. "In a human cell doubly secured by runes to allow him time to consider his misdeeds."

"And Grayson?" asks Rowan.

Grayson. I look across the academy. "He assisted in catching and restraining Dashiell, but my father isn't impressed about the circumstances."

"Dorian didn't lock him up somewhere too?" asks Rowan cautiously.

"No, but Grayson is now staying away from me until Dorian calms down."

"You didn't see how pissed your father was. I can't believe you never told him Holly was in hospital straightaway—like, last night ."

"I've explained why, and I'm perfectly aware he's pissed. My father wasn't exactly friendly to me either." I turn Rowan's face to me. "We obviously need to converse regarding your experiences with Dorian. That's what's causing you concern."

He closes his eyes. "Why the stiff sentences, Violet?"

"What happened?" I ask more gently.

"Dorian hasn't been that physically close to me before." I look blankly at Rowan, and he lowers his voice. "The shadows, Violet. What if he detected them?"

My eyes go wide. "No. Dorian would've reacted."

"Mmm."

Rowan's energy spikes with fear.

"Rowan." I touch his cheek. "Even if he has, the magic is only mild. Dorian would expect traces of the shadows if we're bonded."

"You put me in a dangerous situation by refusing to return to the academy. I wish I'd tried to follow you, not returned here. If I'd known Dorian was waiting, I would've stayed at the café."

"This is the reason you're annoyed with me?"

Rowan takes my hands and pulls me closer. "I should've gone to the hospital with you, not Grayson."

"Oh. The annoyance is due to our bond. I apologize for my actions, but you would've slowed us down."

He snorts at my excuse. "Partially due to the bond." His grip on my fingers grows. "The shadows issue concerns me more."

"As I said, Dorian didn't detect the magic, or he would've responded unfavorably."

"No, Violet. Not the issue with Dorian." Rowan releases one hand and places a palm on my chest. I'm wearing a sweater, but his magic touches my skin, and I hastily step back. " That ."

"My reflex move against someone who can stop my heart?"

" Stopping your heart is the issue. We never fully discussed what happened, and you've kept your distance since. Physically. Are you worried that I'll hurt you?"

He frowns when I splutter a laugh. "No."

"Then why flinch when I touch you?"

"The shadows. You're frightened that Dorian will sense them; I worry that you're welcoming them."

"You haven't touched or kissed me in case our connection encourages the shadows?" he asks flatly.

"No. Because I've been rather busy," I inform him.

This time Rowan laughs, but he isn't amused. "If I wanted to intensify the magic, I'd take my family's stone from Leif."

"Have you?" I ask in horror. "Please say no."

"No." Rowan draws me to him, the tense magic touching me each place his body does. "When I can't mentally cope with people or situations, it isn't the storm magic that rushes to me anymore. That's why I kept away from you today. The stress and helplessness prompted… other magic."

"Which you used?" I ask hoarsely. "Where? On what?"

He takes my face in both hands, and I tense, but his fingers are warm, not cooled by the shadows. "Nothing. I could've stayed with you, but your distress over Holly would've added to mine. I kept away because I want you to know that I am not pursuing the shadows' power."

Isn't he? Because despite the warmth in his hands, the shadows linger. Fear about their influence on him speeds my heart, but the magic isn't the only reason. The physical desire for Rowan comes from more than our souls' connection, but still confuses and overwhelms me.

Ignoring the issue evidently hasn't helped.

"Violet." His lips brush mine as tentatively as I touched his hand earlier. "Don't freeze me out again."

"I'm not. I'm preoccupied by my investigations. That's all."

His warm breath strokes my lips as he chuckles softly. "There's comfort from staying close to someone who cares for you when you're struggling."

"I am not struggling. I don't struggle."

He moves back, fingers lingering, and his eyes shine in the dim moonlight. "Don't you realize how you've behaved since Holly went missing? I haven't seen you this emotional since the police locked up Leif."

I straighten. "I do not get emotional."

"Uh huh." Rowan half-smiles. "How many times did you threaten to hurt Grayson? Hid in your room and avoided us? You actually attacked Grayson. Violet, you know I pick up on your emotions. You haven't always hidden your upset."

"I may've cried through frustration a couple of times. A most unsettling and unhelpful response." I swallow. "And finding Holly in the woods, in that state, was… confronting."

What's more annoying? That I've experienced these responses, or that Rowan spells out exactly what I deny to everybody?

"Oh, Violet."

"‘Oh, Violet', what?"

He slides his fingers into the back of my hair. "I love you and I want to help, not just by helping with the Holly situation. I'd hoped we'd moved on since the night in my room."

My brow pinches. "I've told you that I love you once. Did you forget? Am I supposed to repeat this on a regular basis?"

His mouth tips at one corner. "People usually do, yeah."

"But once a fact is established, it does not need repeating."

"Okay. Evidence supporting the established fact needs repeating occasionally, otherwise people may doubt that fact is still true."

"You doubt that I love you?"

He rests his forehead on mine. "Perhaps I forget you're the girl who once hated touch, let alone any kind of intimacy, and I misunderstood. I shouldn't expect what doesn't come naturally to you, but I'm out of my depth, Violet."

"What depth? That makes no sense."

"You've changed everything inside me, too, and that's frightening. Wanting to kill people who hurt you—that bloody terrifies me."

"What?" I step back, but I've seen evidence of this desire to kill to protect. Clear evidence. "You would've genuinely hurt those shifters in the park that evening?"

Rowan walks towards the edge of the rooftop, the toes of his black shoes over the edge. "That day with Wes that nobody talks about? We were here. If Leif hadn't stopped me, I might've actually pushed him off the roof." He looks over his shoulder. "Wes assaulted a girl, and she was forced to leave Thornwood and keep the secret. There wasn't any justice. I heard him joking about what happened, and it hit at the dark heart of me. A few taunts made him follow me up here, and we were alone. The guy bullied me for years and wasn't scared. I expect Wes thought he'd give me a beating."

Rowan's messy hair falls forward as he leans over to stare at the ground, and my heart leaps into my mouth. Instinctively, I lurch forward and grab Rowan's arm.

"What are you doing? If you fall, the consequences would be dire."

The storm now fills his eyes—prompted by the memory or more? He seizes my upper arms, fingers digging hard into me. "If the old Rowan considered killing someone over injustice for a girl he barely spoke to, this new Rowan won't hesitate to end somebody who harms you. If you don't want the shadows to whisper to me, don't leave me alone with them, Violet."

There's a desperation in Rowan's expression before his mouth meets mine. Rowan winds my hair around his hand, the other arm around my waist, holding me tightly as if I might be the one to fall from the roof. The captivating darkness within his kiss instantly melds with mine again, as I'm pulled away from the world into the us I backed away from.

I thread my fingers into his hair, too, as the Rowan I rejected talks to me in a way my body listens to, through each sweep of his tongue, each fingertip pressing against me, as more than our souls and magic meet. The resonance that I once refused to hear becomes louder as our hearts synchronize, and, although the searing kiss explodes into something rough and intense, this somehow soothes away the friction caused by our recent distance.

We're different but were always the same underneath. I never wanted to rely on anybody, but we can't avoid this new need for each other. Our emotional bond, the one Rowan claims will help me when I'm in distress, is as significant as the one caused by fate.

Did I consciously reject him after he used the shadows against me? I gave Rowan the shadows when I gave him myself, yet I've missed how they fill Rowan with confusion and fear, rather than him relishing the power they bestowed.

I break away and move Rowan's fingers from my hair and grip. "In order to alleviate your concerns, I want to reiterate that I love you, Rowan. That has not changed despite your past decision to stop my heart to prevent me from killing Viktor."

He blows air into his pinker cheeks. "You're such a romantic."

"You believe that is romantic?" I frown.

"No, Violet. That's not possible for you." Rowan places his lips on my forehead and inhales. "I love you in a way that's intense and frightening because you're intense and frightening."

I pull back. "I frighten you?"

"Not you. The situation. What if the world burns, and I lose you in the fire?"

"I'm unsure that would be the way this war is fought—should one occur. From past experience, burning things causes too much destruction, and may leave few spoils for the victor." I pause. "Besides, fire won't kill a hybrid."

Rowan shakes his head, giving a small smile. "I'm scared that something will happen to you that I can't fix."

"That is a fear I have about you too."

"Would you ever try to fix me if the worst happened?" he asks quietly.

My jaw slackens. "If you died? No."

Rowan looks at a spot behind me and nods. Is that the truth? If I'm to keep my bonded witch safe and alive, what would the vampire hybrid do on instinct if Rowan dies?

"I would like to go to your bedroom," I say hastily.

"To avoid the conversation?"

"I think we've said enough," I say, holding his steady gaze. "Even for me."